I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
January 30, 2006
>It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was my Saturday night.
Hubs was up for A Big Award at a locally televised ceremony last night, along with several of his co-workers (my former co-workers). We decided to make a date night of it, pulling our dusty formalwear out of the closet and trying our damnedest to look glamorous.
I slipped into a backless floor length gown and realized I didn’t have a bra that would work with the dress. And braless, the dress on me looked like a lumpy velvet sack. Desperately, I thought for a minute, then remembered the two magic words: duct tape. The results were amazing. One piece of duct tape gave me the perkiest braless boobs this side of the Mississippi.
“You look great,” Hubs said admiringly as we walked into the hotel lobby where the Important Ceremony took place.
“Can you believe that an hour ago, I was cooking Hamburger Helper in curlers and a pajama top?” I said. We both laughed. Parent humor.
I had a few glasses of wine during the three-hour dinner and ceremony, and was pleasantly buzzed by the time Hubs won, yes, won his award. He gave an admirable acceptance speech, scored points by saying nice things about me, and remembered all three of the girls’ names. Heh heh. As the camera swooped in for a close-up of me cheering on my husband, I sat up straight and beamed, sneaking a look at myself on the oversized monitor. Yep. Thank God for duct tape.
Afterward, we headed with some of the other winners to The Palm for celebratory drinks.
After a French Martini, I realized I had reached my limit. Hubs and I decided to go to one more bar with the gang for coffee. And the bartender there, seeing all of the Major Awards carried by members of our party, poured shots for all of us.
This is the point where if I were a better writer, I’d have some major foreshadowing going on here. A black cat would run across the bar as I reached for my shot. A discordant piano key would sound loudly in the background. The angel sitting on my shoulder would sweetly whisper, “Now, Lindsay, shots are bad. BADDDDDD!”
But none of those things happened. I downed the shot. The room tipped a bit. I was fine. Shortly afterward, Hubs and I said our goodbyes and hopped in the car.
About ten minutes from home, I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. A churning. A bubbling. My digestive system was declaring mutiny.
“Oh noooooo,” I said, waving my hands in distress. “I have to throw up!”
“What?” my husband looked stricken. We were on the interstate in the pouring rain. Then he said the words that reminded me even then why I love him so much. “Don’t get it on your dress, whatever you do!”
I thought wildly. What would Susie Sunshine do? What would Susie Sunshine do? I muttered my mantra aloud.
Wait a second! I knew exactly what Susie Sunshine would do. What she did, in fact. Last weekend.
Calmly, I opened my window, stuck out my head, and barfed. And then I did it again. And I decided I didn’t like getting wet, so instead of actually hanging my head out as she suggested, I tried to stick only my mouth out the window. Which didn’t work so well. And I got some on my arm. And on the car door. But my dress? It was spotless!
And again, I thanked God for my husband. Because rather than being repulsed, he leapt into action, wiping me off when we got home at 1:30am, helping me into the shower, and putting me to bed. Oh, and taking care of the entire family today while I lay around sleeping off the worst hangover I have ever had in my entire life. Of course, the word “hangover” was replaced by “stomach bug” once the girls woke up.
But I lost four pounds. Yay!
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, was my Saturday night.
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>I think we’ve all learned a little something from Susie! Hope you’re feeling better today.
>Um, I went to a chili supper Saturday night. Yeah, that could have ended the same way, but, thank goodness it didn’t.
>exciting night!!!! glad he took care of you and saved the dress!!!
>Does this mean he de-duct taped your boobs too? Wow, now that *IS* a great guy.
>Whoa. A 4-pound upchuck? That is a success if you asked me. HA!Seriously though, I have to ask…did the duct tape rip your skin off when you peeled it off? And, um, how did you get that to “lift and separate?” I’d probably try that and end up looking like I had 4 boobs instead of two! LOL!
>I just made a sort of “shelf” out of the duct tape. I wouldn’t recommend it except as a last resort, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And thankfully, I did have the presence of mind to race inside and rip off the duct tape before he saw it! Although now he’s going to read about it, so… And no, it didn’t hurt.
>I was wondering about the duct tape myself. 😉
>Congrats to hubby. Hope your stomach flu has subsided.
>Whoo HOO! Now that’s what I call a party. =)
>Woo, quite a night! Praise be for duct tape and husbands 🙂
>Yes, DO TELL about the removal of the duct tape. At least in your state it probably didn’t hurt too much. And I must give you some major props for not getting a drop on the dress. What magnificent aim you have! haha.
>An adventure worthy of Hemingway.
>I do believe the part about hanging your head outside like a dog is key. (The rain might have made you feel all spring-timey fresh too!)Now stop being my cybertwin, it’s starting to freak me out.
>Hey, I puked in my neighbor’s yard. Yeah, proud of that moment.
>I’d call the whole thing a rousing success!
>Did you hubby wash the car, too (or did the rain handle it)? ‘Cause I’m thinking that barfing on the car could have a, um, negative effect on the paint job. Regarding duct-taped boobs, I have one word: ouch. ;^)
>I’m so glad I don’t drink. That sounds like a pretty crazy night!
>The one and only time I have thrown up from too much to drink I got it all through my long hair. Maybe it would have been better if I had been in a moving vechicle.Is the duct tape still on ?
>Now that’s class; to puke and not get any on your beautiful gown!I want to know more about this duct tape, though. Just how do you apply it? All the way around? Just across the front? Sounds painful.
>Lucinda, you continue to amaze me with all your talents. I’ll have to add, stupendous vomit technique and duct tape undergarments to my ever growing list.I’m glad you had a good time, well, up until the vomit part anyway. And congratulations on your hub’s award.
>duct tape, ouch, hope it came off ok.
>yes i want details on how he took the duct tape off!(and exactly how you put it on)
>Congrats to your husband (don’t tell me he’s a weatherman. I have a thing for weathermen) and congrats for sparing the dress- although I hate throwing up so much I never go there in the first place. Right up until that point it sounds as though it was a swell evening. I certainly enjoyed reading about it! Now I’ll go over to susie’s and read her puke story.
>I’m really impressed. I’m impressed by this entry, by your husband winning, by your ability to MacGyver a bra in no time flat (no pun there)…One question comes to mind- was it the hambuger helper you saw again that evening running down your arm and flowing from the limo?? Please say no. If yes, what kind?Hope you’re feeling better today. xoxo
>LMFAO @ MommaK. After reading this I am so glad to be pregnant right this minute (because the urge to do things that would cause me to hang out a moving car’s window is totally off limits.) When I read duct tape I began to cringe. I do hope it didn’t take the top layer of skin off.
>Annie, Stacey and other interested duct tapers- I just put it one strip like a shelf beneath my chest. I didn’t put the tape on too tightly, so it didn’t hurt to rip it off later. And I did the ripping. Hubs didn’t know about it. At the time, anyway!As for the vomit, no food came back up, strangely. Only drinks. At least, that’s what Hubs reported after he cleaned out the car this morning. Ugh…
>Oh wow! What a Saturday night! Congratulations to your husband for the win and congratulations to you for partying like it was 1999. Nice!
>I did this same thing my Sophomore Homecoming but I wasn’t going to say anything…;-)
>Holy fuck – I love you.Brush your teeth so I can french kiss ya!
>Wow, you party like a rock star don’t ya? Sounds lovely, I can’t remember the last time I drank until I barfed {{{good times}}} Hope you are feeling better! And oh yeah, congrats to the Hub!
>I barfed out a car window once; a baby blue 1961 Cadillac. Got it all over the side of the car. Thought I’d never see that guy again (but I did). Hope you feel better now.
>This sounds eerily like my Halloween. Martinis and all. But sans duct tape. Ugh. I repeated that mantra from college, “I’m never gonna drink vodka again.” Of course, we all know that’s not true!
>Two throw up stories in cars in one week. Too much! :)My Sat. night? in bed by 9:30 sleeping off a valium buzz , now that’s some fun! Congratulations to your husband. It must be really fun to work in an industry that appreciates good efforts.
>That’s a Saturday night, alright! Remember when you could do that several times a week and never throw up and go to class the next day and party again in less than 24hours? Bummer, huh?
>Can’t beat that 4 lb loss! I can’t handle anything else but beer, and only ONE kind of beer. A few months ago, I tried to be good and drink the low carb beer, as opposed to the “light”. Light must have less alcohol than low carb. Didn’t know that…OMG. I just wanted someone to shoot me. 🙂
>you. are. brilliant.cool about the award.. congrats hubs!
>That does it. I’m living vicariously through your blog. I’ll have to remember the duct tape trick…knowing my luck they would have panned the camera on me and the tape would have been peeking out of my gown. 🙂
>Here I thought only men would use duct tape on anything and everything! Hillary Swank scotch taped her dress at the SAG, but it pales in comparison to your creativity with tape.
>Your blog is one of my new favorites. I admire your ability to describe vomiting out of car windows and your baby’s cuteness with equal aplomb. This entry reminds me of a martini party I went to last spring. Vodka is such a fickle friend!
>So, Lucinda, I just want to know if the lack of a bra in this story inspired your next post about working in the lingerie store?