>I know you were wondering where I’ve been. Well, we had a little, erm, lockjaw scare. But don’t worry. Everything’s fine. Two days ago, I paid a visit to our family doctor. My husband forced me to go after three weeks of hearing me complain about a large scrape on my knee that won’t heal. […]

>In college, I had a few friends who started a band. Called The Mendoza Line, they were known mainly for drinking a few too many beers, going on stage and forgetting how to play their songs. Everyone in the audience would laugh and applaud and then the band would come down from the stage and […]

> Once upon a time, there was a great flood. God told a man named Noah to build a big boat and put two of each animal inside. Noah promised to obey Him. Noah knew the ark and all the animals would run him about $35 at Toys R Us, so when he found one […]

>So there I was, almost late as usual, hauling ass to carpool. As I jumped the curb making a right turn into my 15-year-old’s high school parking lot, I saw one of my carpoolees (whom we’ll call Sam) duuuude-ing it up with some all-black-clad teenagers outside the neighboring Tastee Freez . It was too much […]

>If I felt bad about Baby’s recent experimentation with the f-word, I don’t anymore. At the soccer fields yesterday, my 12-year-old stepdaughter and a friend were practicing goal kicks while Baby and I played nearby. It wasn’t long before we were joined by a scrappy-looking three-year-old boy. “I play soccer too,” he informed us. “Watch […]

>When bloggers unite, weird things are bound to happen. Today, Busy Mom and I met again at the soccer fields. This time, we managed to carve out a good thirty minutes to sit down and talk, but just as I walked up to her at the snack bar, another woman spied Busy and interjected. “Heyyyyy!, […]

>I’m going to confess a tawdry and embarrassing secret. I have joined the ass-obsessed. I’ve never been one to notice asses, particularly those belonging to women, but now that I’m back in the gym on a regular basis, my entire mood hinges on the asses bouncing on the treadmills directly in front of my elliptical […]

>It had happened again. On the floor, directly beneath the coffeemaker, ground coffee was scattered like chicken feed. I sighed. Only one person could have been responsible. “Hubs!” I shouted. “Did you spill coffee on the floor?” “Yeah, I did,” he said, strutting into the room. “You never put any ground coffee into the canister, […]

“Well, tomorrow, I think I’m finally going to meet Busy Mom,” I told Hubs last night. “Busy Mom,” he said dubiously. “Y’all are going to meet?” “On the soccer fields. Remember?” I said. “Her kids play league soccer too and we said we’d try to find each other on the first Saturday of the spring […]

“Duuuuuuuuude. Whassup?” Across the conveyor belt filled with whole milk and Cocoa Puffs, the dreadlocked cashier stood up from where he had been crouched beside the cash register. Damn! It was Max. “Dude, I dropped my keys,” he whispered, leaning forward and pointing at his Big Gulp Mountain Dew, which he then stashed beneath the […]