>In Which I Get Called a Bad Mother, TO MY FACE
>Yesterday, it was 99 degrees here- so when Punky asked if we could get ice cream at the Baskin-Robbins next to the neighborhood post office where we’d gone to run an errand, I think I said yes before she even got the entire question out of her mouth.
We went inside the shop, empty except for an elderly woman, and Punky made a selection. Tired from the heat and the long wait at the post office, she collapsed into a chair at a table closest to the cash register, while I paid for two kid scoops. As I wheeled Bruiser’s stroller over to sit down with Punky, the older woman spoke up.
“Don’t ever turn your back on her,” she said, wagging a finger at me, “even for a moment. She could be snatched just like that.“
Snatched? From an empty ice cream shop? “She was right behind me,” I said, confused. I thought I must have misunderstood her intention.
“What you did was very bad,” she said. “VERY BAD!”
I stared at her for a long moment. Was this really happening?
“I’m actually a good mother,” I said, and with that, I turned my back on her.
“It only takes a moment!” she crowed behind me. “Just one moment!”
I ignored her, but of course, she totally ruined the ice cream excursion for me. I mean, it’s pretty irritating to know someone is sitting staring at your back and thinking you’re a horrible mother all because you let your four-year-old daughter sit down at a table ten feet away from you in an empty shop while you paid for her ice cream. Besides, I have enough trouble dealing with my own internal battles over whether I’m being too protective of my kids.
Those of us who grew up in the eighties spent way too much time learning about ‘stranger danger’ and perverts driving around in vans looking for unsuspecting children. As parents now, we still remember the warnings about men who asked us to help find their missing puppy, the fingerprinting festivals, the code words our parents gave us. (Mine was “peaches and cream.” If a stranger ever tried to pick me up from school, he had to say the words “peaches and cream” so I’d know my mom had given him clearance. Shockingly, that stranger never showed up and those words were never put to the test.) We pass these warnings on to our own kids, often without looking at the statistics showing that stranger abductions are pretty rare- It’s the adults that interact regularly with our children that we need to keep a close eye on- the relatives, the coaches, the teachers- most of them are wonderful, but you’d be amazed at how many stories I’ve heard over the years about the inappropriate behavior of this coaching assistant or that camp counselor. When I was in a very popular church youth group as a teenager, one of our youth leaders exposed himself to a group of girls. It happens.
That said, an empty ice cream shop is the least of my worries.
I had nothing to say to the woman staring daggers at my back. How could I possibly expect her to understand the illusion of freedom I’m trying now to give my daughter? I want her to grow up with the wherewithal to roam at least a little bit without feeling my clutching hands on her at every moment. I want her to grow up watchful and alert and knowledgeable about how to keep herself safe. I don’t want her to grow up fearful, as I did- and as did, I’m guessing, the old woman in the ice cream shop.
Yes, someone could have run in there and snatched my daughter, just a few steps away from me, although I seriously doubt the would-be kidnapper would be able to outrun my screaming banshee self if that were to happen. Someone could also have intentionally hit and killed all of us moments later, as we crossed the parking lot to get to our car. Our house could have been invaded by thieves last night. I can’t spend my life worrying about random acts of horror and violence, over which I have little to no control. But I can keep my kids safe without smothering them with my irrational fears, despite the fingers that wag in my wake.
>Sounds like she was a tard, to me. If we’re not careful we’re going to create a nation of helpless invalids out of fear that they ever experience any independence whatsoever. Hm, maybe we already have..”If a stranger ever tried to pick me up from school, he had to say the words “peaches and cream” so I’d know my mom had given him clearance.”[Insert joke about knowing what to say now to pick you up here]
>I would have offered her some Rocky Road… in the face.
>She is just bitter because she smells and no one ever bought her ice cream.I have a bigger question. You say that you paid for 2 kid scoops? How on this green earth did you resist the allure of ice cream? I think instead of screaming that you were a bad mother she should have accused you of not being human. I think this little mystery will keep me up tonight. Seeing as your little story jogged my memory that we had Choc mint chip in the fridge.
>It’s simple.Not only was SHE a very bad mother and feeling guilty about it, she is a child-snatcher wanna be.
>It’s people like that I’m most afraid of snagging my kid and running. But since she was kind enough to ramble in your ear you knew she wasn’t wandering off with your child.
>I grew up in the city, and now I live in a tourist town with a local pop. of 500, so *I* have the problem of thinking everyone here is too FREE. I want my children to feel free, but I still worry. But even for me, the ice cream shop “incident” doesn’t sound at all irresponsible. Who knows, maybe she had some freak awful thing happen in her family. Or maybe she’s just crazy. Who knows!?
>Oh, man..that reminds me of an incident when my (now 15 year old) daughter was 3 and having a temper tantrum in the Orlando airport. Long story, but some strange woman had to give me her two cents worth and I was so frustrated and emotional I couldn’t think of a good response until after she left. I hate those people who feel like they have to pass judgment from some self appointed pedestal.
>I have also had a run in with an old lady telling me how to parent on more than one occasion.One was an old Mexican woman who couldn’t speak a lick of English telling me that my son and his friend were going to bust their heads open on the bleachers at a circus if they didn’t sit down (I had to use my gift of one year of high school English and my crazy mad Charade skills to figure out what she was saying.)The second one practically screeched at me to tie my son’s balloon to his wrist so he wouldn’t lose it. I explained that it had a weight on it so it wouldn’t float off, but she kept at me until I caved in a tied the damn thing on.(Our code was green beans.)
>Ugh, who do these people think they are?
>Here, HERE!One hundred percent agree with you.Make that 150% – JUST so we’re clear. *grin*Write From Karen
>I was at Target the other day, and an older lady got on the elevator with my son and I. She said hi to him. He looked at her. I said to my son, say hi. Then she told me how he’s a smart boy for not saying hi and you never know these days and this and that.Not quite the same thing, but it perturbed me nonetheless. I felt like if I had said nothing to my son about saying hi to her, I wouldn’t have gotten a mini lecture. But then I think it’s slightly rude for neither one of us to aknowledge her – she was being nice and saying hi to my son. Anyhoo. He’s only 18 months old and he’s going to say to everything, including exit signs.
>Brava! That was so well said and I agree with you completely. Some people, elderly or otherwise, think they’re entitled to judgment. I say, “judge all you want, just keep it to yourself.”
>Now I want ice cream.
>Next time just turn to the person who offers this advice and say, “Well YOU are a very bad stranger.”
>I’m going to be the Devil’s advocate here because sometimes even the Devil is entitled to an advocate.I imagine my mother in the same situation, meaning well but not coming across to a stranger the way she wants to on an issue that’s so important. If a friend or relative admonished you similarly you’d probably take it a little better (although I agree that “Bad! Bad!” business is too much), but when the warning comes from a stranger we all feel our hackles rise.When my son was about a month old we were in a mall and he was squalling and some lady suggested he was hungry; I bristled and turned my back on her. When he was four months old I told my sister how proud I was that my agreeable little guy was sleeping through the night and never complaining about anything and eating only four times a day and my sister hesitantly insisted I take him to the doctor to be weighed. Turns out my happy little guy was losing weight and I had no idea I was underfeeding him. the doctor ordered me to feed him every time he blinked and to WAKE HIM UP in the middle of the night if he didn’t wake up on his own. I still cringe when I see photos of him from that time, and I always will.The lady who scolded you in Baskin Robbins has no idea how vigilant you truly are. We’re touchy because we don’t want to contemplate that we ever could slip up with something so important, and when a stranger intrudes we’re unpleasantly reminded of whatever danger we’re trying to avoid.
>Worrying about every bend in the road and potential hazard around the corner doesn’t make us good moms – it’s protecting them from real dangers, anticipating actual ones and being prepared to run down the street like a screaming banshee.
>I once had an old woman in the market start to say something to me because I smacked my year old son on the leg( afer he kicked me for the 3rd time)she didn’t get to far because I turned around and said “mind your own business you old bitch” shocked the hell outta her. I was pretty mouthy at 19…
>Gee, I, too, am an 80’s child, 3 years older than you, and my parents weren’t too concerned about me. In the summer, I’d tell my parents I was leaving, oh, about 9 in the morning, and I showed back up for dinner. This at age 8 or 9. This summer has reminded me of all the freedom I had as a kid which I would be considered a neglectful parent if I allowed my 9 year old daughter to do the same thing. It goes along with the fact that kids didn’t sit in car seats way back when. Anyway, there’s a fine line, isn’t it? That was pretty tactless of the old lady.
>The only possible explanation is that perhaps she had a child snatched from her and that is why she is a little crazy and aggressive.Because otherwise she is just a rude woman in an ice cream shop.
>You should’ve responded with, “Yes, someone could kidnap her. I could also be a crazy person who is prone to random attacks of violence on nosey people at ice cream shops.”I grew up with the code too, especially after a girl from my hometown was kidnapped and murdered. I hope my (future) children never have to live with that kind of worry. Or with the codewords “beans and franks.” Seriously.
>It is very interesting that the two code phrases mentioned in these comments include the word “beans” and that all of our code phrases so far had something to do with food.Hmmmm….
>Ugh…don’t people know that parenting is hard enough without them chiming in with their completely unsolicited two cents?And I bet her ice cream choice was lemon.
>That is horrible! It’s sad how we all think of the snappy comebacks after the fact, isn’t it? Let it roll off-you are so NOT a bad Mom. :PWe use the word thing at our house too. But you know, when I was a kid it was pretty loose-as long as my parents had a general idea where I was, we were good. (70s/80s)
>Bless you for having common sense.
>Aside from the lady’s motivations, etc: Thank you thank you thank you for bringing up the point that the majority of child abductions are done by someone the child knows and trusts.
>Ha. Just today a woman employee at a coffee shop came over to talk to my 4 month old, and admonished me with a pointed glare about how “warmly” he was dressed (short sleeved shirt and light pants on a 23C day).Same woman who correctly guessed and then “outed” my pregnancy at my workplace before I had told anyone, including my boss. Even though I had already told her no one knew yet, and to please keep it quiet.What the hell is the matter with people?
>I’m more of a “mind your own damn business old lady” type. You’re a better person than I am.
>An empty ice cream shop, save for the attendant, you, Punky, Bruiser….and HER.So, was she saying that she was the perv who’d snatch Punky when your back was turned?*Dingbat*…albeit, perhaps even a well-intentioned one, but…*Dingbat*You just keep doin’ what you’re doin’, Lindsay. From my reading, you and your Hub do alright by Punky and Bruiser.
>For some reason you only get the memo from AARP that says that you NOW OFFICIALLY get to say anything to anyone after your 70th birthday. I am an old person, and old people piss me off.namaste
>Seriously — that woman is need a hobby or something that doesn’t involve people. We did have a man (who I described to police as “looked like Mr. Hooper” to get my friends and I in his car “one that really poor people drive” when we were walking to the Quik Stop to get Jolly Rancher sticks for 10cents. He stopped and was talking to us — we had heard of the danger of strangers and ran home to tell our parents, who called the police, who sent over a plain clothes dectective over to talk to us. I was 10 or so — I can imagine the Ice Cream oldster from your experience would have tarred and feathered my mom for letting us walk a block to the store.
>Oh good Lord save us from the little old ladies!!!! They get that way when they hit a certain age. I remember my mom have a FIT if I let me kids out to play – in my own back yard. Honestly, at one point, it was the only way I could get a meal made. If I didn’t send them to play, they would be right under my feet. I would send them out to our perfectly safe yard – which in the play area they could only venture about 10 feet from the back porch anyway. She would come behind me, start having a fit, opening the door and *yelling* at my kids to get inside! She was just CERTAIN that they would be “snatched.” Oh. my. gosh. So I would then have to re-open the door, point to the back yard for the kids to go play and deal with the little old lady attitude.They lose their perspective while at the same exact time thinking that *they* know better than *we* do. — Empty ice cream parlor case in point.
>WOW.I mean, seriously. WOW!Most old ladies are like that, they assume they know the right way to do everything.You didn’t do anything wrong, she was overreacting!
>Rock on! If we teach our kids fear now, what will the world looklike in 25 years? Lots of elderly people walking their “kids” to the office each day?
>When she said “someone could snatch her up like that!” How funny would it have been if you had said, “Are you offering? She likes spaghetti and peas, bedtime is 7.”Seriously though, that is outrageous. I probably would have resorted to cursing at her and telling her to shut up. Smack Down at 31 Flavors!
>Oy. At some point in my childhood, I somehow ended up watching a public TV special called, “The Adam Walsh Story.” Yes, THAT Adam Walsh. I STILL haven’t gotten over it. I was terrified to go anywhere without my parents. I don’t want that for my kids, either.
>That sucks. I would have acted the same way. I’d like to think I could have not let some old bitter woman not ruin my ice cream experience but it would have. She’s been watching too many episodes of 20/20 or something.My code word was “Jesus” and my mom told me if someone said “Jesus Christ, kid, just get in the car!” I was not to go with them.
>When I had my second child I suffered sever post-partum depression. I literally would drive to the store and sit in my car to check if anyone was going to try to take one of my kids. More often than not I left without ever getting out of the car. I took photos of my kids every day in the morning in case they were snatched. It was the worst time in my life and it was havoc on my marriage.If this woman had said those things to me you can bet I would not have been as polite as you were. You were wonderful!
>maybe a grand child, or one of her own was snatched. she may well be living with bitterness and guilt. I would have mercy on her, invited her to share some time at our table and maybe made an old bitter woman happy for a few minutes or more.just my thoughts.BlessingsFrankie G
>Yeah, I don’t think so. If that were the case, wouldn’t that be the first thing you’d tell someone?I love giving people the benefit of the doubt (in fact, that’s the only reason I defended myself without giving the woman a piece of my mind), but you have to admit, sometimes there’s just no good explanation for rudeness.
>I always got “why isn’t your child wearing a hat” whenever the temperature went below 70 degrees. What is it about little old ladies?
>Although that was tactless of the older woman, I kind of feel like you have to give those people the benefit of the doubt. What makes her say that? Obviously, it is most likely that the woman is just a judgmental cow HOWEVER it is possible that she was a young mother once and she turned her back for a second and then her child was gone. You never know when people who speak up like that are offensive because they’re jerks or when they are really trying to help you out, trying to make your life easier, trying to spare you some heartache they went through.She undeniably went over the top and should have apologized to you, but whenever things like that happen to me I try to remember that it’s just as bad for me to judge them as it was for them to judge me. She didn’t know why you felt comfortable behaving the way you did and at the same time, you don’t know what convinced her to speak up in the manner she did.I guess we just never really do know about strangers.
>Lol, also my code phrase was “Silly monkey cheese”
>I was born in 81 but I too had a code word, and one that was never used LOL Egg. Yes, I see that all of our words were most likely dreamed up at the dinner table and maybe that is why they all have to do with food LOLI actually admire you for not going off on the old bag…I don’t have much self restraint when it comes to nosy people.
>Sigh. Isn’t it amazing how everyone feels free to criticize? I had neighbors who accused me of being a bad parent because I let my 3 and 5 year old (at the time) daughters play outside. Let me set the scene. I didn’t want them to be paranoid, so I let them play outside. I let them play on the very small patio we had outside an apartment we were living in due to a relocation/move, until our house was ready. There was a sliding glass door, and I was on the other side of the door watching. CONSTANTLY. The apartment faced woods about 50 feet away, with a sidewalk that was about 30 feet away. If anyone walked on the sidewalk, I opened and stood at the door (which almost never happened, by the way.) The management company was called and told that my girls were playing outside and they were unattended. They called me to tell me, and that they would call the police if the girls were outside again. I freakin’ kid you not. I do not believe my response is fit for publication. I wonder if that is why I have moved, yet again?
>My code word was “skiderdebeebop.”
>1) NOT a bad mother. In fact, I would go so far as to put that label on the old woman, assuming she at one time had young children. Because… wow. 2) My code word? Coffee ice cream. Funny how that stuff sticks with you. I think that’s still my parent’s code word for their security system.
>Hi there. I’m a first time commenter; I started reading your blog after the community keynote speech In SF.I used to work at a children’s photography studio at the mall when I was in college, and there was a mail-lady that took every opportunity she found to scare the kids in our studio into thinking they were in mortal danger at every given moment. Two older girls were given permission to ride the escalator right outside our store while their mom chose their photos, and the terrified looks on their faces after the mail-lady brought them back in and scolded us (yes, me too, even though I wasn’t their mother) were heartbreaking.Oh, and my password was “applesauce.” What is it with the food thing? : )
>I've been in your shoes before and I understand. But lately (mostly since I've turned 40) I don't have the interest to let people like that ruffle my feathers anymore. I usually just say a silent little prayer for them to myself and move on with my life with my children.Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, especially criticism from strangers, who probably won't give you a second thought hours or days from now. You seem confident in your abilities as a good mother and let that be your mantra! :)On another note, being a child of the 70's & teen of the 80's, at about nine years old, I actually was approached by a stranger in a car as I walked my bike home from a store one day. The man slowed down to asked me if I needed a ride. He had this forced smile on his face that still sends chills up my spine when I think about it today. The only warnings I recalled from childhood was, "Do not talk to strangers". My instinct kicked in and sharply told me that this was a bad situation and to think fast. I said, "No thanks" and quickly began walking my bike up the closest driveway I could find (as if I was already home). When the car drove away, I rushed home and told my mother. She said I did the right thing. She didn't call the police and nothing was reported on the news (like it would be today). A cautionary note would be to teach our children to trust their instincts. It's one of the best gifts we can give our children. Author Gavin De Becker writes about exercises we can do with our children for them to practice trusting their instincts in the (Oprah praised) book, "Protecting the Gift, Keeping Your Children and Teenagers Safe". A very good read.
>This is the same kind of debate with ourselves that my husband I have on a regular basis. How do we protect the kids without making them fearful and smothering them? My husband grew up so terrified from the stories his mom told him and the things he watched on tv that he used to practice what he would do in every single scenario he could think of. He even practiced hiding inside his mattress–yes I said mattress. The 80s messed this generation of parents up and now we all have to find a balance that doesn’t find us going over the edge.It sounds to me like you have reached that balance.
>I can tell some of the folks in our neighborhood walking by think we suck because we let our 2.5 year old get out of arm’s reach from us while he is on the sidewalk in our front yard. Seriously, I am much more afraid of some asshat calling DCFS on us than of someone actually swiping our kid off the sidewalk. Hopefully, they will not notice that we let him play outside in the back all the time without us (the back of our house is ALL windows, so we do have our eyes on him).I think the Free Range Kids blog is a must read for all parents. Folks need to get a GRIP. Cripes.
>I got lectured by a mom once for drinking a cup of hot Coffee Bean coffee in the vicinity of my baby in the stroller. She told me I was endangering my baby because I could spill the coffee etc. I blew it off but I still think about it every single time I drink coffee near my kid. Even when people are crazy they take a toll on our vulnerable little minds.
>My stock response to this kind of intrusive and unwanted commentary is “Thanks, your opinion has been duly noted and filed in the appropriate trash bin.”Mrs.X
>That’s when my condescending tone kicks in, covered with syrupy sweetness of course.I HATE busy bodies and just want to say “mind your own f*cking business”, hence the sicky sweetness.
>Onomatopoeia. That was our secret word. Of course, the only time my mom ever sent someone else to pick me up she forgot to tell him. Oh well
>OMG. I don’t know what I would have done!! lol. I already have a comment ready if I ever need to use my “leash” for my 3 year old. She’s too dern cute and friendly (and QUICK!!) for her own good (and my old, tired legs)!
>I’m not OLd yet but have been known to make sure of a strangers child’s safety. Most recently I followed a mother from the grocery when she had the kid in her LAP not a car seat. She did stop at another point in the same parking lot to go in to a fast food spot. I rolled down my window to ask if she had a car seat- if she had pulled out on the road I would havfe called the police! She was a bitch but I maintain I was right in being concerned! not quite an empty ice cream shop but I doubt she thinks its differnt.
>sad thing is that one comment will stay with you FOREVER!crazy old witch..
>OMG. What an ass.You handeled yourself quite well. There will always be thoses asses out there that piss you off but if you handle things well in front of your kids you set an even greater example. You did just that. Congrats to you!
>That would have made me feel sick. Why do people do this to each other? I was harassed by a woman on the street once (a seemingly normal looking individual) who screamed and chased me & my child because she was convinced my child was cold and needed more clothing. I still look for that nutbar each time I head outside. Where do people get off? Wait, don't answer that.
>One of my neighbors, I still don’t know who, actually called social services on me because I don’t force my kids to put shoes on when they play outside our front door in the winter. And I let my 6 year old play at the tot lot around the corner by himself. (About 10 yards from my front door, I can hear all but the most whispered conversations from my kitchen.)First of all. we live ins San Diego so I say, “What winter?”Secondly, when I was my son’s age I was walking three blocks to the bus stop by myself to get to school every morning. He will be 7 in two months, 7 year olds in other countries are taking care of babies for cryin’ out loud.I’m still pissed off that someone imposed their nosy concern on my family to such and extent. Even if CPS closed the case because they couldn’t find any evidence of neglect.Some people need to get a life. Or at least learn better communication skills.
>What a b*tch! Wow! Not that I know anything about raising kids… but sounds like you were totally reasonable. I think in any situation, REASONABLE precautions are needed. But its not like you need to bubble-wrap the concrete steps…
>Sounds like she was hot and tired and nosy. Not a good combination on a hot day.
>I’ve just cut out ten tons worth of ranting on this subject. And you’ve just made me decide that OK, I am going to write about my teenager (he’s already said I should) because dammit, someone has to tell these people that the kids not left on the leash (don’t ask me how often I lost him) actually made it to adulthood.Fancy that.
>Geez…old ladies can be the worst. Not too long ago, as the Shopping Trip From Hell was coming to an end, my three year old pulled one last trick out of her bag to set me off. It worked, and I bent down and swatted her bottom. Swatted. She did not so much as whimper or flinch. I noticed as I continued toward my car, there was an old lady glaring at me. She kept on until I asked if she knew me. (Yes–I’m a smart ass.) That set her off and she told me very firmly, “Be nice to your children!” When I brilliantly replied, “I am. Mind your own business,” she told me I was “sad.” I then had a few words for her, which, I’m sure only confirmed to her that she was right and I was evil and unworthy of children. The sad part?? She GOT to me. She really did, and then I was so mad at myself for allowing a total stranger who had a split second observation of me with my child to make me feel badly about myself as a mom.
>Heh. I’m loving Christian’s comment “I would have offered her some Rocky road…in the face.”I have to say that I second that! lolSorry she ruined your day. Who knows, maybe one of her children actually had been abducted or something. Still, I agree with you. We don’t need our children to be fearful, just aware.
>OH wow, there’s nothing more frustrating than being caught off guard by a judgmental stranger. I don’t bother to think of an appropriately witty quip. I simply say, “Bite me.” Bad. Very bad! LOL. My most recent encounter was an old bitty too. She told me I needed to have a hat on Jensen’s head. What-eh-vah!
>I noticed the over-protective attitude several times while we were in the States these past two weeks. Esme (21 months) only had to wander ten yards from me in a shopping mall or airport lounge before people looked terrified she’d been abandoned, saying “oh thank God I thought she was lost” when they saw me waving at them. Here in London people give far less of a toss: she can be fifty yards from me in a park and no one calls Social Services. (No one tries to steal her, either. She’s too sticky with filth.)
>Maybe someone abducted or tried to abduct one of her kids or grandkids… or maybe she watches too many grim news stories? Either way, an empty ice cream shop isn’t exactly a place you have to worry about.My experience is almost completely opposite to yours – I grew up in the 70s and 80s but in the country so my sister and I had freedom to roam around all by ourselves as soon as we could walk. In hindsight I think my mom was kind of nuts to not worry even for a moment about us going fishing at the creek alone all day, or playing in the barn with open trapdoors in the floor. When I got older (15) I went into the city to visit friends every weekend and my mom never knew where I was. Once or twice rides fell through and I got stuck hitchhiking and more than once ended up sleeping outside, and I consider myself very lucky that I got through my teenage years unscathed. I want my kids to at least be aware of danger so that they can avoid it consciously instead of by luck like we did. A little fear might just be a healthy thing.
>I’m probably repeating someone else’s comments at this point, but honestly, you can never win. If you turn your back for one second in a safe environment you’re a bad mother because OHMYGOD someone could snatch them. If you never let them out of your sight or further than arm’s length you’re a bad mother because OHMYGOD you’re smothering them.How does this woman think a child will ever grow up to function in any way if she’s never ever allowed the tiniest freedom?
>What a Hag. This reminds me of when I called the police because there was a van with 3 kids under the age of 8 parked (illegally) on K street in DC. When the cop showed up, he was irritated to find that while there were no parents in the vehicle, the AC was on, and there was, in his opinion, no danger. I said “I could jump in that car right now, and drive these kids away” he replied “Yea, but a comet could come down and blow up the car too” DC’s finest.
>old people worry. she meant well??? You were probably the hot topic at her bridge meeting that night.I’m on your side, though. Are you supposed to carry your 4 year old in a baby bjorn on your chest everywhere you go????PS – You’re a good mom!
>I have no words. My son is seven months old and always by my side in a carrier or in my arms, so I have not experienced it yet. I think I would have told her to go f herself. And then gone home and worried I’d done something wrong.
>The lady was totally out of line. She’s a bonehead with a big mouth. That being said…10 years ago, a random stranger made an attempt to snatch my nephew from his front steps. She had walked up a 50+ foot length sidewalk and picked him up. As she was carrying him towards her car he screamed and managed to break free and run inside. He was safe, the person was never caught. Want to hear the good part? After this incident, somehow my sister managed to not helicopter his every move and allow his the personal space to develop as a normal, trusting child.I now have 2 children (9 and 4). Even though I clearly remember my nephew’s close call, I try to give my children space so they can experience the world. It’s hard at times but it is important. Soon enough they’ll get older and experience all the crap we have to endure. Let them be free and enjoy their childhood.Someone gave me great advice when my son was born. Here it is: “Every decision you make is the right one, because You have to live with it.” I might not have always made the wisest choices but they were what my wife and I thought were the best at the time. If there were times were I needed advice, I asked for it. Unsolicited advice isn’t right. Everyone views the world differently, it’s not right to shove your beliefs down someone else’s throat.@punnxi my hat is off to you, excellent comeback. I’m taking the liberty to add it too my arsenal.
>This kind of stuff is crazy. Before I had my daughter, a.k.a. when my brain worked, I would have come back with some witty retort for this ignoramus. But now? I would have probably stood there, totally clueless. Because she’s out of line, yes, but more than that, WHO DOES THAT? Can you imagine? Unbelievable.
>I’m not saying the lady was right for her rude and mean behavior towards you. But I can’t help but wonder if she experienced a kidnapping at one point in her life.Once when I worked in the nursery of our church, we needed a volunteer to come help out. The only available volunteer wouldn’t budge. She acted like babies were the scum of the earth. Oh it made me mad. Later I discovered that quite possibly she lost a baby and it was just too, too much for her to deal with. So instead she dealt with it, with bitterness and stayed as far away from babies as possible.
>Oh by the way…don’t think you were a bad mommy at all. You accessed the situation well. And handled yourself well, too, I might add.
>Amen to that!! your doing just fine.
>My Dad was snatched as an infant by some woman craving a child. My Grandmother chased her down and beat her to a pulp. You don’t take someone’s kid. there was a lot of baby snatching going on at the time. I wonder why? I grew up fearful of the pervs in the white vans. Two girls were snatched in elementary school by some perv.
>That lady is the reason parents are overprotective. They aren’t quite that afraid of their kid getting snatched. They are afraid of being motherjudged.
>You did nothing wrong – NOTHING. I have done the same many times. She had no right to say that to you.Earlier this year I read Protecting the Gift, which I strongly believe every parent should read. It discusses the real dangers facing kids – which you touched upon. Most of the time it’s people we know and trust who turn out to be the ones we need to worry most about. Not to sound paranoid or anything, but as you said, it happens.
>Okay, on the flip side of this, is it bad that I want to kick the butt of the dad outside Starbucks right now with his daughter and son (who look to be about 6 and 8)? The three of them rode their bikes over here, across a VERY BUSY HIGHWAY, HELMETLESS. I mean, my god. I was riding my bike in a driveway at EIGHT, hit a rock, fell over on the bike, and was knocked unconscious. Clearly this asshole should know better than to put his young children on bicycles on a highway without helmets. Ugh.
>She should mind her own effing business. Sometimes, I wonder why people think they have a license to say whatever they want to whomever they want.
>You know, I would have been just like you, defending myself and biting my tongue at the same time. In other words, if the old bitty only knew what I wanted to say she would have zipped it before she ever spoke up in the first place! LOL! Beware, Target employees think it is their place to reprimand your children directly for standing in the (stopped/still) buggy…the buggy that I am allowing them to stand in as I stand with my hand on it, fully aware of the dangers. GASP. You know, I have recently told two different Target employees that I am perfectly capable of taking care of my children. UGH! Sometimes, you just have to let them stand up just like we did in the 70’s and 80’s in order to get your shopping done. If letting my kids stand in the Target buggy while it is sitting still is the worst I ever do, I’ll be ok.
>My favorite stranger intervention incident happened when Jake was three and tantruming full tilt in a grocery store. Some old woman decided to intervene and tell him to stop so she bent down and shoved her face right in his.He SLAPPED HER across the head!She looked at me, horrified, and I replied,”If you are STUPID enough to stick your face so close to a stranger’s tantruming child, you deserve what you get.” ROFL!
>It is possible the ice scream shop lady was my mother-in-law. She is nuts. My husband wasn’t allowed off his block until he was 18…and she still thinks that was rational. (And she feels that anyone who isn’t as psycho as her is neglectful as a parent.)Thankfully I live across the country from her so she doesn’t have to see what a terrible job I am doing raising her grandkids.
>Our code word was “Eleroo.” It was the name of a character from a show called the Popples. (I think.) Sadly, we never got to use it.