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December 3, 2012 posted by Lindsay Ferrier

Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style

Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style

I spent part of my Saturday attacking an enormous pile of catalogs that’s been growing in my kitchen for the last six or so weeks. I justified the time spent on this project by telling myself that it would certainly end in some kick-ass Christmas presents for friends and family members. When I got to one particular catalog, though, my industriousness came to a crashing halt.

It was simply too much to take.

The catalog came from Restoration Hardware Baby and Kids. As I paged through it, I was struck by its uber-luxurious bedding and furniture options, all cut down to dwarf-size for the 10 and under set. I also was struck by how painfully obvious it was that whomever was in charge of styling these rooms for the website and catalog clearly doesn’t have kids of his or her own.

Witness:

Realizing that playthings would certainly spoil the aesthetic of their daughter’s bedroom, little Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray’s parents wisely limited her to an iPad and one rag doll.

Nothing says ‘future a**hole’ like a $1599 mini Kensington sofa

Oh, Anne Cox Carter, isn’t it quaint pretending we’re poor and sleeping on the floor, even though you have four beds in your room?
Hmm, what shall I do today? Maybe I’ll get out my vintage Monopoly game… It’s only missing four pieces. Or perhaps I’ll reread a selection from my antique book collection. Or, or… I know! I’ll write a haiku in German about how much I hate my parents!

Lest you were wondering whether this is truly supposed to be a child’s room, the stylists helpfully placed an empty soda bottle by the bed. DEAD GIVEAWAY.

 

Six-year-old Mary Keats Rothtorkington may end up wearing many hats in her lifetime, but there’s really only one that interests her.

 

Will you LOOK at that Macbook LEFT OPEN ON THE FLOOR?!  That EMPTY SODA BOTTLE?! And THOSE CLOTHES, CARELESSLY TOSSED ON A CHAIR? *sigh* Teenagers can be SOOOOO MESSY.

 

In order to help little Masterson Archer Reynolds IV and his nanny keep track of their whereabouts, jetsetters Arch and Bitsy Reynolds thoughtfully had their interior designer incorporate these world clocks into the design of their son’s room.

And let’s not forget the babies!!!

For the Luce-Romneybilts, life was one long, luxurious dream… until the night the chandelier in the nursery fell.

 

For the von Arpfels, life was one long, luxurious dream… until little Alexandra crashed into the armoire while learning to walk and impaled herself on a shard of  glass.

 

For the Billingsleys, life was one long, luxurious dream… until little Finley toppled off the changing table while their family photographer attempted to take his picture.

 

For the Van der Zuskinds, life was one long, luxurious dream… until little McHarperson began suffering from recurring violent nightmares of hungry wild animals waiting until nightfall to eat him.

Yes, this is the weird, warped world of Restoration Hardware Baby & Child.

I think I’ll stick with Target’s kids furniture aisle.

 

Once is never enough! You’ve GOT to check out VOLUME TWO of Warped Childhood, Restoration Hardware-Style and Christmas, Restoration Hardware-Style!

And for more warped humor, like my Facebook page and follow me on Twitter!

Images via Restoration Hardware. Obvs.

  • http://twitter.com/paulaswift paulaswift

    Oh my gosh – I am laughing so hard right now!!   Not just the comments, but I actually KNOW someone who DOES decorate her kids room like this – to unspeakable perfections.  And yes, her kids are a bit odd.

  • http://twitter.com/TravelSavvyMom Jamie Pearson

    [slow clap]  Nicely done.  Very nicely done.

  • Jaime Barnhart

    HILARIOUS!  And I have always thought similiar things when I look at that catalog — sure, very pretty stuff.  And totally unrealistic!!!! 

  • Kristen

    Hahahahahaha!  Love it.  Your commentary, that is.  Not the decorating.  How absurd.

  • http://twitter.com/sellabitmum Tracy Morrison

    LOL – this was brilliant!

  • Pam

    Ha ha ha!! I usually like that store, but you are so right. Very funny!!

  • Maile

    this is hilarious + awesome. 

  • Nadine Petersen

    In the chandelier-over-crib photo, it would be wonderfully more interesting if the rocking horse had been positioned just a tad bit more to the left. 

    • suburbanturmoil

       HA HA HA HA. Great spot.

      • Nadine Petersen

        You’re welcome. :0)  Love your blog and snark!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.martin Lisa Martin

       I had to scroll back up.  That is awesome.

    • http://twitter.com/digimegaphone Digital Megaphone

      hahahaha!!!  too funny.  

    • Kathy

      Bwahahaha!  It took me a few seconds, Nadine, but that cracked me up!  Lindsay, you never fail to make me laugh, cry, or spit my coffee out.  Thanks for always making my day.

    • Shannan Younger

       That’s hilarious! I had to go back and look, and wowsers. Yeah.

    • Melissa

      OMG!!! Ha ha ha ha haaaaa!

    • Bwahah

      Somebody likes horses

    • sushisuze

      you just made me cry.
      with helpless laughter.

    • puellagina

      Uggh I am totally missing the horsey reference. Help those of us too blind or stupid to get it?

      • puellagina

        baahaha nevermind, I was looking at the wrong photo :) fantastic

      • ymw

        A move to the left presents you with a “rocking stallion”.

        • Puerile Humor

          i.e. since it took me a long time even with help from the comments, if you move the rocking horse a little to the left it makes it seem as if the bottom of the dresser is the horse’s penis. And I thought little boys were silly.

      • Jerry Lewis

        You just proved you are not as perverted as the rest of us…

    • julieb

      Actually it should be to the right… the corners are rounded and padded, but I get your drift. That would have been priceless.

      • cmd

        No, you don’t get her drift. Def to the left.

      • Dianne Greer

        um nope her scenario is way more interesting than the horse pushing the crib!! : )

        • Giggling

          It’s more about what’s under the horse than anything to do with the crib :P
          definitely left.

    • liz

      I totally saw that!

    • artbysarah

      W-I-I-I-I-I-LBER!

    • Dianne Greer

      LMBO!!

    • Snuffy

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who caught that.

    • Liane Laskoske

      OH! Bad bad bad bad!

    • olystacy

      ahahahahahahaha! yup – I agree!

    • Michele McGinty McHugh

      Hot damn lady!! You certainly do have an eye for detail! Well played, bravo….

    • Aubrey Kinnaman

      I literally just spit out my coffee

    • Wanderdust

      I thought they had actually included the boy parts. kind of a relief that was just the leg of the dresser, lol

    • Sugarfoot Park

      Nadine…that was the funniest comment I’ve ever read! Oh.my! You have an eye for design if I do say so…

    • Shelly Otero

      That is awesome Nadine…a little Freudian slippage?

    • Jerry Lewis

      Good eye!

    • myuncommonsliceofsuburbia

      giggle

    • Melinda Wharton

      Nadine – Best. Comment. Ever.
      And I mean, in the HISTORY of comments! Too funny! This whole post is just hilarious!

    • Tanya Strauss

      Hysterical!

    • Lanin Thomasma

      I take an odd comfort in how much longer it took me to get that.

    • Krista Schei

      Classic. & Good Eye.

    • karen

      Brilliant! I died laughing when I figured out what you meant. :)

    • Mama2D

      Hysterical!

    • kristin

      omg that is totally the first thing i saw too.. glad to see im not the only one..

    • John

      LMAO!!!!

    • Rachelle

      Bahahahaha!!! Good call ;-)

    • http://www.wisebrunette.com/ Wise Brunette

      I had to scroll back up, but that is hilarious! Good eye Nadine, good eye.

    • Richard_Jacinto

      They’re always geldings. BTW, my female friend’s horse was a eunuch. Something about a pre-teen on a stallion rubbed her parents the wrong way.

    • http://www.boysbecool.com angelphillips18

      Oh, gosh! You definitely stole the post’s spotlight with this comment, Nadine!

    • DMPT

      Ha ha ha ha! Took me a second. . . well played!!

    • VintageHuntress

      Bwahahahaha…. yes! I can just imagine the Helmswart-Fartington parents just fainting at such an unseemly image. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

    • jmama

      Clever you! And here I was noticing the chandelier/reflected chandelier looked like a pair of perky bosoms….

    • Dale

      LOL

    • Jen Shaw

      It took me way too long to see it…

  • dedejohnson

    Thank you so much for this. When I saw this catalog I was stunned at how out of touch it is!!  Yuck!

  • Mmcham12

    BEST. POST. EVER. 

    !!!!!!!

  • meaganfrancis

    The best part of this whole post is the names. von Arpfels! Arch and Bitsy! 

    • Nancy

      Meagan, I totally agree with you!!  ~LOL~

  • http://twitter.com/miguelina Roxanna Sarmiento

    I am convinced that there are no female stylists at Restoration Hardware.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.k.mcclelland Carolyn Kuhn McClelland

    CLEVER. FUNNY. Loved it

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=582421452 Frith Barbat

    This former interior designer is laughing out loud. Thank you so much. Remember – children love beige.

    • Nancy

      Frith,  Your comment made me laugh out loud!!!   It’s common knowledge, Children adore beige!!!    ~LOL~

  • Nancy

    Wow!!  You hit the “Restoration Nail” on the head!  A $1500 couch in a kids room??  Seriously??  They will learn early on, they are superior, elite and special…. What everyone else will know early on??  These boys will probably grow up to be arrogant douchebags… Yeah, that’s right, I said it!  ~LOL~

    • Louann Blocker

      It’s fun to poke fun, but the assumption that any child whose parents have money and choose these furnishings will grow up to be a d*bag is pretty cruel. Lots of wealthy kids grow up kind and generous. One thing I’ve noted about a kid I know whose parents have a very nice house is that he takes care of things, unlike some others I know who write on walls, randomly leave toys outside after finishing playing, etc. What’s better or worse? A house so full of plastic junk that a kid can’t even decide what to play with, or one with some empty space in it? Not that I like the RH aesthetic, but I feel sick when I enter many of the uber-cluttered homes of my fellow 99 percenters. When is enough cheap stuff ‘enough’?

  • Condo Blues

    The only thing that would be better in the Chandelier over the crib room is to play The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack nonstop. 

  • http://www.callherhappy.com/ Jenna @ Call Her Happy

    I’m dying! I think I woke up Ellen laughing. Yeah. Stick to target…or garage sales and hand me downs. Anything that I can clean with a butt wipe thank you!

  • dixie t

    the word pretentious doesn’t even begin to describe these “children’s rooms”
    would love to know if these “rooms” are walking right out the door.

  • mcjen

    I really enjoyed this post! Granted, I don’t have a kid… but its a pet-peeve of mine when I see people try to take the ‘kid’ out of the kids room… they have the rest of their lives to conform to Restoration hardware’s boring beige design, let them live in color!

  • Sgoldey

    Re:  Chandelier over the crib.  Symmetry is so important in an infant’s life, and ready those document repro’s (literally, illuminated manuscripts) will put bebe in the little Einstein category.

  • http://stephanieklein.com/ Stephanie Klein

    Very clever. 

  • Gertie

    Yikes!  These look like rooms out of some sort of creepy haunted house.

  • S.

    This is SO GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Superbly funny. Your comments are awesome and the pictures are seriously unbelievable. Rooms obviously designed for robots, not humans.

  • Lilash051

    My sister-in-law works for RH B&K (yeah, I did it, I abbreviated) and it is obnoxious. Am I a terrible person for delighting in the scene of my nephew spitting up on a $200something quilted throw in his nursery? I am aren’t I ….

    • bob

      you should learn the correct name of your sister-in-law company. lol

  • http://bitchinwivesclub.com/ Amy @ Bitchin’ Wives Club

    Ha! Restoration Hardware kills me. I can’t imagine living in any of their “adult” spaces, either… so cold.

  • Kellylytle

    Brilliant. I am sharing this with everyone I know. Unfortunately, we’re all very firmly established in the 99% – and on the end where we have to SAVE to hit that Target kids’ furniture aisle! :-) Thanks for this – FABULOUS!

  • Karen

    I love you, Lindsay Ferrier, I WILL be your friend. (great post – this is being “shared” all over the FB-o-sphere, btw)

  • Jenny Holcomb18

    I am laughing so hard Im crying!

  • Mel

    Oh my stars…….my sides hurt!  HILARIOUS!!!

  • catdance

    This is the absolute best thing EVER!

  • bereccah5

    And this is why I love you. Fabulous post. 

  • Anna koroneos

    you are funny loved your comments its so true i dont know what is wrong with people today.

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  • Dani_elle

    This post reads like a bitter, poor person’s rant against parents that are able to afford such pretty things. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that the naysayers live in hovels and have dirty and quite possibly badly behaved kids! Open your minds people, it’s a catalogue advertising a lifestyle! Gah!

    • suburbanturmoil

      OMG. How did you find out about my hovel? I thought it was a secret!!

    • Kathy

      Exactly, Dani_elle! A lifestyle that will assure the parents that their kids will grow up to be obnoxious, pretentious, unmitigated assholes. Or spend their lives on a psychiatrist’s couch. Or most likely both.

      • Alicia Reese

        Have you ever BEEN on a high priced psychiatrist’s couch? Oh man, I WISH I could spend my life on one… Comfy couch and someone to listen to me ramble on? Sign me up!

      • Federico

        Oh you mean like obnoxious, pretentious unmitigated assholes writing a blog and bitching about all of this furniture that they don’t have, and they cant afford?

        • Adam

          And wouldn’t want? Sheesh, anyone who thinks that these images depict the reality of children’s lives in any way is so far out of touch that they must live on Mars.

        • spinetingler

          So, why are you reading it, again?

    • Nancy

      Oh Danielle,
      You sound like a pathetic wanna-be…….

    • Christin

      Lighten up Dani_elle. If you can’t joke and laugh in life then I feel sorry for you.

    • Caro

      Yes, dear. It’s just that some rich people have taste in addition to money.

    • true2

      Oh poor, dear Danielle, if this is the lifestyle you wish to emulate I feel sorry for your children. Save the perfectly coordinated shades of grey and taupe for the living room and give your little tykes a taste of pastels and primary colors!

      • ckokopuff

        Her name isn’t Danielle. It’s Dani_elle, pronounced Daniunderscoreelle.

    • Cristina Bauss

      There’s nothing wrong with “pretty,” Dani_elle. It’s that these rooms AREN’T REMOTELY FUNCTIONAL OR FUN FOR CHILDREN. If you have money, wonderful. But please, please, please, if you have kids… go to FAO Schwarz to shop for them. And paint their rooms whatever color(s) they’d like, which I can assure you won’t be chosen out of an interior designer’s palette.

    • Ruby

      Yes, you’ve got me, I’ve got wifi hooked up in my van down by the river.

    • muddymudguard

      My 6yr old has a room which has been loosely designed on a RH B&C theme, he has the “vintage” look, but with functionality of furniture. We have also incorporated toys into this theme – such as vintage airplanes hanging from the ceiling in a ‘dog fight’. His room looks amazing, the Passport bedding we bought from RH B&C is fantastic – it’s the only item we bought from here but his room is modelled on the photo. Not only is it functional, but he loves it! So much so, that we’ve finally been able (since transition) to get him to sleep in his room every single night, no interruptions, consistent sleep.
      I get some of the comments in that the rooms don’t seem that functional and yes I think a chandelier is a tad OTT and impractical, but they are just themes for a room.
      Y’all can take the pi$$ if you like but we love our son’s room almost as much as he does,

  • http://twitter.com/JeanneSager jeannesager

    All. That. White! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/amy.g.koss Amy Goldman Koss

    Thanks for that.

  • To Center

    It’s sad, but my favorite is the swinging chandelier and the baby sitting on the dresser! And I thought MJ was crazy…

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  • Andi

    I absolutely love your blog! Your thought provoking when I need it, but most importantly-freaking hilarious! Thanks so much for sharing your wit, talents & family. If only everyone had a friend like you in their life :-)

  • Judy in KY

    They look like rooms for Donald Trump’s kids!  His rooms really look like that!  LOL. 

  • Glowplanet

    Haiku in German.. that is my favorite part.  Hilarious!

  • Karamarkusen

    I laughed out loud so many times at this…hilarious–and so true!

  • Sdkcccowens

    LOVED IT!!! Please write a book!! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000570436710 Dianne Friedl

    We have been moving and I wondered into an RH Hardware B&C store recently and I had been feeling horribly inadequate about myself as a human being until I read this!  Seriously, may be one of the funniest things I have read in a very long time!!

  • Dieselenergie

    You clearly, have nothing better to do with your time Linsday and cannot appreciate a well designed space in  MAGAZINE… It’s not real life, it is clearly a source of inspiration or somewhere to gain ideas. I’m sure if it fell in to your middle of the road life in the Target flyer and it looked so prestine, you wouldn’t say the same thing!

    Looking at your track record of the ‘not so perfect life’ in your introdcution, it’s easy to say you’re a sad case of someone who likes to tear people down to build yourself up. The fact that you are someone ‘who still hasn’t decided what she wants to be when she grows up’, says alot about your character. — Now, reading that, how does that make YOU feel?

    It may seem entertaining and profitable for you to belittle how some people may actually live, but it really isn’t something I see as a Christ like attitude ;o)

  • Lori

    Well I happen to be in the 1% and I smell at bunch of haters bahahahaha!

    • Jesse Gunn

      If you happen to live in the US, you’re automatically in the 1%. Or did you mean the 1% of the 1%? Well, congratulations. It’s a shame the love of money does not equal a happy household. I’ve seen more bitterness and lifetime lasting, cold distancing in rich families than modest income ones. Hopefully you are an exception to that, but your attitude is very poor here at least.

  • RH hater

    RH B&C is a joke of a company, I received a tent from there as a gift. It arrived with mildew and stained, was told by customer service that the item was to have a “distressed” look. Only thing distressed about it were the parents who had to look at it. Also, poor quality, the darn thing falls over when my average size 2.5 year old so much as sneezes on it.
    Also, I just have to respond to those complaining that everyone making fun of RH is a poor hater. I am quite well off and spent quite a bit on my kids rooms, but these RH rooms are just down right offensive and suffocating for a child even scary. This blogger hit the nail right on the head. RH B&C you are way out of touch with reality.

  • omomma

    If I could write, I’d write that about RH catalogs!! Very funny, and fun to read.

  • disqus_W69DvJtiNi

    Actually, I kind of liked the world clocks :-)

    • sbmtx

      Until they tick all night and keep the little one up!!

  • apmckeown

    Best blog entry ever!

  • Mommyto2

    Well I’m in the 0.5% percent and I think this blog is hilarious!

  • Chris Schorre

    This cracked me up.

  • india byrd rives

    “Little McHarperson. . .”
    Woman, you are genius!!

  • Bitsy

    I thought the first photo was a joke! Oh, the beige, the pristine neatness, the white, and the chandeliers — looks like a mausoleum. Or the furnishing choices of an uber-shallow, control-obsessed douchebag who had kids solely to check that box on his/her resume. (Like you said.) Brilliant post!

  • St.Ends

    Things start turning very Edward Gorey-esque at the chandelier.

    • AmberFlames

      YES! And that is what I absolutely loved about it :)

  • Jessica @ The Abundant Wife

    Funny! It reminds of the funniest Pinterest Board I’ve ever seen: http://www.pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/ (My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter). You’ll love it!

    • ckokopuff

      Thank you for sharing this…one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Brilliant.

    • slinky13

      That’s hilarious!

    • http://www.boysbecool.com angelphillips18

      This board is brilliant! Proud to be featured! LOL! Thank you for sharing.

  • FormerReader

    I actually think the first one is very pretty. Nothing wrong with a gorgeous bedroom, and there are closets and toy boxes to hold toys. This post really comes off as a bit jealous. If someone did a piece with captions in the “ghetto white trash trailer” everyone would be all kinds of upset. I usually enjoy your posts but this one just seems a bit too judgmental. I feel as if because I live in a nice home and have nice things that some how I’m not worthy to read the blog. Not that this post won’t go without it’s own snarky comments, I’m sure you won’t be missing one “pretentious” Mercedes driving reader.

  • http://planethomeschool.net/ Homeschool Planet

    Hahahahaha! Love it! :)

  • Feather

    Now i know I ‘m a horrid Mom…I like those rooms! O_O WHAT am I going to do with myself now? Baaaaaaahahaha! I guess I’ll stick to my favorite thrift stores and restoring (with spray paint) my own hardware.

    • BrianDavion

      I like those rooms too. but expecting kids to like them?

  • rachel leigh

    it seems that you’re the close minded one, judging people just because they have money and choose to spend it on fancy things for their kids?? who cares?! not everyone that has money is an a**hole. let’s stop the judgement people!

    • BrianDavion

      you don’t have kids do you?

    • Jesse Gunn

      Yeah, it’s not JUST about the money (although that IS problematic.. it shows such extreme bad priorities to spend this much on something the kids could care less for), but worse it’s about turning your children into design projects and not letting them be individuals, let alone flawed little ones. Your (I’m referring to the intended customer here) creativity must overrule THEIRS. Your dreams, your designs, must completely overwhelm the room. They must not sully it. The perfect $10,000 – $20,000 bedroom aesthetic (which will match and flow with the rest of the house) must NOT be broken! No coloring! No leaving YOUR stuff out anywhere!

    • ash

      Spot on Rachel!

    • holoh

      Except that you could donate money or items sufficient for several children to have food in their bellies and a few toys to play with and still have plenty of money to buy them higher end stuff for their room. I’d much rather teach my kids that lesson than to teach them that they need this crap in their rooms. Not everyone who has money is an a**hole, but someone that would spend this on their children’s room instead of helping others is an a**hole. This is the reason the liberals have a leg to stand on, because the majority of us rich while folks aren’t doing our part to help society, so they can justify having the government do it. Red Cross, Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc….just do it!

    • spinetingler

      “not everyone that has money is an a**hole”

      No, but apparently some of them don’t understand grammar rules.

  • uklawgirl

    And WHITE everywhere. I’d like to see that duvet/sheet/rug after the first time it gets barfed/peed/cheetoed on.

    • Alicia Reese

      Cheeeeetoooes? Whatsoever are they? My little Humphrey Von Capington only eats the finest of watercress sandwiches. He also doesn’t “barf” as you commoners say. He confines that to the privacy of the water closet, as any 4 month old with breeding as fine as his should.

    • ash

      Why in the world would you let your child eat Cheetos in their room! That’s for the kitchen for one. Respect for things is taught. And if your child is throwing up and using the restroom in their room I recommend a good dry cleaner and having your carpets steam cleaned. And Poof! You too can have an elegant room.

      • Ruby

        Um…okay. You mean you’ll have the nanny/housekeeper do it?

      • LALAW

        Ummm…are you KIDDING? Unless you keep after your kids EVERY second of EVERY waking hour of EVERY day they’re going to travel with a snack. Maybe if we kenneled our kids – or kept them on a leash – we, too, can have “elegant” rooms. My three children are extremely well mannered, very well behaved, but they’re also dirty, muddy, and sweaty kids. MY house is the one where all the kids want to have playdates because they’re free to be KIDS! This means I hear their conversations, watch their imaginative games, see how they interact, and ensure they’re not eating pure junk all day long. Elegance is not for the tiny set. It’s for adults who are, sadly, past the point when Lego clocks and frescoed Mod Dots are the HEIGHT of interior design. When we were expecting our first child, a daughter, I, too, got caught up in the elegant little toile nursery sets. My husband, brilliant man that he is, reminded me that we only get ballerina teddy bears and choo-choo trains for a few years. These rooms are designed for parents to show off, not for a kid to live in and enjoy. Steam clean carpets every time a kid has a potty-training mishap? Doesn’t make it in time to a bathroom before vomiting? Doesn’t make it out of BED before vomiting? Learns to unscrew a sippy cup all by him/herself (what a big kid!)? I’d have to buy stock in Stanley Steamer. They can have all the elegance they want when they ask for it and can take care of it. Maybe I’ll be able to have an “elegant” home myself at that point, too. Until then it’s removable slipcovers for us.

        • Laura Cox Witherington

          OMG…kenneling the kids! Why didn’t I think of that? It would have saved me so much time, trouble, and money! They are 5 and 7 now. Do you think it is too late to start?

      • roflcopter12

        I think this comment was supposed to be sarcastic

      • Guest

        you guys don’t get it, ash IS being sarcastic

      • ARCuncensored

        have you ever been around an infant or a toddler?

  • Cathy C

    Lindsay, a friend on Facebook shared a link to your post and even though I am a huge fan of RH B&C, I couldn’t stop laughing while reading what you wrote! Kudos!

  • Cynthia

    Advertising is selling opulence and yes, uber-wealth. I don’t think it is a coincidence that it is finding footing in our current culture as it is serving a need. Namely it is a form of anesthesia while our nation’s government is stumbling to fund our government and the world’s economics are watching with batted breath. Do not buy in. Sadly, it reminds me of the French prior to the revolution.

    • Cynthia

      make that bated breath…

      • LaurieInSeattle

        The Word Nerd gives a happy sigh. :-) (At least you didn’t say “baited.” Which I’m pretty sure is what my cat has when she’s stalking mice.)

  • Ellowyn Groves Isaacson

    This is just plain awesome. lol! Like seriously, I don’t know of ANYONE who can blow $10K on a room AND has 4 kids for each of those beds AND would actually put them in the same room. I mean come on, wouldn’t they each have their own suite? And for the record, I have 6 kids. 5 of them sleep in the same room. There are 2 sets of bunk beds and 1 twin. Neither bunk bed cost more than $300 and they work. Gasp. Call CPS!

    • ash

      I have 3 children. Each of their rooms cost at least 6-10k. At this point they each have their own rooms, however my son has two sets of bunks because I plan on having more and I think boys would enjoy sharing a room. Nothing is wrong with your life style, but don’t be so quick to critique those who can and do have nicer rooms. I also have no clue where you would find a bunk for 300– I couldn’t find one for less than 2k that was even decent.

      • averyswife

        Bunkbedking.com – $600 for totally awesome and kid-friendly bunks. :) We’ve got 4 to a room (5 next year!) too, Ellowyn, and we’re making it work! I am somewhat skeptical of ash’s claims to have room similar to these pictured. For children? Really?? Did they LIVE in them at all or were they just where they laid their heads at night? Because trust me, even the most well-behaved child could not keep a room looking like that for more than an hour or two. Perhaps it works for the lifestyles of those who are at chess club/girl scouts/violin lessons/etc 24/7 and are only home for a few moments each day.

      • holoh

        My son’s room sports a huge nerf-gun rack made out of PVC pipe, a spaceship bunk bed made out of two old twin beds attached on top of each other, a swing attached to the ceiling, and Super Mario wall murals painted by my very talented grandmother. I think we did all of that for less than $100 and we have neighborhood kids in there 2-3 evenings per week and any weekend we are home. Not only are your kids 6-10k rooms not nearly as cool, your kids are likely to grow up thinking that they need to spend money to be cool despite that making no sense since their 6-10k rooms didn’t do the trick when they were kids. They’ll get that attitude from you. The attitude you try to bring to the board and feel the need to try to impress everyone here. I pity you and especially your poor children. Money can’t buy happiness.

        • AmberFlames

          Ash didn’t say what was in the rooms, only what they cost. I would love to know how you built all of that, made it sturdy and safe, and did it for under $100. A mural? How much did all of that paint cost, from base coat to finishing details? A swing? That’s awesome! PVC nerf gun rack is something I would have loved to have had as a kid, lol (but fill mine with Super Soakers and put it in the shed in the summer!) Love the idea of the bunk bed space ship- but how did you afford a bunk bed and all the detailing supplies for under $100?

          Ash was talking about the cost of the *entire room*. You are talking about the cost of the details on a few pieces you modified. Big difference.

          • holoh

            Paint is pretty cheap as long as you understand two things. 1.There are only 5 paint colors (the primaries+white+black). 2. Brand name paint is the same as generic paint (for these purposes). I probably paid a total of $10 for paint. The rack actually has Nerf Guns, Super Soakers, LazerTag, and Airsoft. The bunk beds have been in the family for 60 or so years. They are probably worth a few hundred dollars, so I guess I cheated a little there, although it was no cost to me. As far as the supplies:, wood, pvc, pipe insulation foam, and one fiberglass windshield came to about $60. The swing is a board, two ropes, and two eye bolts, <$5, but were leftovers from other projects anyway. The only other things in the room are the dresser, which is the back end of a '57 chevy (which was my grandfather's car), a desk made of Papier-mâché, pipe cleaners, and an old rain gutter, and a rug made out of dryer lint and chewed chewing gum.

          • AmberFlames

            So, if you total up the value of all of those items, for the ENTIRE room… it comes up to more than the $100 you were originally talking about. Ash was speaking of the value of all of the items in the room. You are still not doing that.

            I also have to ask if you’re serious about the rug and the desk.

          • holoh

            You ate paint chips as a child, didn’t you?

        • muddymudguard

          ROFL! I’m sure the person who spent 6-10K on that room doesn’t want, warrant or give two hoots about your pity.
          If you have the $$$ and want to spend it on your kids, is that a bad thing?? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying a kid can’t have a great room on a budget, but why slam someone who’s in a position to provide such a room for their child.
          Smacks of bitterness to me!

          • holoh

            Muddy, why do we use different manners on these boards than in real life? If you had a house with three kids’ $6-10k rooms, and you were talking to a mom who has 5 kids sharing the same room, would you tell her that your kids each have a $6-10k room? NO! You wouldn’t do it in real life, so why would you say it’s ok for Ash to do it on this board?

      • clementsof4

        please,please, PLEASE reasuure me that you donate generously to a charitable, worthy cause if you have 6-10k to blow on kids rooms!

    • EarlVanDorn

      Ellowyn, the two bunkbeds (four beds) are so the child can have spend-the-night company, not so two children can share a room.

  • Stacy

    Oh my goodness! Thanks so much for the hearty laugh this morning! I really needed it!

  • R M-S

    Kids can have nice things too…

  • Tracy_Flick

    It looks like the results of a team-building exercise where they challenged their designers to suck every bit of joy and fun out of a space for children.

    • Joeyb76

      Pick Flick!

  • lilyfern

    I love it for daydreaming, but seriously!! If my four get fed and watered (they are teens after all) they should count themselves lucky!! It’s a beautiful dream set up to make us feel unworthy and less than we should be. Aren’t we old enough and smart enough to recognize that? Beautiful no question, but who can aspire to that level of continued perfection without live in help and a perfection of photographers? I was so encouraged to learn Princess Kate would seek support from her mom in her mom’s home. Reality based life, anyone?

  • Susan Collier

    The nipple chandelier over the crib is my favorite.

  • Kristin Vining

    Cracking up as I read your words…well said!

  • KIMMIE JONES

    I love everything about this article. Being/having a child is the one time you can go completely 100% apeshit in decorating a kids room. Crazy murals on the walls, bright colors, glitter paint, chalkboard ceilings. Take advantage. That is what your kid will want…not a leather fainting couch.

  • Zozzie

    OMG !!!! Just absolutely loved reading this article. How funny !!!!

  • Our Pinteresting Family

    This post was hilarious. loved every bit.

  • Jen

    Oh my heavens! Those captions had me laughing so hard. And the kids’ names. I need to check out the rest of your blog.

  • The Animated Woman

    The names are sublime!

    • Casca

      But no ” Obama’s”?

      • spinetingler

        Political troll is trolly.

  • julieswhimsies

    Where do the people live, who buy these things for a child?! These designs were clearly done by someone who has never had kids.

    • holoh

      I think you underestimate (or is it overestimate) the idiocy and selfishness of a lot of greedy rich people. The fact that they sell this stuff each year is evidence that people buy it. Think about that.

  • ash

    My children’s rooms look very similar to this. They do have a very primary colored play room that houses their non matching crazy toys–they are very much kids. However, they do know how to respect nice things–which is something taught. My daughter loves her princess room and wouldn’t change it. My son’s room is quite fun!– leaning more towards the “campy” look with a teepee and bunks. They are taught to keep their rooms clean and respect them. I had lovely things as a child and was taught to respect them and appreciate the hard work my father put in to afford them for me. It’s all in the parenting. Just because you have nice things doesn’t make you all of the awful things this article claims. There is nothing wrong with classic elegance even as a child.

    • NC

      Honest question: if your son wanted a princess room and your daughter wanted something more campy, would you accommodate them?

  • Jen

    LOL! although we do have something the world clocks in our office—the time is never correct though as the batteries are always dead!

  • UCLAGirl

    This reminds me of my ex, who grew up in a palatial estate overlooking the ocean. His interior designer mother was very proud of their home and visitors frequently came by on charity bus tours. My ex and his brother’s bedrooms were decorated the way little boys’ rooms would look on a soap opera set…plaid walls, paintings of rugby and polo tourneys (as in nothing that a young boy would ever choose in reality). The only personal affects he was allowed in the open were a Washington Redskins trashcan and matching clock and a USC pennant. He grew up to be an exceedingly tidy guy so I guess some good came of it…

    • holoh

      Redskins trashcan?!??!!!? Clearly your husband was a huge racist as a child (at least according to Obama and Bob Costas’ “liberal cause o’ the week”).

  • http://www.thehassanity.com/ the hassanity

    totally hilarious!!! I do have to say I <3 restoration hardware but the prices are a little hefty especially for a baby room!

  • Diana

    Hahahaha!

  • Laurie Kriegel

    Hilarious!

  • clementsof4

    I love that no one noticed the bunkbed room is actually “6″ beds (look under the beds), not counting the little “darlings” on the floor in their posh slumber bags! Poor little dears! I bet for an added make believe element, Mommy let them hang up their designer frocks with wire coat hangers!

  • Angelina Ayers

    Since you forgot to caption that first fabulous room… Little Cordelia Primrose Goldman wistfully imagined having her friends over to play with the new birdcages from Mummy. Though she feared it unlikely, she hoped one of the dears might have a dreadful Barbie doll so they could take turns locking her up.

  • Susan Kuhn

    Hilarious! All I could think of reading this was how much cooler/more fun/more creative/more developmentally appropriate IKEA kids rooms are.

  • Normas

    You’re just jealous…

  • Jordan

    Get over it. No one asked for your design aesthetic. I can’t afford Restoration hardware either, but that doesn’t mean I have to complain about people who can.

    • spinetingler

      Get over it. No one asked for your blogging aesthetic…

  • http://www.arielmarketinggroup.com/ Amy McCloskey Tobin

    Hysterical!!!

  • sjengelhardt

    In college I used to babysit/nanny all along Chicago’s North Shore. I have been in high end homes with RH and PBK furniture for the kids, all color coordinated and looking like the catalog. And yes–many times they were clueless as to how “real people” lived.

  • Beth

    And don’t forget the fun to be had swinging from the top bunk via string lights!

  • madelikesnow

    I’m waiting for children’s furniture catalogs to show a completely messy room photo with their furniture so I can truely see what their furniture will look like in my kids room!

  • http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/ Beverly Diehl

    Putting aside the fact that babies love black, white, and primary colors… WhoTF puts a chandelier directly over a crib? Not only is that going to wake the child up, my kid would’ve jumped twice on the mattress and swung out of there like Tarzan.

  • olystacy

    Thanks for the laugh. Just about spit coffee out of my mouth while reading this. YOU ARE HILARIOUS. SO funny. I am sure restoration hardware would be disgusted with my kids clean but LIVED in room. HA – you will find more than one empty bottle in my kids room, I am sure.

  • Gladdie Funke

    God save the children!

  • Ryan

    My first thought was that the wire-frame Eiffel Tower in Emmaline Clothild Sinclair-Murray’s room would quickly become a weapon. Then, like Nadine, I saw the rocking horse.

    Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray
    Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray
    Emmaline Clothilde Sinclair-Murray

    • Ryan

      Boy, that got weird. My cutting and pasting apparently didn’t fail me like I thought it did. Now it looks like I spelled the girl’s name wrong, and her parents punished me by making me repeatedly write it correctly.

  • Lynne Miller

    This is hilarious! Your comment about little Alexandra crashing into the glass-front armoire reminds me of my childhood. My sister crashed into a glass-front lawyer’s bookcase, shattering the glass and cutting herself though not too badly. Glass and kids are not a good combination.

  • http://www.thenewlywedpilgrimage.com/ Jennifer Pilgrim

    Hilarious! My bff just purchased several ridiculous items for her nursery so this really cracks me up! Jenn, The Newlywed Pilgrimage Blog

  • Janet Barnett

    Ok, if you think this is hilarious, you have to go to the store in Santa Monica! It’s like being in a museum of really really fabulous kids rooms. Of course, my daughter totally fell for it and now she is the proud owner of an RH duvet cover and sham for her bed, which is like the lavender one in the second photo. She still can’t figure out why the rest of her room did not magically transform into the one in the store, however.

  • Sugarfoot Park

    Lindsay, I think you are my long-lost blogger best friend…. Love the post! So happy to have found you! I’ll be lurking her from now on… Shannon

  • KT

    While I find a lot of these comments amusing, I also find them to be awkwardly judgemental. Everyone is different, with their own unique tastes. Also, you can create a beautiful, calming room without spending all of that money; that is for people who either have the money, or are completely void of creativity. Black and white, along with primary colors, are stimulating for children, which is why some people choose to leave those colors for playrooms or school, while going with more soothing colors in the bedroom. Again, a lot of funny comments on here, but it a little bit too much venom as well!

  • Kerri Peek

    Oh too funny!

  • Jerry Lewis

    These MUST be the rooms of Congressional children….

    • Casca

      Especially the Billionaire Kerry’s…

      • Part138

        Or the Obama girls?*

        *fine with me if Presidents’ kids have fancy bedrooms, assuming their parents pay for stuff like this

      • spinetingler

        Top two members of Congress:

        Rep. Michael McCaul (R-Texas) $294.21 million

        Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) $220.40 Million

  • CJ Lucke

    Laughing my ass off .. for real!!

  • Angela Crowley

    Even with my clean freak self-having the kids wash their hands after every meal no food/drinks markers /pens/ paint etc etc in their rooms-I still manage find stains on walls, bedding and carpet. Thx for the post made my day;)

  • Belinda

    That was awesome! Thanks for the much needed laugh!

  • Corrie Allen Coates

    To funny! thanks for the laugh this morning! I needed it.

  • Kim

    Hysterical!

  • Asher Gottesfeld Knight

    Interesting that none of the girls rooms provide a place for the kids to study and learn…..except for on the floor.

    • ndo

      sigh….

  • Maria S.

    Totally reminds me of Tiffany Beveridge’s “Quinoa” series–very much, actually.
    http://www.pinterest.com/tiffanywbwg/my-imaginary-well-dressed-toddler-daughter/

  • Federico

    What kind of imaginary world was Steve Jobs dreaming of when he made all of those laptops for working artists WHITE…they will be so dirty!. Or when Charles and Ray Eames designed a first-of-its-kind chair made out of the finest leather and wood, costing 20 times what a chair cost. Soooo unrealistic. What’s next? A world where people actually understand design? Madness….

    Not every kid’s room has to be covered in cheerios with a frazzled mom or dad running behind telling them they are going to get a time-out if they don’t take their nap.

  • Sherrijean Husser

    A little funny, but not really. If you don’t like the catalog, unsubscribe. Nothing wrong with children having neat rooms. Two sets of bunk beds in two girls’ or boys’ room is a great idea. Wonderful for sleepovers. And all children, no matter how many beds are in the house, love sleeping bags. It’s fun for them. My grandgirls’ room is a little on the elegant side, albeit in pink, but they play in their playroom. Realize everyone doesn’t have that option, but I taught my children there is a place for everything after play time. If it’s not our taste, doesn’t give us the right to be demeaning to someone else’s. Sorry.

    • federico

      bingo

    • Devon WM

      No child I’ve ever seen has had a room like any of these in the catalog, whether they have a playroom or not, or come from money. I think the main point is it’s not at all realistic to have white linens and a mini sofa that costs more than an average sofa in a child’s playroom.

    • spinetingler

      ” If it’s not our taste, doesn’t give us the right to be demeaning to someone else’s.”

      Why not? It’s taste, AKA opinion.

  • myuncommonsliceofsuburbia

    THanks for the awesome laugh, shared on my fb page.

  • Jessi Piniero

    Holy crap! That was hilarious! And the rocking horse comment, im glad im not the only one that thought that! Hehe! As a mom of five kids, I would of course decorate all of their rooms white and beige, because all of my perfect little angels are always spotless and responsible! My six year old for example, decided this morning to improve the adorable little outfit i chose for her(perfect!) by pulling on pants under the dress and pulling her socks over them to her knees!

  • Coffee and Cashmere

    LOVE.

  • Phylis Huerta

    Love the names of these adorably fortunate children??? LOL!!

    • Casca

      Sounds like she has a severe case of “successful people Envy ” to me !

  • Manya Gustafson Kalamaha

    Restoration Hardware is thanking you right now for the re-walk through their catalog and the free exposure. This is terribly funny and just as many who will laugh are likely to think it’s really beautiful stuff of fantasy — just like childhood can be — whatever the surrounding appointments.

  • rkgnewyork

    As a former stylist with dozens of room set and tabletop scenarios under her belt, I can say that we can all laugh ourselves silly over this. But here’s the thing: This stuff will move, big time–because the catalog is not selling furniture, it’s selling fantasy. Sound familiar? Peek into your closet. Fashion magazines, anyone?

  • Pat Ravasio

    Great stuff! But please, not Target! Send people to second hand and consignment shops. Much greener, cleaner and less toxic for the babies!

  • Miriam

    I’m sending this to my daughter, who just had her first baby, she’ll love it!

  • Retro modern living

    recently I was looking at this same catalog though updated for 2013, for ideas on vintage duvet for our son… Oh how gody, not sure our ancestors who were ‘normal’ people would approve. it all looks like something that Royals would have…love your posting about this!

  • christi

    I saw this catalogue as well and was astounded at the prices. I couldn’t agree with you more on everything you have said, and you were very funny at it!

  • ChristyRae

    All of RH reminds me of Flowers in the Attic. Unbelievably creepy

  • Katarina Kopasek

    I’m cracking up. I wonder what they would say if they saw what my house looks like with my 4 kids LOL

  • Our Vintage Life

    Oh, my goodness. Not only are these rooms elaborate, that first photo looks kind of sad, like something out of a wax museum. Kids need some COLOR!

    Your commentary cracked me up!

  • MB

    “Oh, Anne Cox Carter, isn’t it quaint pretending we’re poor and sleeping on the floor, even though you have four beds in your room?”

    HAHA! I’m guessing the insane mom makes them sleep on the floor to not to disturb the perfectly made bed with 100 pounds of pillows, blankets, comforters, and quilts. Wouldn’t child protective services love to walk in to that room…

    CPS agent: (walks in room) “I’m not sure what the complaint is Anne Cox Carter. You have 4 beautiful beds to choose from. Why did you call me?”
    Anne Cox Carter: ” Because they make me sleep on the hard cold floor. They love their linens more than me. I’m forced to sleep with my little mouse friends.”
    CPS agent: “OH! Hummmm… Pack a bag. I’m getting you out of here today…I’ll grab the linens.”

  • Emi

    LMAO!!!!

  • Jody

    OMG! I about died laughing! and the replies are just as hilarious. Thanks for making my day :)

  • Claire

    How about the twinkle lights on the top bunks?? What kid, no matter his or her age, wouldn’t mess with those??

  • Maria

    Rocking horse comment…TOPS IT!

  • Alex B

    I don’t want to grow up I’m a Restoration Hardware kid! lol

  • Angie

    Once upon a time, I used to work for this wonderland of fantasy…slightly out of touch.

  • Rick Grandy

    That was intertaining thanks,

  • margie jackson

    Oh my goodness!

    All these comments were hilarious! Today I could afford furniture like this (grew up sleeping 3 to a double bed and 2 double beds to a room), but I feel like the furniture pictured is not comfortable for a childs room!

  • Leroylime

    hahaha….awesome post!! :) loved every perfect bit of it!

  • John Beene

    Lindsay, you need to make one of those things where we can find out what out snooty, rich person name is.

  • MommyOfFour

    Thank you!!!!!!!!! I always feel so dazed and confused looking at those crazy layouts!

  • thsnrscares

    I laughed out loud and will never look at catalogs such as this one (and Pottery Barn Kids, etc) without looking for the humor!

  • http://ma-sblog.blogspot.com/ Alice

    My boys would destroy that sofa in less than a week.

  • Andy

    You haters!! Good beige is SOOOO hard to find …….

  • resaleguru

    LOVELY….

  • Jamie

    I completely agree. I am an interior designer and I will say your baby/child does not want a gray room! They like color/contrast. Gray is blah for them. I love looking at these catalogs for inspiration but of course they don’t portray real life, they are selling something! Still, I repeat, your little ones do not want a gray and beige and off white room!

  • Kirbo

    I loved this…..

  • Fuller 5

    Perhaps you would be happier if you spent more time enjoying the blessings & life YOU have. Instead you choose to focus on the negative & waste your time by giving it to others. Afterall, we all want attention in SOME way, don’t we?

    • spinetingler

      Pot. Kettle.

  • Jenny Rose

    Hahahahah fabulous job!!

  • Meredith

    hilarious! Loved it. Especially all the beds in those rooms. Don’t they know that rich people only have 1-2 children? That’s why they’re RICH!

  • Yasmin D

    the interesting things about this is as a baby doula I have actually seen baby’s rooms set up like this!!! OVER THE TOP insanity!!! this is all for the parents.

  • http://www.702parkproject.com/ Sarah @ 702 Park Project

    I’m dying. This is seriously hilarious!

  • http://meadowscooks.blogspot.com/ sandra

    I saw this catalogue too and oddly was not moved as you were to see it as completely wrong – you are spot on. hilarious.

  • Tanya Strauss

    OMG – I nearly peed! :)

  • CallingitHome

    This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Found you through It’s The Little Things.

  • Dana Adams

    Love your personality!

  • PC

    Phantom of the Baby’s Room?

  • Gallivan Burwell

    These look like rooms ghosts would live in. Real warm & fuzzy stuff.

  • Jennifer Harrison Koutouras

    Hilarious!

  • Joan Randolph

    I really want to say something…but I still can’t pry my chin off of the floor!

  • Jeff Robison

    She had me at Rothtorkington :)

  • Coleen Ferrier

    I used to sit with the Restoration Hardware Baby & Child catalogs, and my friend and I would make similar comments. I thoroughly enjoyed this post!

  • gabi532

    blech!!!! sterile!

  • BCfamily.ca

    Hmnn. I think the American/Canadian Pediatric Associations would have something to say about those crib bumper pads and the mosquito netting. That said, these children are shown having nicer bedrooms than me. Where is the justice?

    • Jess

      I was thinking the same thing about the Christmas lights strung between bunk beds. One fall out of bed, get tangled in the lights..

      • LisaS212

        I worried about the housekeeper accidentally walking into them like an electrified, much-more-terrifying spider web.

  • Susan Mcelroy

    OMG…this is hilarious. Your names are the best…but I really like Rothtorkingtons. I will not let my children play with any Rothtorkingtons. LOL

  • Rachel

    This is great!

  • Sarah Jane | Clean & Proper

    Oh how I just love this post! I don’t even have children yet, but I do secretly stash the Restoration Hardware baby magazines in my bedside table so that the minute I’m pregnant my husband and I can create the most perfect, exhaustingly unrealistic room as styled in the magazine. This post was fantstic and definitely made my day!

  • OddMamaOut

    I grew up in a house decorated meticulously like these photos. My sister loved our bedroom and my brothers loved their room as well. I didn’t care for it but I was always the black sheep. Nevertheless it didn’t harm us in anyway and I do admit my siblings have great taste now as adults. My mother didn’t spend this kind of money but she certainly would appreciate the catalog’s choices.

  • Teila Thomsen

    I want that rocking horse! It’s beautiful!

  • Katie

    Mary Keats Rothtorkington was my fav! Ha!

  • Clare Golemon

    Hands down the funniest blog post I think I’ve ever written. Thank you for putting a smile on my face today!

  • Michele Wojo

    This is the first time I’ve read your writing–absolutely hilarious!!! Great job :)

  • OttolineMorrell

    “Nothing says ‘future a**hole’ like a $1599 mini Kensington sofa…”
    Hilarious!

  • jason

    what a great wit.

  • Frank Daley

    Where can I get this stuff? It’s wonderful! Ohh sh&t I just threw up.

  • MarjGator

    I would love to see one of those cribs after a huge middle of the night diaper blowout.

  • jeannebear

    Amen! kids need the freedom to be creative, messy and just plain children!

  • Curtis O. Fletcher

    BRILLIANT! Thank-you for a great start to the day! :)

  • allison

    Oh my goodness, your comments are so funny. This person obviously does not have children.

  • Tara

    This. Is. Amazeballs!!! New fan :)

  • Jerry Wright

    Effing Brilliant!

  • annie diamond

    You are hilarious and so right! I got the point before i even got to the mini Kennsington sofa, but because your commentary is so joyful to read…I just kept going. Loved this!

  • Karen in Dallas

    omg! Hysterical!!!

  • Kristen Landsgaard

    OH. MY. GOSH! I never LOL but this kept the LOLs coming! Thanks! As the mother of 7 children living in 2100 square feet (a conscious decision…which also includes building on while we live in the house) I say POWER to real unhyphenated moms everywhere! Just watch those freaking legos while you’re doing your power dance.

  • Beth Sweet

    Oh my gosh, you are so dang awesome. This. Is. Perfect.

  • http://www.facebook.com/madeleine.falke Maddie Grimauld

    Anyone else see the snotty, smeary fingerprints on the crib mirror waiting to happen? Waiting for ME to have to clean?

  • Sherri Caraccia

    Free with purchase– Elegant Brass Noose bracket
    for when your child realizes what an f-ed up childhood he/she had!

  • Clare

    I Like the one where the bed obviously has to be used as a trampoline so that the 5 year old can look in the mirror – I bet Tara Farkington Farquart’s not allowed to do that….

  • Dinka Savage

    haha “Rothtorkington.” I’m still not past that part yet, I’m laughing too hard.

  • Victoria

    OMG! it has been a while since i have laughed so hard. You have an incredible talent for sarcasm and coming up with the most pretentious names possible. You are my favorite!

  • Karin-helen Jensen

    hmmmmmm….:)

  • Nakomis

    Very clever post= Restoration hardware meets Edward Gorey

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/stefan_e_jones/ Stefan Jones

    If you can afford to outfit your room like this, you can probably afford a “real” childrens’ room in addition. These places are the ones you show off to friends, relations, and judges from the Street of Dreams contest.

    Children who enter “their” room without first asking permission, and being sealed in a bodily emission proof undersuit, have their trust fund dinged by $10,000.

  • ABDarcy

    I think a lot of this furniture is beautiful. I also want to point out that Target/Walmart leaves out the clutter in their flyer photos, too.

  • anr

    You are quite witty and I actually giggled through your thoughts. The restoration hardware catalog is beautiful and creative in it’s own right. The overarching message I received from your post,however, was just another rant on the affluent from an envious middle class mama, dressed up as humorous sarcasm. It is not easier to trash the catalog than publicly insult the creator? Yea…like we’d all prefer Target over Neiman’s. I doubt it.

    • JOCB

      relax. you sound like a self conscious elitist that sees comical comments on a clearly over-the-top catalog as a “workers of the world unite!” speech. “Middle class mama” – nice comment. worse than anything she wrote. I know plenty of people making 7 figures that dont over-indulge themselves, and especially their kids, with the crap that looks like it is made for the children of 18th century French royalty. Now go sit on your Pottery Barn couch and enjoy the 300% markup.

    • Olivertucker1

      I could afford any of these rooms and YES I would choose Target over Neiman’s any time because I am PRACTICAL not stupid! Maybe the reason I CAN afford these rooms is because I chose to spend my money wisely!

    • vonvervengarten

      Oh please anr, check yourself. Laughing at the juxtapositions of catalogue pictures is hardly a hissy fit about inequality. By the way, truly wealthy people hire designers to do up the kiddies rooms, with even more expensive stuff that isn’t going to appear in a bedroom down the street too. Fat cats hardly want the stuff that the middle class max out their credit cards to get in an effort to look wealthy to the friends and family.

  • Sarah Day

    Fabulous post – made my day especially given that our decor is early American garage sale.

  • T Sutton

    OMG! Hilarious! I will never look at their catalog the same way. It is a horror story.

  • Foodie Mama Talks

    This. is. awesome.

  • Lorielise Garvin

    you have a sense of humor. your husband does not think much of my humor!

  • Alex

    This is hilarious and so true! People can’t seriously be buying this stuff for their children’s bedroom? Except maybe Prince William & Kate.

  • Alejandra Gomez

    this is too dam good. toss a couple of 3 year olds with dirty hands and feet in any of those rooms and watch the butler have a heart attack. Only in the magazines people. Real Life is so… Real.

  • Lisa

    Oh my goodness, this is so hilarious and so sad at the same time. Having 11 myself I can attest that not one of these rooms would be thought up by, desired by, or dreamed of by any living child. The depressing lack of any color at all is as dreary as any Dickinsonian workhouse. So one over there, several someone’s over there are completely out of touch with reality. The stilted, stuffy, dreary beiged and greighed out rooms are bad enough for grown ups. But for children…seriously? Start saving for therapy now because these lifeless, colorless, cold, uninspiring rooms will have your kids emo before they get out of diapers.

  • Dejah Danger Thoris

    Oh boy. Can I have any of this stuff for MY room? My kids would just destroy it.

  • Di

    Really? Talk about rude. Love all the rooms. Bedrooms are supposed to be for sleeping. No doubt all these kids have playrooms elsewhere and their bedrooms are used for what they are intended. Comes across as the writer is just a jealous twit.

  • Julie

    i may be the only one but i love the rooms.. practical? No.. but im a mom of one girl who has a beautiful bedroom. I believe the playroom is her space for her toys and fun.. Its messy at times.. its used. Its colorful and full of all of her creative things. I love it..her bedroom is a bedroom. a place to quietly read, to do things she likes. To dress. To sleep. I don’t allow kids to play in there like a gym.. so im ok with those rooms..

  • Ida Bear Robb

    Good point Nadine, perfect idea for ‘Connors’ room

  • Helene Bludman

    Thanks for many LOLs!

  • Emily

    Brilliant….simply brilliant.

  • Liz Wheeler

    What documents did the Luce-Romneybilts so expensively frame and light in Reese the III’s little bedroom?

  • Adam

    These rooms are not intended for people who have real children. They are intended for people who believe that children are just another accessory to their lifestyle.

  • c59483

    HAHAHAHA, I work at Resto and this is pretty damn hilarious, I’ve got to say. Glad to know my clients have good taste and definitely don’t bottle down to these stereotypical, WEIRD photographs, oh, and staging at it’s worst! Great article.

  • Amanda

    I had the EXACT same thoughts about some of this stuff. The animal prints are so frightening and that chandelier is just waiting to impale baby Anastasia Beaverhausen. (Will and Grace anyone?) They could have at least put some kids art work in those antique brass frames. Instead Anastasia’s first reading lesson is the US Constitution.

  • Denise Madderra George

    Super funny! I designed a safari room for my son years ago and he refused to sleep in it cuz he was afraid of the animal pics on the wall. #mommyfail

  • dandy

    I would have thrived in these enviroments

  • abcitseasyas123

    hilarious

  • Katie Singley

    As the mother of a 1-year old baby girl, and also one who receives catalogs from RH (and even sometimes buys from), I can’t stop laughing about how ridiculous they truly are. And I must be seriously sleep deprived to not have noticed before myself. Hilarious. Thanks for the good laugh – much needed!

  • Lesley Warren

    So funny. And have you been in the one in Nashville. Oh how non kid friendly is that place. Never greet a customer and forget about maneuvering through that place with a stroller. But I guess the people that shop there probably don’t take their kids shopping with them like us normal folks.

    • vonvervengarten

      I go in with my stroller and plough right through (baby #5 changes you in delightfully non-PC ways), so baskets of baubles and neat stacks of faux luggage grind along the floor until they get pushed like waves to a display table shore. Somehow service staff know not to complain.

  • Cassieleigh

    HA!!!

  • Jil Sonia Interiors

    Haha, that is sooooo true. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • vonvervengarten

    Thank you! I thought I was the only one. As they say, money can’t buy brains.

  • Try something positive to say

    Apparently you do have more time on your hands to flip through the pages than actual interest in the product. I guess time well spent?

  • Boring article

    Funny how many people find this funny. What’s funny, it’s a catalog or kids room furniture. Either you like the style or you don’t. Why it is important to mock or make fun of someones taste, product or interest in something different than maybe your own. Don’t you and or the writer have something better to do. Why my friend sent this to me, I’ll never know or care.

  • http://anna.balasi.com/ AnnaB

    And just so the little princess doesn’t forget that’s she’s royalty, there’s a huge-ass crown on top of the closet that she will literally gaze upon every night before she sleeps and when she wakes up in the morning–every single day of her life.

  • Dale

    …and not ONE child EVER vomited in the middle of the night on their luxurious bedding.

  • Kerstin Forsythe

    And WHY do their outfits match the decor? Are we trying to disappear? Huh. So horrid.

  • Fonda Rush

    what a hoot! i love your stories! stickin’ around for more! thank you for the chuckle…

  • gr82do

    clever

  • Seamus Curtain-Magee

    I want to let our two year old loose in those rooms and film it.

    Could make a good miaoc video.

  • Steven Child LaFrance

    These pastel bedrooms are to the world as Kansas is to Oz.

  • HJ

    This article made me laugh. Thanks! It’s always funny (and sad) to me when invariably one mom doesn’t get the joke and gets bitchy in the comments section. It actually has become some weird sort of hobby of mine to read the comments looking for those bad apples in the bunch. I mean, I could post something as innocuous as “I am grateful for this lovely day” and someone will find something offensive about it. Le sigh. http://www.laineygossip.com/Tina-Fey-and-mommy-boards/26196

  • Kpless

    Wow it’s amazing to me that you act like a catalog should look like a messy child’s room. They are “displaying” a product in a way you can look at all the items clearly.

  • Diana Davis Rumbold

    I’ve never heard of this catalog, but are these people completely clueless or do they just live in a museum somewhere where no body ever touches anything?

  • Kylee Shaw

    I mean, they are BEAUTIFUL rooms…. but SO unrealistic. I literally, can not have anything on my kids walls, not even letters… they get destroyed. It sucks.

  • Christmas Carol

    Show us the Clinton-Sorosbilt rooms?

    Romneybilts

  • Linda Jones Hammond

    I kept looking at that rocking horse thinking whaaaat. Then; I saw it!!! The leg of the dresser. Hahahahahahahahahahaha….. This whole thing is so hilarious. I know I need to get a life, but, you made my morning. Thank you!

  • Patty Williams

    Whoooo. I dont know anyone who has bedrooms like those for their kids.

  • Nora Qudus

    I loved it.

  • ShamanBlair

    The colorless rooms are NOT what a child needs. Colors stimulate children, & I think some of these MIGHT be all right if there were repainted walls & bright linens, but no child could really be comfy in all that overstuffed frillyness or bland surroundings. Kids like to get messy, but would be afraid to in such sterile rooms. Sad.

  • Kris Pribadi Vann

    Brilliant! Crying with laughter over coffee this morning. Made my day. :)

  • Mrs

    Don’t see anything whitty of funny in this article. RH makes beautiful stuff, that lasts and looks great. It is also very safe for kids. Yes, pricey, but you get what you pay for… Teach kids to take care of things, and this furniture will not be a problem… And a long term investment for the family…
    Or, of course, you can go to Target, as writer suggests, and buy cheap, disposable plastic crap that will break and endanger your kids just the same and will litter our planet forever… Because it is MADE to be thrown away in 1-3 years anyways…

    • spinetingler

      “Don’t see anything whitty of funny in this article.”

      I don’t see anything “whitty”, either. (or is “Whitty of Funny” a person? A lord, perhaps?)

  • teresadowdymckee

    BAHAHAHAHAH, I’m a decorator and sometimes I look at these pictures of kids rooms and thought the very same thing………..this room could kill a kid or at least give him / her nightmares
    ………too funny

  • clairewait

    I think you can purchase those empty bottles, actually. They are like $29.

  • Mom in Two Cultures

    Rusty-looking old gym lockers are always my go-to storage solution, especially in the kids’ room.

  • artdoc07

    I was howling! Esp loved your names..I can see a children’s book coming based on any of the above scenarios alà Roald Dahl or Lemony Snickett, come to think of it the above was a short story picture book in that style! Kudos.

  • giselementry

    Funny, very funny.

  • cvilleliz

    and to think I grew up with green shag carpet, a “C’mon baby light my fire sticker on my door, and a poster of Bobby Sherman…wow… hey RH, how about a little mind-stimulating color….say it with me now.. C-O-L-O-R! Those uber-luxury child names were the best – hilarious!!

  • Opera Ghost

    The phantom has a sense of humour! He decided to move the rocking horse instead of dropping the chandelier!

  • James Packard

    FOUR BIG CLOCKS? that’s cruel. the first one with the off white brought me too the site. but the christmas lights ON THE BED … then i just reminded myself that this is an adult design person making a page. none of this is reality. nor could a child actually live in these rooms.

  • AnnaZed

    This is an extremely funny post, good for you (the German haiku, oh my!)