Suburban Turmoil 2013: The Year in Blurbs, Bits, and Snapshots

One of my favorite things to do at the end of each year is to go back through my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram updates and merge the best of them into one big blog post. On their own, these snippets aren’t much– but together, they offer up an amazing (to me, anyway) look back at my family’s life during the course of a year.

As a parent, the small, easily forgotten moments often end up being my favorites- and I’m so grateful to have a way to remember them forever…. and to share them with you.

So here you go- 2013 in blurbs, bits and snapshots…

1/18: From a meeting I attended yesterday:

FRIEND: We had one speaker who talked about how to remember stuff. He went around the room and got everyone’s name, and then at the end of his speech, he said everyone’s name back to them.

ME: Wow. Really? What was his name?

FRIEND: …….

FRIEND: I don’t remember.

1/20: My eight-year-old told me that everyone at school was talking about Friday night’s Justin Bieber concert.

“Do you like Justin Bieber now, Punky?” I asked her.

“No,” she said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well to tell the truth, I think he’s un-propriate,” she answered.

HOORAY.

 
1/23: Glad school was called off today. Can’t imagine driving in these harrowing, blizzard-like conditions.

1/27: At the downtown library yesterday, Dennis saw a statue on the lobby stairs and said, “Who’s that?”

“I don’t know, but it looks like Phil Bredesen,” I said.

This morning, the kids and I were buying birthday presents at Toys R Us when Phil Bredesen walked in and stood across from us in the aisle.

This may mean I’m going crazy, right?

1/29: People often end up on my blog after asking questions on search engine sites. Today, I’m going to answer a few of the questions that brought Internet surfers to my site today.

1. I need inspiration to clean.

Sure thing! Here you go: You filthy hag, your house is a scummy disaster area that looks like it came straight from an episode of Hoarders. Get your lazy butt off the Barcalounger and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. (This is what I tell myself when it’s time to clean up, and it generally works.)

2. Is 8gb enough memory for innotab 2?

Yes.

3. Is it better to stay inside Walt Disney World?

Absolutely. If you can swing it financially, it is totally worth the money.

4. How to make a workout go by faster?

Here are a few things I do– Watch a favorite show while on a treadmill or elliptical. Read a good book on the elliptical. Make an awesome workout soundtrack for your iPod. And– once you get familiar with a workout DVD, play it on your laptop on mute and watch something else on TV at the same time that you go through the DVD workout. Can you tell I HATE working out?

5. How to stop thinking of lice?

Start thinking about bedbugs.

Hope this helped!

1/31: They are easily entertained!

2/1: “Sometimes it makes me sad when it snows. Because of all those lost dogs out there. They can’t just come in when they’re freezing like I can. It just makes me sad to think about it.” -Punky

2/5: “I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

2/8: If I ever get a beach house or a cottage in the Cotswalds, I will call it Wits’ End.

2/11: Yesterday, we were driving to the YMCA and my 5-year-old asked me to put down the sunroof.

“No,” I said. “It’s too cold.”

“Yes!” he said.

“No,” I repeated.

“Yes…” he said and paused. “WITH HAIR ON IT!” he shouted.

We all laughed and Dennis opened the sunroof as my son cheered. “Sorry,” Dennis said. “That answer trumped Mom.”

2/12: I’ve decided to give up my computer from 4-8pm each day for Lent. I try not to use it during this time anyway, but I can’t resist peeking at what’s going on when I have a little down time. I might need a padlock for my laptop to get through the next 40 days! JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL.

2/13: #dog

2/13: A certain child in this house has decided they will stop picking their nose for Lent.

I am so proud.

2/17: Sunday afternoon.

2/22: Last night, my GPS took me home the long way from a children’s birthday party. It was late and I was annoyed that ten minutes had been added to our drive- but once we got on the Natchez Trace Parkway, we slowed to about 30 miles an hour, because deer were EVERYWHERE on both sides of the road. We counted 20 of them (and one skunk!) in about three miles, and stopped several times to let them cross the road in front of our car.

“See Mommy?” my daughter said as we finally turned into our neighborhood. “Sometimes the long way is the best way of all.”

2/28: It’s Dress As Your Favorite Book Character at school today.

3/1: I just discovered that my 3rd great grand uncle was a murderer. And on that note, happy weekend!

3/2: That magic moment when your child can FINALLY get all his fingers into his glove BY HIMSELF.

3/7: Toy sale. They’re hoping that blasting “Call Me Maybe” will attract customers.

3/10: Best history book ever.

3/13: Bruiser turns six tomorrow and he’s been looking forward to his big day for weeks. But tonight, he started crying when I put him to bed. “What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“I don’t think I want to turn six anymore,” he sniffled. “I’m just going to miss five SO MUCH.”

Me too, buddy.

3/14: This is what he wanted for his birthday instead of a fancy dinner!

3/15: In the category of things I never expected to hear from my kids:

“Mommy, why did you just take the name of the Lord in vain?”

 

3/18: Surviving the storm.

3/20: Bedtime story.

4/4: Dottie got a summer haircut!

 

4/5: Just interviewed by my husband for the first time ever at the @Clorox #Icktionary truck in Nashville!

 

4/20: I’m going to assume the photographer had gas…

 

4/8: Face painting makeover!

 

4/6: Just another night rescuing gigantic snapping turtles from busy roadways…

4/12: Punky told me this afternoon that she was FEEBLY OFFENDED about something. It was tough to keep a straight face!

4/16: Tonight at the YMCA, Bruiser passed a mirror, stopped in front of it, made a few silly faces, and then punched himself in the head four times. Satisfied, he nodded at himself in the mirror and then ran to catch up with me.

“I defeated that guy, Mommy,” he said smugly.

4/19: The Grit in Athens, GA. Still great.

4/19: Date night.

4/20: Riddle: What is too high to get over, too low to get under, and you’re stuck in the middle, and the pain is thunder?

4/29: Dear Mr. Mommy-Will-Never-Know-I-Ate-All-the-Easter-Candy:  You. Are. So. Busted.

5/2: My daughter knows what’s up.

5/4: What @Alphamom learned at #Mom2Summit. #mommybusinesstrip @WSJ

5/4: Someone else can handle soccer today! #mommybusinesstrip @WSJ

5/4: A room with a view.

5/5: Punky was down recently and I asked her what was wrong.

“I believe Bruiser’s a bully,” she said. “He’s mean to me a lot… And he seems to delight in it!!!”

Thank you, Chronicles of Narnia, for turning my daughter into a Brit.

5/6: When children are allowed to dress themselves for school.

5/7: RIP, Chipmunk.

5/7: “Mommy, I’m never gonna get married,” Bruiser just told me.

“How come?” I asked him.

“The lipstick,” he answered.

5/9: I dare you to write “Lies! LIES!!!” in the comments of the first five status updates on your Facebook news feed.

5/12: DO NOT CHUCH– or my 6 year old will cut you.

5/15: Bruiser came home from school early today, after a boy threw a fistful of dirt in his face on the playground. “Did you cry?” I asked him as I cleaned the dirt out of his eyes.

“No, but the tears came out anyway,” he said.

 

5/16: Punky wrote a letter to the president months ago. Look what just came in the mail? She’s going to freak!

5/17: Bruiser came home from school yesterday with a giant talking Iron Man robot in his backpack. “Look,” he said proudly. “I traded my Silly Putty for THIS!”

“Your teacher let you do that?” I asked.

“No, Mark and me did it secret,” he chortled.

“You have to take it back to him tomorrow,” I told him. “I’m pretty sure his parents won’t be happy when he comes home with Silly Putty instead of his robot.”

“I traded him the top of a pen, too,” he said. “Permanent ink!” Obviously, that increased the pen top’s trade value. “And when you blow on it, it whistles,” he added.

“Whistle and all,” I said, “I think he got a bad deal. You need to take his Iron Man back to him.”

I hope Bruiser learns a lesson from this experience about what constitutes a fair trade–

I also hope this is a sign that he’ll one day be a master negotiator.

 

5/26: Campout at the zoo!

 

6/6: She’s been begging to ride since she was three. So proud of my girl!

6/19: “What’s your very first memory?” I asked my six-year-old last night. He thought for a minute.

“Being born,” he answered.

“Really?” I asked. “Wow. What do you remember about being born?”

“I forgot,” he said dismissively.

6/22: On Thursday, I threw a few blankets over a card table in the playroom and made an impromptu fort for my kids. Two days later, they still haven’t come out. They’ve made extra rooms from cardboard boxes and chairs, decorated the interior with pillows and blankets and pictures for the “walls,” and created a members-only clubhouse for the neighbor kids. Six children are inside it right now. Summer = PWNED.

6/24: Happiness.

7/1: “When I was a baby, my first word was ‘Mama’,” my 6-year-old told me yesterday. “My second word was ‘Dada.’ My third word was ‘Hall-le-yoo-lah.’ My fourth word was ‘Sister.'”

Yep. Someone definitely went to Vacation Bible School last week.

7/10: Overheard from the backseat:

9 yr old: Your shirt says ‘Don’t Mess with the Best.’ Do you REALLY think you’re the best?

6 yr old: No. GOD is the best. This shirt isn’t about me.

9 yr old: Oh.

6 yr old: Only GOD is the best. Not people.

9 yr old: (Long pause) I think you might be the youngest Christian I know.

My kids CRACK ME UP. And make me proud. Usually.

7/11: My six year old just told me that he doesn’t think I’ll ever be “stinkin’ rich.”

I’m crushed.

7/12: Boy Power Hour with my six year old.

 

7/13: Could this be the most awkward photo of all time?

7/17: Sometimes when my 9 year old is overly tired, she gets teary-eyed at bedtime over the craziest things.

“I’ve never been able to relax in my entire life,” she sniffled when I came in her room tonight to tuck her in. “One time I tried. We had just gone to Taco Bell and I was sitting in the back of the car and drinking a Baja Fresh. And then I choked. And that was the end of that!” She cried softly at the memory.

“Oh honey,” I said. “I’ve never been able to relax either. The good news is, you’ll get a LOT of stuff done.”

7/19: This might be the strangest party I’ve ever been to. And I like it.

7/27: Getting ready for the CheeseburgHer Party at BlogHer ’13 in Chicago! Here’s our view.

7/27: Crazy fun late night w/ @SassafrassJess, @MeaganFrancis, @HeatherBarmore, and @DanielleSmithTV. You ladies know how to party!

7/28: Some things never change.

 

8/2: Talking loose teeth.

8/3: My son’s kindergarten teacher is so awesome, she brought a treat on the first day of school for all of her former students, too!

8/3: Recreating the pose, 25 years later.

8/8: My first photo shoot.

 

8/10: Long day!

8/11: You’re so Nashville if…

8/12: Bruiser just told me there’s a boy named Spongebob at his school. Would anyone like to confirm this information? Because I can’t IMAGINE my six-year-old would make ANYTHING up…

8/18: True love.

8/20: Dennis Ferrier was already irresistible but now… LET ME AT HIM.

8/23: My town.

8/26: Hm. It looks like managing my fourth grader’s homework schedule is my new part-time job. Unfortunately, it is a volunteer position. Hold me.

9/8: The quintessential Disney photo.

9/8: I’m eating potato chips on one hotel bed, Punky’s eating Fritos on the other.

“Trade,” she just said and we switched.

“Now this is a vacation!” I said.

“Yeah!” she agreed.

9/11: This is one happy six year old!

9/12: Mischief managed at Universal Orlando!

9/12: Nothing like a cold butterbeer at the end of a long day of wizarding…

9/13: Perfect finale to our Disney vacation at the Polynesian Resort!

9/15: At four this morning, instead of the usual “Can I sleep in your bed?”, my 6-year-old came in our room and said in a small voice, “I just wanted to stop in and say hey,” before going back to his own bed.

My baby is growing up.

9/18: Just watched a kid on an iPad walk right into the middle of a soccer scrimmage, completely oblivious til a coach pulled him out. Good lord.

9/19: Someone just sent me an e-mail accusing me of being a fruit fly killer. Guilty as charged.

10/9: Tonight, I made the kids their favorite homemade Sloppy Joes, which requires the playing of Adam Sandler’s “Lunch Lady” while they eat. We’re traditional that way.

10/15: “Mommy, did you notice Mr. Jamison’s hair is MUTATING?” my six year old just asked me. “It’s MUTATING to bald! That’s crazy, right?”

“Yeah, that’s crazy,” I said, trying not to laugh. “But you can’t say anything about it to Mr. Jamison. Men don’t like to talk about it when their hair mutates to bald.”

“I already told him though,” Bruiser said. “I told him I couldn’t BELIEVE his hair was mutating to bald.”

“What did he say?” I asked nervously.

“He said ‘I KNOW!” Bruiser said in a huffy tone.

I think I will be avoiding Mr. Jamison for a while…

10/17: This is what you get when you take away electronics for the day. SUCCESS!

10/18: Yesterday, I took off my jacket and my six-year-old gasped from across the room.

“Mommy!” he said. “What are you WEARING?!”

“It’s a workout shirt,” I said. “We’re going to the gym in a few minutes, remember?”

“Oh,” he chortled. “Now I can see the rest of it. For a second, I thought you were only wearing your booby holder!”

This kid.

10/25: Ready for Halloween!

 

10/29: Bruiser just informed me that the song all the first grade boys are singing now goes like this: “We are never, ever, ever gonna fart together.”

11/5: Woman at party: Well, if it isn’t Lindsay Ferrier! You know, I really miss your column in the Nashville Scene.

Me: Well, the good news is I’m still writing on my blog- Suburban Turmoil!

Woman at party: Blog? Look you up on a blog? Oh no, I could never do that. That’s too difficult.

Me: Okay. Well, then…

Woman at party: It was nice meeting you.

Wow.

11/24: Vince Gill in a headdress backed by singing nuns at The Ryman. Only in Nashville!

 

12/2: If you give a dad some Christmas lights…

12/6: School’s out two hours early today because of ice, so my son’s teacher just called to let me know that his class is having lunch now. At nine o clock. They are having lunch at nine o clock. I am speechless.

 

12/7: We braved the cold and had a blast at the Jingle Bell Run in Franklin!

12/10: “When I was younger, Grandma told me to always shut the lid of the toilet so that the odor wouldn’t escape,” Punky just told me.
“Only I thought she said ‘otter.’ So I was always really afraid to go to the bathroom at her house.”

Oh, the many ways one can inadvertently terrify a child.

12/18: Brenda Lee came to my kids’ elementary school today and sang “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” Only in Nashville!

12/24: Swedish Spritz: Our family’s Christmas Eve tradition.

 

12/24: It’s Christmas Pageant time!

Here’s hoping YOUR blurbs, bits and snapshots of 2014 are filled with happy memories.