I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville wife and mother with a passion for family travel, (mostly) healthy cooking, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries with you, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark.
May 7, 2014
Mother’s Day is coming up fast– (It is this Sunday, to be precise. Mark your calendars or your hands or something.) –and we know you want to help make this special day our best one yet.
“But my wife is not my mother,” I can hear some of you grumbling right now. “What does Mother’s Day have to do with me?”
Oh, dads. You so crazy. You know your kids can’t handle Mother’s Day all by themselves! They are going to need your help and your support.
Specifically, they’re going to need your generous financial support.
Fortunately, I’ve created this handy guide to help you make sure that you’ve covered all your bases leading up to what is arguably the most important day of the year. Follow it closely and you’ll have nothing to worry about!
1. Your children may very well want to create an artistic masterpiece for Mommy. That’s a wonderful idea– so long as you do your part and keep the following supplies out of their wee little hands:
I know all this stuff seems festive! and fun! but have you ever tried to get Play-Doh/hot glue/clay out of the carpet? No. We happen to know for a fact that you have not. Nor have you picked up bits of confetti on your hands and knees or found yourselves vacuuming up a gallon of sand on a day that was SUPPOSED to be all about you. And while Crayola markers come and go, let me be clear: Sharpies are FOREVER.
Make a note of it.
2. Treating Mom to breakfast in bed is a popular Mother’s Day tradition. But while your six year old is undoubtedly bright, he’s still going to need some supervision in the kitchen. And by ‘supervision,’ I mean that YOU PRETTY MUCH NEED TO MAKE THE BREAKFAST YOURSELF, CHIEF.
We don’t want to spend yet another year smiling grimly as we dine on blackened toast and scrambled eggs with a side of salmonella. And we sure as hell don’t want to find a used Spongebob Band-Aid in our freshly-squeezed orange juice ever, ever again.
3. Little girls often want to pick out clothing, make-up, or accessories for Mom. This is totally adorbs and we’re in favor of it– but it’s your job, Dads, to take your daughter to an appropriate store (NORDSTROM = GOOD. BUBBA’S DIZCOUNT T-SHIRT BARN = BAD) and gently help guide her selection. Confused? Here are a few handy sample scripts:
“Mary Emma, I’m not sure Mommy needs leopard-print temporary lip tattoos this year. How about this pretty M.A.C. LIPSTICK IN WHIRL instead?”
“Oh McKenzee, that ice cream cone-patterned muu muu is neat! But did you happen to see this GORGEOUS RASPBERRY MICHAEL KORS HAMILTON SAFFIANO SATCHEL? I bet Mommy would LOVE a RASPBERRY MICHAEL KORS HAMILTON SAFFIANO SATCHEL! Did I mention that she’d prefer the RASPBERRY MICHAEL KORS HAMILTON SAFFIANO SATCHEL? Good. I thought so.”
“You’re right, Chloe. Mommy does need a new pair of platform stilettos. But what the heck are we doing at Payless when Jimmy Choo just opened at the Green Hills Mall?! Let’s go!”
You get my drift.
4. The wiseguys among you will no doubt be inclined to knock a few items off your own wish list this Mother’s Day– I’d strongly urge you against it. You may have convinced your five year old that Mommy would just love a new weedeater or homemade beer brewing kit, but let me remind you that Father’s Day is right around the corner…
And payback’s a bitch.
Are you starting to panic now? Don’t. Really, guys, what we moms want on Mother’s Day is pretty simple.
Skip the Hallmark aisle– A handwritten card from our kids is the way to go. If they can’t write yet, have them dictate to you what they want to say. If they can’t speak, let them leave a handprint or footprint on a homemade card. These are the kinds of things we’ll keep forever.
We’d also love to be excused from clean-up duty for the day. Breakfast in bed is a lot less fun when we get downstairs and find a wrecked kitchen. And while those construction paper flowers are truly lovely, we could have done without the little specks of leftover paper now littering the den floor.
Flowers, candy, gift cards, and 50-carat diamond necklaces are wonderful gestures, but what matters most is how you treat us on Mother’s Day. Make us feel special and we promise we’ll do the same for you next month, when it’s your turn.
Ignore us, on the other hand, or leave us to cook, clean and wrangle the kids alone because you’re too busy burping and farting in front of ESPN on the sofa, and someone is going to have one god awfully miserable Father’s Day in a few weeks. That we can guarantee.