17 Pinterest Thanksgiving Crafts I Will Never Make

Making holiday crafts with my children used to be at least somewhat relaxing and fun.

And then Pinterest came along.

Suddenly, crafting went into overdrive as mommies began attempting to create Pin-worthy projects out of old blue jeans and toilet paper rolls, praying their crafterpieces would be shared across the Internets. Some succeeded magnificently.

Others? Well, for various reasons, things didn’t quite go according to plan.

I present the following Pinterest craft projects as a public service, hoping we can all learn from the misfortunes of others:

 

‘Grateful’ wasn’t the best word for how the Iversons felt about their mother after they realized that their favorite pairs of jeans were missing.

 

Even the fanciest Thanksgiving Kiddie Table couldn’t make up for the fact that Aunt Cecily seated the children in her carport. “Now they can make as much noise as they want,” she told the kids’ grim-faced parents.

 

“What the devil…” Bob muttered when he saw his wife’s turkey place settings. “EDNA, THESE HAD BETTER NOT BE MY GOLF BALLS!” Very quietly, Edna locked herself inside her crafting room.

 

Worried that the turkey, oyster dressing, harvest salad, gravy, sweet potato casserole, creamed corn, cranberry sauce, roasted brussels sprouts, macaroni and cheese, yeast rolls, green bean casserole, fruit salad, mashed potatoes, ham, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, red velvet cake, and homemade ice cream wouldn’t be enough, Brandy had her children make Thanksgiving Treat Bags full of candy for their guests to take home with them.

 

Saskia had thought the paper bag turkey would add a comic note to her Paleo-Raw-Vegan-Gluten-Free Thanksgiving Dinner.

Strangely, no one laughed.

 

“It’s the funniest thing,” Amelia told her guests when they arrived. “I got so busy with this fruit turkey, I completely forgot to put the real turkey in the oven!”

Dinner on that memorable Thanksgiving was at 2 a.m.

 

Lorelei admitted to the other moms that she stayed up all night making Oreo Cookie Turkeys for her son’s kindergarten class.

This explains why she wept so loudly when they ate them.

 

“A turkey with jazz hands,” Daria mused when she saw the popcorn bowl her cousins had made for the Thanksgiving centerpiece.

“Now that is something I’ve never seen before.”

 

Kiki couldn’t believe how unimpressed her new husband’s adult children were with her book page Thanksgiving place settings.

 “I mean, what was I supposed to do with your dad’s first edition collection after we moved him into the nursing home?” she asked indignantly.

 

It was agreed by most of the city that the Topeka Junior League’s ‘Thanksgiving Tornado’ theme was in very poor taste.

 

When her husband couldn’t get the heat to come on during the Sanderson’s Thanksgiving feast, Mamie feigned ignorance.

 

“Well,  these pilgrim napkin ring holders certainly are interesting, Janet,” Grandma Nell said when everyone was seated at the table. “Who are these children, anyway?”

“Beats me,” Janet replied. “I just printed out the ones from the craft instructions.”

 

It was difficult coming up with enough empty wine bottles to wrap in twine for the Thanksgiving centerpiece. Fortunately, Eliza was up to the challenge. hiccup

 

Although no one ever said anything directly to Grandpa about his affair with the trail mix lady at the farmer’s market, the ‘special’ mini cornucopia he was served at his family’s Thanksgiving dinner spoke volumes.

 

“Is that a…a…. toilet paper roll dressed as a pilgrim?” June snorted at Edith’s Thanksgiving Luncheon for the D.A.R.

Edith stared at June in mute horror. How had she figured it out?

 

How could Julie have known that the Apple Indians she made with her kids would haunt her nightmares for the next twenty years?

 

 

Glove Turkeys.

I repeat.

Glove Turkeys.

Happy crafting, everyone!

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