>It was night time. Hubs and I were in bed. Alone. He made his move. “Let me get a look at those Grand Tetons.” He fumbled clumsily with the covers. I sighed noisily, but decided to forgive his not-so-sexiness. Until. “Islands in the stream…” he sang softly. “GET OFF!” I shouted. “What? What’s wrong?” Hubs […]

>We are little more than a month away from the Terrible Twos and already, Baby is training for it like she’s preparing to compete in a toddler version of Jeopardy! I’ll take “Hell, no!” for 200, Alex. “A-B-C-D-F-uh-G.” She sings this variation of the ABC song about a hundred times a day. “Baby,” I say […]

>February 25, 2006 Robert MuellerDirector, Federal Bureau of Investigations935 Pennsylvania AvenueWashington, DC 20001 Dear Mr. Mueller, I realize you’re pretty busy trying to catch terrorists and stuff, but I have a problem that I believe to be of global, if not universal importance. I’ll be frank. Aliens have invaded the bodies of my adolescent stepdaughters. […]

> ~ I need deveined shrimp. You no longer carry it? Someone. Shoot me now. ~

>You didn’t think I’d let February pass by without my monthly advice column, did you? Oh no. There are way to many Googlers out there in need of my help. Therefore, once again, I am honored to present… Lucinda’s Advice Column Good Advice for Bad Googlers Sasha Cohen hot- Jackson, MS Figure skating boobs- Houston, […]

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>As I was getting dressed this morning, I pulled out my lip gloss and unscrewed the top. There, stuck to the wand, I saw… A pubic hair. How did this happen? And why did it happen to me? And. Ew. It’s a stark reality that none of us much like to talk about. Pubic hairs. […]

>Please read this and pass it on to someone you love. It happened to my sister-in-law’s third cousin’s dog’s veterinarian’s wife and it is real. Hopefully, you can spare someone else from having to go through this. A few months ago, a woman named Adelaide Hoffenpepper stopped at a gas station on her way to […]

>So. Play group was canceled today, after I determined that Baby’s cough and runny nose might be a cold and not just the remnants of last week’s ear infection. I called all the moms except one, who hasn’t come in at least six weeks. 15 minutes ago, she showed up at the front door. Did […]

>My mother may not know much about computers, but she can forward an e-mail like nobody’s business. For the last decade, she’s been forwarding every forward that comes her way. The good, the bad and the truly annoying. Pictures of baby animals. Saccharine poems about God. Really bad jokes. And warnings. Oh. God. The warnings […]