>When Candy Attacks
>Subject: Your blog disgusts me
Date: Sunday, August 17, 2008 6:00 PM
From: “Marzipan”
To: “suburban.turmoil@yahoo.com”
Not only does its asinine content annoy me but now you’ve plummeted to the least common denominator with that disgusting welcome page. Ugh. You think that’s cute, I am sure. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that bodily functions–whether they come from an adult, baby or animal–are not cute? Apparently not. Yet, you continue to foist your base scatology in everyone’s face. If I ever needed evidence of the decline of human civilization, you’re it.
Subject: re: Your blog disgusts me
Date: Wednesday, August 20, 2008 8:30 AM
From: Suburban Turmoil
To: “Marzipan”
Frankly, Marzipan, I don’t like you either. I actually got a piece of you a few weeks ago from Whole Foods and I was all excited because I’d heard so much about you. What a disappointment. You were dry, tasteless, and totally ordinary- certainly not worthy of all that Nutcracker hype. Let’s just stay the hell away from each other, ‘kay? I’ll take an Almond Joy over you any day.
>I’m feeling a new tagline here: “Foisting base scatology on you since 2005.”
>Nice reply, Lindsay. Some people just don’t get it. I think your header photo is hilarious, but your son probably won’t some day. Ha ha. 😉
>”Foisting base scatology on you since 2005.”Good one, Busy Mom! That should at least be an implied tagline. 🙂
>wow! some people are nutso and have no sense of humor! if they find your blog so disgusting why are they reading it!
>Maybe you should try fart and dick jokes instead?
>Seriously? People are fucked. To take the time to write you an email and tell you how horrible you and your blog are? I say send Marzipan the beer barf!
>I love your header/photo!that marzipan comment makes me feel creepy. I need to shower off all the sticky nast now.
>Loved the reply Lindsay!LMAO @ busy mom’s comment!Malia
>I love a good dick joke:-)
>LMAO! What a great reply. I used to get nasty e-mails at “my other blog,” but I’d just ignore them. I could never come up with anything that good!
>Um… Marzi… that little X in the top right hand corner of your browser window? Use it. And move on. Some people have too much time on their hands!
>That’s too funny. I would have spent way too long writing out a crazy email in reply. I like the way you handle things. LMAO!
>Yeah my vote is for a few wiener jokes too. Or are they just a joke in themselves… I mean I know they are necessary to an extent but… c’mon… they are visual humor at it’s finest.
>I’d suggest that there are more ‘poo filled’ blogs than not…at least you are honest about it *smiles*
>Niiiice…Although I may be prejudice: I don’t like marzipan either. You wouldn’t think it possible to ruin candy, much less almond flavored candy
>Apparently Marzipan didn’t appreciate how you carefully photoshopped your son’s butt crack out of that header.I’m also thinking Marzipan isn’t a parent.Way to have fun with this!
>Is this person for real? If writing about “disguisting” topics is off limits, most parent blogs would read like a redacted war telegram.
>Yeah, I don’t enjoy Marzipan at all. I mean, I want to, SOUNDS enjoyable. But the reality is gritty, bland, with kind of an ‘off’ taste and seriously? Smells faintly reminiscent of puke in a diaper bag.And as for YOU, ya gypsy princess, you– foist away.You get the best hate mail ev-er.
>I think your header is awesome. Loved your reply.
>I totally envy your hate mail.
>I think you need to add some marzipan poo to your header. You know, in honor of her and her crap. “Marzi-POO” ;0)(Psst, marzi-poo…GROW UP! If you have not graduated from junior high yet, then you probably need to just drop out. Your jealous ignorance is showing.)
>Good gravy what crawled up her butt and died?For the record I have no clue what Marzipan is but if it is anything like the hatemail BLECH!
>Someone most definitely pissed in her Cheerios that morning.I like another commenter’s suggestion… send her the beer barf.
>Damn. Nobody told me that bodily functions aren’t cute either!Actually I wasn’t aware that any bodily functions were going on in that picture. Now I see them. How cute, Love those bod functions. Simply adorable. I’ll show you some photos of mine soon, okay? We had some precious ones the other day.; )
>LOVING busy mom’s idea. 🙂
>OMG, that was awesome! lol.
>Yeah, people don’t like to talk about it but candy has a dark side. Particularly almond-based candy.Agree that “Foisting base scatology on you since 2005” is a great tagline. doitdoitdoitdoitdoit
>Oh please! If you are a parent or the owner of a puppy or kitten, your life revolves around everything poo related. Celebrate something that EVERYONE does. We should be worshipping the poo, because if we don’t have it, we are lost. Everyone should have a poo-meter to gauge how their day is going. How about a piece of marzipan that looks like poo? You know what I have to say about it? Poo-poo.
>I never knew candy was so vocal.Asshats need to move on. By sending you an email, she’s just basically telling you that you were too cool for her to just stop reading.
>UGH. Insulted by MARZIPAN? Give me a break. I mean I could totally see if you got insulted by a succulant nougat or something, but MARZIPAN?!! The only thing worse would be if you got hatemail from a Circus Peanut.
>OMG I can’t believe she/he would take the time to send you an email sending that! She/he must be insane or something with nothing else to do. Why are they even reading your blog if you digust them? What a Maroooon.
>Somebody really felt the need to tell you that? Lindsay I’m sure you are working on a new header, right?To heck with the troll.
>Hahaha, great response! (And your page header is cool, regardless of what Nut Paste thinks of it.)
>thing 1: Marzipan?! Why not just name yourself crouton or melba toast?Thing 2: Yankee loves you header, but I don’t think he even noticed little Bruiser was there.
>Marzipan is SO yucky. This made for an excellent blog post!! Thanks yucky Marzipan.
>Marzipan – candy for the constipated (oops…that’s base scatology again…shit…oops…there I go again…and again….)
>Oh yes, a woman changing a diaper is a sure sign of the decline of civilization. Damn, I thought the fact that Bruiser was on a changing table instead of the floor was a sign you were way more sophisticated than I could hope to be.
>Excellent reply Lindsay! I think Marzepan is experiencing a pre-occupation with scatology or he/she wouldn’t be discussing “base scatology”!! Also, who talks like that??? Foist – I mean is Marzepan channeling shakespeare? I’m guessing Marzepan doesn’t haven’t children (or friends). I too like your header/picture.
>I have to say that I don’t often read comments, but when I do, I do not understand, AT ALL, why people feel the need to leave something mean spirited and nasty. We deal with enough unpleasantness in real life. When on line, you have the choice to read or move on.Yikes. By the way, I have never liked Marzipan.
>Marzipan sucksprolly spits, too.
>I think we met her at BlogHer…stale bitch.
>You know you’ve made it when you can get elicit such strong reactions! And yeah, what’s up with Marzipan…yuck.
>Obviously Marzipan hasn’t been reading “Motherhood Uncensored”…I’ve been staring at a blog feed on my blog all day with the title “You Try Getting Your Husband to Wear a Vibrating Leather Cock Ring”….
>Can you imagine how furious your response made Marzipan? Nicely done.
>I guess that’s what you eventually get when you have so many readers, but seriously… Go to a different blog then, buddy?
>the day you change your header pic will be a sad day in blogville.I love the display of bodily functions, and maybe she poops marzipan?
>Mr/Ms Marzipan sounds like a dweeb loser. “The decline of human civilization”??!!Come on! A mother and a baby are the epitome of human civilization. It’s scary the dopes that are out there. Your content is perfectly fine and your header is fun and original.
>I didn’t know that a main ingredient of marzipan was asshattery. Hmm…you learn something new every day.
>What a punk. I like your blog. You’re funny. Simply said. All her effusive verbiage just hid her stupidity.
>yeah, marzipan leaves a bitter taste in the mouth for sure. don’t you just want to dip it in poison and shove it up its own arse?
>Tell me that her name is really Marzipan. Because that explains everything.I’d totally go around troll emailing mothers if my mom did that to me too.
>I agree, poop isn’t funny. It is serious business. And it is relaxing. I can think of nothing better than a nice relaxing poop. With a magazine, the bathroom window open, a nice breeze coming in, and a good book.Now THAT, my friends, is living.Namaste.
>Last time I checked babies shit… a lot. Then they grow up and turn into us aand continue to shit. Then they turn old and the shit either speeds up or slows down. Seems to me having a shitty life IS natural & normal.
>Marzipan – here’s five bucks, go buy yourself a sense of humor.Lindsay – you rock. You go on wiping as many asses as it takes.
>Scatology and Moronzipan make for one of those funny little coincidences in life cycle evolution: Moronzipan doesn’t like scatology. So Moronzipan, adhere to the ‘scat’ part of the equation, and do so.Personally, I think your critic is jealous of your writing skills, humor, and hit counter.And I got a kick out of Busy Mom’s innovative tagline 😉
>I think it’s Aimee…first beer puke, now trolling.Bitch.
>Lindsey:I just love your header, very original! As far Marzipan, well, as they say “Opinions are like assholes, EVERYBODY has one!” or “Please, feel free to get a life, ELSEWHERE!”Loved your response! LMAO!!!
>HAHAHA Marzipan.She’s just jealous that she’s never changed a diaper in full blown hair and makeup, complete with accessories, in a little black dress. I think the whole picture rates an A. If you have on F*** Me 3 inch heels with that dress it’s an A+.Wouldn’t change a thing.
>Hahaha. Way to respond to that e-mail! Excellent.
>I think I’m keeping Marzipan off our shopping list…As a lifestyle photographer, I would love nothing more than to talk a mom into this pose. I’ve tried. Believe me, I have. But nobody has your boldness. And that’s probably why I love this picture so much.ROCK ON, LINDSAY!
>1. Marzipan is yucky whether I’m tasting it or reading it.2. I think your header graphic is lovely.
>Well they say once you’ve got hate mail you know you’ve arrived. 🙂
>Oooohhhh – that was goooood!
>Seriously? Jealousy from Candy Girl. It’s cuz you are hot and jealousy is not. You almost feel sorry for those without a sense of HUMOR! Hello! If you can’t laugh at the poop life throws you all is lost. Plummet on and keep up the snappy replies!
>I’ll keep it simple: Love the picture, love the response…don’t like Marzipan!
>LOL.
>LMAOYou’re my hero.
>LMAO!You’re my hero.
>Wow! Did she just take the GRE or what? Those are some hundred dollar words she was flinging around willy-nilly. Anybody who can use “scatology” in a sentence knows a WHOLE LOT MORE about poo than they are letting on…maybe she was humiliated by a naked baby photo as a teenager.Blessings!