I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
July 2, 2008
>As it turns out, I’m not the only one in my marriage who feels the evil sting of jealousy from time to time.
There’s been one downside to losing my last 15 pounds of baby weight– Hubs noticed. And then he assumed that everyone else was noticing, too. They totally weren’t, but try telling him that.
“I saw that guy, David, at the gym,” I told Hubs not long ago. “Remember him? He used to be a bartender at Virago?” Ordinarily, Hubs would have expressed mild interest and asked how David was doing. Now, though, things have changed.
“David?” he asked, his face assuming the skeptical lines of a modern-day Hercule Poirot. “David, hmmm…. How long did he talk to you?”
“Oh, like three minutes,” I said quickly, flushing. I recognized the stirrings of an interrogation and I started feeling guilty, despite the fact that my conversation with this David guy had been completely innocent.
“Three minutes, huh?” Hubs said, trying to sound lighthearted and failing miserably. “What did he say exactly?”
“You know, that he had gotten his business degree and that he’s working at some office in Green Hills now…”
“Yeah, I’ll bet he has an office!” Hubs snorted. “A private office! I’ll bet he told you all about it!”
“…and he said he’s engaged!” I said quickly. “Engaged! To a beautiful woman! A very beautiful woman!”
“That was just to put you off your guard, because he knows you’re married!” Hubs said darkly. “Well, if I see David at the gym, we’re going to have ourselves a little talk.”
I know Hubs’s jealousy will wear off once he gets used to the new (old) me. Sometimes it’s cute. And sometimes, it’s annoying.
Take The Facebook Incident.
“Wow,” I said excitedly a few weeks ago while checking my e-mail. “My friend Stephanie from college friended me on Facebook! I haven’t talked to her in at least ten years!”
“Facebook?” Hubs said, snapping his head away from the basketball game on TV. “Facebook?! You’ve never told me you had a Facebook account.”
“Are you kidding?” I said in exasperation. “Of course I told you I have a Facebook account.”
“You didn’t,” he insisted. “That’s the kind of thing I would remember.”
“Yes, I did.” I sighed. “Remember when I showed you all those pictures 17’s friend took on their Europe trip last year? I could only do that because 17 IS MY FRIEND ON FACEBOOK.”
“You didn’t make that clear,” Hubs insisted stubbornly.
I thought for a moment. “Okay!” I said. “Remember when 17 was visiting her mom last summer and we e-mailed back and forth on Facebook? You knew we were using Facebook, because you were all upset that she never checks her Yahoo account, and we talked about it!“
“We didn’t!” Hubs said. I could tell by the look on his face that he knew we had, though. He just didn’t want to admit he was wrong.
“This is stupid,” I muttered. “I’m not talking about it anymore. It can’t exactly be a secret if 17 has been my Facebook friend for two years and can see everything I do when I’m on it!”
Hubs grumbled for a few minutes and then the matter was dropped- at least until a few weeks later, when I logged onto my Facebook account and saw a list of “People You Might Know” in the right sidebar. There, plain as day, was my husband’s name.
“The hell?” I said darkly, clicking on it. Sure enough, Hubs had created a Facebook account. A secret Facebook account. A secret Facebook account that wasn’t very difficult to hack into, since he had used our e-mail address to set it up.
“You won’t believe this,” I said to my teenage stepdaughters, who were watching TV in the room with me. I showed them their father’s Facebook account.
“This is over you having a Facebook account?” 17 snorted. “He totally knew about it. I’m going to tell him I know he knew about it last year.”
“Well, sadly, he doesn’t have a profile picture or any friends,” I said, smirking. “I guess I’ll just have to help him out.” I scrolled down through the photos on my computer until I found the perfect picture. It was taken on Christmas morning, 2006, when, a) Hubs was 20 pounds heavier and b) the girls had woken us up at 5:30am, following our 2am bedtime. He had never looked worse.
I cropped the photo, added it to Hubs’s profile, and showed it to the girls. They both burst out laughing.
“This is what happens when you open a secret Facebook account,” I sighed.
But I wasn’t done there.
I had to make sure Hubs saw his new Facebook profile picture. And I had to capture the moment on camera.
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>It’s so sad that it’s funny!
>MEN. 😉
>Even when confronted he still pretended to not know what was going on…….it’s sad…….how I would have done the same thing.
>Yeah, I really loved that, “How on EARTH did someone set up a FACEBOOK account using OUR E-MAIL ADDRESS” vibe he had going there. And yeah, I’m just as bad. Worse, actually.
>you’re going to show us the picture, right?
>Hilarious!
>That is absolutely hilarious!! I love it!
>That is so funny. My husband hasn’t a clue what MySpace or Facebook are. I try explaining it and he just looks at me as though I’m speaking German and he’s trying to translate.
>Ha! Very funny! I recently heard from an old friend who stumbled across my blog. HE suggested we connect for coffee and get caught up. Briefcase LOST IT! Mind you, this guy has never had any interest in me nor have I in him. Ever since I keep getting questions about the fact that “this guy” is reading my blog everyday. Well … YEAH … that’s why I write – so people will read! WTF?
>It is funny when I talk about blogging or facebook or twitter or anything really and Bubs just gets this glazed look in his eyes. But he gets offended if I don’t want to listen to a 1/2 dissertation on fantasy baseball.
>Must. See. Picture.
>LOL, too funny! 🙂 Beckyhttp://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/
>Tell Hubs to own up it and move on. It’s going to take him more energy and headaches to keep up the charade in the long run. Way to go hot mamma!
>Wicked. I love it!I love it when my husband is jealous. I’m pregnant so often that it’s rare, but it makes me happy. Ha ha.
>Yeah, I was also pretty jealous when Hubs lost his “baby” weight. Of course, I was eight months pregnant and eating everything that wasn’t nailed down… I think that made it much, much worse.
>Okay, so I will paraphrase that Hubs would like everyone to know that his SURPRISE was over seeing a horrible picture of himself on the Internet, NOT that he had a FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. He was NEVER DENYING that he had a FACEBOOK ACCOUNT. Okay you crazy, funny people? Carry on. 😉
>priceless!
>ha ha ha ha. that’s great. seriously funny. I love those lies you know are lies. you had me at “the facebook incident” p.s what comment got deleted?? ooohhh.
>It makes sense now that he was owning up to having a facebook account, just not the pic. I kept thinking, “It is a good thing his career is the news and not acting”. Great prank and fantastic revenge.
>The deleted comment was a more, ahem colorful version from Hubs of what I politely paraphrased!
>Hahaha! That’s amazing!
>Lindsay, that was so funny that I laughed out loud last night and I didn’t even watch the video. I went to facebook and saw the crazy rafting face. Way to go chica!
>Well, congrats on the weight loss, and enjoy the facebook. I don’t have a facebook account, and danged if I know what I’d do with one. Hit myself in the face with a book on account of….?
>What’s Facebook?