>Shitty Friend Syndrome: The Epilogue
>So there I was Thursday, standing on a street corner in Highlands, North Carolina, waiting for Hubs to find the car and pick me up after an afternoon of leisurely window shopping. As I scanned the streets for any sign of him, my eyes locked into the laser beam gaze of a woman pushing a stroller straight for me.
It was her. Shitty Friend. In fucking North Carolina. She bared her teeth in the semblance of a grin.
“Well if it isn’t…” she began. “Yes, it is! It’s Lindsay Ferrier!”
“Hello there,” I said, returning her grimace with my own. Was that a monogrammed t-shirt she was wearing? Um, yep.
“I can’t believe it,” she said in an I-can-totally-believe-it tone. “How are you?”
“Actually, I’m fine,” I said. “Totally, totally fine.”
I thought quickly. Had she read the Shitty Friend post? She had friends who’d probably read the Shitty Friend post and recognized her. Had they told her about it?
Wait a second. What did I care if she’d read it? Writing that post had been incredibly cathartic. And what was it that everyone had said in the comments? Drop her. Right? Shitty friends. Who needs ’em?
“…and now we’re blessed with a third,” she finished. I realized Shitty Friend had been yammering the whole time my mental gears were turning.
“Whoosis,” I muttered darkly.
“I said, I’ve had a third baby since I’ve seen you,” she repeated proudly. She turned the stroller to face me. “Here she is! The final addition to the Shitty Friend trilogy!”
I gave the baby a cursory glance.
“That’s great,” I said flatly. Whoa. I was always the effusive one, the I can’t BELIEVE it’s you! Oh my gosh! I’m so glad to see you! one. Her narrowed eyes made it clear that my behavior was making an impact. Suddenly, Hubs pulled into a parking spot in front of us.
“Gotta go!” I shouted abruptly, running to the car and flinging a hand back in her general direction.
“Okay, I’ll see…” I heard her say before slamming the door and cutting her short.
“That’s Shitty Friend, isn’t it?” Hubs said. “She looks terrible.”
“I know, but how do I look?” I said. “I wasn’t very nice to her, and if I look like crap, she’ll just think I was embarrassed to run into her.”
“You? You look really good today. You look great.”
“Oh,” I said, grinning. The smile didn’t leave my face for the rest of the day.
After 15 years, I have finally cured my irritating case of Shitty Friend Syndrome and to me, that is a very big deal.
>Hopefully SF got the message. I would have, anyway. It’s nice to finally get things resolved, huh?Good job!
>I love it when husbands say the right thing. Half the time when I ask my husband, he says, “You look great. Wait. When you look closer, you’ve got this hair out of place, and some fuzz on your sweater…” Which is exactly what I don’t want to hear!!
>Good for you! Gives me inspiration for dealing with my OWN shitty friend(s).
>Ah, the sweet antibiotic of justice!
>That’s freaky. See. It’s karma. You got to give it to her good in REAL LIFE. Not just on the blog.Awesome.
>Did the hand you threw back at her while you were walking away happen to have the middle finger extended?
>Awesome. Just awesome. I love those moments!
>Yeah, well, see ya! Great! I’m sure that there’s no possible way tht you could look like crap. So, no worries!
>But, does the baby have a chance?
>Wow, I totally have that Shitty Friend Syndrome too. The majority of my friends are like that… but I only have one year left of high school, right? Plus theres the little perks, such as the “return of the favour”. That’s how I deal with them. I live by the motto “what comes around, goes around”. You can only guess the drama that’s caused, hehe.
>Good for you, and really, good riddance.
>Did Shitty Friend really say: “Here she is! The final addition to the Shitty Friend trilogy!” I would have DIED!Way to go!
>Bwahahahaha. Hysterical. I probably would have said, “Oh, my…look at that. Another baby, and timed perfectly with the new ‘Omen’ flick.”
>HAHHA! that kicks ass! i love that you ran right when hubby got there!@ HAHAHHAHA
>I couldn’t help smiling for you! Cheers for your husband, too.
>It’s so awesome when you run into Someone Shitty while looking particularly awesome yourself.Glad it worked in your favour.
>Oh, you handled this SOOO perfectly!!! I’m so proud of you!
>Congratulations! Your husband sounds wonderful. What a great guy to honeymoon with.
>Did you say “Smell ya later!”? I’m hoping so.
>Soleclaw, she really said that. Which only annoyed me more. She really is shitty in sooo many ways.And Laura. If only. If only I had thought to say “Smell ya later,” this episode would’ve been way more interesting! Damn!
>Well done, Lindsay/Lucinda! I DREAM of running into my own past of Shitty Friends while having a good hair day…
>I think you got the last laugh! Good on you!
>I LOVE IT. Finally to be free and do it with ease. Glad hubby came when he did and also told ya how hot you looked.
>Good for you. I’m so glad you didn’t gush all over her. (I have a tendency to be a gusher under pressure, too.)
>Loud applause here in Colorado. Yep — dogs are hiding, but I’m still applauding!
>I’m a gusher under pressre too. i HATE that. AND, it sounds like you managed this encounter and the after effects with NOOOOO guilt. GOOD FOR YOU! The boomrang guilt is what always kicks me in the booty. I really hope that SF got the message. I still think she’s probably incredibly jealous of you and your sucesses in life and that’s why she’s such a SF. Or maybe she’s just a bitch. One or the other. š
>Good for you!! She deserved it!
>High five!
>Damn, banana. I remember that other post too! I loved how you set up the story. How she walked straight for you. Bragging about her third chid is she? Ha! She was probably walkin’ the parking lot looking for loose change on the ground – for a pack of cigs and booze.Bravo! Good diss.
>Hooray!! Karma big time.
>I hope Shitty Friend reads this LOL..who cares right? Now that she can Google your name and all! š
>Oh yes! I have had my fair share of SF. Had an encounter last week. Interesting how everything is about THEM! LOL
>You should have said “so is the baby named Shitty Friend, Jr. or Shitty Friend the Third?”
>Hi, you have a really cool blog here!! I like it.It made you feel good to know that SF looks like hell and you are looking good, rigth? I had this feeling a few years back myself. I could have danced =)
>I keep hearing (in my head)…to the theme of chitty-chitty bang-bang… “Friend, friend, shitty -shitty, friend-friend…..”
>Don’t we all CRAVE a meeting like that with a “special someone” who made our lives less than sweet at one time or another? Glad you were looking FAB that day.
>I’m glad someone’s getting some karma!!
>Good for you. Hottie Mc Sizzle- 1O pointsShitty Mc Shittle- 0As it should be.
>GOD that’s awesome!!! Yay you!
>That husband is a keeper!
>Yippee for you!! Congratulations!You looked good, you did good and now – no more SF!!!LBC
>That was awesome! I’m living vicariously through you with SF. Had a few of those in HS. THANKS for this post.
>omg thats so funny.I have the worst shitty friend syndrome ever! Friends that want want want and never give back.Its soo annoying.And I never have the guts to tell them NO! Im now in Recovery!