I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
May 7, 2014
Dear Dads,
Mother’s Day is coming up fast– (It is this Sunday, to be precise. Mark your calendars or your hands or something.) –and we know you want to help make this special day our best one yet.
“But my wife is not my mother,” I can hear some of you grumbling right now. “What does Mother’s Day have to do with me?”
Oh, dads. You so crazy. You know your kids can’t handle Mother’s Day all by themselves! They are going to need your help and your support.
Specifically, they’re going to need your generous financial support.
Fortunately, I’ve created this handy guide to help you make sure that you’ve covered all your bases leading up to what is arguably the most important day of the year. Follow it closely and you’ll have nothing to worry about!
1. Your children may very well want to create an artistic masterpiece for Mommy. That’s a wonderful idea– so long as you do your part and keep the following supplies out of their wee little hands:
–Play-Doh
–Sharpies
–Glitter
–Hot glue
–Clay
–Sharpies
–Colored Sand
–Confetti
–Sharpies
I know all this stuff seems festive! and fun! but have you ever tried to get Play-Doh/hot glue/clay out of the carpet? No. We happen to know for a fact that you have not. Nor have you picked up bits of confetti on your hands and knees or found yourselves vacuuming up a gallon of sand on a day that was SUPPOSED to be all about you. Andย while Crayola markers come and go, let me be clear: Sharpies are FOREVER.
Make a note of it.
2. Treating Mom to breakfast in bed is a popular Mother’s Day tradition. But while your six year old is undoubtedly bright, he’s still going to need some supervision in the kitchen. And by ‘supervision,’ I mean that YOU PRETTY MUCH NEED TO MAKE THE BREAKFAST YOURSELF, CHIEF.
We don’t want to spend yet another year smiling grimly as we dine on blackened toast and scrambled eggs with a side of salmonella. And we sure as hell don’t want to find a used Spongebob Band-Aid in our freshly-squeezed orange juice ever, ever again.
Got it?
Good.
3. Little girls often want to pick out clothing, make-up, or accessories for Mom. This is totally adorbs and we’re in favor of it– but it’s your job, Dads, to take your daughter to an appropriate store (NORDSTROM = GOOD. BUBBA’S DIZCOUNT T-SHIRT BARN = BAD) and gently help guide her selection. Confused? Here are a few handy sample scripts:
“Mary Emma, I’m not sure Mommy needs leopard-print temporary lip tattoos this year. How about this pretty M.A.C. LIPSTICK IN WHIRL instead?”
“Oh McKenzee, that ice cream cone-patterned muu muu is neat! But did you happen to see this GORGEOUS RASPBERRY MICHAEL KORS HAMILTON SAFFIANO SATCHEL? I bet Mommy would LOVE a RASPBERRY MICHAEL KORS HAMILTON SAFFIANO SATCHEL! Did I mention that she’d prefer the RASPBERRY MICHAEL KORS HAMILTON SAFFIANO SATCHEL? Good. I thought so.”
“You’re right, Chloe. Mommy does need a new pair of platform stilettos. But what the heck are we doing at Payless when Jimmy Choo just opened at the Green Hills Mall?! Let’s go!”
You get my drift.
4. The wiseguys among you will no doubt be inclined to knock a few items off your own wish list this Mother’s Day– I’d strongly urge you against it. You may have convinced your five year old that Mommy would just love a new weedeater or homemade beer brewing kit, but let me remind you that Father’s Day is right around the corner…
And payback’s a bitch.
Are you starting to panic now? Don’t. Really, guys, what we moms want on Mother’s Day is pretty simple.
Skip the Hallmark aisle– A handwritten card from our kids is the way to go. If they can’t write yet, have them dictate to you what they want to say. If they can’t speak, let them leave a handprint or footprint on a homemade card. These are the kinds of things we’ll keep forever.
We’d also love to be excused from clean-up duty for the day. Breakfast in bed is a lot less fun when we get downstairs and find a wrecked kitchen. And while those construction paper flowers are truly lovely, we could have done without the little specks of leftover paper now littering the den floor.
Flowers, candy, gift cards, and 50-carat diamond necklaces are wonderful gestures, but what matters most is how you treat us on Mother’s Day. Make us feel special and we promise we’ll do the same for you next month, when it’s your turn.
Ignore us, on the other hand, or leave us to cook, clean and wrangle the kids alone because you’re too busy burping and farting in front of ESPN on the sofa, and someone is going to have one god awfully miserable Father’s Day in a few weeks. That we can guarantee.
Hugs!
A Mom
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Images: Toddler: Header Mother’s Day Card: Eden, Janine and Jim/Flickr; Morguefile; Pancakes: Morguefule; Satchel: Macys; Mother’s Day Card: Elizabeth/Flickr; Weedeater: Walmart
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I just advised a fellow hockey parent ( father) the top ten things you should never get your wife on a holiday ( last year he got her tickets to a mets game, that is why i had to intervene) 10. Exercise Video 9. Diet cook book 8. Exercise outfit of any kind 7. power tools 6. vacuum 5. pots and pans 4. the book “sex for dummies” 3. subscription to “car and driver” or “playboy” 2. oil change for her car, and number one….. drum roll please….. Tickets to a sporting event.
Great list!!
I would LOVE tickets to a SF Giants game! But if your wife is not a huge sports fan, definitely skip that. Oh, and don’t just leave all the clean up for me to do the next day. Actually do it and take care of it that day!
Yes- If you’re a sports fan, that’s TOTALLY different! ๐
I’d love tickets to a Niners game!
My father-in-law once got his wife hubcaps. He’ll never live it down.
LOL!!!!
Hmm, tickets to a Mets game (or any baseball game, for that matter) sound pretty good to me! I know plenty of moms who would agree with me on that one. ๐
I offered to host Mother’s Day at our house for our local family this year. My husband was concerned that would be too much work for me. My response? “Babe, I am sick and tired of spending my Mother’s Day dragging our kids all over creation to see everyone else. By the end of the day I’m exhausted and they’re cranky. I would much rather be here at home where the baby can take his nap and I can kick back and relax when it’s all over and everyone leaves instead of having to then drive an hour home. THEY can all do that for once.” I’m putting a brisket in the crock pot and everyone is bringing a side dish. And guess what? I’M SKIPPING CHURCH. So there!!! I am going to sleep in and have a restful morning! Muah ha ha haaaaaa!!!! That’s all I ever really want for Mother’s Day – to relax. Never realized what a tall order that would be.
Seriously! My Mother’s Day wish is to sleep in– until 7:30am!! That would be heavenly!
7:30 is sleeping in for us! Our four year old has taken to getting up between five and six recently. He used to just stay in his room and play quietly but now the whole house has to know he’s awake. We sure were spoiled there for a while…
Hand make gifts from my children are always the best.
Today is Mother’s Day and I have been awake since 2am trying to research/understand this social/personal dilemma….So really, what are the rules on Mother’s Day? Is it the one day mom can have “free choice” to spend with/without family (picnic/playground vs. spa/friends/brunch)? Your thoughts?
Is it sad that I’m more concerned about getting my mom and my mother-in-law taken care of than that I get mother’s day myself? I sometimes feel like that’s the more difficult thing to do. It really was nice to be allowed to sleep past 6, though.