>BFF
>A few months ago, I was at the YMCA (aside: So many posts lately revolve around the Y that I really should rename this blog YMCA Turmoil. Seriously, though, half my community’s population is there on any given afternoon) and I saw a woman that looked remarkably like a girl named Marta, with whom I’d gone to high school in Atlanta 15 years ago.
When I spotted her, I did a doubletake. And then a tripletake. And then I did a quadrupletake. And she appeared to notice all my ‘taking, and to be a little disconcerted by it. And from the curl of her lip and the nervously defiant stare she gave me in response to my decatake, I decided that it definitely wasn’t my friend Marta, because if it were, she certainly would have recognized me. I mean, we went to a Duran Duran reunion concert together, for God’s sake, watching in mutual horror as Simon LeBon writhed and sang on a velvet sofa that was shaped like a pair of red lips. We even held up lighters together and screeched “SI-MONNNNN! OH MY GOD, WE LOVE YOU SI-MONNNNN!” every time it got quiet on stage (aside: We totally didn’t love Simon. I had won the tickets from a radio station). Obviously, this was the kind of friendship-sealing event that would make it completely impossible for Marta not to recognize me 15 years later.
Still, when I got home that day, I logged onto my high school alumni site, just to find out where the real Marta had landed.
And I saw that she was living in Nashfuckingville, Tennessee.
It was Marta! OMG!
Excitedly, I told my stepdaughters that night that I had seen an old high school friend at the YMCA, and that I wasn’t sure it was her until later, and that I couldn’t wait to see her again, because it would be so fun to get together and catch up on all that had passed since we had graduated.
I told them about the time that Marta had thrown a rubber cockroach down beside a teacher who had professed earlier in the week to having an irrational fear of bugs, and how when the teacher turned in time to see the rubber roach bouncing across the floor and began to scream, Marta jumped out of her seat, grabbed the rubber roach, and popped it into her own mouth, prompting the teacher to scream even louder. I told them that I laughed that day until the tears rolled down my face. I told them how awesome it would be to get back in touch with someone who had such a great sense of humor.
I didn’t see Marta again at the Y for several weeks, but one fateful day, she got on the elliptical right beside mine.
“Marta?” I said hesitantly. She looked at me blankly.
“It’s me, Lindsay. From high school?”
Recognition dawned on her face. “Oh my. Hi!”
We chatted for a few minutes. She had moved to Nashville two years ago. I was conscious of how annoying it can be to chat with someone while trying to work out, so I suggested we meet for coffee one day soon, to catch up. I gave her my e-mail address. She never e-mailed, but I figured she had lost it.
Then I saw her again, a few weeks later. “We have got to get together!” I said.
“Yeah!” she responded. “Okay! Uh, let me get your e-mail address again!” I gave it to her.
Several days after that, I got an e-mail. “I’m about to go to the Y,” it read, “and I thought I’d better e-mail you before I see you again!”
It occurred to me that the e-mail read more like someone who was afraid of being caught than someone who wanted to get together. But surely I was reading it wrong. I e-mailed back and said my schedule was pretty open on nights and weekends, and told her to name her date and I’d make it work.
She didn’t e-mail back. Ever. Now maybe she’s busy. Or maybe she, ummmm… maybe she’s busy.
But maybe? Just maybe? She doesn’t really want to get together. And I’m okay with that. Really, I am. It’s not very easy for me to get a night out, anyway, so if someone’s not into it, I don’t want to waste her time or mine.
But where I used to saunter into the Y with the easy self-confidence of someone who assumes she’s, well, liked, I now find myself feeling like that woman, the woman at the gym that you’d do anything to avoid. The woman who wants to chat on the elliptical and reminisce about some shared past that was 15 years ago, for God’s sake. Doesn’t that woman realize that you’ve moved on? That totally oblivious woman who keeps insisting that you get together for coffee when, Hello! You’ve made it pretty damn obvious that you don’t want to have coffee and rehash the details of a freaking Duran Duran reunion concert!
Or maybe she’s just busy.
>Totally without question, her loss. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Hold your head up high and sweat and pant without shame.
>I think you should play a little bit of reverse-Jedi-mind- psychology and act like you don’t recognize her the next time you see her.
>Ha ha! That would be hilariously weird! I thought of sending an e-mail that said, “You know, if you don’t want to get together, it’s completely okay,” but I couldn’t think of a way to do that that wouldn’t sound snippy, you know, in the annoying way that that woman would sound. Clearly, I am way too bothered about being that woman…
>Sometimes people aren’t all that happy with how their lives turned out. And just a guess, but I would imagine you are pretty well known and you have a pretty cool life… on TV, Emmy, writer, great kids… etc. Perhaps, just perhaps, she was a little uhm… intimidated.
>Maybe she’s busy—or maybe she’s just a jealous bitch.
>Oh Gneida, who is this Marta (mass transit acronym, I imagine her unusally tall), and why don’t I remember the rubber cockroach prank? Sounds classic! Was this GAC or West? If I were were closer to Nashville, we would definitely meet for drinks (not all of your old HS friends have become assholes). Much love–s.
>I’m thinking the same thing Gertie’s thinking… she might not be at all happy with herself right now. Even if you were a total schlep, which of course you’re not, she might just want to stay in her cocoon of whatever’s comfortable. Not that I know anything about that feeling… a friend once told me something like that… at the Y, I think…
>Just take the high road, say hello from afar, and call it a day. You tried your bestest to invite her out. Non-chalance is the best way to deal with this one. Besides, you have TOTAL squatter rights at the Y. You were there first. Ha!
>Eulg? Eulg Kcits? If you’re ever on the ellipticals at the Y in Nashville, look me up!! M-maybe we could meet for coffee!
>Booooo her. She does not understand what she’s missing out on. I’d love to be able to get together with you.
>maybe she’s just jealous bec you look so much better than her. that’s what my mom would say.www.lifespearliscast.blogspot.com
>Going through the same thing with a friend from high school. Trade emails about how great it would be to get together, get so far as to potentially set a date and then — nothing. Silence for a while and then it picks up again until an almost date is made. About to give up on this on but it’s so confusing because all the signs are there. Ugh.
>Maybe her plate’s full right now. Remain friendly with the waving and the helloing.When I’m at the Y I hate it when I see people I know or knew. The Y is my ME time when I put on my headphones and in my head I’m a rock star/super model/anywhere but here. Those are difficult places to get to when you realize someone else might be watching you.
>Geesh, what’s NOT to like about catching up with a blast form the past?
>Hi – Sorry I’ve been a bitch.I’m just not that into you.Marta
>I have a fondness for all things Y.Keep the stories coming.:-)
>Sorry, LindsI’ve just been busy.The real marta
>I just saw your last comment! Woohoo! By the way, did you know you only live like 2 hours from me? I am not stalking you, I swear. I am just amazed. I thought nobody lived out by me. Woot.
>Apologies Lindsay.I’m in the process of gender reassignment and how do I explain that one?The Real Real Marta
>What’s weird is that she didn’t recognize you! Anyway, it really is her loss, too bad for her.
>Next time you see her working out, tell her the attitude adjustment machines are over on the other side – y’know, just in case she was wondering.
>You shouldn’t feel like that woman,she should! I don’t even know you and have never even commented on your blog before, but I’m a faithful reader and I must say… she is totally missing out. Her loss! Wanna have coffee with me instead? I can’t catch up on old times, but it would be fun. I live in Memphis, so we could meet half way. hehehe
>Sorry to delete I am not smart enough to know how to edit a comment.. anyhoo- she probably reads your blog and is afraid if she gets together with you, you will blog about how she doesn’t flush again. Oh wait, thats MARTINA, not Marta… my bad- but still…No- probably like what the others said, maybe she lives in a van down by the river (that gets wifi)with her baby daddy and works as a sign twirler in front of a mattress superstore…so your awesomeness is a little intimidating… OR…maybe… SHE IS MARZIPAN! Dun-dun-dun…
>I’m just in awe you got to see Duran Duran.
>OBVIOUSLY that is it. OBVIOUSLY you have found Marzipan.
>Lindsey, do you get a manicure before you go to the gym?If not, I assure you that you are not that woman.(And if so.. um.. er…)
>Why would you look on in horror at Simon Le Bon doing anything?Signed,The ReflexPS MARTA SUX
>Hi Lindsey, I left you something on my blog!
>I have done this a few times. I am quite a social person and I get all excited about a new or re-discovered friend. After a few weeks realize I am doing all the “we-should-get-togethers” and all the inviting and getting absolutely nowhere. Then I feel like a sad little puppy who has been jumping up to lick the face of someone who turns out to hate dogs… Maybe some people are just more discerning than I am ;-)PS She is totally jealousPPS Just blank her. That’s what she would do to you.
>I agree with a few others that commented. Marta is probably just not having a good life right now and is afraid you’ll find out how unhappy she really is. And you walk into that Y with your head held high! That was your “turf” first!
>Maybe she reads this blog and is just totally jealous of your life. Or maybe she was afraid she’d end up the subject of the blog? That’d be pretty funny.I thought of you today when one of my students puked at morning swim practice and then insisted that she was fine to go to school, where she then proceeded to continue throwing up. And when she called her mom to go home her mom told her to “stick it out” and made her stay at school, puking, the entire rest of the day.
>You’re over thinking, girl… She’s probably not used to people being so genuine. She’ll come around, but if she doesn’t, you’ve done what you can.
>Oh dear! I hate it when people don’t have the guts to say what they feel. Her strange e-mail was certainly saying SOMETHING…but what? What could she be saying? That she doesn’t have any room in her life for more friends? She knows who you are and what you do and she doesn’t like you? Or is she afraid to let you know something about her? It’s her loss…but I’m not the first to suggest it. I’m just immature enough that I’d shut her out completely. Shroud her in an invisibility cloak of my own invention. Give her a little taste…
>Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s just jealous or intimidated by you. I did that same thing to someone I saw at our gym. I hadn’t seen her for maybe 15 years and she said a couple of times that we should get together for coffee or something. We never finalized any plans but were still really friendly when we saw each other. I really did like her I just always seemed to have a schedule I thought I needed to stick to. Now we’ve moved and I don’t know anyone, I wish I had someone to from the past to visit with. Also, some people have a thing about people from “high school”, think it’s beneath them???
>The woman has a serious case of the Nashvilles. Maybe she is a member of the GH Moms club and had to sign an oath not to talk to you..
>she isn’t that busy. She is avoiding you.Buy a van and start stalking her. Maybe the two older girls will help if you let them drive the van.
>This happens to me a lot and it is hard to not take it personally. Maybe she looks back on her past in horror whereas you embrace it. Either way, it’s obviously she’s not cool any more!
>She’s just not that into you. Leave it at that. Not everyone we meet (or re-meet) is going to fawn all over us, worship us. Leave it and move on.
>I would just smile and go on my merry way. Like Melizzard said, she doesn’t know what she is missing.Totally unrelated, but I love seeing you and your family in the television commercials!
>Once in a while, I’ll cross paths with someone from my high school. I’m always content to limit it to howdys, how ya been, what’s new, and take it easy, and go on about business. Things just ain’t what they were back in high school.
>There are lots of other possible reasons:Amnesia?Cult?Reprogramming after being in Cult?Lobotomy? (check for scar on forehead)I like the suggestion of a relaxed “Hi” from afar. Put it back in her court.notdamarta
>The thing is, if you had been genuine friends in high school, you wouldn’t have been out of touch over the last 15 years. So you’re really just strangers who happen to have shared a few experiences long, long ago. You’re both entirely different people now. Not really the basis to start a friendship.I really think that this is Marta’s issue, not yours. I think she’d probably be the same way with anyone else from HS. Maybe she has an uber-respectable life now. I wouldn’t like my pals from HS to show up at the Christian school I teach at and tell all my colleagues about my “wild child” past! Thankfully I live nearly 1000 miles away from my HS now.
>I know.It’s just so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.*sobbing*
>I have (had) a dear friend who came out of the closet and removed all of his old friends from his life. Sad part is we all knew he was gay and were cool about back in the day.It was an issue in his mind, but was something he couldn’t get passed.Or maybe she’s just been busy : )
>you’re the roach. amd she’s the teacher. whatevah.
>I agree with those who have said it’s her, not you. And those who said her current life may not ‘live up to’ what she was (or thought she was) in HS. I actually went home years ago for a reunion and tried to look up (it’s a s m a l l town)someone I’d been friendly with in HS. My mom often bumped into her in town and had told her I was coming for the reunion. We went to see her and she wouldn’t even come out of her house. She was very embarrassed of her appearance and the fact that she was ‘the’ popular girl in HS and now had 4 kids, one more on the way and had gained lots of weight. No more ‘perky cheerleader’ she said. She felt all she was now was a SAHM (which I think is one of the hardest jobs ever and I totally respect it). She, however, did not like her life. We finally got her to come out and visit and I told her I wasn’t here to see her ‘then’ but her ‘now’. It was a fun visit but I think she was still horrified. I guess some people just feel they are a certain type person in HS and if their adult life doesn’t measure up they try and ‘hide’. Sad. I’m sure you both would have had fun catching up. Her loss!
>I don’t think anyone expects an old friend to “fawn allover OR worship us”- that’s kind of a presumptive leap, Anonymous, nor does that sound in the least like what Lindsey was hoping for. But, it would be nice if people in general, not just in this kind of sitch would just be direct and not waste other’s time and emotional energy. I hate when people beat around the bush, give vague answers or just say what they think I want to hear.
>I’m going to get a little crazy here…… and argue that maybe she’s just little lazy and generally not all that interested in putting any effort into a reunion. I mean, some people are just fine with their circle of people the way it is and don’t feel like they need any “new” members. I doubt it’s personal…
>Maybe, and I’m just spit-balling, maybe she doesn’t like that you foist that base scatology all over the internet. Do you know I can NOT get that damn line out of my head. For some reason, every morning, as I walk downstairs for coffee, I giggle to myself, half asleep… “foisting base scatology… hee hee… where’s my mug…”
>When I was 15 years out of high school, I was struggling with infertility and avoided my high school chums because it was just too painful. Who knows her story?
>I’ve had the same thing happen (kinda sorta) with AssBook. Oops. FACEbook, Kia. Duh.I’ve “reconnected” with someone from long ago and far away, exchanged a few messages, then suggested a get-together for coffee or a playdate or something. Nada. No response. Nothing. I know how to take a hint. Kinda sorta…
>It’s her loss! Not sure what the big deal is for her to catch up with you. I’m exactly the same as you when I see someone I haven’t seen in years.
>There isn’t much to say that everyone hasn’t already said, but I do agree that your accomplishments might be intimidating to her, which is def her problem, not yours.I return to Cincy, OH every year and attend some rockin’ festivals….mainly to see old friends. (Catholics know how to party up there! LOL) It’s tough when you see someone that you’ve completely bonded with in your past and then they completely ignore you. The luster of my high school years has been tarnished by these mini reunions. It can be as simple as someone that has gained weight and you haven’t, so they don’t want to be seen by you. It’s sad, but I guess it’s all part of growing up. Boo hoo 🙁
>yeah, she’s just busy…that’s right.
>A kinda-sorta same thing happened to me this week – my daughter started kindergarten (we live one community over from where I grew up) and I met the PTO president – I recognized her immediately and say, “Hey, Wendy, haven’t seen you in ages!” Blank stare, crickets chirping…….she said, “Do I know you?” I said, “Uh, yeah, we went to high school together, I’m Chris _________? remember?” More crickets. Sigh. Guess I’m not going to be “in” with the PTO prez…..