25 Reasons I’m Glad I’ll Never Be Pregnant Again

  1. stephy says:

    From this 24 week pregnant second-time mom, I say you really hit it on the head. I know you merely mentioned stool softeners, but I truly feel like “That First Poop After Delivery” should get its own section. There is nothing more terrifying than that first poop. It took me four days. FOUR DAYS OF NO POOPING. There isn’t a stool softener in the world that can handle that. I had a house full of people the day it decided to finally make its way out and I monopolized the one and only bathroom for more than 45 minutes. My family could hear me in there crying and screaming, cheering myself on (“You got this! You can do it!”) and talking myself out of it (“It’s okay if you never poop again. It’s okay. You’ll be fine.”) I finally came out sweaty and tear stained with leaking boobs, cause of course I was late for a feeding because of poop. But I high-fived every in the that damn house. Good God, it’s the one thing that I really, truly, absolutely, positively am dreading.

  2. Meg McCormick says:

    As horrifying as those mesh panties were – admit it, they were THE BEST THING EVER because they held those pads with the ice pack in place. Couldn’t wait to throw them all away, but they were the right thing at the right time. I tell every first time mom-to-be, be sure to ask for extra of those ice-pack pads; you’re welcome.

    As an HR person, I get to walk moms and dads to be through the maze of disability claims and FMLA time off. And every single time, I’m like, better you than me! That is, until I see a photo of a brand new tiny human, and then my ovaries ache for a small moment… but then it passes and I remember how my teenagers are surely plotting my untimely demise through prolonged and senseless mental torture.

    • suburbanturmoil says:

      You’re right- I’m going to give the gift of mesh panties at the next baby shower I attend! I’m sure the mom-to-be will be SO GRATEFUL. πŸ˜‰

  3. Kimberly says:

    OMG I had forgotten about some of these things and it’s only been 5 years! #23 especially. I had forgotten about the squirt bottles, mesh panties and stool softener. And the occasional blood clots… ewww! *shudder* It didn’t help that I am extremely squeamish. The first 2 weeks or so of recovery was so much worse than the actual birth (for me). *shudder* at the memories.

  4. Adrianne says:

    This is the best post ever! You described everything just right! Are you sure you aren’t me???

  5. cheesehead4ever says:

    I had a miscarriage at sixteen weeks in between daughter 1 and daughter 2. A few days after my D&C I was still bleeding too much. In the ER they tell me I’m going to have an ultrasound. Fine. I get in there and the female tech hands me the condom covered dildo. I swear if the tech had been a man I would have asked for his supervisor. Even after giving birth once I had never heard of a transvaginal ultrasound.

    After the horrible week before that day I almost started laughing hysterically.

    By the way, love the pic of the mesh panties!

    • suburbanturmoil says:

      I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. I can’t imagine getting that ultrasound after that. I would have been tempted to just leave!

    • Jackie says:

      As someone who has had upwards of two dozen trans-vag ultrasounds (miscarriage, endometriosis, IVF, etc), I’m here to tell you, you want the male tech. So much gentler and concerned, and they use the right amount of goop. Those girls always squirt a whole tube of that gunk on there.

  6. mamalang says:

    It’s concerning to me how thin and beautiful that models belly is in the mesh panty picture. Why are you wearing those if you haven’t just given birth?

  7. Christina says:

    Sorry, most of those do not apply to everyone, I had no morning sickness, did not mind giving up stuff (even alcohol) and with the help of magnesium sill never be constipated again (best ever gentle remedy). Plus the bonus is that stretch marks are 100% recyclable! No need to ever get new ones!!! πŸ˜‰

  8. Melissa says:

    Dear GOD the constipation!!! While pregnant with my first I could not poop for an entire week. I was so miserable. Finally, on our anniversary no less, I said to my husband “I will be in the bathroom until further notice. Do not be alarmed by whatever you may hear.” Well I felt much better after that, and my husband cheered and then took me out to dinner and to get a massage. πŸ˜€ Why don’t I get a date and a massage every time I poop???

    • suburbanturmoil says:

      Oh, the memories… I hope you included this in your pregnancy scrapbook! πŸ˜‰

  9. Annoyed says:

    Jesus you are such a DIVA! How dare you complain about the most amazing gift in life. Some women would DIE to be able to get pregnant. Shame on you. This article was ridiculous.

  10. Kay says:

    just stumbled upon this article in Pinterest. I had to click it because I can relate to the title so much. I just gave birth to my last a few months ago and I do a little happy dance every time I think of an annoying pregnancy thing I never have to endure again. Thanks for the awesome read! Glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!

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