>Bored Games
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I have always wondered why the makers of Monopoly didn’t choose a more appropriate name like, say, Piss Off Your Loved Ones.
When I was small, my brother loved the game. Over and over, after many hours of wheedling and cajoling, he would convince me to play it with him. And at first, everything was fine. I got to be the dog; he was the car. We played the money-in-the-middle variation, so that landing on Free Parking was like winning the lottery.
But after an hour or so, it got kinda boring. All the property had been bought, the houses and hotels were up, and he, four-and-a-half-years my senior, was almost always kicking my ass.
Worse, he would taunt me.
“You little snot-nosed brat,” he’d say. “No way am I gonna trade Boardwalk for Mediterranean. You’re so dumb!”
“Ha ha! Go directly to jail! That’s where you belong, ya creep.”
“That’ll be $450. Pay up, you little idiot!”
It was time to plan my escape.
“I don’t wanna play anymore,” I’d whine.
“You have to play. You’re in the middle of a game,” he’d respond.
“I’m bored. I wanna go watch TV.”
“You can’t quit!”
“Yes I can!”
“No you CAN’T!”
“WATCH ME!”
What happened next was inevitable.
I flipped the board over.
Houses and hotels and money and Chance cards flew everywhere. I jumped to my feet.
“AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!”” My brother screamed. “I’m gonna KILL YOU!!”
But I had already taken off down the hall toward my room. I reached it, slammed the door and locked it just in time to hear the thunk of his body hitting the other side.
Out of breath, heart racing, I smiled as he shouted and pounded on the door.
I hated Monopoly.
Let me rephrase that.
I hate Monopoly.
And yet, when my 12-year-old asked to play last night, I couldn’t resist. The girls were leaving the next day to visit their mom for a week and it was one last opportunity for family time.
Besides, my brother was a total asshole. My family, on the other hand, was supportive and loving. Surely this Monopoly game would be different.
Yeah, right.
Within moments of the first roll of the dice, the girls were arguing.
“You’re obsessed with your money.”
“Rent’s $14. Pay up. Stop taking so long!”
“Shut up!”
“No you shut up!”
“No you shut up!”
“You know, I really, really hate you.”
The worst part? My husband, normally the voice of reason, was worst of all. He played as though possessed both by Donald Trump and a circus ringmaster.
“Pennsylvania Avenue? I’ll buy it, ladies and gentlemen! Another grand addition to my portfolio.”
“Heh heh. ‘You win $15 in a beauty contest’… Folks, I’ll take what I can get. Not that I need the money like some people around here!”
“All three red properties. That’s it. I’ve won. There’s no way any one of you can beat me.”
And then the motherfucker wouldn’t trade anything. I offered him a great two-for-one deal early in the game. Nothing doing.
“I’ll think about it,” he said. “But it’s doubtful. I’m in the driver’s seat now!”
“And I am your wife!!” I hissed, turning crimson.
My fingers itched. When Hubs turned away, I placed them under the board, gently testing the weight of it. It was go-time. But could I really make it past the overturned board, around my 15-year-old and down the toy-strewn stairs without being caught? It was doubtful.
I looked over to see my 12-year-old carefully watching me. The girls knew about my Monopoly-playing history.
Damn it.
I was going to have to play nice.
So I lost the game with grace and good humor (minus the part where I accused my husband of being a Double-Lying Liar for trying to cheat me twice in the same transaction, to the great delight of the girls).
But I swear. From here on out, I’m sticking to Uno.
>My sister and I were in our twenties the last time we played Monopoly and I’m not kidding, she stood up from the table (completely wiped out by my crafty playing techniques–crafty being the new euphemism for conniving bitchiness) and said, “I am never going to play this game with you again.”She hasn’t either.
>With my older brother (3 years my senior) and I, it was Stratego that haunted me. We played it 111 times, and he won 99 times. I know because HE KEPT TRACK on the back of the box cover. The two times I won, he claims to have “let me win,” or he “quit because he was bored.” To this day, I refuse to play the game!
>I took part in a chess competition at school and was so annoyed that I was losing in the FINAL that I flipped the board over…Man, was it satisfying!Minerva
>In the early days of our marriage, my husband and I would often stay up late, watching movies and playing board games. We had to stop playing Monopoly because the levels of cheating were through the roof, causing both of us to seriously question why we had married such a money grubbing whore in the first place. Since then my nine year old daughter has begged me to bring out the game again, but I refuse. It does things to people, I’m telling you. Messes with your head. (Also, because I’d totally kick her ass.)
>My sentiments exactly!
>Oh, gosh, I love Monopoly! I taught Emily how to play recently and she loves it and we taught Reece how to play on Christmas Eve and he stomped us broke! We’re planning an all-night Monopoly marathon this weekend!!
>You know, I have to thank you. I hated playing that game with my brother because I always lost too. I grew up feeling like I was such a pathetic sore loser. Now I know, it’s the game!! It’s BAD!…by the way, if you play “right” (fines etc go to the bank, not the center of the board, and do the auction for any property landed on that isn’t purchased by that player) the game will be finished in under 90 minutes every time. My husband actually ran a large monopoly tournament for a charity benefit 12 years ago. We had a dozen boards going at once and every game finished in under 90 minutes, with one player having bankrupted everyone else. tjwgroxi – why do I have such HARD word verifications??
>Scrabble is more my speed!
>Oh yeah, I love Scrabble too- Except my husband is the Scrabble champion. He has memorized every two letter word in the Scrabble dictionary. I’m not kidding. How can I compete with something like that????
>That is exactly how J and I are! lol
>The last time I played Monopoly with my sister I was in my twenties and she was a tween. And she whupped my ass every damned time! And I would become progressively more freaked out as the game went along until I was totally apoplectic. I needed medication. I hate that game!My husband and I play Scrabble and I spend half of the game yelling at him for taking all the good spots or making yet another useless four letter word, clogging up the board with little or no letter using opportunities. It seems that I believe I should be alonged to have better opportunities. I am entitled to them, tho I don’t know what entitles me to them. And, when the game starts going downhill, I start throwing tantrums. I am insufferable!
>One of the biggest arguments I ever had with my husband was at the airport where we were playing travel Scrabble. I spelled Hobbits and was set to win with both a triple word score and a bonus for using all my letters. It would have been the first time I’d ever beat him. But he insisted that Hobbits wasn’t a real word found in the dictionary- He said it was only a Tolkien creation. And then. He QUIT.I was sooooo pissed off. And when we got home, I looked it up and there, in the dictionary, was Hobbit. $#&$!
>I hate Monopoly too- but I seem to forget that about every 8 years. That’s about how often I play. It just takes too long. I much prefer Clue or an old pre-teen favorite, Mall Madness.
>We have Monopoly at my house and no matter how many enticing favors & gifts my husband promises? I’d rather take a kick to my shins then play that game. You’ve got me in stitches though! Diggin’ the site!
>I can relate. I thought Monopoly was the worst til we got the Game ofLife for Xmas… hope to draft THAT post soon, complete with wrestling pics!
>In my family, we would inscribe the lid of the box with the name of the winner and the amount of cash they had. After we won, we’d sell the houses and property back to the bank and then tally up the cash. I think my mom still has that game. I’ll have to go back and look at what our highest ‘score’ was.
>I stay out of games at holiday gatherings, if I have any power to do so. This year, my dad, aunt, uncle, and grandfather played a domino game called Mexican Train, at my grandfather’s request. He was getting quite crotchety as the game continued, telling them they weren’t following the rules properly but then not explaining the rules, etc. Finally he snapped at my aunt for having the audacity to have a conversation separate from the game. When she said, “I can do two things at once, and we’re playing this game for you” he GOT UP AND LEFT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME. That HE wanted to play in the first place! I’m thinking games just bring out the worst in us…
>Any game that involves public math of any sort sucks in my book. I’m more of a word games kind of girl. And, depending on who you ask, I like to play mind games as well!
>Oh, get Uno’s Revenge–the one where the card shoot out at you? That’s a hoot!And, please, avoid at all costs playing Risk. It is worse than Monopoly. Men do not need games where they can orchestrate world domination over weaker countries. It just does something to them–gets the testosterone boiling or something. It is painful to witness or even hear about…trust me.
>Not a huge fan of Monopoly cause it just goes on & on, I never ends. Love uno. Now I’mm great at cheating at that game. I put 2 cards together to make them look like 1 and then I place it on the pile gently…works each timeHappy New Year to all your family 🙂
>My dad argues about game rules constantly. It’s almost imposible to get through a full game without some interpretation that benefits him.We used to give broke players sweetheart loans just to prolong the game.
>oh Lucinda! How wonderful – another scrabble freak in your husband. I too know all 119 two letter words and am busy learning the three letter words..and I love to play with someone who doesn’t insist on having to know the definitions…as obviously that isn’t in the rules..*sigh*YIPPEE! Minerva aka scrabble geek
>I hate Monopoly too! I’d rather play gin with the hubby. I beat him every time! 😀
>This was a great story but it just reminded me how much I love to play Monopoly. And how hard it is to play, because most people would agree with you that it’s just all around a bad deal.