What Lies Beneath

  1. Okay you are not my sister but AMEN SISTER! If I could give you 10 hi-fives I would. I am beyond disgusted with the phony images (or maybe not so phony because some people are really like that) that are displayed on some of these my kids are perfect, we do 25 million after school activities daily, I manage to keep my house looking like a palace and we save all of our money and have paid off every debt in life blogs lol!

    I for the longest use to beat myself up but then I started realizing if my Instagram filter makes me or that food shot look 10x better then imagine what it does for the person who may have a prettier background or takes better pics then me. I look at bloggers who seem to have it altogether then suddenly but surely you see they are divorced or what ever the situation is. I am no longer fooled by clean sterile perfect blogs with $800 logos and $3000 designs , $1000 Canon pictures and perfect pinterest worthy interior photos.

    I will take my kids who aren’t always immaculate, my living room that needs a good baseboard scrubbing and my husband who does drive me crazy sometimes any day because that’s my life and I am who I am. I don’t want to live a perfect picture life for anyone, other then myself.

  2. KLP says:

    Lindsey, you don’t know me, but I’ve seen you around Nashville at various restaurants and events. You always seem so perfect! It’s nice to hear that everyone, even you, feels flawed and uncertain at times. Keep writing and keep your spirits up! I love your blog.

  3. Amanda M. says:

    This is why you are my favorite.

  4. Eijohnson says:

    This, Lindsay, is why I’ve been reading since “The Blender” on Parents.com. 

  5. Tricia says:

    Amen!  I commented about this once before but I just want to remind you how I found your blog… and stayed.  I googled “I have maggots in my trashcan.”  You had the funniest post about it and at the time, it was summer and since you’re being honest I will too –  I also had maggots in my garbage can.  I didn’t know how to get rid of them.  
    Somehow I don’t see people pinning those honest things on Pinterest!  Anyway, I came all those years ago and I stayed because I like your writing – your honesty, imperfectness and humor.   I think you were pregnant with Bruiser when I started reading.
    Recently I subscribed to a blog that caught my eye but I find that when I get updates about new entries I just roll my eyes because I’m so sick of her and her perfectly decorated house and perfectly dressed kids with ridiculously adorable haircuts.  I feel like it’s a GapKids ad instead of a blog.

    • suburbanturmoil says:

       Ha ha! I totally remember that post. I should Pin the photo of my husband washing the maggots out! LOL.
      Tricia, that was a LONG time ago. Thanks for sticking around!

  6. dedejohnson says:

    I hate Pinterest. I refuse to join it. It’s just a big long glossy and well-photographed list of crap I am never going to do, engineered to make moms feel bad about themselves. I try to do other stuff instead. Like hang out with my kids.

  7. S. says:

    Wow! What blogs ARE there that show such perfection? You must know about some blogs that I don’t. Anyway, I like your blog because your tone is upbeat even though you never try to make us believe it’s all perfect at your house. Now, you asked why some moms feel like they need to pretend that things are perfect? Well, I can say this — I think that nobody wants to be the “Woe is Me” Mom on facebook who is constantly posting negative stuff. They are probably giving themselves a boost by posting their houses and children on good days. After all, isn’t it more fun to look at kids in their new clothes than to see photos of black mold on the walls? ….. Also, everything you’ve just described is why I would never write a blog. I couldn’t take the negative comments — so I want to applaud you for your courage!

  8. Triciad says:

    Echo here for disliking Pinterest also……but Lindsay Ferrier is always a win! I too love reading your blog because you seem to shoot from the hip, with no agenda, which is the best way 🙂  I’m a long-time reader too, and found you by searching the name of my neighborhood and stumbled across your mom’s club debacle.  I do firmly believe that sites like Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram have turned people to a mentality of “here’s what I’m doing” rather than “how are you?”  Anywhooooo, I enjoy reading you every day! Thank you for the honesty, humor, and information!

  9. Knewman4 says:

    Oh no! It was my comments that inspired this post! I don’t read many mom blogs. Only yours. I used to read Mycharmingkids but she quit her blog last year. I LOVE the information you throw out—recently on how to keep kids entertained in the winter, the reading post was amazing (I wish I had read it three years ago!), recipes, everything. I don’t think you are a “look at me my life is perfect” blogger. Perhaps there was a slightly more raw quality to your blog when I first started reading it….SIX YEARS AGO, wow, but then our kids were a lot younger and we were, as you point out, getting a lot less sleep!!!! I really don’t think there is a rampant case of momupmanship. At least not any more than usual. We’re all trying hard and doing our best. And sometimes when I really do my best I like to post pictures of it (V-day cookies, sleep chart, etc.). And there are different audiences. I’m often trying to impress my MIL, who was a stay at home mom, and I’m trying to show that I’m present and “home”, even though I’m a work out of the home mom. You know? Anyway. You are great. I’ve followed you for years because you are a great writer, hilarious, a great mom, and completely human. Thanks for being out there.

    • suburbanturmoil says:

       I think Pinterest and Facebook have definitely increased the momupmanship- online and in real life. I’m hearing more and more complaints from other moms about reading Facebook and Pinterest and feeling like they can’t keep up with the other mothers. And I just really don’t want to contribute to that in any way…

      • Knewman4 says:

         You don’t! Believe me, you don’t.

        • Knewman4 says:

           And, what’s more, is I have been trying a bunch of your ideas. We started Harry Potter last night, and I’m using the sleep chart idea with “pleasure reading.” Jacob is earning a Pillow Pet Dream Light by reading at least one chapter of a chapter book every day. And I’ve been trying to model reading more. It’s not as hard as I worried it would be :-).

          • Knewman4 says:

            Yet another update from the reading experiment. I made my kids sit through me reading the first two chapters of Harry Potter. And now they CAN’T get enough. Today was a snow day (no school) and I read Harry Potter for FOUR HOURS. Anyway. If you wrote one of those perfect blogs I wouldn’t be reading you. I learn from you, helpful tips, but also the gentle and vital art of self forgiveness. The hardest parenting trick of all.

  10. sasha says:

    I read you back when you were Lucinda (something like that) I read as many mom blogs as I could find. Now, just yours. Thanks for staying true to who you are!

  11. Melissa says:

    I don’t like the “perfect” blogs. And I hate parenting magazines. Because my life looks nothing like them. You know what my favorite post you ever did is? Like, EVER? The one about Bruiser finally going poop on the potty. I go and track it down every once in a while to remind myself that not every mom has their children perfectly potty trained in a day at the age of two. 

    I’ve learned a lot in the three years I’ve been a mom. One of the things I’ve learned is that my child is MY child. He is unique. He is an individual. He has a mind that is smarter than I know. I can’t plug some formula into him and expect perfect results. Sometimes I come across good ideas on blogs or whatever when I’m looking for ways to do something with him, but I also come across a lot of stuff that I can take one look at and I know that’s not for my child. And it doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom. 

    So y’know what? My three year old is still in diapers. THERE I SAID IT. MY THREE YEAR OLD SON IS STILL IN DIAPERS AND I DON’T CARE. He refuses to sit on the stupid potty and acts like we’re torturing him if we encourage him to. He doesn’t like books that much. He pretty much only eats carbs on any given day and throws a huge fit if we put anything green on his plate. And he’s speech-delayed. Which isn’t my fault but I felt for a long time like it was. 

    So he’s not like the “average” child. But I don’t care. He’s mine. And I love him so much it feels like my heart is going to explode every time I look at him. So I take every blog with a grain of salt. I am so happy for you that your kids love to read! I love to read and I hope my children do too someday. But they may not, and if that’s the case, I’m just going to have to be okay with that, because it’s not my job to make them perfect. It’s my job to love the living daylights out of them. 

    • suburbanturmoil says:

       You’re awesome, Melissa. Thanks for keeping it real. 🙂 I think all of our kids have a laundry list of imperfections- They’re strong in some areas, weak in others. Some of us are just more honest about this than others!

      • Melissa says:

        I wish moms were more honest about this instead of trying so hard to make their kids look like the best all the time. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a kid. 

    • Mary says:

      My first daughter was trained a week after her third birthday. My second daughter was 3 and a half. Tried at two and a half with both and failed miserably. They just weren’t ready! Do do not feel bad!

      • Melissa says:

        Thank you!!!! Most of the time when it comes up that my oldest son isn’t potty trained yet I end up getting told everything I must be doing wrong. LOL Which is another thing that bugs me – why do other moms assume I’m just doing it wrong? Do I give off an air of incompetence? Sheesh. 

  12. Victoria says:

    Lindsay, this is exactly why I read your blog. I’m a long-time reader (but hardly ever comment) and I LIKE that you’re not perfect and that you don’t pretend to be. I’m so tired of the illusion of perfection – on blogs, at church, in the schoolyard, at work. None of us are perfect, none of us have it together, all of us have weaknesses, and yet we swallow this illusion hook, line and sinker. So thank you for being honest, and for standing up to this insane pressure to look like you’ve got it all together.

    • suburbanturmoil says:

       Thank you, Victoria! I realized last year that now that I’ve been raising kids for 12 years and have experienced every age of childhood, I do have some perspective and I shouldn’t be afraid to share it. But I don’t want to come off as EVER having all the answers, because– ANNOYING. I’m reading a book about motherhood now with an author who’s making me insane because every anecdote is about her perfectly perfect children and how she made them so perfect. UGH.

  13. Amy Kovach says:

    You know, this is very interesting.  I am 55 now (how did that happen?) and my kids are grown and on their own.  I love your blog  and have read it for years for the heartwarming stories and laughs and the way it makes me reminisce of my own early mom days. I like Pinterest too, for ideas, recipes, gardening tips. I’m totally non crafty or creative, so I guess I don’t feel competitive. I just take what I can use.

    And I guess that’s how I look at this whole mom-upsmanship thing. If you enter the competition, you always will feel like you are losing. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see how little of that stuff really matters. Life dishes out its share of ups/downs and mostly in betweens to us all. It is how we respond to those things that matters – with love, kindness, courage, and hopefully a bit of our dignity…  The perfect hair/nails/makeup/kids rooms and outfits/crafts…not so much.
    Watching you blossom as a writer, journalist, of course mom, and Dare-taker has been a lovely piece of pleasure that I fit into my day. 

    • suburbanturmoil says:

       I continually try to remind myself that the little stuff doesn’t matter- but often, that’s easier said than done! Thanks for your perspective.

  14. Mary says:

    I will admit that this post did make me feel inferior. I was a book addict as a child. I read all the time to my girls. They definitely did not inherit my love of reading. They read, yes. But the only time my oldest has been sucked into books is when she was absorbing the Hunger Games series or the Twilight series. I only wish they would spend their spare time with their noses in books.

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