The (Mostly) True Story of My Car Rider Drop-Off Line

Excerpt from the October 24th Forest Woods Elementary School Weekly Newsletter:

SAFETY CONCERN

As many of you know, a parent ran over his child yesterday after attempting to drop him off in the parking lot across the street from our school. Fortunately, the child is going to be okay, but this mishap brings up an important safety concern: Please do not drop off your child across the street from the school. It creates a traffic problem in a private lot that we do not have permission to use and more importantly, it puts our children at risk. Either park your car and walk with your child across the street to the school or better yet, drop off your child in the convenient, safe, and efficient drop-off line in front of the school. Together, we can keep our Tiger cubs out of harm’s way!

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Excerpt from the October 30th Forest Woods Elementary School Weekly Newsletter:

SAFETY CONCERN

We’d like to thank those Tiger parents who are utilizing our convenient car rider drop-off line each morning. It’s a great way for you to ensure that your cubs don’t get run over by, for example, a certain maroon Suburban whose driver is always talking on her phone.

However, there are still a number of parents who are dropping their kids off in the parking lot across from the school. If for some inexplicable reason, you find yourself emotionally unable to make the investment in a two-minute drive through our easy and safe car rider drop-off line, please at least PARK and WALK your child across the street to school. Thanks, Tiger Moms and Dads! We know you can do it!

Seriously. We know you can.

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Excerpt from the November 7th Forest Woods Elementary School Weekly Newsletter:

SAFETY CONCERN

Thanks to all of the Tiger parents out there who are using our EASY, FAST, SAFE CAR RIDER DROP-OFF LINE. Did we mention it was EASY, FAST, AND SAFE? Just making sure. The fact is our drop-off line is so incredibly EFFICIENT that we can’t imagine why any parent out there would choose to instead drop their kid off in the parking lot across the street from school. Did you hear the news that a kid got hit by a car in that lot just a few weeks ago? Unlike last year’s rumor about a parent supposedly smearing classroom doorknobs with the chicken pox virus, the run-over wasn’t some urban legend, people. THAT. HAPPENED. Thank G [insert your preferred Supreme Being here] the poor kid’s okay!

So please, Tiger parents. Use the drop-off line– or at least PARK and WALK with your kid across the street. It’s not rocket science (which is good, because frankly, our TCAP scores in that department need some work).

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Excerpt from the November 14th Forest Woods Elementary School Weekly Newsletter:

SAFETY CONCERN

Parents, please make sure that your Cubs come to school this week wearing hats, gloves, coats and scarves. It’s going to be very chilly outside! Also, did you know that by using our AMAZINGLY FAST CAR RIDER DROP-OFF LINE, you are minimizing the amount of time your child is outside in the biting cold? We certainly don’t want any of our Cubs getting frostbite on their paws now, do we?

Despite the ease and safety of our car rider drop-off line, it has come to our attention that a number of you continue to insist on the HIGHLY DANGEROUS PRACTICE of dropping your child off in the parking lot across the street. We don’t want to name names, but at least one of you is a pediatrician AND SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

Use the drop-off line or park your car and walk with your child across the street. Plans are currently in the works to put a stop to any parents who INSIST ON DOING IT WRONG BECA– USE THEY THINK THEY’RE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYONE ELSE OR SOMETHING. And you’re not going to like these plans, parents-who-drop-their-kids-off-across-the-street…

That we can guarantee.

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Excerpt from the November 21st Forest Woods Elementary School Weekly Newsletter:

SAFETY CONCERN

We at Forest Woods Elementary School always make an effort to be kind and set a good example for our Cubs, but today, Tiger parents, YOU’RE GOING TO HEAR US ROAR.

As you may know, we’ve been struggling lately with a number of parents who continue to drop their kids off in the parking lot across the street from school, despite our many polite requests that they use our car rider drop-off line.

This morning, some of you may find carpenter nails in your tires. If that’s the case, then you can take the resulting inconvenience as a sure sign that you’ve tangled with the wrong Tigers. We hope we’ve made it clear that you are NOT to drop off your kids in the parking lot across the street from our elementary school. We don’t care if you are a doctor. We don’t care if you wrote a song for Rascal Flatts that topped at number 51 on the charts. (We’ve heard better.) We don’t even care if you give our teachers a special discount on AdvoCare supplements.

Might we suggest (once you take care of those flat tires) that you instead use our convenient, easy and safe car rider drop-off line? You’ll find that it only takes a few minutes of your time! Thanks for your help, Tiger parents! Let’s work together and keep our precious Cubs safe!

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