>”I’m glad I’m doing so much reffing at the soccer fields this Saturday,” my 12-year-old told me a few nights ago. “Because I really need the money.” I nodded knowingly. I had heard this monologue a few times before. “For one thing,” she continued, “I’m buying an iPod. That is very expensive! And then I’m […]

> I got the brochure in the mail yesterday. “It’s time to take your life back and feel better about yourself!” the cover read. Noting the happy couple running through the park together, I was intrigued. I had been trying to get Hubs to run through the park with me while holding hands for months! […]

>As you can probably guess, squeezing my ass onto a child-sized potty and pretending to pee hasn’t really been working for me. Nor has it been working for Baby. Once or twice a day, she’ll ask to go to the potty, only to sit gingerly on its rim for a second or two, jump up, […]

>Like most conversations, it began so innocently. “I really want to go to the gym four times a week,” Hubs said the other day. “That is my goal.” “That’s a great goal,” I agreed. “I’d like to do that, too.” “I mean, we both need to lose weight,” he said. “We need to just stop […]

>”I know it says I have play practice tomorrow on the schedule, but I don’t think I do,” my 13-year-old stepdaughter said after dinner last night. “So I’ll call you if I don’t have it.” “Okay,” I said. This morning as she was leaving, I said, “Okay, so you’re going to call me if you […]

>It is spring and the Googlers are in full bloom with weird search requests that are bringing them in droves right to my virtual doorstep. Of course, I welcome these hapless Googlers with open arms and often, a quick squirt of antibacterial gel. Now, without further adieu, I present to you … Lucinda’s Advice Column […]

>Ladies (and man), thank you again for all of your kind words regarding the drop-in daycare experience. Baby’s doing fine now and hasn’t brought up the bad babies story since the day it happened. I am back on the funny wagon and on to brighter horizons. Namely the one found at the soccer fields last […]

>I realize that you come here looking for a laugh. And I realize that I’ve been writing a LOT about Baby lately. But hell. I don’t choose the topics, the topics choose me. And so today’s post is both unfunny and about Baby. If you want to leave now and come back tomorrow, I’ll understand. […]

> When mothers of toddlers groan and complain about how difficult their gig is, they’re not talking about the potty training, the sleepless nights or the back strain from carrying 25 pounds of wriggle all over the damn town. No. They’re talking about the part that involves keeping a toddler entertained for a solid 14 […]

>”Mommy? I wanna go potty!” “You do?” Baby nodded. “Are you serious?” “Yeah.” I got up from the den floor, where I was sitting and talking to Hubs. “Come on then, let’s go to the bathroom.” “No! No! I wanna go potty in yere! In yere.” I thought for a moment. Whatever works, right? “Okay. […]