I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
July 3, 2008
>Remember when I told you a little while ago that I had news about my Suburban Turmoil newspaper column? Well, today, my friends, I get to tell you all about it.
But the thing is, you guys are so nice and supportive that some of you decided I must be moving the column to the Wall Street Journal, or maybe USA Today. So suddenly my big news doesn’t seem so big anymore…
Oh screw it, I’m still excited! My big news is that my column has moved to not one, but TWO newspapers- the Louisville Eccentric Observer (otherwise known as LEO), which is Louisville, Kentucky’s alt-weekly, and the Nashville City Paper. So, not only will I now be writing every single week, but I also will no longer have to include references to Nashville people and places that the rest of you online readers can’t understand. And the door now is wide open for this column to spread and proliferate AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Yes, I had crazy eyes as I wrote that sentence. Yes, you should be afraid.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. My first column debuted yesterday in the LEO and you can read it here. It’s a great introductory column for those of you who aren’t very familiar with me or the people I’ve pissed off-
Here’s the full text for your reading enjoyment…
Suburban Turmoil: An Introduction
I’m a bitch with a capital “C.”
At least, that’s what one dad decided after I wrote online not long ago that I wouldn’t invite a stay-at-home dad friend to my women-only playgroup. I reasoned that my mom friends and I needed a refuge where we could discuss everything from vaginal discharge to Anthony Wiggle’s hotness ranking, without some testosterone-dripping daddy messing up the vibe. In response, a small but emotional online army of dads-gone-mad responded by calling me everything from “rude, crass and thoughtless” to “a bigoted, self-righteous, conceited cow.”
Writing about parenting, I’ve found, stirs the pot like nobody’s business. And on that note, hello, Louisville! My name is Lindsay Ferrier, and I’m a stepmother of two teenage girls, mother of a four-year-old girl and one-year-old boy, wife of a TV reporter with a heart every bit as big as his ego, and writer both of this column and a blog by the same name.
Generally, I like to poke a little fun at parenthood and life in the suburbs. I may dwell among the plastic people, but that doesn’t mean I’m one of them, and plenty of you have assured me that I’m far from alone. But as I’ve mentioned, not everyone has been entirely happy with what I’ve had to say, and those are the stories you really want to hear, right? Well, OK then.
On one occasion I went undercover, donning capris to attend a snooty brunch with a group of mothers from an upscale chapter of the MOMS Club. When I later wrote in my column that I felt out of place amid their well-heeled chatter about nipple shields and soy nuggets, the MOMS Club mommies let me have it, leaving scores of comments on my website that accused me of everything from wearing too much makeup to waiting tables at Red Lobster. “Mugsy should have thrown your stupid ass out of there!” one of them wrote before inviting all of my readers to come see for themselves “how fucking nice and fucking fun we all are!”
Another time, I made the mistake of writing about my indecision over whether to circumcise my son. I received hundreds of responses, including claims that doctors wanted to harvest my son’s foreskin to make face cream, heartfelt anti-circumcision songs, graphic operating table video, and overly intimate details from men and women on both sides of the issue.
“I am definitely a woman who has seen a few penises,” one woman wrote. “And trust me, not that you want to think about this, but SNIP.”
A reader named Ron disagreed. “Your kids will despise you for making them mutilated freaks when they learn how wonderful the foreskin is,” he informed me.
Then there was the time I interviewed fellow mom Martina McBride for a network television program, writing afterward that while most celebrity encounters gave me plenty of gossip about suspected drug habits and diva-like behavior, the only dirt I could find on Martina was that she didn’t flush the toilet. In response, I received furious phone calls from all sorts of industry types who were incensed that I had implied a glorious star like Martina might actually poop.
“I will make sure the word is out in Nashville and Los Angeles that you are not to be trusted,” one LA casting agent wrote. “You bad mouth celebrities and what you did is worse than anything I have seen a celebrity do!”
I also explored unschooling, a form of home schooling in which parents allow their kids to decide what, when and if they want to learn. Unschooling my own stepdaughters for 24 hours, I monitored them like a M.A.C.-enhanced Dian Fossey while they stayed up until 2 a.m., slept for most of the following day and then played video games until finally passing out in a pile of Seventeen magazines and Fruit Roll-Ups wrappers. Unschoolers across the nation howled with outrage at my carefully conducted research, some accusing me of secret involvement in a media conspiracy against them that included Dr. Phil and the New York Times. One teenager in particular really made me question my findings when she wrote, “hi, Im 15 and Unschoolde, and I think from reading your exsperience on unschooling that you did it all wrong!” Well, my young friend, you sure showed me. Clearly, the Unschoolde iz smartter!
In short, I’ve worked hard to expose the dark, jam-finger-smudged crevices of parenting in my own neighborhood, where motherhood, once faintly Lysol-scented and adorned with Mikimoto pearls, now lies stinking and exposed, flies buzzing about its permanently Kool-Aid stained carcass. I’m ready now to turn those Mommy Eyes in the back of my head onto you, too, Louisville. Let’s be friends. Hell, let’s let our kids be friends.
But if you’re a dude, don’t even think about asking to join my playgroup.
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>Way to Go! LEO is awesome. Will your City Paper column run on one of the days they actually print, now that they’ve gone mostly online?I’m very happy for you!
>Thank you! I’ve heard WONDERFUL things about LEO and I got a ton of really nice e-mails from Louisville yesterday, so I’m really excited.And yes, my column runs every Friday in the City Paper, so it will actually be in print and on the stands each Friday.
>Congratulations.
>Congrats!If I make it through my children’s first 18 years without embarrassing them, then I haven’t done my job as a parent.
>congratulations. well-earned, and will only lead to more.xo
>Congratulations! The best plans for world domination always start gradually. Only James Bond villians go full-bore, and they never win. 😉
>Relief! We didn’t lose you here in Nashville!
>Congrats, Lindsay! But not surprising: I’ve only been stopping by and reading your posts for a few months, but obviously the two named papers appreciate articulate, well-versed, intuitive talent that has both an edge and humor to boot.As for the troll, there’ll always be a few trolls, lurking in the shadow of their pithy little outhouse of outrage, ready to insult and denigrate things that are way over their heads, both humor and intellectually-wise.Even if you write something I don’t agree with, it takes nothing away from the wealth and breadth of talent and ability you showcase.And no, this was not a paid plug or announcement; this is simply the opinion of a fellow blogger (not BlogHer), who happens to think Lindsay is tops.Any trolls disagree? Bring it.
>what ghreat, exciting news! congrats.i would agree with you on the tired embarassing the kids argument. the older ones in my circust act of 5 don’t seem to mind at all. in fact the 21 y/o links my blog on her own and now i have a whole weird following of inked up, pierced out college kids.bask in this spotlight, you deserve it.
>Congratulations! And don’t let the commenters get to you. You rock!
>I didn’t mean to make my You Rock anonymous. I just clicked to fast for my brain today.
>Congrats!! That is indeed exciting. I’m in Nashvegas, but I’ll check out LEO this time.
>Nashville City Paper came out today and I saw your column.Congratulations!
>Ha ha, just realized that when I saw the City Paper linkage. I’ll make a note of it in this post. Thanks!
>Congrats! Here’s to world article-writing domination! Way to go!
>How Exciting!! Loved the column…..I’m sure it will do awsome and take over the world!!
>Congrats! How exciting!
>wasn’t the point of having a child to embarrass them as our parents did us? blogging is just a new avenue to do that!besides they’ll need something to talk about in therapy
>Congratulations! I always enjoy reading about what you’re up to. Keep up the fantastic work!
>Congrats! That is big news!
>Very hard to read the all caps!!!
>All caps?
>Wow — congratulations, that is so awesome! Now I’m off to check out LEO…
>Yay! Congratulations!
>Congratulations!
>Ok, that’s where I draw the line: I will not register on a city paper’s website (a city in which I do not live) to comment on your columns and make fun of trolls. Too creepy.But I’m sad that you didn’t mention someone (who shall remain nameless) who implied that you have a stick up your ass. What a douche.
>Yay! I work in Louisville and read the LEO frequently. Very exciting!
>I live in Louisville and love the LEO…now there’s one more reason to pick it up! I’ve just started reading your blog in the last few weeks by stumbling upon it by link-link-linking my way from Jennsylvania, but am absolutely loving it!
>Awesome! It’s weird, ’cause even though I don’t know you (at all!), I kinda feel like I can say I knew (read?) her when… You make me laugh. A lot. Thanks! 🙂
>Congrats!!And I fully agree – my blog is a document of our family lives. I only wish I had some record of the good AND bad moments of my childhood. Plus, duh, I’m their mom. I’m SUPPOSED to embarrass them! It’s in the parent job description, right?
>Congrats! Very cool that more people will get to read your column. I love it. I agree about the embarrassment issue. I tried for years to keep a journal so my daughter could go back and read about stuff in her life, but after starting about a zillion of them, and never being consistent, now at least I have lots of posts in one place. Keep up the great writing…and thanks for sharing.
>Congrats!
>Congratulations! I’ve been blogging about my kid’s antics since 2003. What’s the point of having kids if you don’t embarass them? It’s what makes it all worthwhile.
>Congratulations, Lindsay! Look at you — doing it all, and doing it so well! You ROCK. And happy anniversary to you & Hubs… what a beautiful tribute to your great guy! Happy Day to y’all…
>Hooray!