>The Business of BlogHer

>Yes, it’s approaching that time again- That time when I go to BlogHer and then spend the next week writing (what I consider to be) hilarious/scandalous stories about what happened.

Last year was my first BlogHer experience. I was excited to go, but I tried to temper my anticipation with realism. There was a chance, after all, that these women who were so funny and clever and kind on their blogs would be bitchy and sullen in real life. Fortunately, that was not the case at all. BlogHer was all kinds of awesome. I met so many amazing women and I laughed so hard and learned so much and drank so many cocktails that it was one of the highlights of… well, my adult life, actually.

This year, knowing what I know, I can barely contain myself. But I’m also nervous- because this year, I’m supposed to, like, do stuff besides show up. I’m moderating the very first panel of the mommyblogging track on Friday morning, which means I probably shouldn’t (but probably will anyway) pull an all-nighter Thursday night with my roomates. Even more nerve wracking, I’m reading one of my posts in front of God and everyone on Friday night (thank Jeebus Y is reading one of her posts, too- I might have her hold my hand while I attempt to squeak out mine at the mic). Then on Saturday, some of my blog friends and I are hosting the second annual CheeseburgHer Party, which is sponsored this year by Alphamom! Thanks, Isabel! And before you get huffy, if you’re reading this and you’re going to BlogHer, you’re invited to the party. Yes! This is not some exclusive, only-the-bloggers-we-deem-appropriate shindig! This party is for everyone who loves cheeseburgers, fries, and liquor! More on how to get the deets on this year’s party later in this post.

But first, I’m going to share a secret with you. I sort of love Dooce. And Finslippy.

Frankly, the dames who write these blogs have a way with words, a way that is inimitable and unique and reading their posts has a way of reminding me who I am and what makes me different, and getting me back on track. And I find myself coming back to their blogs over and over again, despite the fact that I-have-no-time-whatsoever-and-have-all-but-sworn-off-blog-reading-in-order-to-get-anything-done-at-all.

Anyway, both of them will be at BlogHer this year and, while I’m really excited about potentially meeting them, I’m also a little scared. Because if I go up to Alice Bradley and say, “Alice? Is it you?! OMG, I freaking love your blog and I read it all the time!” and she just, you know, slaps me across the face, or if I get the courage to go up to Heather and she’s all, “Where’d you get that outfit? Dress Barn?” If either one of these scenarios happen, will I still be able to read their blogs with the same wistful admiration as I do now?

Probably not.

In short, I’m afraid of getting snubbed, just like every other woman there. And I’m also afraid of inadvertently snubbing someone else. Much has already been written about the snubbery that inherently comes with a large group of women getting together, (not to say that men don’t do it, too, it’s just called something different, like, I don’t know, being an asshole), so I’ll just say this. If you meet me and I seem like an asshole, assume it’s one of two things. Either the music is really loud and I can’t actually hear anything you are saying even as you screech and wave your arms and say really nice things (this happened at last year’s People’s Party-women spoke, I stared at them in confusion and wonderment, not to mention sheer exhaustion and maybe a wee bit of a martini buzz), or Alice Bradley has just slapped me in the face.

And in order to make very damn sure that we hang together if you so desire, I will have a special phone just for the occasion. A certain major phone carrier is sponsoring my phone for the entire weekend and if you are going to BlogHer and you shoot me an e-mail (suburban.turmoil@yahoo.com), I will e-mail you my cell phone number the moment I get it. Then you can call or text me whenever you want and we can hang (unless it’s 2am 4am 5am- then I might be sleeping)! Or you can come to our Saturday Night CheeseburgHer party! All you have to do is call!

Okay, so there. All my BlogHer business taken care of in one fell swoop. I will try not to mention it again until I’m actually there, since I realize this can be annoying. So, uh, bye!