BlogHer 08: How It Went
The situation: After running into Carmen on our flight from San Diego to San Francisco, Busy Mom and I shared a cab with her. A CAB FROM HELL. The guy drove sort of like, I don’t know, A MANIAC? And while I tried to stay calm and roll with it (even though I was seatbeltless in the middle of the back seat, which meant that I would be the one to go flying through the front windshield in the inevitable event of a collision), the ride culminated in the cab driver screeching to a halt in front of our hotel, mere inches away from Liz Henry in her wheelchair.
Liz Henry, if you don’t already know, is not exactly a wallflower.
“FUCK YOU!” She yelled as we cowered in the backseat. The cab driver got out and started yelling back at her. Yeah. This was not how I’d planned my grand entrance AT ALL.
I got out and ran over to apologize to Liz for having anything to do with that man. I introduced myself and assured her that I didn’t know him from St. Henry, that he totally sucked, that he nearly killed us SEVEN TIMES, that I was pretty sure he had BILIOUS GOUT OF THE GLUTEUS MAXIMUS, that, that, that, I was so very mortfyingly sorry.
She laughed. Crisis averted.
Lesson learned: I should have taken the BART.
The Situation: “Have you met Lesbian Dad yet?” one of my new BFFs Maria asked me before our panel discussion.
“No, I haven’t seen her,” I said. Maria shrugged.
“She’s kinda hot,” she said.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I can’t explain it.”
I can’t now, either, but Lesbian Dad, otherwise known as Polly Pagenhart, is one of the most extraordinarily likable people I have ever met. Talk to her for two minutes and you’ll want to spend the day with her. She’s incredibly smart and heartwarmingly positive and she believes in love, love, love. And the mommybloggers ate it up. I had the pleasure of moderating the panel on which she and Maria both spoke, and after just a few minutes, it was clear that Polly had captured everyone’s hearts. (Maria had, too, but Maria deeply intrigued the mommybloggers. Polly made them want to cuddle.) The audience giggled wildly each time Polly said something even remotely humorous. And very, very late on Saturday night Yvonne and I had the conversation I heard repeated at least a dozen times over the weekend.
“What is it about Lesbian Dad?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Yvonne said, smiling. “There’s just something about her. She’s just, I don’t know! I can’t explain it!”
“I just love her!” We both collapsed in giggles like two 12-year-olds at a sleepover.
Lesson learned: BlogHer can introduce you to some freaking amazing women whom you would otherwise never, ever meet.
Polly and me.
The Situation: “Do you want to meet her?” my friend asked, coming up to me after one of the BlogHer panel discussions.
“Uh, sure,” I said.
“I mean, you can meet her now. I’ve told her about you. She knows who you are.”
I paused. “Well, if it’s going to be awkward, then, no. Because this feels sort of… weird.”
“No, you can meet her. I’ll take you to her.”
My friend led me over to where My Favorite Blogger was standing with her husband. She said a few words to her, then turned back to me. “{My Favorite Blogger}, this is Lindsay.”
“Hi,” I said, extending my hand and grinning. “Nice to meet you. I’m a big fan of your blog.”
“Thanks. You’re from Tennessee, right?” she asked.
“Yes. I am.”
“{My Favorite Blogger} is from Memphis,” my friend said.
“Oh really?” I asked. “I had no idea! You know, whenever I travel and I do something really stupid, I just sort of shrug and say, “Way-ull shucks, Ahm from Nay-ush-vee-ille,” and then I just walk away! And you could totally do that too!”
My Favorite Blogger smiled thinly without reacting. “Nice to meet you,” she said. And then she turned away. TO TALK TO NO ONE. I stood there feeling sort of, well, small. And bothersome. Small and bothersome in a way that, despite meeting and/or interviewing thousands of writers and celebrities and yes, even bloggers over the years in my line of work, I’ve only been made to feel one other time, with, coincidentally, another not-all-that-famous person.
“So, we’re going to lunch now,” my friend said. “Do you want to go with us?”
“Um.” I paused. I really like my friend, but lunch with My Favorite Blogger? My Favorite Blogger, whose every word I had read and enjoyed for THE LAST THREE YEARS?
“Oh… I don’t think so,” I told my friend. “Thanks anyway.”
Lesson Learned: I already knew this, but I hope this meeting with My Favorite Blogger reinforces it. As bloggers, we lay pieces of our lives out there for public consumption and when people connect with what we’ve written, they often do so on a warm, fuzzy personal level. Anyone who cares enough to e-mail me or come up to me in person and tell me how my blog has made a difference in his or her life deserves my attention and gratitude and respect (unless they’re like, brandishing a knife or have, you know, the Crazy Eyes). And I think that’s true for any of us who blog, whether we have four readers or four million. I can’t tell you how touched I am by those of you who came up to me at BlogHer to talk about this blog. It’s actually making me tear up right now. It really, really meant a lot to me.
My partner in crime.
The situation: It’s a good thing my roommate Yvonne and I don’t live in the same city. We would most definitely get arrested. She was my partner in crime all weekend long and I don’t know that I have ever laughed so hard. Or been exposed to so much DRAMA. Because drama follows Y like that dirt cloud follows Pigpen (except in Y’s case, it’s a shimmering, diaphanous cloud of the most delicate and expensive perfume), whether her flight to San Francisco is being canceled at the last minute, or she loses her cell phone at LAX (you can imagine my generously sponsored cell phone came in handy in this situation!) or we’re trying to keep down our salmon steaks on a lovely dinner cruise or our awesome party is in the process of getting busted.
Or we’re on a super-fast, 30-something-story glass elevator that is totally malfunctioning.
Yes, friends. The Westin has glass elevators outside its sky-high tower o’ rooms and it is so fast that even someone like me, who rides the loopty-loopiest of roller coasters without so much as a single wave of nausea, felt a little, well, freaked every time that elevator shot up into the air or plummeted down to the lobby. I should have known better than to get on that elevator with Y and Y alone, but I did it anyway. And as it zoomed up to the 18th floor, I can’t say I was all that surprised when the doors didn’t open.
“Oh God,” Y said as we stood there. We looked at each other. At that moment, the elevator dropped to the seventh floor.
“Aaaaaaack!” we squealed. The doors remained closed.
“Oh God!” Y said. We pushed some buttons. The elevator shot up to the 23rd floor, then paused. The door stayed closed. Yvonne and I faced each other and grabbed each other’s arms. “I can’t handle this, Lindsay!” Y shouted.
The elevator dropped. “AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!” we screamed, holding on to each other for dear life as it whooshed to the fifth floor and stopped. The doors stayed closed. We pushed buttons. Nothing happened.
“DON’T PANIC!” I shrieked, panicking. “DON’T PANIC!” I was suddenly envisioning being stuck in this glass coffin for hours, days even, riding up and down, up and down, vomiting every 15 minutes.
“YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” The elevator rocketed back up to the 18th floor and paused again. Then, miracle of miracles, THE DOORS OPENED. We stumbled out, gasping and giggling and grateful to still be alive. Because death by BlogHer elevator? That would have sort of sucked.
Lesson Learned: Not sure. Avoid the Tower Elevators at the Westin St. Francis at all costs, maybe?
The Situation: I was actually pretty busy working on various things at this year’s BlogHer, so I didn’t get to meet as many bloggers as I did last year. But I managed. I met and absolutely LOVED Karen Walrond, Meagan Francis, Anne Glamore, Serena, Brian Papa, Amalah, Isabel Kallman, JenB,Whoorl, Brenda from Secret Agent Josephine,and The Bloggess, among many, many others. I got to hang out with my friends Chris and Susan and Rachel and Kimberly and Kyran and Kristen and Jen Lemen and Liz and Catherine again. I met my beloved Alice Bradley and launched into a soliloquoy in front of a small crowd at Guy Kawasaki’s house about what a wonderful writer she was. I even met a number of PR reps and business people this year that I bonded with, and that was cool and unexpected. BlogHer changes and evolves each year. This year, more than ever, blogging felt like a business. A very important business.We were courted. We were wooed. Sometimes, we were even annoyed, like when a PR person cornered me after my first panel, yakked for five minutes about her client while several other bloggers patiently waited to talk to me behind her and ended her spiel with an attempt to get me to give gas cards away on my blog (which I totally WOULD HAVE had she not been so fucking annoying).But I think we all felt like rockstars, whether we were sipping cocktails in Macy’s lingerie department or snatching up swag from all of the sponsors who showed up to entice us with their wares. And that’s partly why it’s so hard to return to the reality of mopping floors and changing diapers. For a few blessed days, we feel special. We meet kindred spirits. We chat with our bloggy idols. We connect in real life. And it is just awesome.
Lesson Learned: Come hell or highwater, ALL of you need to come to BlogHer next year. I will greet you with open arms and put that McDonalds bag on your head myself.
Busy Mom makes a friend on the ride home…
>Great recap! Sorry about your experience with your favorite blogger – I totally agree with you lesson learned on that one. Also the elevator one, because I am pretty sure I would have peed myself.
>Please tell me you live in San Diego!! You have to come over for a visit. I loved your story about the Wiggles. I’m partial to Handy Manny right now but I also kinda like the guy from Johnny and the Sprites. Let’s talk Disney. I was lucky enough to room with your new BFF Maria. I got to sleep with her every night. 🙂
>I really, honestly and truly can’t describe how lovely I think you are, having now met you at BlogHer. To quote a classic, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Really, honestly and truly.Please stay in touch.K.
>Aw, you still liked me, even after I knocked over a glass of wine on a shoe display while walking up to say hello? Now that’s open-minded! It was so great meeting you, and may I add, that you are drop-dead GORGEOUS and part of the reason I didn’t say hi sooner is that I was sorta reeling from seeing you up close…WOWZA. that would probably explain the spilled wine…
>You are MY Favorite Blogger, and are far more witty and interesting than who I think “your favorite blogger” is. If my guess is correct, then in my opinion, she should have been introduced to you.That being said, I am still pregnant and your cheeseburger posts are driving me nutso. All I have craved with this pregnancy is sheet cake and cheesburgers. Both of which you have managed to have pictures of on your blog. Gah!
>How gracious are you not to identify “your favorite blogger”?I’m glad to know that if I ever do make it to BlogHer and meet you in person you’ll be gracious and warm.
>You guys are awesome, commenters and bloggers alike! Karen and Meagan, I loved meeting both of you so much. And Gertie, that’s funny- I find myself wondering about you all the time because you don’t have a blog I can check up on! *ahem* I have complained about this before….
>I turned away from you because I already knew you.Wait, that wasn’t me, was it?I’m not your favorite blogger, am I?*crushed*
>I’m totally going to give away that gas card in the future. She didn’t annoy me, maybe she talked to you first because with me she was super short and sweet. Maybe you made it obvious that she was bothering you. LMAO.Polly was AWESOME right? OMG I love her so much. Your fave blogger had a stick up his/her ass so booo them for that. I enjoyed talking to your slightly tipsy ass for hours Saturday night. Next time: more time together. I think this is the start of a beautiful, beautiful thing. Wait – Chookooloonks already said that.Damnitt. Well, it is. Maybe we’ll have the CheeseburgHer party off site next year. Like rent out an entire McDonald’s or something. Have them as a sponsor? Yeah? Just a thought. 🙂
>You are a serious rockstar! I loved watching you shine before, during and after the keynote. The idea of you being snubbed and then getting a positive lesson out of it just proves my point that you are lovely, because I would have stomped on her foot until she looked back and said “Don’t you have something else you would like to say now? Hmmm?” I will try to learn from you!!!
>why not just say it was dooce?
>Daggone kids who need childcare in the middle of my writing day! So many more well-thought out things to say than I have the time for. And yet the little bugger keeps climbing the bookcase.First I have to wipe the tears from my eyes from that account of yours and Y’s brief ascent/descent into/out of HELL thanks to the Westin/St. Francis elevator. Second I have to say thank you for making me yet more bashful. You are too kind. And too eloquent about being too kind. If I weren’t a married — er, if I weren’t married, I’d be yet more forthcoming. Suffice to say y’all ladies is inspirational.
>You’re, totally, one of my top 5 favorite bloggers. 🙂 And next year I will meet you and I hope you will be nice to me. I’m sure you will, though. Because that’s how you roll.
>I totally was NOT going to drink Meagan’s wine after she spilled it even if she had not walked up. And DKNY shes are made to withstand alcohol. Just sayin’.
>Lindsay is without doubt one of the most genuine, charming and FUN people I’ve met. As one of the few guys at Blogher, she really took the time to get to know me when there were so many possibly bigger names around. Oh, and did I say she invited me to the Cheeseburger party using my first name – Brian. Who doesn’t love hearing their name? So all you readers, help spread the word about Lindsay’s greatness. She deserves everything that comes her way.
>You know… I had that same experience with a couple of people. I was so incredibly utterly excited to meet them. I’d left comments, I’d even had email correspondence with them. So, I totally made an ass out of myself introducing myself, and they’d politely say, “Hi.” and then turn away. Which made me feel finger pinky big. You, when I met you, were lovely, and gracious, and I thank you for that. I met a few of “yous” – people who were loving when they met me, even if they’d never met me. And I think I’m going to hold onto those moments so I don’t feel like such a heel about the other ones.
>It was so great to meet you and thanks for graciously taking a photo with me. I hope I wasn’t one of those ones with crazy eyes. (I met you the Thursday night and told you that I LOVED your new photo… but then, you probably got that a lot.) I was just so amazed at meeting in person the people whose words have made me laugh and cry. I was totally hoping to make the CheeseburgHer party but I was too pooped to party any longer. Sounds like I missed a great security situation. Thanks for your recap. I’ve really been enjoying all the different stories. The one thing we all have had in common is that it’s so much more than we can probably put down in words. It was pretty darn awesome.I had some thoughts on my experience, as well: http://livingintheory.blogspot.com/2008/07/coming-out-of-fog-blogher-2008-san.htmlCHEERS!
>Oh no. Now everyone’s going to wonder if they had CRAZY EYES. That was hypothetical, of course. Right? Michele and Sugar, it was a real pleasure meeting both of you, too. I knew I’d leave out names accidentally…. Sorry.
>The promise of a McDonald’s bag is almost enough for me to go further in debt (and out of hiding) to bring my crazy eyes next year’s funfest at BlogHer. You are so sweet and fun and photogenic no less! Take a bad picture already!!!
>there’s nothing worse than getting *crickets* in return when meeting someone. thankfully, for me, everyone i met was just amazing.
>I’m so bummed I didn’t work up the nerve to introduce myself. Next year FOR SURE. I’m so lame. And also, those elevators did the SAME THING TO US. And they wouldn’t open and I thought for sure I was going to puke because oh my stomach.
>Awww, I missed all you guys this year. So sorry that I didn’t go, just to say “Hi” again. Glad you had so much fun. I’m not too jealous. Maybe! 😉
>Yeah, what is it with the mystical allure of the Lesbian Dad, anyway? I was totally bewitched…And thank you for helping me not feel small and bothersome. You and BusyMom represent the kind of women I imagined the the entire blogosphere was full of– I’m just starting to realize how remarkable and rare you two really are.
>You were a wonderful moderator.It was great to meet you!
>So are you going to spill the details on the swag???? Let me live vicariously through you 🙂 Please.
>It was great to see you again. I’m glad you survived the elevator – that sounds terrifying!
>”Your favorite blogger” seems like a bitch and looks like one too. She has the look of the popular cheerleader chick from high school 20 years after… and it seems as though all of these people follow her around as if she were just that. Why? I don’t think she’s funny. I don’t think she’s clever, and I definitely think your blog is a lot better than hers. Sometimes, when someone tries really hard to come off as cool like she does… it really shows. Don’t let this encounter bother you. You rock harder.
>That elevator ride would have been a hoot. I’ve been on one other malfunctioning elevator, and my ride-mates on that occasion sound like they were your twins. That trip had to have been a hoot for you and your new and old friends, Lindsay. No shortage of adventure, fun, and cheeseburgers 😉
>Sometimes its best to never neet your heroes.BTW, that is the dang funniest blog header phot/title I’ve seen in ages. Cheers.
>I love reading your blog. I like that you are honest enough to address the good, the bad, and the ugly, with graciousness and humor.You go girl!
>I have to agree this was a great recap post! If I’m ever anyone’s favorite blogger I hope I remember this post and treat them accordingly. It sucks when your excitement isn’t reciprocated. I totally geeked out on Motherhood Uncensored at Camp Baby and she was most gracious. My husband told me repeatedly I was a dork for doing it too.
>great recap!your favorite blogger = totally uncool behavior. how disappointing.
>I haven’t even considered going to Blog Her because…well crap, I’m just this little blogger from Canada. I have no high paying writing job, or media career, or even lots of computer experience. Why would anyone want to talk to me?! (can you tell I’m just a teensy bit shy?):) But the McDonalds bag thing has made me reconsider. Maybe one year… (lololol)
>I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. ANYONE is welcome to hang out with me at BlogHer. All you have to do is get my cell phone number before you go next year and call me once you get there if you’re trying to figure out where/whom to hang out with or you feel like you’re at a loss. I keep reading accounts of women feeling left out and it makes me sad, because it really didn’t have to be that way. I could have shown any one of those women a good time, or at least introduced them to a few cool women and pointed them in the right direction. I HATE for people to feel shy and left out, mostly because I’ve had so much fun at BlogHer and I want everyone else to have that same experience.
>I’m a pretty new blogger, so I wasn’t at Blogher. But I have to say that you just sound so darn nice and down to earth. I’m pretty introverted and always thought I’d never go to anything like Blogher, but after reading your blog I’d almost consider going. It’s too bad you had a bad experience, but you’ve turned it around and made it a good thing for all of newbies who might get to go next year. Thanks.
>It was boobs, was it her, was it her?
>Retrospect sucks. I totally regret not introducing myself to you and chatting a bit at BlogHer, Lindsay! It wasn’t that you seemed unapproachable (on the contrary), you just always looked like you were having such a good time and I hated to interrupt!Next year . . . Also — was totally blown away by Polly’s keynote. I’m new to her writing but she’s become a fast favorite of mine. What an amazing soul.
>I’ve always thought that I couldn’t go to BlogHer because…well…I’m not that popular. But now, reading you and Y’s posts, I tend to think that maybe it would be a blast!And LesbianDad is definitely one of my favorite new blogs…as is yours!
>Don’t feel bad about favorite blogger. While she clearly has talent- her writing comes across IMO as self consciously vulgar. I recognize her sophomiric attempts to distance herself from her LDS upbringing by being gratuitously lewd, but the overall affected and contrived crassness is a turn-off, to me at least. It is all way too obvious and designed for effect. You are a much better writer and I agree- it is she who should have been looking forward to meeting you! (All of this assuming that she is who I suspect!)
>I just found your blog, and am enjoying it! Boy, all these BlogHer stories have me planning my trip for next year already!
>cinthia, ringleader and annon… I am so jealous you know who Lindsay is referring to!!
>I loved your panel and your Friday night keynote. And you totally don’t know me and were ever so nice and gracious when I said “hi”. I hated that elevator. I had to hang on to the side and look away from the window. I hope I never have to ride in it again.I encouraged a blogger to go to BlogHer this year b/c I loved it last year and she was disappointed. I felt so responsible that I annoyed the crap out of her asking her if she was ok every second. For whatever reason it just isn’t for everyone. But I like feeling like a rockstar and meeting new and old friends once a year before I return to cleaning up pee on the floor.
>I know exactly when that elevator mess happened; we were all standing around waiting for an up elevator on Saturday after the last session ended. Very crowded and we waited a long time. All of a sudden, we heard screams, terrified screams coming from one of the elevators. I could tell those inside weren’t playin’ around; this was the real thing. Eeeeech! I hate getting stuck in elevators and can’t believe you made it out LAUGHING! I’d have been finished for the day and would have hauled myself and my baggage via stairwell from then on out.Enjoying youf blog lots and absolutely love your masthead. Also loved your reading on Friday afternoon and meeting you (brief but nice).
>Hi! I love your blog.When I was in college I was involved in an event that featured Eleanor Smeal when she was president of NOW. I was introduced to her. I stammered out some sort of thanks for changing my life and fighting for my rights and all and she turned away in mid sentence and ignored me. I still remember the humiliation I felt. People can make it to the top on talent but they need to be nice to all the “little people” because eventually their empire will come crashing down if they aren’t. Karma works, I really believe it. I believe that Blogher 08 revealed a side of Your Favorite Blogger that will not soon be forgotten. I hope to see you next year at the Cheeseburger party.
>I accidentally got on that same elevator and was absolutely horrified by how fast it dropped (and I’m a roller coaster lover too).So good to see you again!
>I am so, so glad that I got the courage up to come talk to you. Seriously I bugged the sh-t out of everyone else that night with my incessant “She doesn’t hate me! She likes me!” I’m an idiot and you made me feel less so and that was a total gift to me.
>BlogHer…eh, people just go to that hoping to see the catfights! HA!I empathize with you on the meeting with the Blogger Whose Identity Shall Remain Fairly Obvious (even I know who she is–as a single guy that concerns me). True, she could’ve been more gracious but as with anyone, regardless of their fame (did you mean “not all that famous” or simply “not all that”? Calling Dr. Freud!), I’d give her some benefit of the doubt; you never know what people are going through at any given moment. Bloggers may tend to be extroverts in writing but introverts in person, so being caught off guard by ironic and slightly “out there” humor (which I share, and for which we all love ya) at a first meeting can be intimidating and confusing, especially at a hormone-fest–er, convention. I promise to keep that in mind if I ever run into you at Kroger!I met former TN Governor and current Senator Lamar Alexander at a Belmont Univ. event introducing a new academic course on songs and songwriting (his son is a music publisher) and had a similar experience. I told him it was the second time I’d shaken his hand, the first being years before when I walked the graduation line at UT, Knoxville, when he was president there–“Remember me? I was the one in the gown and cap!” Comedy gold, right? He looked a little perplexed and excused himself quickly. At least he did go talk to other people, though, to his credit! I felt a little stupid afterward. My lesson: save the comedy for the 2nd meeting, or at least the 2nd or 3rd comment on first meeting. Most people can’t tell a comic genius from a blithering idiot right away; it’s such a fine line!Finally, if your husband complains about your absence next year, threaten to drag him to this instead: http://markkellyhall.blogspot.com/2008/07/patchwork-boredom.html Grace & Peace,Mark
>Honestly I think most of the time people are just a bit shy and awkward, or maybe tired and overwhelmed by attention. It’s hard to be gracious and smiley and friendly 1000 times in a row! Not everyone can handle it.That’s just because I refuse to believe anyone would snub me on purpose! I prefer to think anyone who turns away from me is paranoid about the spinach in their teeth. Oh and that CAB!! OMG I was so embarrassed! I usually don’t go around screaming at people! Was a bit stressed and then, cab coming right at me and I’ve been hit in the wheelchair before – not fun!That said, despite my usual sweet temper I did beat in some guy’s headlights with my cane when he ran me down on Haight Street back in 1994 or so. xoxLiz
>omg i wonder who that was. tough one. this is going to drive me crazy ALL NIGHT!damn.ps – i love you.
>I know this is about three years late, but to the person who asked if the blogger she met was me, I say three things:1. Seriously. Me? Her favorite blogger? Puhleaze. You flatter me.2. I didn’t bring my husband this time.3. I met Lindsay twice and both times I stuck my foot in my big ass mouth. The second time, she was nice enough to try to interview me for something and I sounded like a raving lunatic because pretty women who smell good make me nervous as hell. If anything, I probably talked TOO much. That is all.