>Oh Hell No
>I’ve been getting catalogues in the mail lately for designer children’s clothing. You know, the expensive shit that ends up being worn all of two times. The stuff only my mother will buy.
Most of the duds look frankly uncomfortable. Hand smocked dresses with lots of lace, starched and appliqued gingham playsuits, scratchy monogrammed bloomers… It may not be practical, but I’ll admit it’s all strangely compelling on little girls. But when it comes to dressing boys this way?
I mean, look at this poor kid’s face. Mommy, his eyes are pleading. Please accidentally delete this picture from your hard drive on one of those nights when you finish off that bottle of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay you found in the back of the refrigerator.
You can tell the boy is already imagining this very photo appearing larger-than-life at his wedding reception, his corporate lifetime achievement award ceremony, and his divorce proceedings on the day his wife’s attorney tries to prove that he cheated on her with another man.
Witness the humiliation, the helpless rage, the indignity clearly visible on the face of this youngster. The shirt and shorts aren’t so bad, but the addition of the hat and gold chain make this ensemble the stuff of blackmailing legend.
I would argue based on this photo that Britney Spears ain’t got nothing on the mother of this child when it comes to poor decision making. Really, Sailor Baby’s mom should be ticketed for ocular assault.
And then there’s this little number.
You got it. An outfit so bad they couldn’t even find a boy who’d agree to wear it for the picture. If ever I hear that any one of you purchased for your son something even remotely resembling this get-up, I’m going to have to call Social Services on you.
You think I’m kidding?
>And you know, that baby was very aware of how heinous that outfit was.
>HAHA. They love that shit – particularly the embroidered jumpers – down here in Missassippi. For the boys, too.
>My son got handed down some prissy little boy outfits like that from his aunt. I couldn’t believe it when I pulled them out to try on him. I tried one on, just for laughs,and he looked SO ridiculous. His skinny little legs poking through the dress shorts and he had about the same look on his face as that first little boy.I know boys’ fashions really bite and it sucks trying to find something different and nice for them to wear besides polos and button downs, but C’MON people! Let’s not be CRUEL!
>Those outfits are hilarious. Now keep in mind, on top of that, that up until 115 years ago boys didn’t wear pants until 6 or 8 years (or older, called breeching) and didn’t get their hair cut when they were small… middle class children all looked like little girls.
>I hope those cataloges arranged for some counseling for those poor boys. Somebody somewhere must buy it or else they wouldn’t make it but holy good God on a pogo stick they aren’t clothes, it’s a form of torture!
>It kills me that the people who put these magazines together allow shots to get in with those expressions on the kids’ faces. I mean, we all KNOW that what the kid is thinking, but hey, what happened to deceit in advertising?
>ha boy 1 is hidin tha hand thats down his pants cos hes checkin 2 make sure his buddies r still in there…
>Thank god I had a girl. She wouldn’t even wear a hat on Easter.
>LMAO. Those kids DO look horrified! With good reason. And wtf is up with the gold chain on that baby? Seriously.
>I’ll stick to what I know best, thanks. Old Navy works fine for me. Do you honestly believe people are buying this stuff???
>The first outfit looks like something designed for Damien in the Omen. The second is just Alcatraz chic, and the chain around the baby’s neck is tragedy waiting to happen. I do like nautical outfits on boys, but that is a little too Thurston Howell III for me.Those who had a boy can tell you the pickings are slim compared to the racks of girl clothing.
>Dude … I will have to admit that my son had a prissy boy outfit that matched his sister’s blue and red plaid. The coup d’etat was the shirt that almost resembled the Pirate Shirt from Seinfeld fame, with an E and a dinosaur embroidered on the collar. I think he cried every time I put him in it. All two times.Now, I admit that with this admission: my mother bought it for him. From some little boutiquey-catalogue company out of Louisiana.
>At a playground once, I saw this 4yr old kid wearing a SMOCKED little jumper suit thing. It had little sailboats embroidered all around the collar and around the brim of the MATCHING HAT. I nearly barfed. What was his mother thinking? She probably spent $300 on the outfit and he was prissing around the playground in it. If a mother just doesn’t know any better, where are these kid’s fathers?
>I have a son that is ALL BOY and if I even THOUGHT for one second about putting him in something like that, my husband and daughter would tie me up and drag me to the nearest asylum!My girlfriend once showed me a catalog her mother-in-law had given her that had “Mother/Daughter” dress sets (my friend has 3 daughters) and the dresses for the little girls were like $60! I said I have trouble spending $60 on a dress for me, let alone one for a kid who will wear it once for a picture and then maybe again for a family wedding or something. My daughter used to get taffeta, satin and velvet dresses from her aunt and I told her that my little girl grew too fast to make it worth it, but she insisted.Wal-mart and clothes I make are good enough for my boy. That way I don’t feel (1) like a crazy person and (2) bad if he gets it dirty!
>My theory is that the writers of Arrested Development no longer being employed have perpetrated this hoax.Surely to God, people aren’t swathing their precious bundles in these twaddling clothes…
>Love your new look. But god, the clothes they put those boys in.
>These are absolutely PRICELESS, and I loved your commentary! I’m still chuckling. The expression on the baby’s face is the best part.
>thanks for pimping my family’s wine!!!I love the new layout. it loads on my computer. 😛
>#1 Son had one hideous outfit sent to me from The Great White North by my MIL – it was his baptism outfit. I was mortified… He wore it for the one hour and it was removed and has since disappeared. I will NOT subject my grandchildren to anything as horrendous as that outfit was. Needless to say, I ran out and got LLB’s baptism dress before we told anyone when it was. :-)LBC
>My MIL and her twin sister love this kind of stuff. Oh, my gosh, the outfits they’d get for my boys. My MIL lives in the same town as me too so I couldn’t just dress them for a picture. I started telling her when my oldest was 8 to stop buying matching outfits for my boys and their cousins. I told her when he was 9, and 10 too, so she finally stopped. Now he’s 16, so she just gets him golf shirts, thank God, which is okay because he actually plays golf.Liz
>I am guilty of buying stock in the sailor phenomenon. However, in my defense, my baby will look lovely in her white sailor-style dress. And her daddy is in the Coast Guard so she needed something sailor-ish just for the sake of having it! (Of course there are no gold buttons or shiny gold trim on my daughter’s dress!)
>And that’s just fine, Soleclaw, because she is a GIRL. My baby has a sailor dress, too. 🙂 But if I have a boy, OH HELL NO.
>Every time Tbogg runs into a picture of Dancin’ Jack Roberts, the Chief Justice’s kid, in one of these getups, he calls him “Little Lord KickMyAss.” Cracks me up every time. God love that poor little guy.
>Aw, poor little kids! i think i’d love a girl to be able to dress her up. But boys? Much better off in jeans or cords and skivvies, t’s or shirts. I’d have no chance of trying to get my son into one of those outfits. (Although come to think of it…I must post a photo of him in his christening outfit. But I claim temporary insanity!)
>Oh god, can so relate. I had a friend who hand made two outfits for my twin boys when they were born. They even had matching BONNETS!!! My husband refused to let me put them on. And even I had to agree that I had reservations about them. Needless to say, they were never worn. Think of those poor children in the catalogues, they’ll be scarred for life and spend thousands in therapy for what their parents did!
>Why would you want to dress your kid like Eddie Munster? I just don’t get it.
>They had an intervention for a woman who dressed her son like that on Dr. Phil. I’m totally serious….
>yes,You are definetly kidding.with regards-Steven,www.wonderwhizkids.com.
>with you all the way here. my sons think they’re all dressed up if they’re wearing shirts with buttons!
>YUCK! Who the hell buys that crap for their kids and why??? They don’t look cute! Maybe they think by dressing their kids up prissy it raises their level of class.
>I wouldn’t have even noticed Sailor Baby’s gold chain… I was already struck blind by the POMPOMS on his SOCKS.
>Proof that having money doesn’t get you good taste. Those clothes are horrible. I am trying to imagine any of my boys wearing them…. uh, no.
>No, no. But I was sweating when J Crew introduced Crew Cuts…. I still only peek. I would have all my nephews and niece something from there if hubby wouldn’t hide my purse for ever more.
>I agree with the absolute hideousness of the mini-starched sailor suits but there IS some designer stuff that’s pretty cute.My aunt-with-no-kids-and-too-much money just sent my baby a workers cap that says “mechanic” and dungarees with a hand-stitched wrench hanging out of the pocket. It’s a little squee.
>Aw, c’mon! What’s a young dandy to wear to high tea at the yacht club, anyway?
>Those kids don’t even look happy and they’re getting PAID to wear those lame outfits.But this reminds me that my mom just emailed me to say that she’s sending my daughter and son some new outfits. In her words, “It would be fun to see them look like prep schoolers.”Oh gawd help me. Seems like she gets these catalogs, too.
>The only way you can justify these outfits is if your baby daddy is Thurston Howell III.(Love your new look!)
>One hopes with wild longing for a future world where the little girls in coy slutwear poses would also feel open to blackmail. There’s the frou-frou and the slutwear, both pretty stupid… and the completely impractical sandaly girl shoes, even for toddlers just learning to walk! Screw it, what’s wrong with patched wranglers and tshirts with writing on them, for whatever gender! 😎
>I saw a Dr. Phil about a woman that insisted on dressing her little boy in prissy, hideous outfits like these. Poor children.(well at least they have clothes.)
>The proper sailor suit is lovely on little boys. These are not proper. I dress my son in sailor suits and he looks delicious..
>I agree with the pp that there are definitely cute, non-fussy nautical looks for boys. You need to mix those kind of separates with regular clothes.
>My son is wearing shorts in a picture here that fit my idea of those rules:(scroll down a little)Max, striped shorts
>oooooooookay…I cant imagine my twin daughters (3 1/2 yrs.) wearing something like those kids were wearing! It’s bad enough that they have a sick fixation with spiderman and superman! How in the HELL do I make them stop wanting that????? I cant even get them to want Dora or CareBears or ANYthing like that. sheeeeesh!