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December 5, 2012 posted by Lindsay Ferrier

12 Worst Gift Ideas EVER

12 Worst Gift Ideas EVER

It can be tough to find holiday gifts for all your friends and loved ones. That’s why I’m here to help… with 12 of the worst gift ideas EVER!   Your little one will enjoy hours of fun with these giant plush microbes! Choose from playful pets like Syphilis, E.Coli and Herpes and open the door to a new world of imagination and creative play!

 

From our sensible friends at Restoration Hardware… a Cashmere Wrapped Hot Water Bottle.

Oh yes.

A Cashmere. Wrapped. Hot. Water. Bottle.

I can only imagine the scene when this gets opened on Christmas day… “Oh! A hot water bottle! I’ve… I’ve… um, I’ve always wanted one of these. And would you look at that. It’s wearing a sweater. In fact, this sweater feels like… No. No, it couldn’t be. Is it… cashmere? YOU GOT ME A CASHMERE WRAPPED WATER BOTTLE?!”

“Whoa.”

 

What little girl doesn’t dream of cleaning when she grows up? With My Cleaning Trolley, that dream can become a reality! This ten-piece set includes a mop, broom, sweeper, dustpan, bucket, trash bag, spray bottle with real squirting action, cardboard “cleaner” box, and vacuum with lights and sound. Leave her a few bucks on the bed for added role-playing fun!

 

If you have a friend who’s lost a loved one recently, this Merry Christmas from Heaven ornament will DEFINITELY make him feel better! Now you can be the bearer of holiday tidings from The Great Beyond. GO YOU.

Oh, and if you’re short on cash, don’t despair- Simply give your friend the scratched and dented version, ON SALE NOW for just $11! Hurry!! Supplies are (possibly) limited!

 

Looking for a romantic and unique holiday gift? You really can’t go wrong with a human bone necklace. It gives new meaning to the words “Til death do us part.”

 

And if your sweetie is slightly less… rustic, how about these 18K gold-dipped human teeth stud earrings? Holy molars!

As for the treasured man in your life, nothing says “It’s sexy time” quite like a Jedi Bathrobe.

But when you want to let someone know you REALLY care, your best bet is to send them $1,500 worth of cold cuts. And you can do just that with Dean & Deluca’s Ultimate Artisanal Deli Sampler. This delectable sampler includes prosciutto, salami, bresaola, and my personal favorite, pork back fat.

Freaking. YUM.

 

Of course, your lucky friend is going to need transport for all that meat … I recommend the Human Organ Lunch Bag.

 

Give your tot a head start with these periodic table building blocks. Now your child can memorize each element’s name, atomic number and symbol– all before the age of three!

Hey. It’s not easy getting into preschool these days. Kid’s gonna need all the help he can get.

 

Toilet mug.

Nuff said.

And finally, my personal favorite … the Forever Lazy. I’ve become so lazy since getting mine that I’m now ordering them in bulk for all the special people in my life.

You should do the same.

  • http://www.doorbellqueen.blogspot.com Liz Miller

    My husband would KILL for the Jedi bathrobe. Seriously. It would be his idea of one of the best Christmas gifts EVAH.

    • suburbanturmoil

       I know a LOT of men who would love that bathrobe! You should get it for him as a surprise.

      • Litenarata

         Men?? I’m a girl and I’d LOVE one!

  • Raebabe3

    Great list, except….I love that dang water bottle.  That SPECIAL TIME  THE month always demands one on the lower back and having it wrapped in cashmere ….. delightful!!!

    • suburbanturmoil

       Add it to your list– but I warn you. It’ll set you back $49… :)

    • Knewman4

       Yes! That’s why I want it too. And now I have a bunch of new hot water bottle appropriate ailments thanks to MEAN-O-PAUSE.

  • Knewman4

    Bwa ha ha. I love it when you focus on bad gift. But, um, gulp, I actually want the cashmere hot water bottle…and I have thought about getting something like the cleaning trolley for my daughter, who loves to clean, and I actually (double gulp) had the microbe toys on my list this year for both children. I guess I’m bad.

    • suburbanturmoil

       So bad you’re GOOD, Kathy. ;)  I may or may not have a toy vacuum somewhere in the back of the coat closet that my son LOVED to play with. I’m not saying.

  • http://redheadmamalife.blogspot.com/ Erica

    I got my daughter a cleaning toy set last Christmas, but now I realize that she does the best cleaning with just a box of baby wipes, so that will be her gift this year. ;-)

    • suburbanturmoil

      I still buy baby wipes, even though my kids have technically outgrown them. They’re good for so many things…

  • http://twitter.com/KelleyWinslett Kelley Winslett

    I did get my brother one of the microbes one year– it was anthrax in a petri dish– however, he is an aerosol biologist who works with anthrax regularly– so he LOVED it to sit out on his desk :)

    • suburbanturmoil

       That’s hilarious. I think the microbes are funny- and I get a kick out of imagining someone buying them for children.

  • Another Kathy

    Oh my Gawd, that ornament for the dearly deceased?  Too funny!  Surely no sane person would want that hanging on their tree. People are so weird…

    • suburbanturmoil

       I can’t believe they’re selling scratched and dented ones on discount! “For when you don’t care enough to send the very best.”

  • http://www.callherhappy.com/ Jenna @ Call Her Happy

    I kept laughing harder at each one! I’m thinking of getting Ellen the cleaning set for Christmas. We can bring it to a hotel next time we go. Maybe they will knock money off our bill if we clean ourselves…

    • suburbanturmoil

      I just don’t understand why none of these mini vacuums actually work. Would that be so hard, toymakers??!!

  • Melissa

    Okay, the Jedi bathrobe I would actually get for my husband. :-) If I hadn’t already spent his Christmas budget this year. But next year? It’ll be under the tree! I would also probably get him the toilet mug. Trust me, it would be appropriate! LOL

    • suburbanturmoil

       Oh I think a LOT of husbands will be getting this jedi robe this year. There’s also Yoda, R2D2 and Sith robes. SEX-AY.

  • Pam

    My mother law gave us that ornament when my brother in law died. It is so creepy and depressing. Just what I want on my tree. “I’m spending christmas with jesus this year” I just never take it out. I know many who would love the bathrobe.

  • Jennifer

    Okay, I admit it. I love the periodic table blocks. There, I said it.

  • Sher

    I actually bought that toilet mug for my mother in law two years ago. Ha ha ha! 

  • Glowplanet

    That departed loved one Christmas ornament is absolutely horrid!  I hope it would be used as a gag gift!