>Precious Milestone Number 457: Ugly Ass Art
>Well, despite my aversion to moms in packs, Punky and I somehow managed to survive art camp. Being the “good mother” I am, I have proudly displayed her handmade orange paper plate crab atop our baker’s rack. The blue paper plate dragon fly occupies prime real estate on on our front door. Even the life-sized stuffed and painted paper “Punky-dolly” sits on a small table in our dining room, startling all who stumble through that room at night with its crazy eyes. And of course, the tissue paper fish now wafts in the breeze over our kitchen table.
I even took pictures to make it look like she made all this stuff. The truth is, of course that I made almost all of it alone, while the other moms chatted and Punky played with her new friends under a table in the corner. Good times, people. Good times.
No matter. I didn’t push her; I figured there was as much value in her socializing with the other kids as there was in her gluing on pom poms or cutting up construction paper. I let it go. But there’s one thing I can’t let go- and that’s the stuff I picked up last week from the kiln room.
I realized as I stared at the end result of our clay experiment with bemusement that this “precious treasure” marked a major milestone in our lives: It is the first in what’s sure to be a long and much exclaimed-over parade of Ugly Ass Art.
I can say this now without guilt because basically, I’m responsible for this whale-like atrocity. I carved it from the clay. Punky just glopped a few spots of paint on it before asking to go play outside. When I went to pick it up, I noted that someone had broken its tail off and then glued it back together. Badly. The top part of the tail is completely missing. It is one fucked up ugly whale. I figured she’d agree when I handed it to her and we’d throw it in the nearest trashcan.
Um, no.
“Look, Daddy! I made this whale!” Punky shrieked joyfully. Then she named the Ugly Ass Whale. She named it “Twenty Dollars.” And then she fed it lollipops. And then I realized that I was screwed.
Oh, but it gets worse. Twenty Dollars has a friend.
I actually tried to leave this Ugly Ass Frog at the art center, but someone chased me to the parking lot to make sure I took it home with me. I can’t say I was surprised- From a distance, it looks like a pile of puke. That’s not exactly good advertising for the art center, now is it?
Now, “Twenty Dollars” and “Frog” sit on my kitchen counter. Sometimes they have conversations. Mostly, they take up space. I’m not sure of what to do with them. Particularly when we start going to art class once a week and they spawn.
What do other parents do with Ugly Ass Art? Like post partum depression or anal beads, it simply isn’t discussed among the moms at Storytime. As far as I can tell, I have only two options: I can either throw it away and offer to pay for Punky’s resulting therapy bills down the road, or keep it, display it, and have one Ugly Ass House.
Frankly, neither one of those options sounds very appealing.
>Hmmm…maybe suggest that she give it to someone who would love it. The in-laws perhaps? PS-I love your header! Is it new?
>Create a very “special” display area – the smallest table you own, LOL. On this table Punky can display any of her artwork, but only three pieces at a time. She can change which three are out (for heaven’s sake, store the rest in a box in the closet!) whenever she wants, as long as only three are given the place of honor.”Punky’s Art Gallery” can be put on a sign to hang above the table (did imention this should be in an out-of-the-way corner?). It makes her feel good, but contains the er…clutter? to one area.
>That is what grandparents are for! I love to hand that stuff off to them. For non-3D are, we just scan and save to a disc and throw out (oh the horrors) the original. For years I was a Girl Scout leader and I had a rule that we only did crafts that I would proudly display in my own house. I’m sure the parents appreciated that!
>I meant non-3D ART!
>I couldn’t help but notice the slightly phallic nature of both pieces, and since you confessed that you were the actual ‘artiste’ who molded them….are your (ahem) ‘needs’ being met? Just sayin! π
>Horrible mother that I am, I display it for a week or two until the kids forget about it, and then it just sort of disappears – sometimes into the trash and sometimes into a box of projects that I can keep for when the kids are older and I can give it all back to them π
>I commonly refer to my daughters as being workers in an arts and crafts sweat shop. I have them put their art in their bedrooms (unless it is the adorable stuff–that is front and center). Typically, they break the art in their bedrooms and they get thrown in the trash.
>I display it for a little while either on the fridge, in the playroom or in their rooms. Once they have made something new I either throw it away without them knowing or put it in their special box of art that I am keeping for them. I am choosy about what goes in the box so a lot does get thrown away. They never really notice it’s gone since their new stuff is displayed.
>Ha ha, Kim. I was going strictly by the instructor’s instructions, so now you’re making me wonder about her… ;)Does no one else feel horrible spasms of guilt when throwing away their kids’ creations? Does that just go away as they get older? I have trouble trashing anything, although I do like the idea of taking a photo first and saving it to a disc… (A disc that no one ever looks at again, I’ll bet!!)
>Ewwww! That second one is totally phallyc. Have hubs bring them to his desk at work. THey’re still being displayed, and she can ‘visit’ them when you go see daddy at work.
>I display the art for a couple of weeks or so and then I take it down. Most of the time the kids don't notice. Periodically they & I go through the art and I let them choose a few pieces (4-6) to keep, then I toss the rest
>Ha! I read this too fast and saw “orange paper plate crab” as “orange paper plate CRAP!” Don’t help too much or you set yourself up to continue. And if you do help, don’t do too good a job! Let her do it and let it suck! I take pictures of the stuff and then disappear most of it. Remember how easily things in the kitchen may get “accidentally” broken. Oops!
>OMG — I totally thought that first picture was a turtle!!!! And the second one, well that’s just bad art!!!My girls come home with so much art from preschool/school that I too have a hard time throwing them out. I’ve basically started keeping the ones that are really really good, and most importantly the ones with the little hand prints. I could NEVER throw those away.
>Throw away! Throw away! The older she gets, the more those suckers will multiply!
>Okay, the frog, ewwwww! It looks like a mutilated hermaphrodite – not that I’ve ever seen one. I’d proudly display them with a sign attributing them to Punky (as mentioned by someone else) and then I would put them in a box with all other keepsakes (far, far in the back of some closet). That will alleviate the guilts. Good luck. OMG, soo ugly. (I can say that because I would have made something similar or worse).
>you should see some of the Ugly Ass Art my daughter came home with from bible school. A three year old’s Popsicle stick version of Noah’s Ark makes some pretty Ugly Ass Art.
>Good God that “FROG” looks phallic! Or am I surrounded by too many males??
>You are going to get some interesting Google hits with that anal beads reference. You did that on purpose, didn’t you? π
>oh my God, Lindsay.You made a FAIL WHALE at art camp!
>yeah – so with three kids and a million and one projects coming home every. single. day.i throw out a ton. they usually forget about it when the new piece of crap comes home. i keep the reasonably cute things…and toss the rest. yes, mother of the year!
>Granparents are always the easiest option for, um, Abstract Art Relocation Programs.Grammy will never say no!BTW, I kind of like Frog.And yes, I am overdue for my annual eye exam, but I don’t think that’s why I like it.
>My oldest are only three, but we have craft-time every day at our house. I usually just display that day’s art, and the next day’s takes its place. Sometimes they REALLY love something, and that will go in a scrapbook or box. But everything else goes in the trash. The fun is in the creativity, not the messing up mama’s house!;)
>At least keep them until she’s old enough to realize how ugly it is. Then maybe she’ll want to toss it too!
>Oh I am laughing my ass off after reading that. I have the same problem with art (we have like 3 boxes full that I can’t bring myself to throw away) so I have no advice, but thank you so much for the laugh.
>I have a BIG box of stuff I feel too guilty to through out. Every five years, I go through it – by then I’m far enough removed to know that the piece of paper with a single green crayon stripe across it is NOT interesting and I don’t even remember where he made that jar with the multi-coloured sand in it (and neither does he).
>Options:- keep a small selection once it has been displayed for long enough that she has stopped realyl seeing it. Keep those things in a box “for safekeeping.”- grace the in-laws with some.- put it where she’ll drop it. Her fault then, right?- allow her to keep it in her room, since it is hers. Giving kids ownership is good, right?
>That “frog” made me howl.As for what to do with the “art”? We give it to Grandma and Grandpa. Let THEM deal with it π
>I had special boxes for each of my children and kept the “special” ones that I wanted to keep. Then I would let them choose a certain amount that they wanted kept in their special box. Of course what I thought was “ugly ass art” they thought were beautiful creations. Fast forward to years later, when those children are much older(entering adulthood)and we go through there special boxes…my gawd the laughs we have had over their “ugly ass art” peices. They would ask me “mom why in the heck did you let me keep this?” It was actually kinda fun to go back and look at all these things. I still have their boxes with me.My oldest daughter now has a daughter that is 9 years old and she loves to have me pull out her moms boxes and show her these creations and of course she thinks these things are beautiful and is very proud of her mom making them!I also had a special display table that I used for displaying the lastest and most favorite works of art…they were very proud of that table. Now I have a special table for my 9 year old granddaughters projects that she makes with me or passes on to me(I’m sure from her moms encouragement to do so!)Now that I have little people again the time will be coming when I will have more “ugly ass art” to display and special boxes to keep for them. Yippy!
>If it doesn’t have hand prints, scan it (or take a photo of the 3D stuff) and toss it. Keep one 3D thing for reminiscing when she is older. But you have PLENTY of time to choose which 3D thing that is. Also, you can just keep the first 3D thing that Punky creates and paints herself with NO HELP. Kids love that “I did this myself.” stuff.
>I think you’ve done your job when you took pictures of it all that you can treasure for years to come…:-)
>I take photos of the “art”, then once the pieces have been around awhile and the kids don’t notice them anymore – I trash them. LOL But we’ll always have the photos! π
>”like post-partum depression or ass beads” OMG I just fell off my chair.I personally have some weird blob of painted clay sitting on my counter-top microwave that my oldest made somewhere. I think its supposed to be a fish. I use it to hold down the stack of napkins from the blowing breeze when we eat outside on the patio.
>Why not invest in a bookcase for “her room/Bedroom” and display all her treasures in her room!That’s what I do with most of my kids things, not to mention all the stuffed, mounted, rotting deer heads my hubby collects! They have to display them in their own little rooms, living room, kitchen, dining room, and laundry are MY rooms!
>That frog could easily double as a sex toy so you’ve got another use for that…but as far as the rest, display it for a day or two then pack it away in a box. Tell her you want to make sure it is saved forever and by putting it in the box it’s protected so it doesn’t get broken or destroyed. Worked for me…so far anyway.
>I have an art wall where I display the water colors and other drawings until we either get sick of them or there are new ones. I have boxes for each kid that I put special pictures or projects into. Last year in first grade my son came home EVERY DAY with drawings of pirate ships and battles. How many do I need? I kept a couple and tossed the rest, as much as it pained me. I like the table idea.I take pictures of extra special projects so we have photo evidence, such as when my son built a computer out of paper and tape. It was pretty cool, but I knew it wouldn’t last.
>Yes, Daddy needs some original art for his desk… And it looks like you’re set for Christmas with two sets of grandparents!I toss the stuff after a while. Though we don’t have anything from the kiln yet! Just paper and cardboard. (Makes great kindling!!)
>I’m sorry, but I got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard when I saw Ugly Ass Frog! Better your house than mine!Malia
>Ugly ass art? I display it! Our whole house is a shrine to Kids Bad Art. And I don’t care. Because it all looks like kids made it, so the most you can accuse me of is loving my kids. Your stuff however? Looks too much like an adult had a hand in it. Diane’s idea is a good one. Relegate to a corner and make sure you put up a sign!
>It's an expensive option, but a cool idea- a personalized poster of your child's artwork: http://www.tadababy.com/poster.htmIf you're crafty & handy with photoshop, you can probably do something like this yourself.
>Um, did anyone else notice Frog’s predilection for penile formation? I’m thinking Unfortunate Man at the Beach.
>Not to disrespect Punky’s art, but the frog looks like it’s penis is sticking out.I think the whale would look lovely on a shelf in Daddy’s office or wrapped up for Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas.
>Whew, I’m glad you told us that was a frog. I’m thinking a little of a melted phallus myself. Must be the prego hormones! Have you ever heard of the Museum of Bad Art? I think you’re starting a rival collection!
>First off, Punky’s smile is the true ‘art’ here.Now, as for what to do with these artistic gems: do like my Ma did, and put them ‘away’ until the creator of them graduates from high school, then give them to them as a graduation gift.The rest will take care of itself π
>LoL. You are too funny!! I throw it out after replacing it with a newer less ugly piece of artwork. They never notice.
>Ummm… I absolutely love little frog things… but that one??? hmm… actually, it did make me laugh the way the eyes are all screwed looking like Eye-Gore from Young Frankenstein. Where’s the lump on his back? Maybe it got lost with the rest of the whale’s tail.
>Don’t you really think that Punky would like those “treasures” in her room? Sure she would. Not.
>OMG–I am glad I am not the only one to notice the phallic nature of the second piece. TOO FUNNY! Make your husband put it on his desk at work as a paper weight. Great conversation piece…wink
>When I was in elementary school I made my mom a clay angel. She though it was a pig face.She still has pig face.
>Keep it prominently displayed for a few weeks then move it to a less public area to make room for newer stuff — er — treasures. Eventually, once the kids have forgotten about them, the really grotesque pieces can be discarded.I follow the same protocol for happy meal toys and birthday party favors.
>You mean a less pubic place? Sorry. Couldn’t resist…
>Definitely keep them. My aunt framed her favorite piece of work from her daughter’s preschool class. It was where they surveyed the kids on all their interests and so for all posterity it is written on a paper hanging on the wall that when she grows up, she wants to be “a man.”It’s priceless. And also? the frog kind of looks like a crazy person’s face. Just a little bit.
>Don’t you love it when they chase you down in the parking lot?It’s happened to me too over a piece of paper with one pencil line scribbled on it!I agree- presents for grandparents… share the love!
>oh boy..I am not a mom…Im just some college kid who stumbled across your site a long time ago….but I hope my opinion counts…(First off,I saw phallic-ness like crazy out of that second one…so keep that one…just hide it…until she’s old enough to laugh at it…at her wedding perhaps?)The whale however, could be proudly displayed on that table…or any table..that Bruiser could just happen to knock into, causing the table to tip over (the other way of course, he doesn’t need to be hurt) and then magically the whale could fall to a million pieces as it meets “Mrs. Floor” –Twenty Dollars’ NEW best friend!
>OK, am I the only one that loves the whale? I would save that. The phallic frog, I would have disappear in a few weeks.I have a plastic bin in the garage that I’ve decided will be the only box (or maybe 2?) of stuff I save for my son, to be handed to him when he moves out, gets married, or whatever. I figure I will add stuff in there, and as it gets full, I will prioritize.And yes, the more βartβ your child brings home, the easier it is to get rid of it. But someone gave me a binder with clear page protectors and tabs that had β2 Years, 3 Yearsβ etc. The idea is to save your favorite flat pieces of art in an organized binder. But you could always put in pictures of the 3D art as well!Anyway, great story π
>I am an commercial and fine artist, so I usually cherish the things my two make, to a point. With my own art, I don’t hit it every time. The failures get purged. This approach has been applied to the kidβs Ugly Ass Art.After the initial showing (that week or so where things HAVE to be displayed), mom or dad make an assessment. Does this get framed? Does it get saved? Does it go to family? Or does it go to the landfill?Each child has a large framed piece in our house. This is for a piece that has really stood out. When my son was 3 1/2, emulated me in my studio and created a piece that is really charming. One frame per customer. Something better comes along, it trumps the original piece.Then, we have a container in the attic for each child. Is this a piece worthy of saving for them until they are grown? If so, it goes in the box. Box fills up, an elimination round is held.All other art either goes to family or goes to the dump. Easy process.
>Okay, it’s decided…. Merry Christmas, Grandpa and Grandpa Mackie!!
>You made me laugh so hard I had to wipe off my monitor.It’s fun when you can give the really UGLY stuff away with spite. Sounds like that’s your plan. If we had the frog, my wife would earmark it for my mom. (phallic nature would seal the deal).Thanks for such a great read. Newly found, but I’m hooked.
>My son never wants *anything* thrown away (even wrappers or broken toys), so I like the idea of having one display area and rotating pieces.BTW, I love the name “Twenty Dollars”! Is there a story behind that? Frankly, I’m wishing I’d named my dog that (and I would probably sell her for as much these days). ;^)
>I can totally relate – my son is still at that age where he quickly forgets, so after a day or two of display it makes it way to the trash. If there is an unusually nice one, I have a box to hang on to those or maybe use as gifts to grandparents ?
>Last winter, my mom returned to me a hideous soap dish that I had made in my youth. I didn’t remember making it, and it certainly hasn’t been on display in my parents’ home for many years. She must have found it in storage somewhere.Earlier this summer, I moved. Before I moved, I threw out the soap dish. It didn’t bring back any good memories, and I sure didn’t want it where anyone could see it!
>hahaha…thanks, I needed the laugh tonight.
>I take digital photos of my favorites. And I saved their first drawings ever. you know, the first thing they ever made that included enough structural elements to be recognizable. Other than tha, it’s gone after a month.My kids have a designated shelf in their own room. It’s small.Their crappy stuff goes there.When it gets too full they have to choose what to throw out to make room for new stuff.They have an accordion file folder each for all of the paper stuff. If I find it on the floor they get it back once. IF they leave it laying around again I toss it. This goes for birthday cards, letters and stickers as well. Our place is far too small to house all of the junk they make to keep themselves busy.I tell myself it will help them to not be pack rats later on, but really, it’s just so I’m not tripping over it all the time.
>Oh the ugly ass art I’ve always been able to toss…it’s the cira 1960s stuff that my Hubs hangs onto that I can’t seem to get rid of…LOLOL!
>Love It! We have a lot of “ugly art” in our house as well. I keep it in the guest bathroom. By the way. by far the best ever header I have ever seen!
>Display it for a little bit & then put it away somewhere. If she really insists on keeping it, get a memory box.What I usually do is display it, then hide it & if that goes well toss it.Now be careful though because if you toss it, she will just happen to go by the trash & see it. Then you will never be forgiven. Make sure to HIDE it in the Trash!
>Definitely have your child gift wrap it and give it to the in-laws you never liked. Then it becomes their guilt over whether to throw it away, eh? And your child can ask to see it when you visit ’em. Hehehehe. Evil, thy name is daughter-in-law.:)