My husband is your basic Alpha Male. He insists on facing the door when we dine out in case trouble walks in. He’s trained and licensed to carry a baton and always has it on hand to fend off would-be carjackers and thugs. He lifts weights and carries all the heavy stuff and he teaches […]

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August 13, 2005

Love, Ego and the Joggle

I met a friend at the library today for Children’s Story Time and spent an entire hour afterward standing and talking to her in the lobby. Actually, talking is the wrong word for it. What we were really doing was bitching. We bitched about everything and I do mean everything. We started out bitching about […]

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August 10, 2005

Bitching

Every subdivision in America has at least one Neighbor with a Park for a Front Yard. Ours was Earl. Earl spent hours trimming and pruning and weeding and aerating and sweeping and clipping and mulching and, very occasionally, crouching and enjoying his Park/Yard. He mowed his grass in a certain length and direction so that […]

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August 9, 2005

Goodbye, Earl

Hubs and I love trying new restaurants, and we love to support neighborhood independently-owned businesses whenever we can. An Asian chef recently opened a new restaurant in the food court of our nearby, down-at-heels mall and it sounded really interesting- He’s basically serving seated Thai-Hawaiian dishes in a fast food setting. Our guess is that […]

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August 8, 2005

Something Different

While the girls are with their mother for three days, Hubs and I are partying like rock stars!! Or at least we did Saturday night. We left Baby with our second favorite Reliable Babysitter (the first one having ditched us for LA- the nerve!) and hit all our town’s hotspots– well, four of them anyway. […]

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August 7, 2005

Ready for Action

I’m showing new cleavage these days- right above the seat of my fashionably low cut, hip-hugging jeans. It’s a topic that heretofore has only been whispered about behind closed doors, but as one victim in a sea of millions suffering from plumber’s butt, I’ve decided to come out of the clothes closet. It astounds me […]

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August 6, 2005

Cracking Up

1. You can’t believe your baby loves the Wiggles. You laugh hysterically at the idea of four middle-aged men in coordinating turtlenecks rolling in sand, splashing fully dressed in the ocean and singing “Quack, quack, cock-a-doodly-doo.” You consider switching off the show, but can’t because your baby loves The Wiggles. 2. Time passes. You become […]

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August 4, 2005

The Seven Phases of Wiggles Watching

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING ACCOUNT IS NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED (OR THOSE IN THE MIDST OF A NICE, HEARTY MEAL). 1. You will spend about six weeks gasping and ducking every time you enter the garage and a bird whizzes by your ear to get out the back door. 2. After the eggs hatch, you will […]

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August 3, 2005

Ten Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Let Birds Build a Nest in Your Garage

You know you’re getting old when you find yourself shopping for the same clothing trends you shopped for back in junior high. My teenage stepdaughter won’t leave home right now without her side ponytail and cropped bolero jacket. She just bought legwarmers last week at American Apparel, and she’s appropriated her mom’s over-sized plastic hoop […]

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August 3, 2005

Retrending to be Someone I’m Not

It’s so difficult to begin writing anything, but a blog is one of the hardest. I guess I’m supposed to define myself now. List my limitations. Wife, Mother, Stepmother, Daugher, Stepdaughter, Writer, Reluctant Dogkeeper and worst of all, Homemaker… It sounds so boring. And it is, sometimes. Three years ago, I was single, successful, fashionable, […]

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August 2, 2005

A Beginning