When Pinterest Attacks
I’ve already established that my children (bless their hearts) will never find a mommy-made squirrel sandwich inside their lunchboxes…
But the attention that my recent post on that subject received (not to mention the wonderfully colorful insults e-mailed to me by a handful of highly agitated people I’ve come to think of as Brown Bag Dad and the Bento Box Bullies) has resulted in a disturbing side effect–
I’ve become obsessed with my kids’ lunches.
Don’t worry-Â I’m not adding hands and feet to their food or anything… but somehow, after seeing hundreds of photos on Pinterest of colorful and nutritious kids’ lunches, my own children’s peanut butter sandwiches and Goldfish just didn’t seem to cut it anymore. So I’ve tried to change things up a little- replacing grapes with pineapple slices, for example, and potato chips with organic blue corn chips and salsa. I’ve also scoured Pinterest for foods that could replace that boring old sandwich.
One of my favorite finds has been pizza buns.
Specifically, THESE pizza buns.
These delicious-looking buns come from the kitchen of a blogger named Rebecca, who calls them a simple solution for school lunches.
Did someone say simple?
Because I can do simple.
Besides, how can you not trust this face? If I were a kid, I would eat whatever Rebecca the Blogger gave me, and I bet it would taste like unicorns.
That’s how I ended up making Rebecca’s simple, unicorn-flavored pizza buns last week. But as I got started, I quickly encountered a problem– Rebecca’s recipe began with instructions to throw water, sugar and yeast into my Bosch.
My… Bosch? What the hell was a Bosch? I followed Rebecca’s link and discovered to my horror that a Bosch was a $504.97 mixer.
These pizza buns just got a whole lot more expensive.
“I need a five hundred dollar mixer to make your pizza buns, Rebecca?” I asked her picture on my laptop. “Seriously?”
Rebecca didn’t respond. She didn’t need to.
“You don’t have a Bosch, hmm?” her eyes said wryly. “How interesting. How quaint.“
“You know what’s interesting-er?” I retorted.
“THIS.”
Aw yeah. Simple solutions, SUBURBAN TURMOIL STYLE. I tried not to look at Rebecca’s image on my laptop screen for validation… but I couldn’t help myself.
“Store-bought pizza crust?” Rebecca’s eyes seemed to say as she peered out at me from the screen. “Good luck with that.”
“Oh be quiet,” I muttered as I popped open the can of dough.
I carefully spread out the dough on my countertop, coated it with pizza sauce, added cheese and pepperoni, rolled the whole thing up, and sealed it into a big, messy jelly roll. Then I sliced it and painstakingly placed each slice on a baking stone.
Funny, this was totally not how Rebecca’s pizza buns had looked at this stage.
It was time for some moral support.
So I‘m trying to make these Pinterest pizza buns, but the woman in the recipe is totally MOCKING me, I texted my friend Yvonne. It’s like she already knows I can’t do it!!
Then I texted her Rebecca’s photo for confirmation.
And the worst part? I continued…
‘See?” I told Rebecca’s photo. “It’s not just me. Even my friends think you’re being a little bit… inappropriate!”
“OMG, did you know you have pizza sauce in your hair?” Rebecca’s eyes shot back. “LAUGHING MY FRILLY APRON OFF.“
I slammed my laptop shut. Just as I was about to pick it up and hurl it to the ground, I heard the sound of the oven buzzer.
THE PIZZA BUNS WERE READY.
Hoping for a miracle, I put on an oven mitt and took the baking stone out of the oven.
Um. No.
There was no way these things were going into my kids lunches.
However, all was not lost…
“It’s supper time!” I shouted.
Yes. I served these fugly pizza buns for dinner. And despite the fact that they looked like… well, I won’t say what they looked like because if I do, you will probably never want to eat pizza again…
EVERYONE LOVED THEM.
Yes, friends, Rebecca’s pizza buns were a raging success- which made me feel bad for fighting with her. Clearly, she was just trying to help. Once everyone had eaten and I had the kitchen to myself again, I sheepishly opened my laptop.
“I just wanted to say… I’m sorry,” I told my computer screen.
“Oh, don’t worry about it,” her eyes replied. “I knew you could do it! And I’ll bet that some day, you’ll even be able to afford that Bosch.”
“Let’s be best friends,” I whispered.
Rebecca just smiled.
Images used with gracious permission from my new BFF, Rebecca.
Well, she does look a little smug in that photo, but she must be a good sport, too. I think those things look good… though I’m not sure my boys would eat ’em cold for lunch…
I talk to her picture every day now, and she is very supportive.
This has me laughing so hard….
Um, the whole rising and cooking them in a pan rather than on a stone? Might have improved the outcome, though they must have been tasty…with your eyes closed. Anyone who has a $500 mixer could probably afford a personal chef (then again, some kitchen aids go that high…)
Hysterical! I love it!
Hilarious!!!!!!!
Oh how I laughed at this post…and can relate!! Too funny. 🙂 Glad Rebecca is a great sport and allowed you to use her picture. She does look like a super sweet person and that made it all the more hilarious.
She has also turned out to be a GREAT listener!
I wish I had read this before I had to clean my oven because another Pinterest recipe, why does everything look so yummy and easy on all those food blogs, it is not real…..
I take photos of my food sometimes when I share recipes, and one person said I made the food look ugly! So you can always come here for the REAL DEAL. 😉
Too funny! We make pizza dough without a Bosch all the time btw.
I have made dough a few times, but it’s never any better than the dough I buy frozen from the store and let rise. My counter space is practically non-existent, which isn’t great for bread making.
Oh hilarious!!! I can’t tell you how many things I’ve tried that look nothing like the pretty picture on the internet. Like my flat soupy cinnamon rolls. Yeah. Oops.
And what is with people getting their panties in a wad over you poking fun at the lunch thing? Y’know what’s wrong with the world today is everyone takes themselves too seriously. People need to remember how to laugh. 🙂
Any time a post gets lots of views, there are at least a few angry e-mails- even over the killing of innocent fruit flies!
Oh the poor fruit flies!!! Say it isn’t so!!! Someone call PETA!!!
So funny! I’ve had lots of luck with Pinterest but there have definitely been failures. No fancy Bosch mixer here, just my trusty KitchenAid, however my husband makes pizza dough in the bread machine.
LOVE THIS!!
This is hilarious!! And, what a good sport for letting you use her photo over and over. Awesome.
Hilarious!!
Too funny… now I want to try making them and see how they turn out.
I’ve learned more than once that just because the results don’t look like the pretty pictures, they still may be delicious and become a family favorite!
lmao
Classic!!! I make these, but I just use frozen sheets of puff pastry. Maybe try that? 🙂
“If I were a kid, I would eat whatever Rebecca the Blogger gave me, and I bet it would taste like unicorns.” I almost peed my pants.
Ha!!! When people tell me about recipes involving things like yeast and fancy mixers, I take that as an opportunity to educate them. “You know you can buy [WHATEVER THING YOU’RE MAKING FROM SCRATCH] at the store, right?” And then I smile like Rebecca. 😉