Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style
I spent part of my Saturday attacking an enormous pile of catalogs that’s been growing in my kitchen for the last six or so weeks. I justified the time spent on this project by telling myself that it would certainly end in some kick-ass Christmas presents for friends and family members. When I got to one particular catalog, though, my industriousness came to a crashing halt.
It was simply too much to take.
The catalog came from Restoration Hardware Baby and Kids. As I paged through it, I was struck by its uber-luxurious bedding and furniture options, all cut down to dwarf-size for the 10 and under set. I also was struck by how painfully obvious it was that whomever was in charge of styling these rooms for the website and catalog clearly doesn’t have kids of his or her own.
Witness:
Realizing that playthings would certainly spoil the aesthetic of their daughter’s bedroom, little Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray’s parents wisely limited her to an iPad and one rag doll.
Nothing says ‘future a**hole’ like a $1599 mini Kensington sofa…
Oh, Anne Cox Carter, isn’t it quaint pretending we’re poor and sleeping on the floor, even though you have four beds in your room?
Hmm, what shall I do today? Maybe I’ll get out my vintage Monopoly game… It’s only missing four pieces. Or perhaps I’ll reread a selection from my antique book collection. Or, or… I know! I’ll write a haiku in German about how much I hate my parents!
Lest you were wondering whether this is truly supposed to be a child’s room, the stylists helpfully placed an empty soda bottle by the bed. DEAD GIVEAWAY.
Six-year-old Mary Keats Rothtorkington may end up wearing many hats in her lifetime, but there’s really only one that interests her.
Will you LOOK at that Macbook LEFT OPEN ON THE FLOOR?! That EMPTY SODA BOTTLE?! And THOSE CLOTHES, CARELESSLY TOSSED ON A CHAIR? *sigh* Teenagers can be SOOOOO MESSY.
In order to help little Masterson Archer Reynolds IV and his nanny keep track of their whereabouts, jetsetters Arch and Bitsy Reynolds thoughtfully had their interior designer incorporate these world clocks into the design of their son’s room.<
And let’s not forget the babies!!!
For the Pence-Romneybilts, life was one long, luxurious dream… until the night the chandelier in the nursery fell.
For the Drumpfenhagens, life was one long, luxurious dream… until little Alexandra crashed into the armoire while learning to walk and impaled herself on a shard of glass.
For the Van Der Billingsleys, life was one long, luxurious dream… until little Finley toppled off the changing table while their family photographer attempted to take his picture.
For the Van der Zuskinds, life was one long, luxurious dream… until little McHarperson began suffering from recurring violent nightmares of hungry wild animals waiting until nightfall to eat him.
Yes, this is the weird, warped world of Restoration Hardware Baby & Child.
I think I’ll stick with Target’s kids furniture aisle.
Once is never enough! You’ve GOT to check out VOLUME TWO of Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style and Christmas, Restoration Hardware-Style!
And for more warped humor, like my Facebook page and follow me on Twitter!
Images via Restoration Hardware. Obvs.
Oh my gosh – I am laughing so hard right now!! Not just the comments, but I actually KNOW someone who DOES decorate her kids room like this – to unspeakable perfections. And yes, her kids are a bit odd.
Nearly a full decade later, I (a grown a$$ single dad) was searching for how to affix a bed canopy drapery to my little princess’ RH four poster bed and stumbled across this amazing from the way back machine. It hit just a little too close to home, so I’m sending it all back and taking her to a tractor pull instead. Well done, internet lady, wherever you are.
[slow clap] Nicely done. Very nicely done.
HILARIOUS! And I have always thought similiar things when I look at that catalog — sure, very pretty stuff. And totally unrealistic!!!!
Hahahahahaha! Love it. Your commentary, that is. Not the decorating. How absurd.
LOL – this was brilliant!
Ha ha ha!! I usually like that store, but you are so right. Very funny!!
this is hilarious + awesome.
In the chandelier-over-crib photo, it would be wonderfully more interesting if the rocking horse had been positioned just a tad bit more to the left.
HA HA HA HA. Great spot.
You’re welcome. :0) Love your blog and snark!!
I had to scroll back up. That is awesome.
hahahaha!!! too funny.
Bwahahaha! It took me a few seconds, Nadine, but that cracked me up! Lindsay, you never fail to make me laugh, cry, or spit my coffee out. Thanks for always making my day.
That’s hilarious! I had to go back and look, and wowsers. Yeah.
OMG!!! Ha ha ha ha haaaaa!
Somebody likes horses
you just made me cry.
with helpless laughter.
Uggh I am totally missing the horsey reference. Help those of us too blind or stupid to get it?
baahaha nevermind, I was looking at the wrong photo 🙂 fantastic
A move to the left presents you with a “rocking stallion”.
i.e. since it took me a long time even with help from the comments, if you move the rocking horse a little to the left it makes it seem as if the bottom of the dresser is the horse’s penis. And I thought little boys were silly.
You just proved you are not as perverted as the rest of us…
Actually it should be to the right… the corners are rounded and padded, but I get your drift. That would have been priceless.
No, you don’t get her drift. Def to the left.
um nope her scenario is way more interesting than the horse pushing the crib!! : )
It’s more about what’s under the horse than anything to do with the crib 😛
definitely left.
I totally saw that!
W-I-I-I-I-I-LBER!
LMBO!!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who caught that.
OH! Bad bad bad bad!
ahahahahahahaha! yup – I agree!
Hot damn lady!! You certainly do have an eye for detail! Well played, bravo….
I literally just spit out my coffee
I thought they had actually included the boy parts. kind of a relief that was just the leg of the dresser, lol
Nadine…that was the funniest comment I’ve ever read! Oh.my! You have an eye for design if I do say so…
That is awesome Nadine…a little Freudian slippage?
Good eye!
giggle
Nadine – Best. Comment. Ever.
And I mean, in the HISTORY of comments! Too funny! This whole post is just hilarious!
Hysterical!
I take an odd comfort in how much longer it took me to get that.
Classic. & Good Eye.
Brilliant! I died laughing when I figured out what you meant. 🙂
Hysterical!
omg that is totally the first thing i saw too.. glad to see im not the only one..
LMAO!!!!
Bahahahaha!!! Good call 😉
I had to scroll back up, but that is hilarious! Good eye Nadine, good eye.
They’re always geldings. BTW, my female friend’s horse was a eunuch. Something about a pre-teen on a stallion rubbed her parents the wrong way.
Oh, gosh! You definitely stole the post’s spotlight with this comment, Nadine!
Ha ha ha ha! Took me a second. . . well played!!
Bwahahahaha…. yes! I can just imagine the Helmswart-Fartington parents just fainting at such an unseemly image. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!
Clever you! And here I was noticing the chandelier/reflected chandelier looked like a pair of perky bosoms….
LOL
It took me way too long to see it…
I was going to say that! Guess I’m not as special as I think. But I haven’t laughed so hard reading an article in a long time!
Oh! You so TWISTED!!! I like it!! Hahahaha!
Thank you so much for this. When I saw this catalog I was stunned at how out of touch it is!! Yuck!
BEST. POST. EVER.
!!!!!!!
The best part of this whole post is the names. von Arpfels! Arch and Bitsy!
Meagan, I totally agree with you!! ~LOL~
I am convinced that there are no female stylists at Restoration Hardware.
CLEVER. FUNNY. Loved it
This former interior designer is laughing out loud. Thank you so much. Remember – children love beige.
Frith, Your comment made me laugh out loud!!! It’s common knowledge, Children adore beige!!! ~LOL~
Wow!! You hit the “Restoration Nail” on the head! A $1500 couch in a kids room?? Seriously?? They will learn early on, they are superior, elite and special…. What everyone else will know early on?? These boys will probably grow up to be arrogant douchebags… Yeah, that’s right, I said it! ~LOL~
It’s fun to poke fun, but the assumption that any child whose parents have money and choose these furnishings will grow up to be a d*bag is pretty cruel. Lots of wealthy kids grow up kind and generous. One thing I’ve noted about a kid I know whose parents have a very nice house is that he takes care of things, unlike some others I know who write on walls, randomly leave toys outside after finishing playing, etc. What’s better or worse? A house so full of plastic junk that a kid can’t even decide what to play with, or one with some empty space in it? Not that I like the RH aesthetic, but I feel sick when I enter many of the uber-cluttered homes of my fellow 99 percenters. When is enough cheap stuff ‘enough’?
The only thing that would be better in the Chandelier over the crib room is to play The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack nonstop.
I’m dying! I think I woke up Ellen laughing. Yeah. Stick to target…or garage sales and hand me downs. Anything that I can clean with a butt wipe thank you!
the word pretentious doesn’t even begin to describe these “children’s rooms”
would love to know if these “rooms” are walking right out the door.
I really enjoyed this post! Granted, I don’t have a kid… but its a pet-peeve of mine when I see people try to take the ‘kid’ out of the kids room… they have the rest of their lives to conform to Restoration hardware’s boring beige design, let them live in color!
Re: Chandelier over the crib. Symmetry is so important in an infant’s life, and ready those document repro’s (literally, illuminated manuscripts) will put bebe in the little Einstein category.
Very clever.
Yikes! These look like rooms out of some sort of creepy haunted house.
This is SO GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Superbly funny. Your comments are awesome and the pictures are seriously unbelievable. Rooms obviously designed for robots, not humans.
My sister-in-law works for RH B&K (yeah, I did it, I abbreviated) and it is obnoxious. Am I a terrible person for delighting in the scene of my nephew spitting up on a $200something quilted throw in his nursery? I am aren’t I ….
you should learn the correct name of your sister-in-law company. lol
Ha! Restoration Hardware kills me. I can’t imagine living in any of their “adult” spaces, either… so cold.
Brilliant. I am sharing this with everyone I know. Unfortunately, we’re all very firmly established in the 99% – and on the end where we have to SAVE to hit that Target kids’ furniture aisle! 🙂 Thanks for this – FABULOUS!
I love you, Lindsay Ferrier, I WILL be your friend. (great post – this is being “shared” all over the FB-o-sphere, btw)
I am laughing so hard Im crying!
Oh my stars…….my sides hurt! HILARIOUS!!!
This is the absolute best thing EVER!
And this is why I love you. Fabulous post.
you are funny loved your comments its so true i dont know what is wrong with people today.
[…] our sensible friends at Restoration Hardware… a Cashmere Wrapped Hot Water […]
This post reads like a bitter, poor person’s rant against parents that are able to afford such pretty things. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that the naysayers live in hovels and have dirty and quite possibly badly behaved kids! Open your minds people, it’s a catalogue advertising a lifestyle! Gah!
OMG. How did you find out about my hovel? I thought it was a secret!!
Exactly, Dani_elle! A lifestyle that will assure the parents that their kids will grow up to be obnoxious, pretentious, unmitigated assholes. Or spend their lives on a psychiatrist’s couch. Or most likely both.
Have you ever BEEN on a high priced psychiatrist’s couch? Oh man, I WISH I could spend my life on one… Comfy couch and someone to listen to me ramble on? Sign me up!
Oh you mean like obnoxious, pretentious unmitigated assholes writing a blog and bitching about all of this furniture that they don’t have, and they cant afford?
And wouldn’t want? Sheesh, anyone who thinks that these images depict the reality of children’s lives in any way is so far out of touch that they must live on Mars.
So, why are you reading it, again?
Oh Danielle,
You sound like a pathetic wanna-be…….
Lighten up Dani_elle. If you can’t joke and laugh in life then I feel sorry for you.
Yes, dear. It’s just that some rich people have taste in addition to money.
Oh poor, dear Danielle, if this is the lifestyle you wish to emulate I feel sorry for your children. Save the perfectly coordinated shades of grey and taupe for the living room and give your little tykes a taste of pastels and primary colors!
Her name isn’t Danielle. It’s Dani_elle, pronounced Daniunderscoreelle.
There’s nothing wrong with “pretty,” Dani_elle. It’s that these rooms AREN’T REMOTELY FUNCTIONAL OR FUN FOR CHILDREN. If you have money, wonderful. But please, please, please, if you have kids… go to FAO Schwarz to shop for them. And paint their rooms whatever color(s) they’d like, which I can assure you won’t be chosen out of an interior designer’s palette.
Yes, you’ve got me, I’ve got wifi hooked up in my van down by the river.
My 6yr old has a room which has been loosely designed on a RH B&C theme, he has the “vintage” look, but with functionality of furniture. We have also incorporated toys into this theme – such as vintage airplanes hanging from the ceiling in a ‘dog fight’. His room looks amazing, the Passport bedding we bought from RH B&C is fantastic – it’s the only item we bought from here but his room is modelled on the photo. Not only is it functional, but he loves it! So much so, that we’ve finally been able (since transition) to get him to sleep in his room every single night, no interruptions, consistent sleep.
I get some of the comments in that the rooms don’t seem that functional and yes I think a chandelier is a tad OTT and impractical, but they are just themes for a room.
Y’all can take the pi$$ if you like but we love our son’s room almost as much as he does,
All. That. White!
Thanks for that.
It’s sad, but my favorite is the swinging chandelier and the baby sitting on the dresser! And I thought MJ was crazy…
[…] Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style – Oh this made me laugh. Sometimes I look at pictures of children’s rooms in catalogs and on Pinterest and think, “Am I a horrible parent for not putting more effort into decorating my kids’ rooms?” I’m glad I’m not the only one that thinks it’s all a bit much. […]
I absolutely love your blog! Your thought provoking when I need it, but most importantly-freaking hilarious! Thanks so much for sharing your wit, talents & family. If only everyone had a friend like you in their life 🙂
They look like rooms for Donald Trump’s kids! His rooms really look like that! LOL.
Haiku in German.. that is my favorite part. Hilarious!
I laughed out loud so many times at this…hilarious–and so true!
LOVED IT!!! Please write a book!!
We have been moving and I wondered into an RH Hardware B&C store recently and I had been feeling horribly inadequate about myself as a human being until I read this! Seriously, may be one of the funniest things I have read in a very long time!!
Well I happen to be in the 1% and I smell at bunch of haters bahahahaha!
If you happen to live in the US, you’re automatically in the 1%. Or did you mean the 1% of the 1%? Well, congratulations. It’s a shame the love of money does not equal a happy household. I’ve seen more bitterness and lifetime lasting, cold distancing in rich families than modest income ones. Hopefully you are an exception to that, but your attitude is very poor here at least.
RH B&C is a joke of a company, I received a tent from there as a gift. It arrived with mildew and stained, was told by customer service that the item was to have a “distressed” look. Only thing distressed about it were the parents who had to look at it. Also, poor quality, the darn thing falls over when my average size 2.5 year old so much as sneezes on it.
Also, I just have to respond to those complaining that everyone making fun of RH is a poor hater. I am quite well off and spent quite a bit on my kids rooms, but these RH rooms are just down right offensive and suffocating for a child even scary. This blogger hit the nail right on the head. RH B&C you are way out of touch with reality.
If I could write, I’d write that about RH catalogs!! Very funny, and fun to read.
Actually, I kind of liked the world clocks 🙂
Until they tick all night and keep the little one up!!
Best blog entry ever!
Well I’m in the 0.5% percent and I think this blog is hilarious!
This cracked me up.
“Little McHarperson. . .”
Woman, you are genius!!
I thought the first photo was a joke! Oh, the beige, the pristine neatness, the white, and the chandeliers — looks like a mausoleum. Or the furnishing choices of an uber-shallow, control-obsessed douchebag who had kids solely to check that box on his/her resume. (Like you said.) Brilliant post!
Things start turning very Edward Gorey-esque at the chandelier.
YES! And that is what I absolutely loved about it 🙂
Funny! It reminds of the funniest Pinterest Board I’ve ever seen: http://www.pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/ (My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter). You’ll love it!
Thank you for sharing this…one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Brilliant.
That’s hilarious!
This board is brilliant! Proud to be featured! LOL! Thank you for sharing.
I actually think the first one is very pretty. Nothing wrong with a gorgeous bedroom, and there are closets and toy boxes to hold toys. This post really comes off as a bit jealous. If someone did a piece with captions in the “ghetto white trash trailer” everyone would be all kinds of upset. I usually enjoy your posts but this one just seems a bit too judgmental. I feel as if because I live in a nice home and have nice things that some how I’m not worthy to read the blog. Not that this post won’t go without it’s own snarky comments, I’m sure you won’t be missing one “pretentious” Mercedes driving reader.
Hahahahaha! Love it! 🙂
Now i know I ‘m a horrid Mom…I like those rooms! O_O WHAT am I going to do with myself now? Baaaaaaahahaha! I guess I’ll stick to my favorite thrift stores and restoring (with spray paint) my own hardware.
I like those rooms too. but expecting kids to like them?
it seems that you’re the close minded one, judging people just because they have money and choose to spend it on fancy things for their kids?? who cares?! not everyone that has money is an a**hole. let’s stop the judgement people!
you don’t have kids do you?
Yeah, it’s not JUST about the money (although that IS problematic.. it shows such extreme bad priorities to spend this much on something the kids could care less for), but worse it’s about turning your children into design projects and not letting them be individuals, let alone flawed little ones. Your (I’m referring to the intended customer here) creativity must overrule THEIRS. Your dreams, your designs, must completely overwhelm the room. They must not sully it. The perfect $10,000 – $20,000 bedroom aesthetic (which will match and flow with the rest of the house) must NOT be broken! No coloring! No leaving YOUR stuff out anywhere!
Spot on Rachel!
Except that you could donate money or items sufficient for several children to have food in their bellies and a few toys to play with and still have plenty of money to buy them higher end stuff for their room. I’d much rather teach my kids that lesson than to teach them that they need this crap in their rooms. Not everyone who has money is an a**hole, but someone that would spend this on their children’s room instead of helping others is an a**hole. This is the reason the liberals have a leg to stand on, because the majority of us rich while folks aren’t doing our part to help society, so they can justify having the government do it. Red Cross, Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc….just do it!
“not everyone that has money is an a**hole”
No, but apparently some of them don’t understand grammar rules.
And WHITE everywhere. I’d like to see that duvet/sheet/rug after the first time it gets barfed/peed/cheetoed on.
Cheeeeetoooes? Whatsoever are they? My little Humphrey Von Capington only eats the finest of watercress sandwiches. He also doesn’t “barf” as you commoners say. He confines that to the privacy of the water closet, as any 4 month old with breeding as fine as his should.
Why in the world would you let your child eat Cheetos in their room! That’s for the kitchen for one. Respect for things is taught. And if your child is throwing up and using the restroom in their room I recommend a good dry cleaner and having your carpets steam cleaned. And Poof! You too can have an elegant room.
Um…okay. You mean you’ll have the nanny/housekeeper do it?
Ummm…are you KIDDING? Unless you keep after your kids EVERY second of EVERY waking hour of EVERY day they’re going to travel with a snack. Maybe if we kenneled our kids – or kept them on a leash – we, too, can have “elegant” rooms. My three children are extremely well mannered, very well behaved, but they’re also dirty, muddy, and sweaty kids. MY house is the one where all the kids want to have playdates because they’re free to be KIDS! This means I hear their conversations, watch their imaginative games, see how they interact, and ensure they’re not eating pure junk all day long. Elegance is not for the tiny set. It’s for adults who are, sadly, past the point when Lego clocks and frescoed Mod Dots are the HEIGHT of interior design. When we were expecting our first child, a daughter, I, too, got caught up in the elegant little toile nursery sets. My husband, brilliant man that he is, reminded me that we only get ballerina teddy bears and choo-choo trains for a few years. These rooms are designed for parents to show off, not for a kid to live in and enjoy. Steam clean carpets every time a kid has a potty-training mishap? Doesn’t make it in time to a bathroom before vomiting? Doesn’t make it out of BED before vomiting? Learns to unscrew a sippy cup all by him/herself (what a big kid!)? I’d have to buy stock in Stanley Steamer. They can have all the elegance they want when they ask for it and can take care of it. Maybe I’ll be able to have an “elegant” home myself at that point, too. Until then it’s removable slipcovers for us.
OMG…kenneling the kids! Why didn’t I think of that? It would have saved me so much time, trouble, and money! They are 5 and 7 now. Do you think it is too late to start?
I think this comment was supposed to be sarcastic
you guys don’t get it, ash IS being sarcastic
have you ever been around an infant or a toddler?
Lindsay, a friend on Facebook shared a link to your post and even though I am a huge fan of RH B&C, I couldn’t stop laughing while reading what you wrote! Kudos!
Advertising is selling opulence and yes, uber-wealth. I don’t think it is a coincidence that it is finding footing in our current culture as it is serving a need. Namely it is a form of anesthesia while our nation’s government is stumbling to fund our government and the world’s economics are watching with batted breath. Do not buy in. Sadly, it reminds me of the French prior to the revolution.
make that bated breath…
The Word Nerd gives a happy sigh. 🙂 (At least you didn’t say “baited.” Which I’m pretty sure is what my cat has when she’s stalking mice.)
This is just plain awesome. lol! Like seriously, I don’t know of ANYONE who can blow $10K on a room AND has 4 kids for each of those beds AND would actually put them in the same room. I mean come on, wouldn’t they each have their own suite? And for the record, I have 6 kids. 5 of them sleep in the same room. There are 2 sets of bunk beds and 1 twin. Neither bunk bed cost more than $300 and they work. Gasp. Call CPS!
I have 3 children. Each of their rooms cost at least 6-10k. At this point they each have their own rooms, however my son has two sets of bunks because I plan on having more and I think boys would enjoy sharing a room. Nothing is wrong with your life style, but don’t be so quick to critique those who can and do have nicer rooms. I also have no clue where you would find a bunk for 300– I couldn’t find one for less than 2k that was even decent.
Bunkbedking.com – $600 for totally awesome and kid-friendly bunks. 🙂 We’ve got 4 to a room (5 next year!) too, Ellowyn, and we’re making it work! I am somewhat skeptical of ash’s claims to have room similar to these pictured. For children? Really?? Did they LIVE in them at all or were they just where they laid their heads at night? Because trust me, even the most well-behaved child could not keep a room looking like that for more than an hour or two. Perhaps it works for the lifestyles of those who are at chess club/girl scouts/violin lessons/etc 24/7 and are only home for a few moments each day.
My son’s room sports a huge nerf-gun rack made out of PVC pipe, a spaceship bunk bed made out of two old twin beds attached on top of each other, a swing attached to the ceiling, and Super Mario wall murals painted by my very talented grandmother. I think we did all of that for less than $100 and we have neighborhood kids in there 2-3 evenings per week and any weekend we are home. Not only are your kids 6-10k rooms not nearly as cool, your kids are likely to grow up thinking that they need to spend money to be cool despite that making no sense since their 6-10k rooms didn’t do the trick when they were kids. They’ll get that attitude from you. The attitude you try to bring to the board and feel the need to try to impress everyone here. I pity you and especially your poor children. Money can’t buy happiness.
Ash didn’t say what was in the rooms, only what they cost. I would love to know how you built all of that, made it sturdy and safe, and did it for under $100. A mural? How much did all of that paint cost, from base coat to finishing details? A swing? That’s awesome! PVC nerf gun rack is something I would have loved to have had as a kid, lol (but fill mine with Super Soakers and put it in the shed in the summer!) Love the idea of the bunk bed space ship- but how did you afford a bunk bed and all the detailing supplies for under $100?
Ash was talking about the cost of the *entire room*. You are talking about the cost of the details on a few pieces you modified. Big difference.
Paint is pretty cheap as long as you understand two things. 1.There are only 5 paint colors (the primaries+white+black). 2. Brand name paint is the same as generic paint (for these purposes). I probably paid a total of $10 for paint. The rack actually has Nerf Guns, Super Soakers, LazerTag, and Airsoft. The bunk beds have been in the family for 60 or so years. They are probably worth a few hundred dollars, so I guess I cheated a little there, although it was no cost to me. As far as the supplies:, wood, pvc, pipe insulation foam, and one fiberglass windshield came to about $60. The swing is a board, two ropes, and two eye bolts, <$5, but were leftovers from other projects anyway. The only other things in the room are the dresser, which is the back end of a '57 chevy (which was my grandfather's car), a desk made of Papier-mâché, pipe cleaners, and an old rain gutter, and a rug made out of dryer lint and chewed chewing gum.
So, if you total up the value of all of those items, for the ENTIRE room… it comes up to more than the $100 you were originally talking about. Ash was speaking of the value of all of the items in the room. You are still not doing that.
I also have to ask if you’re serious about the rug and the desk.
You ate paint chips as a child, didn’t you?
ROFL! I’m sure the person who spent 6-10K on that room doesn’t want, warrant or give two hoots about your pity.
If you have the $$$ and want to spend it on your kids, is that a bad thing?? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying a kid can’t have a great room on a budget, but why slam someone who’s in a position to provide such a room for their child.
Smacks of bitterness to me!
Muddy, why do we use different manners on these boards than in real life? If you had a house with three kids’ $6-10k rooms, and you were talking to a mom who has 5 kids sharing the same room, would you tell her that your kids each have a $6-10k room? NO! You wouldn’t do it in real life, so why would you say it’s ok for Ash to do it on this board?
please,please, PLEASE reasuure me that you donate generously to a charitable, worthy cause if you have 6-10k to blow on kids rooms!
Ellowyn, the two bunkbeds (four beds) are so the child can have spend-the-night company, not so two children can share a room.
Oh my goodness! Thanks so much for the hearty laugh this morning! I really needed it!
Kids can have nice things too…
It looks like the results of a team-building exercise where they challenged their designers to suck every bit of joy and fun out of a space for children.
Pick Flick!
I love it for daydreaming, but seriously!! If my four get fed and watered (they are teens after all) they should count themselves lucky!! It’s a beautiful dream set up to make us feel unworthy and less than we should be. Aren’t we old enough and smart enough to recognize that? Beautiful no question, but who can aspire to that level of continued perfection without live in help and a perfection of photographers? I was so encouraged to learn Princess Kate would seek support from her mom in her mom’s home. Reality based life, anyone?
The nipple chandelier over the crib is my favorite.
Cracking up as I read your words…well said!
I love everything about this article. Being/having a child is the one time you can go completely 100% apeshit in decorating a kids room. Crazy murals on the walls, bright colors, glitter paint, chalkboard ceilings. Take advantage. That is what your kid will want…not a leather fainting couch.
OMG !!!! Just absolutely loved reading this article. How funny !!!!
This post was hilarious. loved every bit.
Oh my heavens! Those captions had me laughing so hard. And the kids’ names. I need to check out the rest of your blog.
The names are sublime!
But no ” Obama’s”?
Political troll is trolly.
Where do the people live, who buy these things for a child?! These designs were clearly done by someone who has never had kids.
I think you underestimate (or is it overestimate) the idiocy and selfishness of a lot of greedy rich people. The fact that they sell this stuff each year is evidence that people buy it. Think about that.
My children’s rooms look very similar to this. They do have a very primary colored play room that houses their non matching crazy toys–they are very much kids. However, they do know how to respect nice things–which is something taught. My daughter loves her princess room and wouldn’t change it. My son’s room is quite fun!– leaning more towards the “campy” look with a teepee and bunks. They are taught to keep their rooms clean and respect them. I had lovely things as a child and was taught to respect them and appreciate the hard work my father put in to afford them for me. It’s all in the parenting. Just because you have nice things doesn’t make you all of the awful things this article claims. There is nothing wrong with classic elegance even as a child.
Honest question: if your son wanted a princess room and your daughter wanted something more campy, would you accommodate them?
LOL! although we do have something the world clocks in our office—the time is never correct though as the batteries are always dead!
This reminds me of my ex, who grew up in a palatial estate overlooking the ocean. His interior designer mother was very proud of their home and visitors frequently came by on charity bus tours. My ex and his brother’s bedrooms were decorated the way little boys’ rooms would look on a soap opera set…plaid walls, paintings of rugby and polo tourneys (as in nothing that a young boy would ever choose in reality). The only personal affects he was allowed in the open were a Washington Redskins trashcan and matching clock and a USC pennant. He grew up to be an exceedingly tidy guy so I guess some good came of it…
Redskins trashcan?!??!!!? Clearly your husband was a huge racist as a child (at least according to Obama and Bob Costas’ “liberal cause o’ the week”).
totally hilarious!!! I do have to say I <3 restoration hardware but the prices are a little hefty especially for a baby room!
Hahahaha!
Hilarious!
I love that no one noticed the bunkbed room is actually “6” beds (look under the beds), not counting the little “darlings” on the floor in their posh slumber bags! Poor little dears! I bet for an added make believe element, Mommy let them hang up their designer frocks with wire coat hangers!
Since you forgot to caption that first fabulous room… Little Cordelia Primrose Goldman wistfully imagined having her friends over to play with the new birdcages from Mummy. Though she feared it unlikely, she hoped one of the dears might have a dreadful Barbie doll so they could take turns locking her up.
Hilarious! All I could think of reading this was how much cooler/more fun/more creative/more developmentally appropriate IKEA kids rooms are.
You’re just jealous…
Get over it. No one asked for your design aesthetic. I can’t afford Restoration hardware either, but that doesn’t mean I have to complain about people who can.
Get over it. No one asked for your blogging aesthetic…
Hysterical!!!
In college I used to babysit/nanny all along Chicago’s North Shore. I have been in high end homes with RH and PBK furniture for the kids, all color coordinated and looking like the catalog. And yes–many times they were clueless as to how “real people” lived.
And don’t forget the fun to be had swinging from the top bunk via string lights!
I’m waiting for children’s furniture catalogs to show a completely messy room photo with their furniture so I can truely see what their furniture will look like in my kids room!
Putting aside the fact that babies love black, white, and primary colors… WhoTF puts a chandelier directly over a crib? Not only is that going to wake the child up, my kid would’ve jumped twice on the mattress and swung out of there like Tarzan.
Thanks for the laugh. Just about spit coffee out of my mouth while reading this. YOU ARE HILARIOUS. SO funny. I am sure restoration hardware would be disgusted with my kids clean but LIVED in room. HA – you will find more than one empty bottle in my kids room, I am sure.
God save the children!
My first thought was that the wire-frame Eiffel Tower in Emmaline Clothild Sinclair-Murray’s room would quickly become a weapon. Then, like Nadine, I saw the rocking horse.
Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray
Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray
Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray
Boy, that got weird. My cutting and pasting apparently didn’t fail me like I thought it did. Now it looks like I spelled the girl’s name wrong, and her parents punished me by making me repeatedly write it correctly.
This is hilarious! Your comment about little Alexandra crashing into the glass-front armoire reminds me of my childhood. My sister crashed into a glass-front lawyer’s bookcase, shattering the glass and cutting herself though not too badly. Glass and kids are not a good combination.
Hilarious! My bff just purchased several ridiculous items for her nursery so this really cracks me up! Jenn, The Newlywed Pilgrimage Blog
Ok, if you think this is hilarious, you have to go to the store in Santa Monica! It’s like being in a museum of really really fabulous kids rooms. Of course, my daughter totally fell for it and now she is the proud owner of an RH duvet cover and sham for her bed, which is like the lavender one in the second photo. She still can’t figure out why the rest of her room did not magically transform into the one in the store, however.
Lindsay, I think you are my long-lost blogger best friend…. Love the post! So happy to have found you! I’ll be lurking her from now on… Shannon
While I find a lot of these comments amusing, I also find them to be awkwardly judgemental. Everyone is different, with their own unique tastes. Also, you can create a beautiful, calming room without spending all of that money; that is for people who either have the money, or are completely void of creativity. Black and white, along with primary colors, are stimulating for children, which is why some people choose to leave those colors for playrooms or school, while going with more soothing colors in the bedroom. Again, a lot of funny comments on here, but it a little bit too much venom as well!
Oh too funny!
These MUST be the rooms of Congressional children….
Especially the Billionaire Kerry’s…
Or the Obama girls?*
*fine with me if Presidents’ kids have fancy bedrooms, assuming their parents pay for stuff like this
Top two members of Congress:
Rep. Michael McCaul (R-Texas) $294.21 million
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) $220.40 Million
Laughing my ass off .. for real!!
Even with my clean freak self-having the kids wash their hands after every meal no food/drinks markers /pens/ paint etc etc in their rooms-I still manage find stains on walls, bedding and carpet. Thx for the post made my day;)
That was awesome! Thanks for the much needed laugh!
To funny! thanks for the laugh this morning! I needed it.
Hysterical!
Interesting that none of the girls rooms provide a place for the kids to study and learn…..except for on the floor.
sigh….
Totally reminds me of Tiffany Beveridge’s “Quinoa” series–very much, actually.
http://www.pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/
What kind of imaginary world was Steve Jobs dreaming of when he made all of those laptops for working artists WHITE…they will be so dirty!. Or when Charles and Ray Eames designed a first-of-its-kind chair made out of the finest leather and wood, costing 20 times what a chair cost. Soooo unrealistic. What’s next? A world where people actually understand design? Madness….
Not every kid’s room has to be covered in cheerios with a frazzled mom or dad running behind telling them they are going to get a time-out if they don’t take their nap.
A little funny, but not really. If you don’t like the catalog, unsubscribe. Nothing wrong with children having neat rooms. Two sets of bunk beds in two girls’ or boys’ room is a great idea. Wonderful for sleepovers. And all children, no matter how many beds are in the house, love sleeping bags. It’s fun for them. My grandgirls’ room is a little on the elegant side, albeit in pink, but they play in their playroom. Realize everyone doesn’t have that option, but I taught my children there is a place for everything after play time. If it’s not our taste, doesn’t give us the right to be demeaning to someone else’s. Sorry.
bingo
No child I’ve ever seen has had a room like any of these in the catalog, whether they have a playroom or not, or come from money. I think the main point is it’s not at all realistic to have white linens and a mini sofa that costs more than an average sofa in a child’s playroom.
” If it’s not our taste, doesn’t give us the right to be demeaning to someone else’s.”
Why not? It’s taste, AKA opinion.
THanks for the awesome laugh, shared on my fb page.
Holy crap! That was hilarious! And the rocking horse comment, im glad im not the only one that thought that! Hehe! As a mom of five kids, I would of course decorate all of their rooms white and beige, because all of my perfect little angels are always spotless and responsible! My six year old for example, decided this morning to improve the adorable little outfit i chose for her(perfect!) by pulling on pants under the dress and pulling her socks over them to her knees!
LOVE.
Love the names of these adorably fortunate children??? LOL!!
Sounds like she has a severe case of “successful people Envy ” to me !
Restoration Hardware is thanking you right now for the re-walk through their catalog and the free exposure. This is terribly funny and just as many who will laugh are likely to think it’s really beautiful stuff of fantasy — just like childhood can be — whatever the surrounding appointments.
As a former stylist with dozens of room set and tabletop scenarios under her belt, I can say that we can all laugh ourselves silly over this. But here’s the thing: This stuff will move, big time–because the catalog is not selling furniture, it’s selling fantasy. Sound familiar? Peek into your closet. Fashion magazines, anyone?
Great stuff! But please, not Target! Send people to second hand and consignment shops. Much greener, cleaner and less toxic for the babies!
I’m sending this to my daughter, who just had her first baby, she’ll love it!
recently I was looking at this same catalog though updated for 2013, for ideas on vintage duvet for our son… Oh how gody, not sure our ancestors who were ‘normal’ people would approve. it all looks like something that Royals would have…love your posting about this!
I saw this catalogue as well and was astounded at the prices. I couldn’t agree with you more on everything you have said, and you were very funny at it!
All of RH reminds me of Flowers in the Attic. Unbelievably creepy
I’m cracking up. I wonder what they would say if they saw what my house looks like with my 4 kids LOL
Oh, my goodness. Not only are these rooms elaborate, that first photo looks kind of sad, like something out of a wax museum. Kids need some COLOR!
Your commentary cracked me up!
“Oh, Anne Cox Carter, isn’t it quaint pretending we’re poor and sleeping on the floor, even though you have four beds in your room?”
HAHA! I’m guessing the insane mom makes them sleep on the floor to not to disturb the perfectly made bed with 100 pounds of pillows, blankets, comforters, and quilts. Wouldn’t child protective services love to walk in to that room…
CPS agent: (walks in room) “I’m not sure what the complaint is Anne Cox Carter. You have 4 beautiful beds to choose from. Why did you call me?”
Anne Cox Carter: ” Because they make me sleep on the hard cold floor. They love their linens more than me. I’m forced to sleep with my little mouse friends.”
CPS agent: “OH! Hummmm… Pack a bag. I’m getting you out of here today…I’ll grab the linens.”
LMAO!!!!
OMG! I about died laughing! and the replies are just as hilarious. Thanks for making my day 🙂
How about the twinkle lights on the top bunks?? What kid, no matter his or her age, wouldn’t mess with those??
Rocking horse comment…TOPS IT!
I don’t want to grow up I’m a Restoration Hardware kid! lol
Once upon a time, I used to work for this wonderland of fantasy…slightly out of touch.
That was intertaining thanks,
Oh my goodness!
All these comments were hilarious! Today I could afford furniture like this (grew up sleeping 3 to a double bed and 2 double beds to a room), but I feel like the furniture pictured is not comfortable for a childs room!
hahaha….awesome post!! 🙂 loved every perfect bit of it!
Lindsay, you need to make one of those things where we can find out what out snooty, rich person name is.
Thank you!!!!!!!!! I always feel so dazed and confused looking at those crazy layouts!
I laughed out loud and will never look at catalogs such as this one (and Pottery Barn Kids, etc) without looking for the humor!
My boys would destroy that sofa in less than a week.
You haters!! Good beige is SOOOO hard to find …….
LOVELY….
I completely agree. I am an interior designer and I will say your baby/child does not want a gray room! They like color/contrast. Gray is blah for them. I love looking at these catalogs for inspiration but of course they don’t portray real life, they are selling something! Still, I repeat, your little ones do not want a gray and beige and off white room!
I loved this…..
Perhaps you would be happier if you spent more time enjoying the blessings & life YOU have. Instead you choose to focus on the negative & waste your time by giving it to others. Afterall, we all want attention in SOME way, don’t we?
Pot. Kettle.
Hahahahah fabulous job!!
hilarious! Loved it. Especially all the beds in those rooms. Don’t they know that rich people only have 1-2 children? That’s why they’re RICH!
the interesting things about this is as a baby doula I have actually seen baby’s rooms set up like this!!! OVER THE TOP insanity!!! this is all for the parents.
I’m dying. This is seriously hilarious!
I saw this catalogue too and oddly was not moved as you were to see it as completely wrong – you are spot on. hilarious.
OMG – I nearly peed! 🙂
This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Found you through It’s The Little Things.
Love your personality!
Phantom of the Baby’s Room?
These look like rooms ghosts would live in. Real warm & fuzzy stuff.
Hilarious!
I really want to say something…but I still can’t pry my chin off of the floor!
She had me at Rothtorkington 🙂
I used to sit with the Restoration Hardware Baby & Child catalogs, and my friend and I would make similar comments. I thoroughly enjoyed this post!
blech!!!! sterile!
Hmnn. I think the American/Canadian Pediatric Associations would have something to say about those crib bumper pads and the mosquito netting. That said, these children are shown having nicer bedrooms than me. Where is the justice?
I was thinking the same thing about the Christmas lights strung between bunk beds. One fall out of bed, get tangled in the lights..
I worried about the housekeeper accidentally walking into them like an electrified, much-more-terrifying spider web.
OMG…this is hilarious. Your names are the best…but I really like Rothtorkingtons. I will not let my children play with any Rothtorkingtons. LOL
This is great!
Oh how I just love this post! I don’t even have children yet, but I do secretly stash the Restoration Hardware baby magazines in my bedside table so that the minute I’m pregnant my husband and I can create the most perfect, exhaustingly unrealistic room as styled in the magazine. This post was fantstic and definitely made my day!
I grew up in a house decorated meticulously like these photos. My sister loved our bedroom and my brothers loved their room as well. I didn’t care for it but I was always the black sheep. Nevertheless it didn’t harm us in anyway and I do admit my siblings have great taste now as adults. My mother didn’t spend this kind of money but she certainly would appreciate the catalog’s choices.
I want that rocking horse! It’s beautiful!
Mary Keats Rothtorkington was my fav! Ha!
Hands down the funniest blog post I think I’ve ever written. Thank you for putting a smile on my face today!
This is the first time I’ve read your writing–absolutely hilarious!!! Great job 🙂
“Nothing says ‘future a**hole’ like a $1599 mini Kensington sofa…”
Hilarious!
what a great wit.
Where can I get this stuff? It’s wonderful! Ohh sh&t I just threw up.
I would love to see one of those cribs after a huge middle of the night diaper blowout.
Amen! kids need the freedom to be creative, messy and just plain children!
BRILLIANT! Thank-you for a great start to the day! 🙂
Oh my goodness, your comments are so funny. This person obviously does not have children.
This. Is. Amazeballs!!! New fan 🙂
Effing Brilliant!
You are hilarious and so right! I got the point before i even got to the mini Kennsington sofa, but because your commentary is so joyful to read…I just kept going. Loved this!
omg! Hysterical!!!
OH. MY. GOSH! I never LOL but this kept the LOLs coming! Thanks! As the mother of 7 children living in 2100 square feet (a conscious decision…which also includes building on while we live in the house) I say POWER to real unhyphenated moms everywhere! Just watch those freaking legos while you’re doing your power dance.
Oh my gosh, you are so dang awesome. This. Is. Perfect.
Anyone else see the snotty, smeary fingerprints on the crib mirror waiting to happen? Waiting for ME to have to clean?
Free with purchase– Elegant Brass Noose bracket
for when your child realizes what an f-ed up childhood he/she had!
I Like the one where the bed obviously has to be used as a trampoline so that the 5 year old can look in the mirror – I bet Tara Farkington Farquart’s not allowed to do that….
haha “Rothtorkington.” I’m still not past that part yet, I’m laughing too hard.
OMG! it has been a while since i have laughed so hard. You have an incredible talent for sarcasm and coming up with the most pretentious names possible. You are my favorite!
hmmmmmm….:)
Very clever post= Restoration hardware meets Edward Gorey
If you can afford to outfit your room like this, you can probably afford a “real” childrens’ room in addition. These places are the ones you show off to friends, relations, and judges from the Street of Dreams contest.
Children who enter “their” room without first asking permission, and being sealed in a bodily emission proof undersuit, have their trust fund dinged by $10,000.
I think a lot of this furniture is beautiful. I also want to point out that Target/Walmart leaves out the clutter in their flyer photos, too.
You are quite witty and I actually giggled through your thoughts. The restoration hardware catalog is beautiful and creative in it’s own right. The overarching message I received from your post,however, was just another rant on the affluent from an envious middle class mama, dressed up as humorous sarcasm. It is not easier to trash the catalog than publicly insult the creator? Yea…like we’d all prefer Target over Neiman’s. I doubt it.
relax. you sound like a self conscious elitist that sees comical comments on a clearly over-the-top catalog as a “workers of the world unite!” speech. “Middle class mama” – nice comment. worse than anything she wrote. I know plenty of people making 7 figures that dont over-indulge themselves, and especially their kids, with the crap that looks like it is made for the children of 18th century French royalty. Now go sit on your Pottery Barn couch and enjoy the 300% markup.
I could afford any of these rooms and YES I would choose Target over Neiman’s any time because I am PRACTICAL not stupid! Maybe the reason I CAN afford these rooms is because I chose to spend my money wisely!
Oh please anr, check yourself. Laughing at the juxtapositions of catalogue pictures is hardly a hissy fit about inequality. By the way, truly wealthy people hire designers to do up the kiddies rooms, with even more expensive stuff that isn’t going to appear in a bedroom down the street too. Fat cats hardly want the stuff that the middle class max out their credit cards to get in an effort to look wealthy to the friends and family.
Fabulous post – made my day especially given that our decor is early American garage sale.
OMG! Hilarious! I will never look at their catalog the same way. It is a horror story.
This. is. awesome.
you have a sense of humor. your husband does not think much of my humor!
This is hilarious and so true! People can’t seriously be buying this stuff for their children’s bedroom? Except maybe Prince William & Kate.
this is too dam good. toss a couple of 3 year olds with dirty hands and feet in any of those rooms and watch the butler have a heart attack. Only in the magazines people. Real Life is so… Real.
Oh my goodness, this is so hilarious and so sad at the same time. Having 11 myself I can attest that not one of these rooms would be thought up by, desired by, or dreamed of by any living child. The depressing lack of any color at all is as dreary as any Dickinsonian workhouse. So one over there, several someone’s over there are completely out of touch with reality. The stilted, stuffy, dreary beiged and greighed out rooms are bad enough for grown ups. But for children…seriously? Start saving for therapy now because these lifeless, colorless, cold, uninspiring rooms will have your kids emo before they get out of diapers.
Oh boy. Can I have any of this stuff for MY room? My kids would just destroy it.
Really? Talk about rude. Love all the rooms. Bedrooms are supposed to be for sleeping. No doubt all these kids have playrooms elsewhere and their bedrooms are used for what they are intended. Comes across as the writer is just a jealous twit.
i may be the only one but i love the rooms.. practical? No.. but im a mom of one girl who has a beautiful bedroom. I believe the playroom is her space for her toys and fun.. Its messy at times.. its used. Its colorful and full of all of her creative things. I love it..her bedroom is a bedroom. a place to quietly read, to do things she likes. To dress. To sleep. I don’t allow kids to play in there like a gym.. so im ok with those rooms..
Good point Nadine, perfect idea for ‘Connors’ room
Thanks for many LOLs!
Brilliant….simply brilliant.
What documents did the Luce-Romneybilts so expensively frame and light in Reese the III’s little bedroom?
These rooms are not intended for people who have real children. They are intended for people who believe that children are just another accessory to their lifestyle.
HAHAHAHA, I work at Resto and this is pretty damn hilarious, I’ve got to say. Glad to know my clients have good taste and definitely don’t bottle down to these stereotypical, WEIRD photographs, oh, and staging at it’s worst! Great article.
I had the EXACT same thoughts about some of this stuff. The animal prints are so frightening and that chandelier is just waiting to impale baby Anastasia Beaverhausen. (Will and Grace anyone?) They could have at least put some kids art work in those antique brass frames. Instead Anastasia’s first reading lesson is the US Constitution.
Super funny! I designed a safari room for my son years ago and he refused to sleep in it cuz he was afraid of the animal pics on the wall. #mommyfail
I would have thrived in these enviroments
hilarious
As the mother of a 1-year old baby girl, and also one who receives catalogs from RH (and even sometimes buys from), I can’t stop laughing about how ridiculous they truly are. And I must be seriously sleep deprived to not have noticed before myself. Hilarious. Thanks for the good laugh – much needed!
So funny. And have you been in the one in Nashville. Oh how non kid friendly is that place. Never greet a customer and forget about maneuvering through that place with a stroller. But I guess the people that shop there probably don’t take their kids shopping with them like us normal folks.
I go in with my stroller and plough right through (baby #5 changes you in delightfully non-PC ways), so baskets of baubles and neat stacks of faux luggage grind along the floor until they get pushed like waves to a display table shore. Somehow service staff know not to complain.
HA!!!
Haha, that is sooooo true. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thank you! I thought I was the only one. As they say, money can’t buy brains.
Apparently you do have more time on your hands to flip through the pages than actual interest in the product. I guess time well spent?
Funny how many people find this funny. What’s funny, it’s a catalog or kids room furniture. Either you like the style or you don’t. Why it is important to mock or make fun of someones taste, product or interest in something different than maybe your own. Don’t you and or the writer have something better to do. Why my friend sent this to me, I’ll never know or care.
And just so the little princess doesn’t forget that’s she’s royalty, there’s a huge-ass crown on top of the closet that she will literally gaze upon every night before she sleeps and when she wakes up in the morning–every single day of her life.
…and not ONE child EVER vomited in the middle of the night on their luxurious bedding.
And WHY do their outfits match the decor? Are we trying to disappear? Huh. So horrid.
what a hoot! i love your stories! stickin’ around for more! thank you for the chuckle…
clever
I want to let our two year old loose in those rooms and film it.
Could make a good miaoc video.
These pastel bedrooms are to the world as Kansas is to Oz.
This article made me laugh. Thanks! It’s always funny (and sad) to me when invariably one mom doesn’t get the joke and gets bitchy in the comments section. It actually has become some weird sort of hobby of mine to read the comments looking for those bad apples in the bunch. I mean, I could post something as innocuous as “I am grateful for this lovely day” and someone will find something offensive about it. Le sigh. http://www.laineygossip.com/Tina-Fey-and-mommy-boards/26196
Wow it’s amazing to me that you act like a catalog should look like a messy child’s room. They are “displaying” a product in a way you can look at all the items clearly.
I’ve never heard of this catalog, but are these people completely clueless or do they just live in a museum somewhere where no body ever touches anything?
I mean, they are BEAUTIFUL rooms…. but SO unrealistic. I literally, can not have anything on my kids walls, not even letters… they get destroyed. It sucks.
Show us the Clinton-Sorosbilt rooms?
Romneybilts
I kept looking at that rocking horse thinking whaaaat. Then; I saw it!!! The leg of the dresser. Hahahahahahahahahahaha….. This whole thing is so hilarious. I know I need to get a life, but, you made my morning. Thank you!
Whoooo. I dont know anyone who has bedrooms like those for their kids.
I loved it.
The colorless rooms are NOT what a child needs. Colors stimulate children, & I think some of these MIGHT be all right if there were repainted walls & bright linens, but no child could really be comfy in all that overstuffed frillyness or bland surroundings. Kids like to get messy, but would be afraid to in such sterile rooms. Sad.
Brilliant! Crying with laughter over coffee this morning. Made my day. 🙂
Don’t see anything whitty of funny in this article. RH makes beautiful stuff, that lasts and looks great. It is also very safe for kids. Yes, pricey, but you get what you pay for… Teach kids to take care of things, and this furniture will not be a problem… And a long term investment for the family…
Or, of course, you can go to Target, as writer suggests, and buy cheap, disposable plastic crap that will break and endanger your kids just the same and will litter our planet forever… Because it is MADE to be thrown away in 1-3 years anyways…
“Don’t see anything whitty of funny in this article.”
I don’t see anything “whitty”, either. (or is “Whitty of Funny” a person? A lord, perhaps?)
BAHAHAHAHAH, I’m a decorator and sometimes I look at these pictures of kids rooms and thought the very same thing………..this room could kill a kid or at least give him / her nightmares
………too funny
I think you can purchase those empty bottles, actually. They are like $29.
Rusty-looking old gym lockers are always my go-to storage solution, especially in the kids’ room.
I was howling! Esp loved your names..I can see a children’s book coming based on any of the above scenarios alà Roald Dahl or Lemony Snickett, come to think of it the above was a short story picture book in that style! Kudos.
Funny, very funny.
and to think I grew up with green shag carpet, a “C’mon baby light my fire sticker on my door, and a poster of Bobby Sherman…wow… hey RH, how about a little mind-stimulating color….say it with me now.. C-O-L-O-R! Those uber-luxury child names were the best – hilarious!!
The phantom has a sense of humour! He decided to move the rocking horse instead of dropping the chandelier!
FOUR BIG CLOCKS? that’s cruel. the first one with the off white brought me too the site. but the christmas lights ON THE BED … then i just reminded myself that this is an adult design person making a page. none of this is reality. nor could a child actually live in these rooms.
This is an extremely funny post, good for you (the German haiku, oh my!)
Why is all this stuff in white/off-white/oyster/ecru-whatever?!?! If you really wanted it to suit your kiddos, it would need to be brown and tan tie-dye for the under-four set and some pinky-purple that hides all the spilled princess gunk your little darling girl or red clay-colored to hide all the little man played hard stains your 5-11-year-old’s going to infuse into this tiny little wonderland!
No comment on the crown on the armoire????
This is only the second post I’ve read by you… and I’m subscribing. You are hilarious, thank you for the pick-me-up!
The gender differences were impeccable.
This is turned into the modern Gashlycrumb Tinies. Color me impressed. Would that be beige in this circumstance?
Wow a lot of judging here
Interesting how someone who has this much time on their hands is poking fun and judging a magazine rather then spending it with their kids.
[…] Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style @ Suburban […]
This is a RIOT! Thanks for the realistic jabs. Perfect for those of us with real kids.
I’m blinded by your wit! This is the best thing I’ve read in ages.
[…] luxe branding has drawn some eye rolls, including in the form of a widely shared Web parody of its children’s furnishings, in which a blogger added snarky captions to real photos of […]
I’m going to step in here in defense of the Restorarion Hardware store. As a vet/wid mother of four children, I needed a bed-time schedule. The bedrooms were to sleep and while there were play rooms, basement, and homework areas. My children keep a room to sleep as similar to the one int he picture. Unrealistically as it appears to you, to some it is a reality. In defense of the store, they have a few outlets were I’ve purchased items that otherwise I couldn’t effort to buy and replace.
[…] be sure to check out Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style and Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style, VOLUME […]
[…] Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style: suburban turmoil […]