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November 7, 2013 posted by Lindsay Ferrier

Burned. On Facebook. By My Mail Carrier.

Burned. On Facebook. By My Mail Carrier.

Dear Mail Carrier,

You’ve been bringing me my mail for like, ten years now, so I can’t say I was shocked when you friended me on Facebook several months ago.

I realize that the request could have been a little awkward- I mean, some people like to reserve Facebook for actual friends— Clearly, I’m not one of those people. I’m more than happy to accept friend requests from former kindergarten classmates, neighbors, the cafeteria lady at my kids’ school, my gynecologist, and really anyone who even just wants to be friends- I mean, unless the friend request comes with a message like this one:

Facebook-Message
Thanks, Deepanshu. It’s nice to be missed… Um. Have we met?

Anyway. Deepanshu, sadly, did not make the cut, but you did, Mail Carrier, and I had to admire the way you immediately got all up in my life and started giving my posts and photos a big thumbs up. In return, I ‘liked’ the photos of your fishing trip, and even managed to wish you a happy birthday a day in advance. We were nicer to each in person after The Friending, too- Our smiles were more genuine when we met outside my house, our hellos more jovial. I was glad that you could finally see past your image of me as the kind of woman who gets Soft Surroundings and J.Jill catalogs (which I DID NOT ORDER, by the way)– and instead see me for the fun loving, adventurous, adorably quirky Facebooker I try to make myself out to be.

And then, something happened.

I don’t really know what happened. I don’t even know when whatever happened happened. All I know is that last week, for some reason I thought of you, and it occurred to me that you hadn’t liked my posts in a while. With a vague sense of concern, I looked you up on Facebook, and there you were…

…with an ‘Add Friend’ button underneath your picture.

“My mail carrier unfriended me?” I whispered, staring at your blurry Facebook profile picture in shock.

“My mail carrier unfriended me?” I said again.

“My mail carrier unfriended me?!” I asked a third time.

It was a dark day at the Ferrier house, a day I’ll remember forever as the time I lost a friend… who was never actually a friend.

Since that time, I have to tell you, Mail Carrier, you’ve put me in a bit of a Facebook funk. I mean, I have so many questions about this unfriending. Did I somehow offend you with that joke about the two old ladies and the parrot walking into a bar? Were my  periodic humble brags about my kids (trust me, sometimes I want to slap myself) unbearably irritating? Was it the constant linking to inspirational videos and sayings that put you off me completely?

Couldn’t you just have kept me around as a hate read, Mail Carrier?

Yesterday, you pulled up to my mailbox as I was taking down the Halloween decorations outside. I paused, not sure of what to do next, half-expecting a scowl come across your face the moment you spotted me. After all… We were now officially Unfriends. It was bound to be ugly.

To my surprise, you smiled and waved. “Hi Mrs. Ferrier,” you said.

After debating for a moment over whether to rush at you shouting, “Why did you unfriend me, Mail Carrier? WHY??! WHY?!! WHYYYYYY!???!!?”  I finally raised a hand in greeting and bared my teeth in a grin-like fashion. “Hello,” I croaked. As you shut my mailbox and drove on to the next house, I stood rooted to the spot.

Hi Mrs. Ferrier? What was that supposed to mean?  Were you merely observing the proper etiquette of one who has unfriended a Facebook friend that was never really a friend in the first place? Are we truly supposed to just continue on as though we barely know each other, simply because we barely know each other?

It’s really too bad I’m spending so much energy trying to solve this impossibly complex social conundrum, because I swear, I was right on the verge of figuring out how to end world hunger… and then THIS happened.

Have a nice Thanksgiving.

Your former Facebook friend,

Lindsay Ferrier

P.S. Please stop putting my packages in front of the garage door. Yesterday, I ran over our new DVD player.

Image via mkhmarketing.wordpress.com

Comments

comments

  • joyunexpected

    hahhahahhahahhaha. That’s really all I can think of right now.

    • suburbanturmoil

      I am sure you’re laughing WITH me, and not AT me, right? RIGHT?

      • joyunexpected

        I’m laughing at all of it. So awkward, SO FUNNY.

  • RookieMom Whitney

    Laughing out loud. Well told, Lindsay!

  • babybloomr

    I’ve heard postal employees are notoriously fickle friends. It’s not you, it’s him. Keep telling yourself that.

    • suburbanturmoil

      I will repeat it like a mantra.

  • yasmara

    My mother-in-law unfriended me on FB! That’s a story I will *never* get tired of telling! (she did eventually re-friend me)

    • Lisa D Acord

      I think we need to hear that story. Sounds like it has potential.

    • suburbanturmoil

      Ha! The ultimate unfriend!

      • My son un-friended me….. Ouch! 😉

        • suburbanturmoil

          Noooo!

    • Meredith

      My sister in law recently unfriend me! 🙂

      • suburbanturmoil

        Boo.

  • Anonymous

    Facebook unfriends people without them doing anything sometimes. I swear it happens. So maybe he thinks you unfriended him?

    • Mary (http://owlhaven.net)

      Yup, facebook did that to me a couple times too. Once with my daughter, who I am quite sure did NOT unfriend me.

      • sandwichgenmom

        I’m almost positive at least one of my three daughters has unfriended me…but I have two spares.

  • mamakatslosinit

    This is hilarious. Who friends their mail carriers? I couldn’t point our mail carrier out in a line up! So funny.

  • cheesehead4ever

    I agree with the poster that said Facebook sometimes unfriends people randomly. One time a few months ago my husband discovered that hews no longer friends with me along with about 25 other people. So he had to send out new friend requests.

  • Oooh yikes. Always the most awkward ever when you realize an avid commenter no longer comments…because they unfriended you. Even worse when you have to see them every day!

  • southie_midsy

    If my former USPS mail carrier ever attempted to friend me, I’d run for the hills. He was the super creepy sort, who when I was sent updates to my church youth group, decided to start writing Bible verses on my mail and judging my youth group’s outing to a haunted house for Halloween. Later, he felt the need to urgently discuss with me my choice of colleges when I got acceptance letters, and again, felt the need to write long, meandering missives on the backs of envelopes addressed to me. So, be happy you were just unfriended and that he appears to be at least somewhat balanced? Take that small victory!

    • mail lady 1

      He does sound creepy! Did you report him to the Postmaster? He should not had been writing on your mail either! Good thing he is your former carrier….

  • Jessica Hall

    I’m sure either he did it by accident or his girlfriend/wife got jealous of him having someone so beautiful on his page! Lol I don’t think anyone would delete you on purpose. 🙂

  • Sunny m

    My husband is a mailman so this makes me laugh even harder :-). But one time my MOTHER unfriended me! So I passive aggressively sent her a friend request so she knew that I knew… Take that mom!

    • suburbanturmoil

      Ha! Good one. 🙂

    • christine delguercio

      Hahaha awesome 🙆

  • wiseone2980

    my husband unfriended my father. I then had the awkward conversation with my mother where she asked me if i knew what had happened…

    • suburbanturmoil

      Ouch.

  • Inquiring Mind

    Ok, now that you’ve sucked us all in…cave and ask him!!! Inquiring minds want to know.

    • suburbanturmoil

      NEVER! I don’t know him well enough! Isn’t that… ironic?

  • Shey

    At the time…my mother in law (now ex MIL) deleted and blocked me, her only child, my kids, sisters, brothers and anybody that had contact with me on fb. Went as far as asking all her family and friends on fb to delete me and her ONLY child on fb too. It was sooooooooooo crazy!!

  • mail lady 1

    I am a rural mail carrier & facebooker.. I think it would be a pretty good idea not to friend your Post Master, co-workers or CURRENT customers. Just too much info! That said I have friended a couple of people that I — USED to deliver to & it’s been nice, something about not handling their mail makes it more relaxing. I have 1 sister & she defriended me, go figure! Lindsey, I love your sense of humor & your p.s. made me laugh!

  • Chiquita

    Being a current rural carrier, I would bet your carriers facebook account got “hacked”. Meaning that she had to delete her old facebook account. And then start to re-create a new facebook account. Sad but true, this happens more than you may know. Our Customers are #1 to us! And we truly enjoy the relationships we have with our customers,new and old! Look her up, ask for friendship, she will probably be able to pickup again with you after the holiday season. Until then, Happy Holidays, from a rural carrier in Minnesnowta!

  • HollyStormBurge

    Maybe it was his wife? A little jealous?

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