I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville wife and mother with a passion for family travel, (mostly) healthy cooking, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries with you, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark.
August 24, 2017
When we moved to our neighborhood, I thought we had found our own little suburban paradise. I loved walking on our tree-lined streets, chatting with friendly neighbors, and watching my kids play with the other children in our community.
Then I joined NextDoor.com.
That’s how I discovered that everything I thought I knew about my neighborhood — and my neighbors — was wrong. You really haven’t seen the seedy underbelly of suburbia until you’ve joined NextDoor, and maybe that’s why I can’t stop logging on. Grab some popcorn, buckle your seatbelts, and check out these 8 TRUTHS I’ve learned about NextDoor.com.
Thanks to NextDoor, I now know that my neighborhood is literally crawling with MANY VERY DANGEROUS ANIMALS, including bobcats masquerading as pets, brown recluse spiders, skunks, mountain lions, bears, wolves, and venomous copperheads. It’s really a wonder I’m still alive.
Stay the hell away — and post about it on NextDoor, ASAP.
What’s that loud noise? Who cares? Just be sure to complain about it on NextDoor, preferably at 2 in the morning so they know YOU MEAN BUSINESS.
Bonus points if you mention sedating your furbabies.
Woe to any stranger who dares to show up unannounced in a NextDoor neighborhood! Stop whatever
crimes you were trying to commit doing and say ‘Cheese,’ Unknown Person — You’ve entered a land where all residents are armed with cell phone cameras, and they’re not afraid to use them!
And don’t even think of wearing Mickey Mouse ears and a flashing red light, because WE TOTALLY KNOW IT’S PART OF YOUR CAR BREAK-IN SCHEME.
Bunny Killers, take special notice — The Great Eye of NextDoor sees all.
If you’ve found poop in your yard you’re pretty sure doesn’t belong to you, you must live in a NextDoor neighborhood! Tell your fellow residents about it. Provide photos to convince the skeptical.
Lost and found animals are basically the glue that holds NextDoor together. Between losing pets, finding pets, and shaming those who’ve lost and found pets, NextDoor neighbors stay very busy! So the next time you see a dog or cat whose owner is more than 10 feet away, take a picture and post it on NextDoor!
Bonus Points if you include a warning about pet-eating predators (see No. 1), including but not limited to hawks, PRCs, bobcats, eagles, owls, narwhals, mountain lions, bears, wolves, or T-Rexes.
Don’t let the city crime maps fool you — Thieves, vandals, solicitors, the UPS guy, and a motley assortment of Suspicious Strangers are prowling your neighborhood on the regular, and you’ll learn to fear them all once you join NextDoor. When you can’t even put a pumpkin suit on a goose, you KNOW things have gotten bad.
There’s more, of course — Petty arguments about HOA rules, complaints about local businesses, complaints about the complainers, complaints about the complaints about complainers, passive-aggressive behavior and general rage… Essentially, NextDoor has turned what used to be pretty ordinary days into Days of Our Lives… and I, for one, AM LOVING IT.
How about you?
Want more hilarity? Check out my latest post! How to Dress Your Husband for Fall