I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
March 12, 2012
Every so often at a soccer practice or kid’s birthday party, the subject of babysitters comes up. Most parents use the opportunity to moan and grown about how difficult it is to find a good sitter and how expensive they’ve all gotten… but inevitably, one smirking mother will drop a bomb.
“We’ve never had a sitter,” she’ll say smugly. “It’s been seven years now and no one but my mom has watched the kids. And she only did it once, when Chet and I went to Bama’s Homecoming Weekend–.”
“–which we ended up coming back from a whole day early!” Chet will finish triumphantly. They’ll exchange superior looks and laugh as though they deserve some sort of Parent of the Year award.
Each time this happens, I’m shocked into silence as one thought races through my mind.
Really? You’re bragging about the fact that you’ve never had a date night? You’re bragging about that? REALLY?
Because personally, I would go out of my freaking mind.
Now let’s get something straight. I understand that there are people out there who can’t go on date nights, for whatever reason. They can’t really afford a sitter. They have a special needs child and have a tough time finding someone qualified to watch her. They live in a small town and haven’t been able to find anyone they really trust to watch the kids. I feel bad for people in these kinds of situations, because I assume that they would desperately LOVE some alone time with their spouses, and for whatever reason, it just hasn’t happened.
It’s the people who are PROUD of their lack of date nights that I just don’t get. Because while I absolutely adore being a mom and love my children to pieces and enjoy working from home and spending most of my time with them, I’ll be honest… Take away my date nights and this mommy would not be so relentlessly happy.
In fact, she might quickly become known as a cranky you-know-what.
Date nights are a closely observed ritual here at the Ferrier house, whether my husband and I are stepping out for an hour and a half at a bookstore or dressing up for dinner at a 4-star restaurant. We need our together time. We crave our together time. Our marriage (not to mention our sanity) DEPENDS on our together time, and we do whatever we have to do to get it.
And this is why we were pretty much beside ourselves recently when we found ourselves in possession of what’s basically the holy grail of date nights– a Friday Night Babysitter.
Friday (and Saturday) night babysitters are notoriously difficult to find, so Hubs and I generally suck it up and go out on week nights instead. That means that we have to get home fairly early, since the sitter has school the next morning and so do our own kids.
A Friday night sitter, on the other hand, meant that we could stay out as late as we wanted. Oh, the delicious thrill of it!
And so we headed out last Friday evening clad in our date night best and giddy with the possibilities. What would we do? Where would we go? So many choices! And no curfew!
We decided to begin at a funky little restaurant just out of the way enough that we thought we could find a table. And luck was with us– One tiny two-top was left in the whole place! As we settled in at our table, I quickly checked the time on my phone. Only 7:00! We had HOURS and HOURS of we-time ahead! WOO HOOOOO.
Hubs and I enjoyed glasses of wine, delicious appetizers, divine entrees, and we even splurged on dessert. At the end of our incredibly decadent and leisurely meal, we paid and finally left. Once in the car, I looked at my phone again.
It was 8:30.
“Where do you want to go next?” my husband asked. We discussed a couple of our favorite bars, but quickly nixed that idea. We’d already had a few drinks with dinner and neither of us wanted more. But… what ELSE was there to do on a Friday night?
“How about the bookstore?” I asked.
“It closes in 15 minutes,” Hubs said.
We drove in silence for a bit before we both decided that what we really wanted to do was go home and finish a movie we had started a few nights before. Because it was Friday night and we were PARTY ANIMALS.
But there was one problem with our plan- The kids were still awake. I don’t know about you, but about 50% of the enjoyment of a date night is derived from the fact that SOMEONE ELSE puts the kids to bed. Quickly, I texted the babysitter.
‘Please put the kids to bed now!’ It was much earlier than the 10:00 time we had originally given her, but she’d just have to deal.
‘Okay!’ she texted back.
“Now what?” I asked Hubs. “We’re almost home and it’ll take her at least 30 minutes to put the kids down.”
“How about coffee at Starbucks?” he asked.
“Perfect!”
We drove past our Starbucks. It was under renovation and temporarily closed.
“How about coffee from McDonalds across the road?” Hubs asked.
“Okay,” I said eagerly. “I love McDonalds coffee!” We went through the drive-thru and ordered two coffees and some french fries for good measure. We still had 25 minutes of date night to kill.
“I know!” I said after a moment. “Let’s park at that new 24-hour Gym and see what kind of people work out there.” Dutifully, Hubs pulled up to the gym and parked. We sat in silence for a moment, drinking coffee, munching on fries, and watching people work out, as absorbed as if we were watching an Oscar-winning movie.
“It’s all men,” I said. “That’s good to know. I’d feel kind of weird being the only girl there working out.”
“Look,” Hubs noted. “They only have those four TVs hanging from the ceiling- The machines don’t have them. That would suck.”
“That’s why it’s only $15 dollars a month,” I said. I paused, eying an older man speculatively as he added weights to a barbell. “I bet that man came here to get away from his nagging wife,” I speculated. “I bet he’s…. an associate pastor at a small church.” Hubs laughed.
“He does look like a pastor,” he admitted.
“And look at that guy on the treadmill. You can tell he has major issues,” I said. “He looks like he’s giving birth.” I took a swig of my McDonalds coffee. “I mean, seriously. Who works out on a Friday night?”
“Definitely not the kind of person who spends a date night sitting in a parking lot, eating french fries, and staring at people in a 24-hour gym,” Hubs said dryly. We both burst into laughter.
“We still have ten minutes,” Hubs said, looking at the clock.
“I know!” I said. “Let’s go to Cinderella’s house!” Hubs started up the car. He knew exactly which house I was talking about, and it had nothing to do with a fairy tale princess. Remember the eighties hair band Cinderella? Well, its bassist lives in an unassuming subdivision about five minutes from our house and… to be honest… I’m a tiny bit obsessed with him. More specifically, I’m obsessed with finding the courage to sing a few lines of “Don’t Know What You Got Til It’s Gone” the next time I see him at Kroger.
But back to our Super Duper Exciting Date Night. Hubs pulled into Cinderella’s cul-de-sac and slowly drove by Cinderella’s house. Two compact cars were in the driveway and all was dark.
“Cinderella’s asleep?!” I said in disbelief. “At 9:00 on Friday night?! Where are the groupies? The empty beer cans strewn across the lawn?! This blows!”
“Lindsay,” Hubs said quietly. “I think it’s time to go home.”
We drove the short distance to our house and noted with satisfaction that the lights were all off upstairs. Mission Someone Else Needs To Put the Kids to Bed Tonight was accomplished. In short order, the babysitter was paid, the den lights were dimmed, and the movie was cued up.
It was 9:30 and we had lived LARGE.
And now you know, my babysitterless-and-proud-of-it friends, what you are missing out on.
Jealous?
Image via anantal/Flickr
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You are so funny. Will you be my best friend? Please?
Just kidding (kind of). We don’t get date nights on weekends because we’re the non-custodial house but we make sure we have plenty of time together during the week so the weekend is kid-focused.
When I first married, we had my stepdaughters every Thursday-Sunday, so all of our dates were on week nights. I actually prefer them in some ways- We can always get a table at a restaurant without waiting!
There are definitely some major benefits to weeknight dates… no pressure to stay out until 9:30… that’s for young people… LOL
This sounds remarkably like our date nights! I love having someone else put the kids to bed so we can sneak in and tiptoe past their room so we can – catch up on the shows on our DVR that we haven’t had a chance to watch. Oh, the joys of parenthood!
YES!
We go walk around Wal Mart after supper, unless we’re dressed fancy, in which case we walk around Target instead
Ha ha ha ha ha!
JUST this past Saturday night, we had gone to a wedding/reception that moved along much more quickly than I had anticipated. I was tired, wearing crippling shoes and yet still threw myself around because my husband insisted we not go anywhere else but home. The reason? It was before the kids were in bed.
Such a true post. I need to go check out the 24 hour gym near me and see what’s up.
Oh, it’s very entertaining. The best part was when the interior light of the car wouldn’t turn off, and I realized that anyone in the gym could see us sitting there, watching them like freaks. ;D
Our date nights happen about four times a year. We sneak out and get a hotel room… and nap and watch tv! All alone! Then, we will go eat late and go back and go to sleep again! Nothing major but it is nice not to hear the little voices. We usually end up talking about what the kids are doing. :))
Love it!
Love your Cinderella story. I would love to go to his house and sing with you and play back up air guitar to bad I am in California. I love the hair bands of the 80’s. I saw Bret Michaels in concert a few years ago at a fair and it was fantastic!
Let me know if you come to Nashville and maybe we can get an air band together and storm his front lawn!
Ha! We go walk around Target, too. They are open until TEN! If we are really feeling wild, we get a bag of popcorn and a refillable drink from the snack bar.
Ha! Target was my “mental health hour” when Bruiser was an infant- He had reflux and cried all the time. My husband would watch him for an hour and I would go to Target and just walk around by myself like a zombie. It was like therapy! 😀
This is hilarious! My sisters & I tease our parents when they stay out past 9:30pm, telling them that they are “Living on the Edge!”
We walk around Walmart or Target too. Sometimes even the mall. That’s love!
LOVE!!!!! I am soooo desperate for a date night. Ours are too few and far between!
You guys are awesome!!
I cherish our date night. We get out about once a month. I could definitely go for once a week though.
We recently had our first weekend away in almost 3 years. And truth be told, I did not miss my son one bit. GASP! Now before you determine me the worst mother ever. We were only gone for 2 nights and 3 days and my son was with his Grandmothers.
We had only been back for a week and I was already talking about our next getaway. Now that I am a parent, couple time is so precious. I can`t imagine not getting our time. I think that it is vital as a couple and as parents. I know I definitely appreciate my son so much more when I can get away from him for a bit (I am a SAHM and he has not started preschool).
There was a time when we limited date nights to once a month too, and once every other week- It has all depended on our kids’ ages and on our finances. And we used to take annual honeymoon trips- Those ended when Bruiser was born, but this year we’re going again for our tenth anniversary- I’m so excited!
My hubby and I both work from home so our date nights sometimes are during the day. We will have coffee and then go back to bed on Mondays once the kids are on school. And sometimes we manage a restaurant lunch before pick up. On the special occasions we do go out at night (now that we have an awesome teenage boy babysitter who lives up the street) if we get back early we make out in the car for a while before going inside!
Ha ha! I hope your babysitter can’t see you guys from the window. LOL. We do daytime dates too, occasionally. We’ll go on a hike and then out to eat, usually.
Sometimes we go to Giant Eagle, the grocery chain here in Pittsburgh, but the REALLY NICE ONE MIND YOU on Centre avenue, and buy stuff. Sometimes we’re too tired to have a really deep talk over dinner, so we get soup for dinner and then go to a movie. Sometimes we fantasize about sneaking back into the house while the sitter still puts the kids to bed. But we always, always, always splurge on babysitting, we always have, and, until our youngest is in junior high (or maybe older) we always, always will. Our marriage depends on it!
Exactly!
OMG We love date nights! 😀 We love date nights so much, our first one after kids was when our son was just two weeks old – my husband arranged for another couple who had a 5 month old baby (so they knew what they were doing LOL) to come over and stay with our baby while he took me for a nice dinner to celebrate becoming parents. And it was a double celebration for me because I discovered I could get my favorite coat zipped up again! 🙂
You know what one of my favorite things to do with my husband is? Drive. Just drive. We’ve had some of our best conversations on long drives just the two of us. One Sunday last summer, we had to make an impromptu 8-hour round-trip drive, and we were actually excited! Kiddo went to Grandma and Grandpa’s and off we went. It was great.
Oooh, I LOVE drives, too. They’re so much fun when it’s just the two of you.
You are me 10 years ago. The rule for date night was that the sitter did the bedtime thing. I don’t know how many trips to Home Depot we made so the sitter could take care of bedtime. And my children LOVED the sitter. It was the highlight of their week. We had the privilege of attending her wedding last fall!
That’s awesome. I have this babysitter tribute song on a compilation CD and it makes me cry every time I hear it! http://youtu.be/ZdbG6WkUsQ0
I always roll my eyes at those smug parents that don’t use babysitters and wear it as a badge of honor. Not only do we need a break from out kids, but our kids need a break from us. We have similar date nights. We finally were able to go to this restuarant that ALWAYS has an hour + wait without kids. We sat at the bar, had beers, and an appetizer. By the time they called our name we were so full from bar food and beer that we couldn’t eat a full meal. So we ordered a dessert and left. I guess I’ll have to wait until next month to understand just how good the food is.
Ha. I agree the kids need a break from their parents- My kids LOVE their babysitters and always cheer when they find out who’s coming over.
When I was a teenager there was one family I babysat for where the kids would actually tell their parents “You need to go on a date, we want the babysitter to come over!” LOL Talk about flattered!
I feel you! We’re very lucky in that we have a ton of sitters who can hang out at our place so that we can go out. We’ve yet to still go out and have a whole night to ourselves though, where we actually get to sleep away from the kiddo and wake up past 6:30am. One day, one day…
We’ve gotten a few nights away from the kids and guess what? You wake up at 6:30 anyway! LOL
We usually waste babysitters on “must attend” events like office Christmas party. But now that #3 son is 4 years old, we actually got a sitter (on a weeknight) and went to see The Artist. Sigh. It was wonderful.
What I really want. . .I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY want . . .is a babysitter who will take my children out of my house for the evening. Then we can spend the evening in our OWN home. Watching what WE want to. And maybe even getting a chance to make out.
That’s yet to happen.
But The Artist was awesome!
Haven’t seen The Artist yet, but I can’t wait! We’ve put a priority on Hugo in 3D- a friend told my husband it was the best movie ever made in 3D so now he’s on a mission to catch it before it’s gone.
Your Cinderella story cracks me up. I love that you did a “drive by” on your date night to kill time. I just heard one of their songs on the radio and thought of you. I don’t suppose there is a way to work singing on his lawn into one your style dares, is there? That way we could all be a witness. 🙂
I think this could be its own show here in Nashville… I could drive up to music stars’ houses, sing a tribute song on their lawn, and SEE WHAT HAPPENS. ;D
You are HILARIOUS. I can totally see doing this with my husband.
Also. That smug “I never leave my kids because I’m such an amazing mom and ALSO A MARTYR” thing that moms do REALLY pisses me off. I want kids someday, but not if it means ruining my marriage over (and some of the best times in our marriage are our date nights – without them I don’t know how we would ever find time to bond!!). I love seeing you and Dennis balance that and focus on each other even (GASP!) over your kids. If the parents are happy and healthy in their marriage, the kids will be happy and healthy too. There’s a security in having parents who love each other. I should know – I grew up with those kinds of parents.
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