>I Must Confess

  1. Spunky says:

    >You had me laughing all the way through. By the way, I was actually offered a gig on wife swap. I might call them and reconsider of you were serious. It was for $20K. No small change but I wouldn’t do it for just ANY suburban housewife.

  2. Anonymous says:

    >Oh my god. Spunky’s blog frightens me on so many levels. Her poor children are going to have no idea how to function around people who are not WASPs, for one thing. And she’s completely ignorant about what actually happens in public schools. AAAAAAAGH! These people are running the country! Get them out of government, for crying out loud!

  3. Spunky says:

    >That’s why I blog, anonymous, we can only take the “real world” in virtual doses. I’d love to explore your opinions further, but I gotta run. I’m headed to Starbucks for a little unschooling. Got any book suggestions Lindsey, The Rise And Fall of the Roman Empire is getting a little dull.

  4. jag says:

    >Is there such a thing as unworking? Where I can get paid to do what I think needs to be done to further the company, when I feel like it, and when I feel it’s justified?That’d be awesome.I may have to delve into Spunky’s blog there. I love finding people who share lives that are so different from mine.

  5. Math Teacher says:

    >I don’t watch WifeSwap, or most of the other trash on TV, but I’d definitely tune in to see a swap between Spunky and Lindsay! Advertisers, are you listening?

  6. >I’ve followed some of your links back and forth over the past few days and all I can say is, Lindsay, you must be very brave to go wading into this thicket again.I can understand the impulse to homeschool — all of my kids have attended Catholic schools through high school and, even in those semi-sheltered environments, they’ve been exposed to attitudes and opinions and all sorts of things I find objectionable. And we’ve been involved in the grammar school… up to our necks at times… and my wife now teaches there. So we can nip some things in the bud — but there’s been a bunch of buds to nip… and new ones all the time.I had a cousin who homeschooled. When her oldest reached 18, she decided to send him to the local junior college so he could get some exposure to a structured school setting before attempting a four year college. I couldn’t help but think that 12 hours in the typical public JC would undo 12 years of homeschooling… or at least confuse the heck out of the kid. (Mom, there were people there with metal stuck in their tongues! And they were smoking! But they were nice: One of them offered to let me have one of the pills he was taking….)I haven’t heard about how the experiment’s been going lately….Bottom line for me: It’s not either/or. Just because I send my kid to school does not mean (and it better not mean) that I surrender my input into the child’s education. Just because I reserve my right to monitor/enhance/contribute to my children’s education doesn’t mean I can’t also send them to school.As for Dr. Phil — can’t say as I’m surprised. Sometime I will have to write about the prospective client who called asking me to sue another famous talk show host.

  7. Susan says:

    >Oh my.Well done, Lindsey!

  8. Nancy says:

    >Lindsey,Now I can truly understand the zillions of hits that came over from your blog. This is very funny! Thanks for making my day :)Nancy

  9. toyfoto says:

    >You are a riot!!! I’m still laughing.

  10. but Momma says:

    >Wife Swap.DO IT!!!!

  11. >I don’t unschool, but I do unfeed and undiscipline. Sometimes I let them unbrush their teeth. Honestly, the public school system is not the best fit for either of my children, and I do understand the desire to homeschool as well as the objective. And I am a big fan of learning through enjoyable and enriching real life experiences. But I am skeptical and suspicious of any form of extremism. I find that often, the benefit is eclipsed by the ideal. I’d rather augment my children’s education with those experiences and liberal involvement on my part, than to rely on a method that is founded in such a questionable and relatively unproven dogma. That said, there are kooks in every demographic. I know homeschoolers who are really normal grounded folks who are working hard to give their children a comprehensive education and I know homeschoolers who are complete flakes. And, I will always champion a parent’s right to choose, even if ultimately, I disagree with their choices.

  12. Marcia says:

    >I’m a first time visitor; I linked from somewhere else. This is hilarious.

  13. >The next time you see Dr. Phil would you do me a favor and duct tape his mouth shut? That would be great ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. green3 says:

    >I’m behind you Lindsey! I’m not a fan of homeschooling, and I had never heard of unschooling before. What the hell is that about? I think public school is critical to socialization and learning to deal with the outside world. You can’t protect your kids forever.

  15. Pageant Mom says:

    >I’m with jag, can I get in on the whole “unworking” thing??…btw, you know that Dr Phil, Oprah, and Martha make up the triumvarite of evil…

  16. Gem says:

    >Her kids will only be able to function around WASPs? You obviously didn’t read much of her blog — she lives in the Detroit area for pete’s sake. She has actually blogged before about her Muslim neigbors, and I think Indian neighbors as well — with whom she gets along just fine. You really think homeschoolers lock their kids in the house all day, don’t you?

  17. >You just gave me the best idea for a blogger meet-up between Spunky, Dutch and Wood (www.sweetjuniper.blogspot.com) and Melissa (www.suburbanbliss.net), who are also in the Detroit area. That would be AWESOME.

  18. ang says:

    >Funny post, I guess I will put my 2 cents into the mix. I know some moms who homeschool and do an awesome job because they give it their all. Their kids are very bright and would put alot of public school kids to shame in academics. Im an ex military wife so I have seen lots of diffrent public schools some are outstanding and some down right suck. I think the public education is lacking. I mean look how many kids today entering college right after highschool need remedial courses. Fourtunatley where I live now we have an awesome school system but I dont leave the education of my kids to the school only.The whole unschooling thing kind of scares me but ya know its the parents decesion and I have to support their right to do so. I do disagree that homeschooled kids dont get the socialization they need Ive witnessed the opposite and frankly some of the socialization kids are getting in some public schools scare me to

  19. Lahdeedah says:

    >I had a sociology professor once say that school existed to prepared kids to follow society’s rules and that it is less about learning and education than about producing productive, socially-functioning adults who grow up to follow rules and work and live by those rules.How dull is that?Thinking back on my childhood, I kind of agree.

  20. Janine Cate says:

    >I can imagine the Spunky wifeswap episode now. They would send her to a family of atheist who believe in zero population and send their only child to boarding school. ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. Anonymous says:

    >Homeschooling, regardless of which method you choose, is a lot of work. If you have never tried it, then you really cannot comment on it. There are successful and unsuccessful homeschoolers just as there are successful and unsuccessful public and private schools.There are so many reasons why people who homeschool decide to do so, just as there are many reasons why other people send their children to public and private schools.I don’t recommend that anyone homeschool their child(ren), unless they have been called or convicted to do so.That being said, I homeschool my three boys and wonder often if I am doing a good enough job by the world’s standards. But their standards aren’t the ones I am concerned about.My boys are well-adjusted and doing just fine. I will protect them as long as I can which I feel is my job as their parent/guardian, because they can be taught while they are being guarded and protected. They are only impressionable children for a short while.

  22. Kelly says:

    >Very funny. Very witty. I laughed. A lot. My husband has a cousin with 8 (8!!) kids who homeschools. I’m both in awe of her and bewildered by her. I’m in the neither here nor there category: live and let live. But I know after being home with my kids, I’m very ready to rejoin the workforce and send them to a nice Catholic school, and we’ll all get a much-needed break from one another.

  23. Katkat says:

    >”It’s not worth clicking over to read”Whatever, my dear you have more talent and smarts in your pinky then that donkey does. Keep on keeping on!

  24. Anonymous says:

    >In order to have a conspiracy would mean you would actually have to have people intelligent enough to conspire….I am amused, but hardly afraid.You do know there are pagan, army wives that are Democrats that homeschool, right?What? Do you think you and Spunky define the only sides there is to homeschooling? Silly girl.

  25. >Um. This post was a joke, Anonymous. The fact that anyone takes any of this seriously just kills me.I seriously don’t care if you personally are a democrat, a republican, a home schooler, a public schooler, a christian or an atheist. I really don’t.Too many people out there have this idea that disagreeing with someone means personally attacking or insulting them and I will never see that as the case.I totally disagree with most of what Spunky says (although we have more in common than you’d think). I would also totally have coffee with her if we lived near each other. I find people whose ideas are different from mine to be fascinating.Yeah, I might make jokes about certain topics and stereotypes out there, but I make those same jokes about the stereotypes about me and my life, and I laugh when others do so, as long as there was no ill intent. If you can’t do that, or if any of what I’ve written in this comment is offensive to you, then you really shouldn’t be reading this blog. For your own sake. Life’s too short.

  26. >To those asking for ‘unworking,’ I don’t think you understand unschooling at all. You seem to think that if it’s not regimented and modeled on an institution, then no learning is occurring. I am not an unschooler, but I’ve known many families that were, and they don’t sit around all day and eat bon-bons. Real learning is going on all the time. They don’t imitate schools because there is not any good reason for a family to duplicate an institutionalized setting at home. Schools function as they do because they are state institutions trying to get a group of strangers lockstep through a curriculum that has been imposed on them from the outside- and they have a limited amount of time to do it.A family has all day, every day, 365 days a year, and they are not strangers to one another. Asking homeschools to look like public schools is like requiring that your kitchen should resemble the cafeteria at a public school- and it’s an indication of a successful indoctrination into conformity.Would you call a self employed entrepreneur ‘unworking?’ Because that resembles unschooling more than the institutionalized mindset.Incidentally, I’ve homeschooled since 1988. My oldest graduated from our homeschool and went to college. It neither undid her 12 years of homeschooling nor confused the heck out of her. She made the honor roll every term for her two years there. She paid for schooling there with scholarships and money she earned herself. And now she’s a junior at a major state university where she continues to do quite well.

  27. MommaK says:

    >I think you could have your own talk show, L. Seriously. Who do we have to call?

  28. jag says:

    >Um…I said ‘unworking’ because, again, unworking by my made up definition would be awesome.I looked at the link Lindsay supplied about home schooling and skimmed the info in order to make sense of the rest of the post. Nope, I don’t know anything about it past that. Which is why I didn’t make any comment about unschooling.Learning, constructive and deconstructive, goes on no matter how you’re taught – I’m making no judgements on any of the choices here. Just exercising my sense of humor (which, incidentally, is how I survived public school).

  29. Spunky says:

    >KatKat said, “Whatever, my dear you have more talent and smarts in your pinky then that donkey does.””Momma she called me a donkey and hurt my feelings. Make her STOP”Moving on to more serious comments,Suburban Turmoil said,Too many people out there have this idea that disagreeing with someone means personally attacking or insulting them and I will never see that as the case.I totally disagree with most of what Spunky says (although we have more in common than you’d think). I would also totally have coffee with her if we lived near each other. I find people whose ideas are different from mine to be fascinating.That is exactly right. I’ve written the same sentence myself quite a few times.

  30. >I triple dog dare you to do it. Wife Swap that is. I mean the show. Not the other thing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  31. Anonymous says:

    >I also find people who are different from me fascinating. I just happen to wait until after coffee to insult them though. But hey, to each his own, right? Your other stuff is a hoot. Is it because there is truth behind it or perhaps I am just not educated on the subject of the stereotypical suburban housewife?

  32. Katkat says:

    >LOL- Sorry Spunky. Donkey is not always a bad thing in my house.I don’t disagree with some of what you said in your posts.Just the parts about Linsdey writting.And yes you comment to my comment made me giggle.Hey at least I usedmy name and didn’t do the anonymous thing..man I hate that.

  33. Anonymous says:

    >It’s the internet. We are all anonymous. If it is that important to you though, my name is Melissa. If you believe that, hen I am also a porn star and I date a rock star too.;)

  34. Anonymous says:

    >It’s the internet. We are all anonymous. If it is that important to you though, my name is Melissa. If you believe that, then I am also a porn star and I date a rock star too.;)

  35. Kristi says:

    >Pssssttt…let me tell you a secret. We homeschoolers have a conspiracy, too! We have a secret coven where we teach our kids Knights Templar rituals and force them to re-enact the Civil War over and over again. It’s awesome! Our ultimate goal is to convince the world that public schools spread head lice and rabies, and that everyone who doesn’t homeschool their kids is of the Devil. Don’t tell anyone, ok? Come join the club, Lindsay. We’re veeerrrry nooorrrrmmmaaal. MUAHH HAA HAA!

  36. lisa says:

    >ok. ummm. it’s getting weird in here.all this donkey talk and knights templar speak. i’m out.

  37. Anonymous says:

    >”What the hell is that about? I think public school is critical to socialization and learning to deal with the outside world. You can’t protect your kids forever.”Oh, that’s good. I’ll remember that when I am educating my children about how I learned from my family and the public schools how to get knocked up at 14. As my husband has said before, I would rather have a naive 16 year old (said daughter of teenage pregnancy – but she already knows of the demon public schools) than a pregnant one. Homeschoolers agenda only grows with such ignorance from the public educated sect. If anyone actually took the time to read a Bible or get to know why one homeschools (not everyone does so because of the Bible but most people I know do) then perhaps you would learn something. Some of you scare me, to think you are raising our future generations. Mrs. G

  38. >As an aside, this site is now number one on Google in a search for “Unschooling stupid”?RAWK.

  39. Mrs.X says:

    >Yes. Because it’s the public school’s fault you got pregnant at 14. Right.Personally, I’d rather have my kid in the know then be subject to some coniving boy who thinks he’s going to convince her she can’t get pregnant because (insert lame-o reason here). But then, I don’t depend on the school to do my job either. Bre goes to public school but we work on the things she struggles with at home. If we home schooled, there is no way I could keep up with her needs.I’ve known some successful home schoolers, and plenty of less than stellar ones.A neighbor ‘unschools’ which basically means her kids ride bike up and down the street for 4 hours because she needs a nap. She let them go to school for a brief period and they were all one grade behind their peers and needed remedial help. It lasted 3 months before they were back to ‘unschooling’. There are some (and please not that I did not say all) people that have no business home schooling.

  40. >Well, I was home educated from birth through the end of high school. My mother liked to call our particular style “interest-led learning,” because “unschooling” is so easy to misconstrue, but the basic philosophy is the same. I turned out perfectly all right: I went to college and graduate school, I’m married, I have friends, I have a great relationship with my family, and I’m successfully starting out in my chosen career. My younger brother is likewise doing well as a adult, with friends and career prospects, though he didn’t read fluently until he was twelve or thirteen. If he had been in an institutional school setting he would have been labeled, medicated, and and miserable. It was hard on my parents to wait and trust (and try lots of different ways to help him learn to read), but it was worth it. He’s happy, he’s graduating from college soon, and he’s never been stigmatized.I know you want us to focus on the humor in your column (it was kind of funny), but since there is also a serious discussion going on in your comments, some of us have felt that we should respond to that. I hope you don’t mind too much – the internet is a hard beast to control, no?One thing I’d like to point out: it’s perfectly okay for there to be average homeschoolers, just as it is perfectly okay for there to be average public school students, and average private school students. I’ve known hundreds of home educated children, and of all of them, many were gifted, most were average, a few were struggling (and preferred struggling at home to struggling in school), and exactly one family worried me. That seems like a pretty normal spread to me.

  41. >The funny thing is that I’ve said over and over again in all of my posts that I don’t have a problem with homeschooling. At all. I just think that unschooling is a bad idea for most people. And the idea that the media will start attacking unschooling and then move on to other forms of homeschooling is ridiculous. Trust me, the media do not care that much. Unless it sounds as crazy as unschooling does, the media won’t care that much.

  42. Debby says:

    >I must confess to not reading every word to every response but what everyone (and I include the NYT, Dr. Phil, and every article I’ve ever read about unschooling) ignores is that unschooling is what homeschoolers call constructivist education. As a godless heathen homeschooling mom, I answer “constructivist” instead of unschooling when asked about our homeschooling style. It always amuses me (and reinforces our family’s decision to homeschool) when I hear teachers or other educated people rip on “unschooling” but are fine when I explain that we use the philosophies of Piaget and Vygotsky. They’re sure I’m raising the next Einstein it’s all those *other* homeschooling parents that are idiots. It’s even more hilarious when a teacher says something like “Oh yes, I think I remember hearing about them when I was in school” John Holt was the person who started calling this unschooling…and there are many levels of unschooling. I have friends all along the homeschool spectrum and some are way out there radical unschoolers. It’s not how I would do things but their kids aren’t retards either.As for the socialization….do you honestly think that the skill of raising a hand is what your child needs to succeed? Learning to line up in alphabetical order? Asking permission to use the bathroom? My suburb is 95% white…our homeschool group is more diverse so there goes the whole “only people like themselves” argument. Homeschooling isn’t for every family, but it works for ours. The fact that it works for our family is not a judgment of families for whom public school works.

  43. Anonymous says:

    >I have four children, three who where homeschooled up until this year. Long story but my husband felt we were just too loose and free with their education. They entered public school with all their teachers “prepared” for homeschoolers. The teachers had several notions of what they would be like, none of them positive. At the first teacherโ€™s conference we got to hear praise after praise, I thought as compared to what? And as far as academics, they are getting more A’s than B’s and one C between the three of them. They made friends right away. My older son had a trouble maker try to pick on him like he does all the other kids.(got the low-down during conference) My son very loudly and very firmly announced to him to stop talking to him like that. It shocked the tar out of the kid. Not to mention all the other kids who have had to live day by day with this terror and have learned to just put up with it. No one had ever treated my son that way and it wasn’t going to start now. Jag said…Is there such a thing as unworking? Where I can get paid to do what I think needs to be done to further the company, when I feel like it, and when I feel it’s justified?Yes Jag, there is, it’s what successful CEOs do, they do what they believe is right, right away and let the ends justify the means. It’s what people who get the promotions do. People who have no ideas and no initiative who don’t take risks stay what they are where they are. People who make mistakes own up to them and make it right are respected. People who put up with crap get crap. People who sit in bars after work stressing that they are being treated unfairly get treated unfairly. Those who are in a fluster simply following orders we affectionately refer to as rummy-dums, unskilled labor no matter how skilled they think they are, they are the ones that are shocked to get a pink slip, saying ‘I’ve been in the same position with this company for 20 years, why are they canning me’ Umm, because you have been here for twenty years and have shown no innovation, no incentive, no initiation so we are replacing you with the intern who has had more ideas to further this company in the past twenty minutes than you have had you entire career. Yes I own my own company. No I am not in the Fortune 500, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be. The Curmudgeon said..(Mom, there were people there with metal stuck in their tongues! And they were smoking! But they were nice: One of them offered to let me have one of the pills he was taking….) I am so tired of this. As if I had never taken my kids out in public and let them see idiots. As if I have never told them about drugs or any of the other dangers and bad behaviors in the world. They have seen plenty of people being rude, stupid, dysfunctional and unpleasant. They didn’t like it. I have no idea why people want to believe all the bad press. Basically it comes down to everyone being so deluded that they are right and to do anything different implies that they are doing something wrong. Not to mention just being deluded. I was asked what about socialization from a parent whose child is so social she won’t even attend swimming lessons with the rest of the kids at the Y. She gets private lessons at one end of the pool while the rest of the kids are having a good time waiting their turns. So when ask if there was anything we could do as parents to assist the teacher and our children with school, the teachers said maybe you just need to go back to what you were doing.I think we will.

  44. >I will say only one thing in defense of unschooling. We allow our children to learn based on their interest alone, not because of a romanticized ideal about childhood, but because anything learned through coercion (or its cousin 'cajoling'), is well, worthless. As simple as that.Oh, but I forget, the true purpose of public schooling is not really to provide a solid education based on content, but rather to groom children to be obedient servants to the almighty State (using well-proven animal training methods straight from the Soviet Union!). Just a side-note to the banter about socialization: Socialization in schools does not mean being free to socialize, it means conditioning, as in indoctrinated, or using a less pc term, brainwashed. This is a no-brainer since in American schools, kids don't really have much opportunity to even talk to one another (I've heard). At least in Sweden where I grew up we were allowed to talk in the hallways, and had ample opportunities during our hourlong lunch break and 2-3 recesses per day. Wow, such luxury.

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