>And So It Begins
>Act I, scene i
Handyman: Whoa, you’re due any day, huh?
Me: I’m due in March.
Handyman: Having twins?
Me: No.
Handyman: (looking skeptically at my belly) Are you sure?
Me: I’m sure (Bitch slaps handyman).
-fin-
>Act I, scene i
Handyman: Whoa, you’re due any day, huh?
Me: I’m due in March.
Handyman: Having twins?
Me: No.
Handyman: (looking skeptically at my belly) Are you sure?
Me: I’m sure (Bitch slaps handyman).
-fin-
>Wanna get away?Ding!
>morons…
>I got that a lot, too. Bitch-slapping helps.
>Yeah, it only gets better from here. Wait til the first time Hubs says it – you can slap him! Thank goodness mine ends today (7 hours!) and people will stop looking at my belly as if I’m about to explode!
>Gah, are you kidding me?! Asshat.
>I wish you had a picture of this guy. Wait. … I’m gonna go look up troglodyte in the dictionary … I bet his PICTURE will be there!
>You shoulda sat on him 😉
>Well, this may be the last day I wear a snug, fitted t-shirt. Some people just aren’t ready for the belly when it isn’t draped and covered in cloth…
>Oh, I would so use this to my advantage.Think of it…you will never have to bag your own groceries for the rest of your pregnancy! Practice fanning your face and leaning aginst the wall. You’ll be seated immediately in any restaurant.Work that expanding tummy, girlfriend.
>I ran into a woman I used to work with while I was pregnant and it went about the same way. “You’re not having twins? Are you SURE?” When I told her I was sure, she said, “well, it must be a BIG baby!”
>My personal favorite: “When are you due?” Me: “Five years ago.”
>I would have smacked him too.What an idiot.
>It’s obvious. He has a serious case of uterus envy…
>When I was pregnant with my second son, we were living in Phoenix and it was the middle of the summer so we went to the pool A LOT! Every time, someone would ask me how far along I was and when I would tell them I was 7 months they would always say, “Oh, you poor thing!” EVERY TIME!
>Oh wow, too funny. Or not…you should have bitchslapped him!
>Dense people with no grace. Happened to me, too.
>How rude! He deserved a good old bitch-slapping.
>You should have asked “Are you sure you’re a man?”. (looked at his crotch)”Are you SURE?”
>I would have slapped him for real.
>I had some skinny-never-been-pregnant blond working the cash register at Walmart tell me “Oh you’re huge!” and I wanted to come across the counter and go for her throat. I wasn’t too big where I couldn’t have caused her some damage. 🙂
>the last tme that happened to me, I blurted out “it’s a tumor and we’re naming it!” No one asked me any more pregnancy questions.Besides, men have a bad judge of size….I mean, come on. Do I have to explain that one?
>hey, at least you made it to DECEMBER…when I was pregnant with my son, my PASTOR said to me in November, “so, you’re due any day now, huh?”…and I was due on March 2!It’s always worse with the second one, lol! The week before I gave birth, I had to sit THREE FEET from a table in order to prevent my belly from touching. Ah…good times….
>My favorite moment was when my OB said, “Oh, you weigh more than me!”He is lucky my stomach got in the way of choking him!
>This, unfortunately, happened to me during my FIRST pregnancy. Bitch slap fully warranted. There needs to be a pregnant women primer for men who are clueless.
>Why don’t men get it? Just don’t ask. At all ever! If the woman is in labor at the hospital checking in at the desk, still don’t ask. My hubby is the worst at asking when the baby is due to women who aren’t pregnant. Come on honey get a clue.
>Oh man! He totally deserved a bitch slap!
>Oh my God, how can people be so clueless?????
>Good god, honey! Why is it everyone and their mother thinks that pregnant women belong to the collective? We all do it, to one degree or another – invade personal space, ask outrageous questions you wouldn’t even ask your sister and worst of all – rub that pregnant belly as if it’s the Buddha and touching it will deliver a blessing! I swear to god – pregnant women should carry around a paddle with the words ‘bitch slap’ emblazoned on it just to have at all the idiots who seem to think pregnancy is a communal effort!
>my favorite came from a clientclient: do you know what you’re having?me: a boyclient: are you sure, you’re carrying low, i think it’s a girlme: nope, it’s a boyclient: i’m pretty sure you’re having a girlme: we saw pictures, he has three legs, it’s a boyclient: no, it’s a girlare you freaking kidding me? you’re gonna fight with me about the sex of my kid? you weren’t there when we did the sonogram, nor were you there when we conceived, your opinion doesn’t matter!!!
>did he get a swift kick to the nards?
>Oh my. Poor thing. I was that way with my first. Any day now huh? With my second, I barely got big until the very end. You sure your measurements are OK, because you look really small. Thanks for freaking me out lady.
>Can he be a little more cliche? I mean PUH-LEASE. At least he could have thrown out triplets.
>ha ha ha…”nards”….that’s a funny word.People are idiots. My mother-in-law makes a big deal about how huge I am every time she sees me and I’m only 22 weeks. She told me the other day that I’m as big as she was when she delivered her kids. And then I got to thinking about how dumb it is for her to use that comparison to tell me how large I am…..My husband was almost 3 months premature and weighed 3 1/2 lbs!….uh, duh, MIL….no wonder I am almost as “enormous” as you were! Ggggrrrrr. Stupid.
>Oh, well then, I think you’ll enjoy this oldie-but-goodie from my archives: Top 10 Surefire Ways to Piss off a Pregnant Lady.http://scarbiedoll.blogspot.com/2004/10/top-10-surefire-ways-to-piss-off.html
>You should glanced at his paunch and asked him when he wad due.:-)
>You should glanced at his paunch and asked him when he wad due.:-)
>Idiots!!If you WERE having twins, you’d be stopping traffique. I’m sure you’re only healthy & adorable at this point.