>Decidedly Unfunny.
>I realize that you come here looking for a laugh. And I realize that I’ve been writing a LOT about Baby lately. But hell. I don’t choose the topics, the topics choose me. And so today’s post is both unfunny and about Baby. If you want to leave now and come back tomorrow, I’ll understand.
Yesterday, I had a 1:00 appointment and so I decided to take Baby to my local drop-in daycare center. It’s in the nicest neighborhood in town, it looks clean and well-stocked with toys, and I convinced myself that she’d have a lot more fun playing with other toddlers for an hour than she would sitting on my lap being shushed while I tried to talk business.
I dropped her off, went to my appointment, and came back an hour later. When I arrived, there were 15-20 children three and under running around the playroom and one woman on the phone in the front of the building, sitting at a desk with her back to the kids. The other two women who’d been there when I arrived were gone.
I looked around for Baby- She was nowhere to be found. Suddenly, I heard a sniffle below me. I looked down and she was standing by the gate with her back to me, crying quietly. I picked her up and couldn’t believe it. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had snot all the way to her chin and her diaper was sodden. She clearly had been crying unattended for some time. She couldn’t even catch her breath from crying. “Mommy, hic, I, hic, wanna go, hic, home,” she said pitifully. That was the first time I have ever heard those words come from her mouth.
Those of you who “know” Baby from reading about her will remember that she never cries. Never. She loves playing with children, she loves babysitters and nursery workers, and I don’t think she has shed a single tear with another caregiver since she turned one. For her to be crying like this was a big deal.
I tried to comfort her and waited for the woman to get off the phone. I stood there for about four minutes. I’m not kidding. I seriously wanted to just walk out with my baby, but the woman had my diaper bag. When she finally got off the phone, I tried to stay calm. I asked her where everyone else was and she said they had gone to lunch. What the hell? I paid and left and promised Baby up and down that she would never have to go back there again. “Okay,” she said shakily.
When we got home, I asked her several times what had happened. Every time, it was the same story. “Bad babies,” she’d say. “I fall down. I crying. I say Mommy! Mommy!”
I’m assuming that a child pushed her down and hurt her and she cried and no one came to help her. Until yesterday, Baby was under the assumption that every adult was on this planet to play with her and tell her how cute she is. Yesterday, thanks to me, she learned that she might find herself in a situation where she calls for mommy and no one comes to help her. And that breaks my heart. I had a good cry last night about it after I put her to bed.
I am kicking myself now because I realized last night from an old blog entry that the same thing had happened when I took her to the drop-in center six months ago. I got there and only one woman was there in the front of the building, on the phone. When she got off the phone, I asked her if anyone else was there and she said a woman was in the back making lunches. But no one was watching the children. By the time I signed Baby in, the woman had come out and I left to go to a freelance job and cried in the car.
Today, I filed a complaint with the state about the daycare center. Baby’s a little clingier than usual and she got lots of special treatment from her family last night. She solemnly retold her story each time someone arrived home. “Bad babies. I fall down. I crying. I say Mommy! Mommy!”
Ha. I’m crying now. I feel like the world’s worst mother.
>I had the exact same problem with a drop-in daycare with my 3yr old. They “Forgot” to feed her the lunch I packed her. Three hours later, I come to pick her up and she is curled up crying and moaning about her stomach hurting. At three, she should have been able to tell the lady (the other two ladies were nowhere in site) that she need to eat. Apparently, she did, but the lady told her “Your mommy didn’t leave money for pizza like all the other mommies did.”That was 6 months ago, she still points to the place when we drive by and tells me the story. What sucks, is that I pre-paid for a 20 hour block to get a good rate, and now I am stuck with 17 unused hours.
>I haven’t been reading for awhile. I just haven’t been having time. Your many “Baby” posts were wonderful as usual. She’s a cutie that’s for sure!That whole daycare thing sucks. There are a lot of jobs one could have and not particularly like, but daycare is NOT one of them. You have to love it or get out of it. I hope you can maybe do some shared drop-offs with someone who lives near you or something. Its good for you and Baby to have time apart …
>Oh man, that is the worst–Mommy guilt. Every mother reading this is going to say, poor Baby, poor Mommy. I am sorry you and Baby both had such a bad day. I hope you get someone to take you seriously where you filed a complaint. You know what else you should do, besides tell everybody in Baby’s playgroup, at Baby’s doctor’s office, and at the park what horrible daycare providers they all are-write the company a nasty nasty letter. i have had to do that a few times and it a) makes me feel a whole lot better and b) sometimes you would be suprised by the response you will get. I won’t bore you with the story, but I had a bad daycare experience too and I wrote a scathing letter and as a result I got a letter back from the BigWig of the company and he actually changed thier policies because of my letter. It didn’t make my child feel any better, but it did make me happy i got something done with my righteous fury.
>You did the right thing Lucinda by reporting them. Try not to feel guilty about the bad experience. You couldn’t possibly have known that they would leave the place unattended while your baby was there. Keep making noise about them and hopefully your bad experience will lead to some positive reform.
>OH, you made me cry!! I’m so glad you called and turned her in. Nothing I’ve ever lived through is worse than knowing your child was hurting, and you couldn’t help. NOTHING. I totally sympathize.
>oh my goodness. poor child. that just makes me so mad. moms totally deserve to feel good about where they put their children; there shouldn’t be places like that in existence. you are NOT at fault and NOT a bad mommy. the fact that you care so much is evidence of that.
>I’m not a mother, but Jodi’s right: poor Baby and poor Lucinda. I hope that the daycare cretins get their comeuppance somehow.
>Poor you and poor Baby. That’s just unacceptable. 15-20:1 is not an approved child-care ratio. I don’t care what state you live in. And being on the phone with your back to the kids? Who the hell was she talking to? I certainly would NOT have remained calm. Good for you for filing the complaint. *hugs* for Baby
>What a NIGHTMARE!!!Glad you filed a complaint.Poor Baby….
>Here I am, crying right along with you. That’s just wrong.
>You are NOT the world’s worst mother, but they sound like the world’s worst daycare center. What jerks. I’m glad to hear that you’re complaining.
>Oh my God was that heartbreaking! Poor kiddo. I’m glad you filed a complaint. Hope she’s doing better now. My mom told me that when I was two, my babysitter’s husband kicked me for accidentally denting their plastic wading pool. I never went back, of course. Still makes me mad to think about someone doing that to a toddler.
>Oh Lucinda! I’m sorry to hear about that. I mean, that shit always happens right when you decide “okay, I’m just going to have to leave her, she’ll be fine” – and I’m sure she will be, but then it takes all the more from us to ever consider leaving her.And you were not irresponsible – so sublimate the guilt somewhere else, like lots of ice cream and kisses.
>Lucinda I am so glad you called and made a report! You are not a bad mom. You fully expected for your child to be cared for and she should have been.Im glad the princess is okay!
>Good for you for filing a complaint. What a heartbreaking experience for you and Baby! Mommy guilt is the worst, but you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the daycare people who fell down on the job! I hope you find a better daycare center for the next emergency. *hugs*
>Do NOT beat yourself up! How were you to know? Shame on them! I’m glad you filed a complaint. Lucinda, she’s going to be fine. She’ll forget all about it with a little TLC. Hugs to you both!
>You’re not a bad mom – your the best kind because not only won’t you write this off as an isolated incident – and you didn’t just demand a refund,you’ve filed an official complaint. Hopefully the state will follow up and make sure they’re following the rules….I bet you’ll even call to make sure they do.
>You are so not a bad mom. You absolutely did the right thing by reporting that place (I think you live in my neck of the woods and now I’m wondering which place it was?) They should be CLOSED down. That idiot wench is lucky you didn’t hit her! Heck I think the local YMCA’s have a better reputation for their child care services for gym patrons and they are not in the full-time drop off child care business! I’m so sorry you and Baby went through this.
>1> Life isn’t always funny and you shouldn’t feel like you have to apologize if your blog entry isn’t. 2> We all have moments where we feel we’ve failed our kids. I think it is impossible to NOT have these moments if you really are a loving mother, which you are…most definitely.3> Thank you for telling us about this–a friend of mine has started using these drop-in daycares for hair appts and things with her twins. I was almost convinced to search one out in my area and try it. Now, I don’t think I will. I can hold out until the fall when she’s in MDO twice a week I guess.Sorry this happened to both Baby and you, but don’t beat yourself up. You are a great mom and this was just something unfortunate that happened. I’m so glad you reported the place though. That’s not acceptable.
>My heart was in my throat the entire time I read this. I’m really, really sorry. That’s just horrifying. I’m *SO* glad that you reported the centre and filed a complaint with the state…I’m anxious to hear what the outcome is.And Lucinda, I think I can speak for the majority of your readers when I say that there’s no way I would leave and come back tomorrow if the content weren’t funny. You, my dear, could write about spitballs and I’d read it.
>Aw, buck up, Lucinda. Could happen to anybody. The child will put it out of mind soon enough, and so should you.Don’t do it again. Heh.
>Girl, you did the right thing! You comforted her, you complained, and you won’t take her there again. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
>You are not a bad mom. That center is criminal, and you did the right thing reporting them.
>Good job writing a report. I would have punched her, but that’s just me. eh.Sorry Baby had to go through that.
>Oh, I am just so choked up. I’m so sorry that you and Baby both had such an experience. Lots of hugs to you both!You are not a bad mother. Bad Mothers don’t take their children to supposedly credible daycare centers. Bad Mothers just leave their kid at home to fend for themselves. You did the best you could with the information you had, NO ONE can do better than that.
>I’m so sorry. You did all the right things, for Baby and yourself. I know that doesn’t make you feel any better, but it DOES show what a really wonderful mother you are.
>You’re my hero. Seriously. Most people would complain, or just not bring their kids back. You filed a complaint with the state. You’ve got balls, and you’re making a difference.
>How HEART-WRENCHING! I have been looking into a drop-in program once a week for my little toddler but it’s stories like that that make me feel sooo paranoid!
>What an appalling experience for you both. The good news is that all the good experiences that make her trust people will outweigh the one or two negative ones. My two year old, who goes to a drop-in cenre for an hour a week, cried for 45 minutes last time and I had to go and pick up early. I now don’t know whether or not to take him back. It’s hard, isn’t it. Much harder than I ever thought it would be.
>I had something like that happen recently and I am so so sorry for you and Baby. That is shitty and I can’t stand people who don’t realize that they are children, not jobs but children too. They should have a little freaking sympathy and compassion. Baby will be fine plus she was able to be spoiled. That makes everything better.Sorry again.
>I’m so sorry. I was crying at the end and it wasn’t my child.
>Good that you reported the place. That’s bad. There are laws about adult to child ratio, at least in NY — I’d imagine there too. That place should have its doors nailed shut.You’re not a bad mom. Whoever runs that place is doing a disservice to the community! Poor Mom & Baby. She’ll bounce back though!! Thank goodness it was only an hour.
>Thank you all so much for your kind words. You have made me feel better. I looked up the ratio laws before I reported the daycare center and they were definitely in violation. The question is whether there’s proof that two of the workers went to lunch.And it’s sad, isn’t it, that I can take Baby to the gym nursery or the church nursery with non-trained volunteer workers and she’s so much better cared for than she was at a “professional” nursery. She’s feeling much better today- and so am I. Again, thanks. 🙂
>Ohmygod. This makes me furious. I am so sorry for you and for Baby. It breaks my heart to picture her silently crying while nobody notices or helps!! ARGH!! I’m glad she’s better now, and good for you for reporting that place!
>i don’t know how else to say it, but it’s illegal to have that many kids with one day care person at that age.At Baby’s age I think it is still supposed to be 4 on 1. Are they licensed?
>i am almost crying as i read thisand damnit!i don’t cry often!or easily!but jesusthat was so sad…the “i fall down i say mommy mommy”…but you are not a bad mommy…its not like you knew that this would happen and saidahh hell, i’ll drop her off anyway,she needs to toughen up…and i would definately becomplainingloudlyand rudelyabout that…i’m surethose numbers are not right…i am an early childcare providerbut i am in canada so…but really though.it should be common senseas far as the nursery goes…bah.
>That’s why I’m babysitting a member of my family. I can’t imagine him being dropped off with strangers or not getting (constant) individual attention. He’s so precious.When my kids were little I only let friends watch them. Sure, they may not have been perfect, but I trusted them.
>Sweet Baby. Sweet Lucinda. Don’t fret, hon. You did the right thing and as far as being the world’s worst mother? I checked. You didn’t make the short list.
>I am so sorry that you both had to go through that. I am SO glad that you filed a report with the state. As a result, the licensing board HAS to investigate it!
>Aw….that is just terrible! Don’t be so hard on yourself. There really isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said. Good for you for reporting them. Your poor baby!!! Give her a big hug from me…and give one to yourself while you are at it!
>I totally understand..Poor Baby and Poor mommy…When my oldest was 2 I took her to a drop in center for a job interview..I came back and ended up taking her to the emergency room…she had BROKEN her collarbone while there and they hadn’t even cared/bothered enough to call…Yep I complained loudly, longly and eventually they got shut down..((hugs)) to you and baby
>I’m glad that you filed a complaint. There are rules and regulations regarding adult to child ratios. I have been REF– USED childcare in certain situations because the centers I use FOLLOW the rules.I feel for you – you’re NOT a bad mother…you did what should have been a good thing. It was not your fault that the center behaved the way they did. You should have reamed that lady a new butthole right away right there. I know I would have. And for Baby…well, I feel for her too. My son has come home more than once with a dirty diaper that should have been changed – causing painful (bleeding) diaper rashes. I have since made it a point to count diapers and make sure that they change him at least once while he’s there. big hugs to you and Baby…you will both get over this, and you will both learn from this.
>There is no world’s worst mother, and even there were, you are certainly not she. There are some pretty bad daycare providers out there though and I think you found them. Good for you for reporting them. Good Baby too for getting her story straight!
>not only do I think you should write a letter and let them know how you feel about their service, I think you should contact the local press about it. When I read the story, I can only imagine how you felt knowing your child was crying for you and no one helped her. That’s HORRIBLE. 🙁
>I am so very thankful for our child care center here on base. Zoe started as a drop-in and is now a full timer. They have curriculum specialists. They are accredited. The LEAST junior worker in the 2-3 year old room that Zoe is in has worked there ELEVEN YEARS. Each child has a primary caregiver and are divided into groups. although the groups may come together to work the primary caregiver is the constant and knows each of her 6 charges intimately.Zoe cries when I drop her off, but is laughing gleefully with finger paint in her hair and dirt on her knees from fun times. I’m so sorry Baby had a rough time. She’ll be okay. Really.
>Darl, you’d only be a bad mother if you didn’t care about what your child went through while you were gone. Stop that line of thought right now.Tell everyone you know in a 100 mile radius about that place. Nothing ruins a place faster than bad press.
>The horrid experience with my first child in a daycare setting at the age of 4 is why my second child was NEVER in the care of another person except my sister or my mother (and then very rarely -less than a dozen times in 8 years) until she started school. I won’t put them through that and damn sure not myself again. It is too painful. Good on you for reporting that facility because the ratio of adults to children was completely f’n wrong.
>I am blessed that my mother cares for my daughter while I work. However, that makes it difficult for her when she has appts, etc. during the day, so I have started to look for drop-in centers, occasional sitters. My worst fear is that my daughter will be hurt, call for help or comfort and no one will pay attention. I have nightmares about her crying and alone. I am so sorry for what you and Baby went through. I pray it doesn’t happen to us. Take care of yourselves.
>I would have cried too. Ugh. Live and learn, I guess. That kind of thing tears your insides out – which is proof positive that you are not a bad mom – and I know you are not. I feel for you sweetie and I’m glad you put in a complaint. Poor Baby – both of you!
>You are definitely NOT the world’s worst mother. They, in fact, may be the world’s worst daycare workers though. Chin up. All will be fine darling!
>Oh, that breaks my heart for her, and for you. You did the right thing by filing an official complaint. I agree with the previous commenters– don’t just stop there, get the word out to everyone you know.
>OMG Lucinda…I know I’m late reading and responding..you just broke my heart. Poor Baby! I am so glad you blew them in. WTF?It’s not your fault! Please don’t feel that way. Assholes!
>The world’s worst mother wouldn’t even give the situation a second thought. You are a great mother and goddamn, you can’t blame yourself for this. Glad you filed a complaintand channeling the inner-directed anger somewhere that deserves it more.
>Everyone else said what I was going to.You are a great mom. I’m so glad you reported them.
>You’re not the worst mother….that’s the worst day care center! Jerks!
>oh honey, this is so not your fault. Sometimes you have to put them somewhere to do something else that’s important, and you should be able to trust people whose JOB it is to care for children. I am so sorry that they were not doing that, and I think you are totally right to lodge a complaint. (Preferably in one of their eyes) However, I have to say that most centres are not like this, and I hope you find one that makes you and baby happy, because sometime you simply can’t take them with you. and I also hope you can stop blaming yourself! Channel it into righteous anger and go after those fuckers.
>Oh, God. How awful. I’ve had bad experiences a gym daycares, but I was on the premises. You’re not a bad mom of course. Good for you for filing the complaint. How traumatic, for both of you! I feel sad for you guys, I’m glad it’s over and she’s ok and you never have to go back.kris@ http://wondermom.blogspot.com
>Poor you and Baby…What a hateful experience for you and the cherub…It’s the kind of incident that has your blood boiling more than anything else. And the guilt it horrible. But you know – Baby handled it and the best thing that sets you apart from the other mommies who are bad – is that you came back for her! Good for you filing a complaint…
>I run my own daycare, and what strikes me about your experience, from the perspective of a daycare worker, is not just that the daycare worker in your story STAYED ON THE PHONE when a parent was waiting. (Though I’m absolutely shocked by the rudeness of that.) It’s not just that she stayed on the phone WHEN A CHILD WAS CRYING! (Though that totally blows me away.)No, what I’m wondering about is worse: If she’s so unconcerned about the optics of that, if she will ignore a child in need when there’s a parent right there watching — what is going on when there ISN’T a parent watching?You were SO right to write that letter!
>Wow. You guys are awesome. You know, the fucking sad thing is that this is absolutely the only bad thing that’s happened to my poor baby ever, and I just got home from date night, and our trusted babysitter (whom baby adores) said that Baby woke at 10:45 and she went into the nursery and put Baby in her lap in the rocking chair and Baby said “Bad babies. I fall down. I crying. I say Mommy, Mommy.”Good Lord. She’s still dreaming about it. It must’ve been fucking horrible. Augggghhhh. I’ve gotta kill someone.
>Seriously, you should contact local press. TV, paper, the lot. Complain, complain, complain. Print fliers and post them all over the area.Also, I would somehow try to explain to Baby that you are making the Bad people sit on the naughty step or something. Let her know you are fighting for her, especially since she’s still upset over it.
>that is so, so horrible…..I know exactly how you feel – something very similar happened the first time I left my baby at daycare. I sat in the car with her when I picked her up and cried my eyes out. Good for reporting them. I know here in Ohio, that is absolutely not an acceptable child-to-caregiver ration. With children of her age, it’s a 6:1 ratio (and that’s a lot of kids for one person if you ask me). Love your blog!