>Boy Toys
>I was talking with a group of moms a few days ago when the subject of boys playing with girls’ toys came up.
“I have a friend with a set of twin baby dolls in the house,” one mom recounted, “and her daughter plays with the girl doll, and her son plays with the boy doll. Well, that was all fine and good until the kids brought the dolls with them to Applebee’s. My friend’s husband wouldn’t let the boy bring his doll into the restaurant.” She raised her eyebrows. “He was worried about what people might say.”
“Well, my friend, Carol, has a son with three older sisters, like you do, Lindsay,” another mom said, nodding at me. “Her husband came home from work one day and the girls had dressed their brother up like a princess. John took Carol aside and said, ‘Honey, I want you to take $300 out of our account tomorrow, go to the toy store and buy Jake trucks, airplanes, trains, baseball bats- any boy toys he wants.”
Everyone laughed, but I felt a little uneasy. Because when my son plays with “girl” toys, I really and truly don’t think twice about it.
In fact, my husband and I both have marveled at the fact that despite the number of frilly “girl toys” strewn about the house, my son will choose the one-dollar wooden cars from Target nearly every time. On the occasions that he picks up a baby doll and snuggles with it, I’m honestly thrilled that he’s taking a momentary break from the monster roaring, the resolute mess-making, and the pushing and shoving, in favor of displaying his sensitive side.
I’ve written about the subject of boys showing an interest in “girl stuff” in the past, but now that I have a son, I continue to be amazed at how often it comes up among other moms with young boys.
“Brady has watched his sister take horseback riding lessons all fall,” a mom friend told me recently, “and he is dying to take lessons too, but his daddy said no.”
“Why?” I asked, confused. “Boys ride horses, too.”
“Oh, this is English-style riding,” my friend said, snorting. “Can you imagine? But Brady just doesn’t understand.”
I think it’s a horrendous double standard. These days, little girls who show a liking for playing any kind of ball are encouraged by their fathers, brought out into the front yard and shown a few skills. Girls’ sports are more prominent and filled with opportunity now than ever before. And if our little girls like trains or cars, most of us will laugh indulgently about our little tomboys, and buy them the things for Christmas.
But let a boy show interest in ballet and the whispering begins. How archaic are we, anyway, continuing to buy into the notion that all things masculine are desirable in both sexes, but feminine traits in a male are weak and embarrassing?
And yet, I have to wonder if I’d feel differently if Bruiser weren’t so unrelentingly boyish. I think, after all, that many moms are worried not about whether their son will grow up to be gay or straight, but whether he will be bullied and ostracized by other kids if allowed to let his feminine side flourish.
Be honest, now. Would you let your son take ballet classes if he asked? Would you buy him a babydoll or Barbie for Christmas if it were on his list? Would you let him dress as a princess for Halloween? More than one of my friends have dealt with that issue. What’s your solution?
>I have an almost 3 yr old son and a 6 yr old daughter and yes they play with each other’s toys. I think it is funny to watch my son fling a small purple purse over his shoulder and say, “I go shopping, Moooomee.” And yes, my husband is not thrilled. He has gotten less concerned over time as I have told him that the boy is simply doing what I do, since we spend most of the time together. Even before my son was born, my husband vetoed many of the clothing and bedding choices I made for our soon to be son. Things were too pastel, too “girly”. I rolled my eyes, put the clothes back and then mercilessly teased him everytime we passed a store full of smocking outfits for boys. I would get my son one bib outfit that I thought was just the cutest thing ever. However, I was happy that my husband was a little more involved. Not that he wasn’t involved when our daughter was born, but he didn’t seem to have many opinions, now he was full of them.I am not sure if I would let my son take ballet lessons and believe me he has a chance of wanting to do it. He basically wants to do anything his sister does, but he has yet to show interest in ballet. On the other hand, he is over the moon that he gets to go to gymnastics, too. As far as dressing up as a princess, that is a big fat no. We do live in New Orleans and the prospect of anyone calling him my little drag queen is too much even for me.
>I’m gonna have to go with a no on that one. Aside from the fact that I’m married to one of those men that would freak out, I just think we should encourage our boys to be adventurous and boyish. Encourage them to be outdoorsy and be well rounded in their capabilities. Maybe I’m archaic…. 🙂
>I, myself, am fine with any of it. When one of my sons was 5 he wanted to be Snow White for Halloween and I was fine w/ it. But, my husband wasn’t. We just got a new Barbie house and the boys play with it every day. And we don’t have boy Barbies. We also have a lot of dolls that they play with often. They have an older sister and usually they play house too. We’re fine with all of that. I guess my husband draws the line with them dressing like girls. Although, when they play dress up they can wear whatever they want, just not out in public. We’d have to see what happened if one of them wante to take dance classes.
>THANK YOU for shrinking your enormous header photo! the new banner looks so much better! …off to catch up on the recent posts 🙂
>3 boyz here in the Trenches. Yet we do happen to have a doll carriage and a few baby dolls. When we went to my parents’ house in NY, Baby found and fell in love with an old discarded doll of my niece’s and promptly named him “Lewis”. For his 3rd b-day, Gramma and Poppa wrapped up Baby Lewis and the carriage and gave it to him as a present. I’ll take any smidgen of estrogen tendencies I can get – I’m sooo outnumbered.(Hubby hates it when I refer to the after-bath Sunday night ritual of clipping fingernails/toenails and cleaning ears as “beauty treatments.”)
>My 5 year old son has been doing gymnastics for the past three years and even, dare I say it, did ballet for over a year and wore cute black leather boys ballet shoes (yes they make them) while he was doing it. He was the only boy in his class but he loved it. He was no Mischa but he had fun.Make no mistake he is all boy and loves the requisite fire trucks and has more toy cars than I care to discuss. He crashes around the house like a bull in a china shop fashioning everyday items into weapons. He is obsessed with Star Wars and carries around a case full of Star Wars action figures. That being said, he also has his 11year old sister’s old case of Barbies and the Barbie Train to go with them…and he plays with them several times per week. My hope is just that he is comfortable in his own skin as he grows up…whether that skin is tinted Barbie pink or baseball blue.
>I’m sure this seems incredibly old-fashioned but I am worried about the increased desire to make all activities for boys and girls exactly the same. Our society is built on families. We were (mostly) made to have a husband and a wife and children. Men just ARE generally stronger/outwardly tougher/rugged/spider-killers. Women are generally better at nurturing. Isn’t part of the attraction of most people to the opposite sex because they are… guyish? I mean I don’t think that straight women are attracted for men SOLELY for the man-parts. But also for the man-ness. And vice versa. Won’t things become incredibly difficult if all children are raised with the same strengths and weaknesses for them to pair off? You want a man with a masculine personality but now there are so many fewer of them….I feel like I am experiencing that already (I am in my early 20s) with so many guys who are just not GUYISH enough for me. They think I should love their sensitive side but I’m sensitive enough, I want a man with rough hands. That being said– if a kid just demands ballet lessons okay I guess what are you going to do, but what is wrong with trying to discourage him a bit first?
>Our culture is so bound up by gender stereotypes. Sure, the XX’s and the XY’s have some different characteristics, and will play with the exact same toy two different ways. But it can’t possibly hurt a boy child to have a baby doll to learn to nurture, or to build his gross motor skills with a dance or gymnastics class.There is a book called William’s Doll by Charlotte Zolotow that addresses this topic beautifully. William is a little boy, and the one thing in the world he really, truly wants is a baby doll. William’s dad buys him a basketball, tools, a train set, and he enjoys them, but those gifts are not the gift that would make him happiest. It’s a wonderful story book.Kids should try lots of things so they become well-rounded and figure out what makes their hearts sing. We are here to help them reach their full potential, not to fulfill our own agendas.
>I consider myself to be pretty traditional, but I’ve surprised myself by my aversion to this talk between moms about boys who want to do things that vaguely hint at femininity.I guess it’s because I look at Bruiser and have no doubt that he will be a very testosterone-filled boy. He’s just totally and completely different from any of our girls. And so when he hugs a baby doll or plays with Punky’s dollhouse (which he loves), I’m actually sort of proud, because I really want him to have a nurturing, sensitive side built in there with all that boyishness. My husband has that side, although I’d say he’s a total Alpha Male, and it’s really, really wonderful.I don’t know how I’d feel if I felt like Bruiser were overly sensitive and “feminine.” I’d probably struggle with it, and I’m ashamed to think I’d feel that way, because I want to think that I’d be supportive no matter what he was in to.I just wish there were more of an attitude of tolerance among parents for children who are choosing “non-traditional” toys and activities. Because I think that’s where it begins.
>yes i would, in fact, colin, my 7 year old.loved, loved, LOVED dora, he had a soft dora doll that he carried around/slept with him for years. he was dora for halloween compete with wig. he even got on dora doll that grew hair.alas he has grown out of dora, and i was sad, but he still collects beenie babies,and he is a very “manly” boy.btw- my momster in law hated it thinks he is gunna be gay. i just told he iam fine with that, as long as he does good hair.she just rightup.
>I hope to be the kind of parent who supports anything her children wish to do. If my son (now 2) wants to sign up for dance classes, then why not? Sure, we’d explain to him that there might not be other boys in the class, or even tell him that there might be other boys who think it’s silly, but if he wants to try it, then who am I to deprive him of something that will, no doubt, contribute to making him a weel-rounded person? If my (now 6 month old) daughter came to me and told me she wanted to try out for hockey, then I’d let her do the same.My son is actually getting a play kitchen for Christmas. He loves playing with the set at the pediatrician’s office, and since I’m a SAHM, he sees me cook and bake quite often and loves to help mix things and cook with mama. Am I afraid that giving him this kitchen will make him gay? Uh…no. Wouldn’t it be great if it contributed to his becoming the next Emeril, though?
>I don’t have an issue with boys playing with dolls at all. Ballet would be another issue. I think I’d try to steer him into another type of dance or a tumbling class. BUT, I guess if his little heart was set on ballet, what the heck? (I’m sure Daddy’s opinion would differ.)
>My sister in law’s son wanted to dress up in her wedding dress (she let him) and asked for white elbow-length gloves for Christmas one year. He was around 8, I think. It was hard for her to know how to handle. She tried to take it in stride and not make a big deal out of it. I don’t even remember the outcome. He is 17 now and seems mostly normal.
>I have the opposite problem. My oldest daughter begs to do all the “girly” sports: cheerleading, gymnastics, dance. And yet she kicks butt in basketball, soccer, golf. How do you handle that? Allow her to take part in the girly ones that she’s really not that good at? Force/bribe her to do the others? (We’ve done both.)
>Dance classes? Yes. I would let my sons do that if they really wanted to. But I would encourage them to go towards the gymnastics/tumbling kind. In fact, my 2 year old is in gymnastics now and I would say his class is half boys half girls. My brother took gymnastics for YEARS. Now he is a 6’5″, 240 pound “girl loving” guy. Obviously he had no future as a gymnast but he loved it. But if he insisted on ballet I’d sign him up.Dressing as a Princess? Hmm… I think I might try to distract him to something else. Like just keep suggesting stuff. I am not sure what Daddy would say about that. I wouldn’t out and out say no or make him feel stupid about it.We have two boys so his exposure to girl toys will probably be limited to friends’ houses. But let me tell you, when I was growing up Barbie rode in GI Joe’s jeep. GI Joe staged wars from the Dream House. Barbie married Skeletor but also helped He-Man defeat him with the help of a fleet of My Little Ponies. Strawberry Shortcake not only smelled good but was actually an evil bad guy who could really wield a sword. And they all rode around in the Barbie convertible….. right next to our guinea pig, Sammy.
>As long as it doesn’t involve torturing animals, I’m ok with my kids doing pretty much what they want as a play activity. They eat a hell of lot of sushi and haven’t yet turned Japanese.
>I don’t have kids, but I have a story on this topic.My coworker’s daughter’s private school is putting on a program for the holidays where each child is supposed to pick a toy and dress up as that toy. Coworker’s daughter chose Mr. Potato Head, because she loves Mr. Potato Head and that was her Halloween costume. Teacher okayed it. The next day, the principal sent home a note saying that the Mr. Potato Head costume was not acceptable because it wasn’t a “girl’s toy” and the kids were all specifically told that the girls had to be “girl’s toys” and the boys had to be “boy’s toys”.My coworker is currently trying to decide whether to add lipstick and earrings to the costume and call her Mrs. Potato Head or if it’s going to be worth the effort to raise a big fuss with the principal.
>I have three sons that all very masculine; however, my oldest son asked to take dance lessons and loved it and my middle son is in gymnastics and is getting an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas because he loves to cook. We don’t discourage them from doing what they like to do. If one of them wanted to join a ballet class or something similar, I’d sign him up. I don’t care if this behavior may or may not be a signal of a future sexual preference…they are kids and I want them to be happy and have fun experiences.
>This issue isn’t a problem with my husband but it recently became a bit of an issue for my dad when my mom said she wanted to buy our two-year old son a play kitchen for Christmas. He thought that was something boys wouldn’t be interested in. I explained to him that it was perfectly appropriate for boys, as well as girls, to develop an appreciation for cooking. And then I had him thoroughly appeased when I said, “Besides, girls REALLY dig guys who can cook.”
>We have a little kitchen in our kitchen and both my son and daughter have LOVED it. In fact, every child who comes over, male or female, ends up playing with it. It never occurred to me that that might be considered “feminine,” especially these days when so many men and women share kitchen duties…
>When our husbands cook, clean around the house and cuddle our kids are we all of a sudden afraid they are to girly? No we are happy so whats wrong with a child playing kitchen, house or dolls? Ballet, pilates and yoga have all been used by professional sports to help athletes with coordination and be more flexible. So they maybe a dancer or a football star.
>When my (now 3 yr old) son was 1, he showed interest in dolls, so we got him one. “Wally” one of only 2 named toys he has is a fixture. When I sew clothes for Sam, Wally gets matching ones, he goes with us on trips and has his own suitcase (OK-a striderite box.) Sam also has a kitchen, a dollhouse, and a full assortment of farm implements and construction vehicles. He’s a kid, they’re toys.I’d totally sign him up for ballet if he wanted to do it, but I have drawn the line on make-up (which I’d do with a girl too.)Prior to having a boy, I thought that nurture had everything to do with how kids chose to play. After watching Sam at 9 mo old play with totally gender neutral toys by “driving” them around with motor noises, I changed my mind, there has to be some nature in it too.
>Seeing as I don't have a son, I'm not sure how I would feel. We do buy train sets and balls and bats and trucks for our daughter, so I would hope we wouldn't have a double standard. But without being in the situation it is hard for me to say.I did want to mention my SIL has a 4 1/2 year old son & from the very beginning was taught that boys to not kiss other boys on the lips. Not his older brother or his daddy or any boys at any time, in fact he would get spanked if he did. I find that to be very sad.
>Hiya,My youngest son (of 3 boys and a girl)wanted to take tap classes while in elementary school, and did, for 2 years. He survived.Jenny
>When Lynn Swann (reciever for the Pittsburgh Steelers) took ballet so he could jump higher my sons followed suit and I let them. That is probably as far as I would have gone although they did have boy Cabbage Patch dolls.
>Our society's gender issues make me sad… One of my nephews is more emotionally sensitive than his peers. He's really into art and loves to watch So You Think You Can Dance, but his dad (a macho man's man) is not very happy about that. When the dad sees this, he forgets that his son is also really great at baseball & soccer, and loves 4-wheeling & climbing trees & going hunting. Thankfully my sister embraces her son's so called "feminine" side and his artistic abilities have flourished. He's only 9, but an awesome painter and can draw most anything you can think of. Now, if only he had a little more rhythm…This 9 yr. old has a 5 yr. old sister, and they have a 5 yr. old boy cousin. The two 5 yr. olds are constant cousin-companions, always up to something: climbing trees, building forts, going on what they call "treasure hunts" in the field next to one's house, etc. No one thinks twice about a 5 yr. old girl doing "boy things." But you should have seen some of the shocked faces when they were found in her bdrm playing dress-up. He had on tights, heels, lacy shirt, headband, bright pink lipstick – the whole deal!After everyone's shock had subsided, reason settled in and it wasn't a big deal. We told them how pretty they looked & they both lit up like Christmas Trees!This same little (once upon a time cross dressing) boy is also a die hard John Deere fanatic who gets more dirty outside than any little boy I've known.As far as other kids picking on a boy for doing “girly” things…this is a LEARNED behavior. The bully in this situation was TAUGHT that a boy playing with dolls was not okay. Pamela (12:02) said it best: "Kids should try lots of things so they become well-rounded and figure out what makes their hearts sing. We are here to help them reach their full potential, not to fulfill our own agendas."Also, my dad (woodworking/hunter/fisher/outdoorsman) grew up w/ 1 bro. & 6 sisters, and everyone had to help w/ dinner & chores, regardless of gender. My dad is now 54 and a great cook, and he can mend clothes on his wife’s sewing machine – better than she can!Sorry for the novel, but I’m really passionate about this topic!
>I’m sorry, your friends think ‘English style riding’ is for sissies? Have they ever actually tried it?Anyway, coming down off my high horse for a moment (boom boom), I have two boys and no problem when they play with girl toys – on occassion. In fact, my mother in law bought the youngest a doll last christmas, at my request. Never mind this was sort of a punishment from me to her, for her trying to go over the £20 limit I had set for their gifts, she took it in good part and did it…I think, on the rare occassion that they put down the blocks and the trains and the cars, it’s actually a good thing for them to show that they are able to be a little more tender. Until they use said doll to hit each other round the head with, but that’s another story.
>Boo’s dance school offers free classes to boys when their sisters enroll. In fact, she has two boys in her current class and loves it. Their parents (and the majority of the other parents there) see it as a great way to build dexterity, encourage focus, and develop musicality — all skills they can take with them outside of the studio, regardless of gender. Boo knows more about snakes and lizards than most boys do. Doodle loves to be in the kitchen with me. As a general rule, we pick toys based on each child’s preference and tastes, not because of their gender.After all, what you play with isn’t the cause and it may not even be an indicator of sexuality. If you think it does, then you have to ask yourself if your child’s sexuality (and choice of future life partner)has any relation to the amount of love and care you give them.
>Um, I obviously have no problems with this: http://smilingmom.com/blog/im-a-horrible-horrible-mom-really-i-am/I chalk it up to great blackmail as he gets older! 😉
>We’re planning to get our 18 month old little guy a play kitchen for Christmas… he loves playing with his friend’s at her house.As for boys doing ‘girly’ things… when I was in high school I took dance (ballet, tap, etc) and guess what?… so did my boyfriend. He also played football and baseball and played the drums. I don’t think his friends really cared that much… I know I didn’t.I’m so thankful that my husband is okay with our son playing with dolls or dressing up… or even with the idea of him taking ballet someday.
>My son will play in the kitchen with his baby sister and play dress up (He’s 12: he thinks it’s cool that she always makes him be Prince Charming) and with her dolls. He will play fashion games and “girl games” and has been wrestled down and coated with make-up on more than one occasion by the older two. It’s usually on rainy days when he can’t fish, or build stuff, or shoot at things with his pellet gun. He has never (yet?) been seen in a dress (only cause he’s stronger than the girls and Dad sides with him) and appears to be well adjusted despite my efforts. He has played with girls and girl toys all his life and I don’t care. When he started with the Barbie thing as a child we bought a Ken doll (Sorry: action figure) and a GI Joe who promptly beat up Ken and ran off with Barbie. My biggest concern was that Joe didn’t marry Barbie first. His father on the other hand could not have been prouder.My son cooks better than either of my daughters and is generally cleaner. He has wonderful manners and lots of heathen friends. In short: he plays with dolls (sorry: action figures) and girls and there is nothing wrong enough with him that I will end up on Oprah much less Springer. So it’s all good in my house. For those that don’t like it, well this is a family rated show…..
>I agree with you and I think it’s mainly b/c I’m in the same boat. I have a 2 year old boy who is all boy, loves playing with trucks and playing baseball, but also will play with his 4 year old sister’s toys and loves to throw a purse over his shoulder and tell me he’s going “bye-bye”. His sister is taking dance class right now in hopes that it will help with her coordination and because she loves it, and I’ve wondered to myself several times if I would let my son do it when he gets old enough. Dance is supposed to be great for developing coordination and strength, and I would put my daughter into a soccer league in a second, so why not put my son in dance class? My biggest concern with doing something like that does lie in my fear of what the other kids/parents would say. I don’t think my husband would have any problem with it…so I hope when/if the time comes I’ll be confident enough to let him do what he wants and not care what eveyrone else is doing or thinking.
>My brother, sandwiched between two girls as he was had to deal with this kind of ridiculous attitude from my father. He had a true athletic gift, especially when it came to balance and acrobatics. He desperately wanted to take gymnastics but my dad would have none of that, gymnastics was a girls sport.Well, he finally took gymnastics in college, and went on to become successful stuntman and stage fighting choreographer, but to this day he says that he would be better at his job if he had been allowed to take gymnastics as a child, He would be more flexible and able to do more things, he also wanted to take dance, and did, later.Personally, I wouldn’t let my son take ballet, or my daughters, because of the way it messes up the feet and back alignment and causes problems later on. But I would let him take another form of dance if he wanted to. Because otherwise I am teaching my child to live in fear of what other people might think, which is no way to live at all in my opinion.
>When Rockboy was little, from time to time he played with a boy Cabbage Patch doll that was left over from my childhood. I could’ve cared less. His dad didn’t like it much, but I told him to relax and leave it alone. Today, Rockboy could not be more male but he loves children and is really great with them – partially because we encouraged the loving, nuturing side of him to develop at the same time the totally-boy side of him was developing.A friend’s nephew, however, enjoyed playing beauty shop while wearing his mother’s high heels and singing show tunes from Oklahoma. And insisted on being called Mr. Max while styling your hair. And would tell you how fabulous you looked when he was done.I do believe that was a little bit of foreshadowing, but . . . if that’s the way things are, then that’s the way they are and it’s better to accept a child as he (or she) is, rather than trying to force something that just isn’t going to happen.
>I wouldn’t buy my son (3) a doll or Barbie, and I wouldn’t let him be a princess for halloween, but he has an older sister. He constantly plays with babies and Barbies. He often goes to sleep at night with a baby doll. He even puts headbands on when she does. But he very “boyish”. He loves sports most of all. I enjoy watching him do these things. Probably because I know he’s very masculine. I get a kick out of it.
>My youngest is a five year old boy. He has two older sisters and like to play house with them.He dresses like a princess all the time.For Halloween this year he was scooby doo, but before we left he made thank yous for everyone who would be giving him candy and put them in a black purse and carried that with his candy bag.He likes soccer and trucks and legos, but he also enjoys playing with his pots and pans and toy kitchen.I have no problem with him taking dance or gymnastics.He still loves to have his sisters paint his fingernails; my husband and I are not concerned.He’ll outgrow this soon enough. At the very least he won’t pick pink anymore. LOL
>When my younger brother was about 4 he desperately wanted a bra for Christmas. My Dad FREAKED out. He’s 16 now and definitely not having any masculinity issues. Although I will forever tease him.
>”When our husbands cook, clean around the house and cuddle our kids are we all of a sudden afraid they are to girly? No we are happy so whats wrong with a child playing kitchen, house or dolls? Ballet, pilates and yoga have all been used by professional sports to help athletes with coordination and be more flexible. So they maybe a dancer or a football star.”I’ll just ditto this. I mean, there’s not much that’s more attractive (and sexy!) to me than a man who can cook a wonderful dinner, be a good daddy and keep a house clean. Those are not solely feminine skills. Many of the best chefs are men. My son (5) loves helping me cook. If my son wanted to take ballet or gymnastics or do some other “girl” activity, I’d have no problem with it. As it is he’s totally not interested in my daughter’s girlie toys (he loves his cars, trains, legos, etc.) and has never wanted to dress up in girls’ clothing and has only expressed an interest in traditionally boy activities like sports, so we really haven’t had to deal with it.
>How funny…I left you a comment about my girls wanting fishing and camping gear on your last post and then I read this! I guess I see the double standard between boys and girls. It is funny because some of our closest friends have a boy the same age as my oldest who tries so hard to get one over on them when we camp or fish. He see’s a bug and is like “that’s a three horned speckled frog mite”. My daughter’s look at him like he is nuts and call the bluff and retort, “No it’s not, it’s a _______”. (Fill in blank with correct name for said bug) Oh, and the competition throw down when a girl is out fishing a boy….hilarious!
>My son is only 6 months, so this is a fascinating topic for me. I saw a dance studio ad stating that boys could take lessons for free. I was really excited about it, so YES if he wants to dance. Dancing does not make you gay. Also, look at the popularity of “Dancing With the Stars.” Dance is a sport, end of story.I would also let him play with “girl” toys. His Dad is really active in our home, so he would just be imitating Daddy.I don’t think I would let him dress as a princess for Halloween. I think that one is too far for me.
>I do love this topic. Having 3 boys and a sports loving Alpha Male husband myself, I was adamant about nurturing their feminine sides. I always encouraged play dates with girls. I even hosted a teddy bear tea party or two. They had lots of stuffed animals, no interest in dolls. I exposed the boys to my sister’s 3 girls as much as possible. On separate occasions, around age 8, Boy2 and Boy3 both dressed in full drag, makeup, wig, etc. for the video camera at my sister’s house. They all thought it was hysterical. Talk about blackmail! When they played with the girls, Boy1 once said, “Let’s play house, I’m the lizard!!”Once a friend took Boy3 for water ice when he was about 2. They asked what flavor he wanted and he said, “Pink! Like my toes!” which sure enough were bubble gum pink. I had forgotten my niece had painted his toes a FEW DAYS before.I bought the Playskool boy babydoll but no one touched it. I asked my niece for her easy bake oven when she was done with it. That was entertaining for a while. I always wanted them to be interested in cooking because I would love a man to cook for me, but the problem was always,they don’t like to EAT!That said, I would not be comfortable having my son perform in a leotard. If an instructor told me he had talent or if he begged me, I would have to consider it. But I think it would take an exceptionally confident or passionate boy to deal with the social implications of taking ballet where we live. Knowing my husband, vafrious people would ask what would he say if he saw your son do this or that? He never said anything. He knew he was already ahead with having the 3 sons to play and watch sports with.
>PS. The boys cannot resist sticking their big nasty feet into my high heeled boots or platforms. The 21 year old just pranced around on Thanksgiving in my boots when I finally had a chance to kick them off. (yeah they pinched and he was walking on his toes b/c of course they didn’t fit.)He broke a boot heel once before doing this. My SIL says the same thing about her boys and her shoes.
>I am a single mom of a boy the same age as your son. I let him play with whatever he choices to toy wise. I have my old childhood dollhouse and barbies. He loves hauling the case around like a suitcase but my parents freak out everytime he starts to play with the dollhouse becuas its for “girls”.
>Kimmyann, my then 2yo son asked every Santa he saw for a dollhouse last year. Santa wasn’t always very receptive to this request, but we were and he got one. It is inhabited by the Beagle family, hence it is called “the Beagle family’s house.” And guess what? His boy playgroup friends are drawn to it like moths to flame, probably because it’s FUN.I do believe in reinforcing gender IDENTITY, though. If my son turns out to be gay, then he’s gay. But he is a boy, so there’s no reason not to let him know. When he asked to be a witch for Halloween, I told him witches are girls and he should be a wizard or a warlock instead. There’s no sense in not clearing up confusion.But what of the princess question — where he knows a princess is a girl and he’s not, but he doesn’t care? That’s a tough one. I think it depends on the age. 3 and under — try diversion if it won’t matter to the child and you would be embarrassed, but otherwise . . . roll tape. (You know what I’m talking about, Nette.) 4 and up, you’re starting to have to protect him from ridicule, esp at school age.
>Are you people crazy? You would have to seriously think about BALLET? It’s classical dance training, not some initiation into cross dressing. Even if it somehow made me uncomfortable (which it wouldn’t), I would totally support my son’s interests. Isn’t that what being a parent is really all about?
>where would we be without male dancers? Fred Astair, Gene Kelly, currently Will Smith, Soveniegn(?) Glover? Some of the most masculine cultures encourage dance. It take’s two to Tango!But, I’ve come across this so much with my sons. They love to dance. My oldest is the only boy in his class, and my youngest can’t wait to turn 3 so he can start. And yet, the other mother’s in the class always ask what my husband thinks. Honestly? My husband thinks they’re guaranteed the lead if they’re the only ones who try out.All that aside, their masculine nature has pretty much convinced us of nature versus nurture. If they had been born more feminine, I’m convinced that there’s nothing we could do to change that.
>When my third (yes third) son was 3 he decided he wanted to wear a dress. All of the time. A pink and white striped smock dress with a border of cute little ballerinas all around the hem. Since he was my third and I have been long broken, I said: “what the hell!” and did what any sane person with three boys would do and let him go for it. The only condition was that the clotes underneath were weather appopriate. By this time (three boys later) my husband knew that toys and clothes do not make the boy and went along with it. Little Frankie went to the park, played baseball, learned how to ride a two wheeler, went to Home Depot in that dress. He is all boy and I didn’t have to argue about what to wear for nearly 6 months.
>My youngest son, now 7 years old, spent a large part of his toddler and pre-school years wearing his big sister’s princess and dance costume dress-ups. He was devastated when he grew out of her stuff – she’s tiny and he’s not so he passed her fairly early on. We would often turn up at the school to pick up big brother and sister with him dressed in the Snow White outfit. The only reaction I ever got from any other adult was enjoyment of his happiness.I have one absolutely wonderful photo of him wearing a Wonder Woman outfit with a pair of Blundstone workboots. At Pre-school he would make a bee-line for the dress-ups every day, his favourite was a pale blue flower-girl dress that was a bit larger than all the little kid dress-ups, it fitted him perfectly.When he was old enough he wanted to start dance at my daughter’s dance school, without any hesitation I enrolled him in the tiny tots ballet class. Sadly his dancing ambitions were not accompanied by the requisite discipline so that didn’t last (he was bored and wouldn’t join in with the class). A couple of years later he asked to do jazz, he’s done a few terms of jazz on and off (had to stop for a while when the jazz class clashed with soccer training) but in the end decided he wasn’t really that interested.The only thing I haven’t done from your list of 3 is buy him a baby doll or Barbie. Unless you count the Justice League Wonder Woman doll…The dress-ups obsession morphed into an ambition to open a costume hire shop when he grows up, who knows, there could be something in that eventually!As for the English style horse riding is only for girls thing, how utterly ludicrous. And ignorant. Did you point out that there are plenty of male Olympic level dressage riders?
>Being very honest with myself, and you, I would not let my son dress like a princess for halloween, I would not buy him dolls for christmas and I would most likely not sign him up for ballet . . . does that make me a bad Mom, I don’t know . . . but I think that boys should be boys . . . now, when my son is old enough to ask me for something and shows genuine interest in it, I might have to eat my words and I’m okay with that, but for now . . . I’m gonna stick with boy toys for him . . .
>We just had this conversation last night on the way home from swimming lessons. My 5 year old son has been dancing at home a lot lately so I asked him and his 8 year old sister if they would like to take dance classes. (Boys dance free if they have a sister who dances at the school.) Surprisingly to me, they both said “no”. It was the look of relief on my husband’s face that surprised me the most though.
>My husband played with his mom’s Barbies when he was a kid. I tease him about it, but I think it’s cute.We don’t have kids yet, but if we have a son, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t think twice about taking him to dance classes if he asked (this coming from a 20-plus year dancing veteran). My husband may not be so indulgent, but I’d convince him. 😉
>My son is 5 and I have bought him a baby doll for Christmas!! He plays with boy and girl stuff. His cousins are mostly girls. He plays with The Girls Dora kitchen and she plays with his cars. It pisses me off that people see no problem with a girl playing with cars, trucks, blocks. etc but a boy with a doll and a purse…..he MUST be gay. Give me a Fing break!!
>My two sons are older than most who comment here. The oldest is 19 and he wanted and had a baby doll. He also had an easy bake oven and a play stove complete with toy dishes. He did not take dance classes but at school every year they devote 3 or 4 weeks to dancing primarily when the weather is too cold to go outside. He loved it and was not hesitant to dance with the girls. He is very much male. The youngest is 13. He had a huge kitchen and a large rubbermaid container of play food that was eventually passed to my twin nieces. He had a baby doll and often stood on a chair to wash dishes. He did not express an interest in dance but I think I would have signed him up. He did express disgust/embarrassment after attending a performance of the Nutcracker in the 4th grade. He felt the man in the leotard exposed his parts a little too much. I think you should let your child be who they are but I would draw the line at dressing as a female for Halloween. There is no need to give other boys a reason to tease you. That is worse for your son’s self esteem/self image than not letting him have his way.
>Having been a preschool teacher for many years, I can tell you that both sexes equally enjoy play kitchens. It’s great for their vocabulary. Food Network and the other food shows have really opened the door for us to see cooking as a more accepted occupation in smaller town America where it isn’t first thought of as a man’s occupation. As for dress up–I found when teaching if you had dress up stuff for boys in with the girls stuff…that is what the boys went to. It isn’t always a matter of them wanting to put on a dress…it’s that at the toddler/preschool age it is fun to dress up. Fireman, policeman, doctor, dentist, pirate, businessman shirts/ties, etc….very easy items to gather at garage sales, or even Walmart throughout the year and at Halloween. I know these are no-brainers…but we just don’t always initially think of them when these issues crop up. One day we had beauty day at school…and the boys were just as interested as the girls. We had pretend shaving, etc for the boys, and they stuck to the boy activities…except they did think it was fun to put the food-colored water on their fingernails with the paint brushes…we let them do it…then washed it off promptly before pick up time. Haha. It’s the fun of a new activity often. And like everyone else here, I am more comfortable with some things than others. I think these discussions, though, help us all put on our thinking caps and address what might really cause us pause instead of just stereotypes.Thanks Lindsay!Kristi in TExas
>I would let him do whatever ai want! This kind of archaic (good word, Lindsay) gender-specific insecurity on the part of the fathers – and very shocking to me, the mothers – is infuriating. These men with their restrictions and requirements are the problem. Why are their wives not standing up to them? I am highly irritated by the old-fashioned, insecure husbands and the namby-pamby wives who won’t tell their husbands to wise up. This is all just play. Let the kids do what they want. Give them lots of opportunities and let them grow into whoever they will become. I have a girl and a boy. They both play with toys – all toys. Not just the ones traditionally thought of as for their gender. Do they gravitiate to one kind more than the other? Yes. Do I restrict any game or toy based on whether or not I think it is correct for a girl or boy based on their gender? No Has my sun been dressed in tutus and danced around? Yes. Has my daughter built forts for trucks? Yes. All is fine and they will grow up stronger in their own identities for it.
>When my son was young he had a doll and a stroller that he rolled around a lot. He also had his own barbies and the girls in the neighborhood used to come over and play with him. He also tried a class of Irish dancing but didn’t like being the only boy so he didn’t want to take a second. He is now a 15 year old almost 6″ very manly hockey player. He is also great with babies and little kids and will make a great father someday. I would do it over the same way.
>I have a brother who is very close in age to me. Growing up, he had a Ken doll and I had a Barbie. For some reason we always played a game that Skipper was evil and wanted to steal Ken from Barbie, but that’s another issue. We both had Matchbox cards, I had Rainbow Brite, he had a ‘boy’ sprite. We watched Superman and wonderwoman and Heman and Shera. We both took tap, jazz, ballet, and gymnastics. As we got older, we both did soccer and piano. We played ‘kings’ together and kitchen, GI Joe, whatever. Yes, he was the only boy in the dance classes but for some reason that never seemed weird, and he was always given a ‘boy’ costume and role in performances. My parents are definitely NOT liberal minded people, to be honest, but I don’t think any of these things gave them a second thought. My brother is now a ‘normal’ 25 year old man. I think most of these things are normal parts of learning about the world you live in, which includes all sorts of people, arts, sports, whatever. I think making a big deal out of dance or wow, gymnastics, will only serve to make our sons second guess themselves and be self-conscious. I’m writing on my phone so sorry if this is rambling.
>I did, and I have. My son has taken ballet, wears the same princess dress-up clothes his girl buddies do, and even gets his toenails painted on occasion. He also loves to swordfight, play ball, and pretend at cowboys. As does my daughter.The world will do enough to try to give my son these bullshit ideas about what it means to be a “man.” He’s 4 right now, and he doesn’t need to worry about that. I find it bothers other adults more than it has ever bothered any kid, anyway.
>I have two boys. One my oldest if 5When he was 3 1/2 we went to a girls b-day party. There were about 10 girls and 5 boys. It was at a dance studio at one point all the little girls put on princess dresses and such. Jett (my son) wanted to get in on the action & found a most beautiful Tinker Bell tutu. He came up to me in front of all the other parents and announced that he wanted to wear the tutu. I stood frozen in fear what the other moms and dads would think. He insisted and I obliged. He looked adorble actually and he had so much fun twriling and dancing "like a fairy mom!" I really did not care but I was nervous about what the other parents thought & as I feared one parent said to me something like "oh, its okay if he likes those kinds of things he might be different." hmmm…why? Should he be "different?" My son has good taste it was a really pretty tutu (actully the best of the bunch). I just shrugged. When it was over he wanted the tutu off and he told me that he had so much fun. My son loves life and all that it has to offer. He always plays with boys toys he does have a doll (it happens to be a baby boy) because we had a baby brother last year and he knew it was a boy so he wanted a doll that was a baby brother. He never took it anywhere but at home he held the baby, changed its diapers, fed the baby & put it to bed. I told him that he was going to be great dad one day. Since that tutu experience I realize that I have a very normal healthy child who is interesed in all that is going on around him. I am not worried about what he plays with—play is how a child learns about the world around them. There are wonderful men dancers, chefs, fathers, librians, boutique owners etc and there a lot that are straight. I do not think that our passions in life have to dictate a sexual orintaion, that is what society puts on us. I am raising my sons to be the best that they can be. They need to know how to cook, clean, do laundry, sew, fix a car, decorate, screw in a light bulb, pick out clothes, hammer in a nail, change oil, change a diaper, bulid a house. I would teach my daughter the same things if I had one. My husband can do anything sew, fly an airplane, fix a car, change a diaper, smoke a cigar & drink scotch, wash dishes & fry an egg and so much more! Our sons are going to be wonderful mates for anyone!
>A lot of the “girl” activities and “boy” activities are fabricated anyway. In my family my dad does all of the cooking. And my grandpa did all of the cooking for his family. So growing up I thought that cooking was “the dad’s job” just like taking out the trash. I was probably in junior high before I even realized that in most families the mom cooks. Are my dad and grandpa more girly than other men? Of course not! Is cooking inherently a “woman” activity? Of course not! It just depends on what environment you grew up in. Gymnastics and certain types of dance require a lot of strength and coordination. Aren’t strength and coordination “manly” traits? We feel that girls need to learn self defense and confidence building more than boys but martial arts classes are primarily filled with boys. Seems a little backwards to me.
>Let him take ballet lessons? You bet. Buy him a baby doll? Probably. Barbies? Not so much, if for no other reason than Barbies have such prominent, erm, girl parts. (Don’t really want to encourage him to play with *those* just yet!) Dress up in his sister’s princess stuff? Okay. Go out of the house in it? No.
>Boys ride English Style too. Sheesh.MM has a Barbie (Cinderella) and a Ken (Prince Charming). He has a baby doll. My husband won’t let him dress up like a princess, but he’s allowed to be a prince in a gold lame cape and crown.He’s NOT allowed to have Bratz dolls or buy them as presents (too much make-up, not enough clothes!), nor is he allowed to watch Pokemon.Otherwise, we’re pretty unrestrictive.
>I have 3 girls and a boy is on his merry little way now. No to the Barbie, yes to the rest. The only reason I say no to the Barbie is because I feel queasy about giving my son a doll with breasts. It was hard enough to let my daughters have Barbies anyway.My husband is fully aware that our son will probably love jewelry, high heeled shoes and maybe even make up. But he’s fine with that because at a young age it’s all pretend. He’s also smart enough to realize that the youngest child imitating his older siblings is NORMAL, even if it’s a boy/girl situation. Soon enough our son will have peers who will sway his opinions of baby dolls, ballet and princess dresses. Until then, we intend to let the kid be a kid.
>their kids will have issues when they get older and resent their parents for not supporting them; you should embrace everything your kids set their minds to and support them. And I totally disagree with Anonymous!!!
>my mom gave my son a beanie baby when he was born…because it looked just like him, he had that thing for years and loved it, he loved tools and star wars stuff too.he is now 37, 6’2″ and weighs in around 210…he is a nice guy and is kind to kids and animals , so i think it had a positive effect :o)
>My older son (10) definitely identifies more with girl things than with boy things; he always has. My younger son (2) is very much like how you describe Bruiser.I don’t have a problem with boys playing with traditionally girl toys. How can we raise them to be good parents if we forbid them to nurture dolls or stuffed animals? And, as for the ballet thing: Thank goodness Mikhail Baryshnikov’s parents let him study ballet… can you imagine the world of dance without him?
>Hey there! You’ve been tagged in the Seven Random and Weird Things About Me blog challenge. See http://www.blabbermouse.net for details.
>I wanted to add that my son (5) loves to have his toenails painted and so does his daddy! They like them to be blue for the Titans. 😉
>My son is 2.5 years old, and I have been thinking about getting him a doll house. He loves to play with them at my friend's houses or when they have them in stores. I know that it's non-traditional for a boy, but I don't care – if it's going to keep him entertained, teach him, and help him learn to talk and be creative, then I don't care. He has mostly boyish toys – partly because we don't buy him that many, a lot were hand me downs or gifts. He's really into cars & trains, which he came up with all on his own. He also has a bag full of 'jewels' – pirate coins, bead necklaces etc. that he plays with. I don't think the kinds of toys he plays with will affect his development sexually, so I don't see a problem with him playing with "girl" toys. If he turns out effiminate or gay, that was already going to happen. I wouldn't want kids to make fun of him, but that's a bridge to cross when/if it ever happens.
>I don’t worry about it. Our boy (2) is mostly into his stuff.He also gets into our older daughter’s stuff (6) on occasion. I have no worries. He loved her Barbie Van more because it was a truck with a horn than it was a pink plaything.I don’t think it will damage his psyche to play with her stuff on occasion.I think folks who get too worked up are being a might silly, unless it’s out of hand.
>We did ban smocking outfits for boys in this household however.
>I have a nearly 2-year old son, and like yours, he always goes for the cars. However, I bought him a baby doll and sometimes he likes to hold her, talk to her, and wheel her around in a stroller. And…I AM THRILLED! His behavior models what he sees…me, his dad, and his nanny. THAT’S ALL. And if down the road, it turns out that – well, some early behavior and toy choices signaled his sexual preference, I’m not going to blame myself for buying a doll. So, in answer to your questions: Be honest, now. Would you let your son take ballet classes if he asked? AbsolutelyWould you buy him a babydoll or Barbie for Christmas if it were on his list? Abso-freakin’-lutelyWould you let him dress as a princess for Halloween? Abso-freakin’-lutely!The solution lies with the problem: parents who perpetuate stereotypes that “feminine” toys make their little boys sissies. So, parents, get enlightened!! As a parent, I want to nurture my son’s self-confidence. You can’t really do that by demeaning their toy and activity choices.
>My husband got his own cabbage patch kid dolls 25 years ago. We still have the two boys with their baseball and GI Joe outfits. He turned out just fine and is now the hunter/sports freak most men turn out to be. And he loves loves loves his very girly little daughters who play with “daddy’s” baby dolls.
>Can we just stop beating around the bush with this talk of “girliness”, and call it what it really is – a discussion about homophobia. The fact is that no amount of dolls and ballet is going to make a straight boy gay, and endless exposure to football and tree-climbing isn’t going to make your gay son straight. They are going to be what they are going to be and there isn’t a thing you can do about it. And when did gymnastics become a “gay” thing for boys? I’m at a large gymnastics facility every Saturday morning with my 2 girls (5 and 3) and son (2), and not only are half the children in the classes boys, but have you seen the older male gymnasts? These are the most muscular, fit and athletic kids you’ll ever see – nothing effeminate in that. My kids love it, and it never, ever crossed my mind that there was anything remotely wrong with my son signing up for gymnastics. If these are the kinds of things that people are “worrying” about with their kids, I guess just be thankful that you don’t have REAL problems with your children to occupy your minds. And by the way, I am a dad, and I can tell you that I will love, cherish and support my children no matter what they grow up to be (well, unless they are homicidal maniacs – that I would worry about).
>I would do it, but the inside voice would be badgering me about it. My mom raised my brother and I in an androgynous manner. I used to dress my brother up in my clothes, and no one said a word. My mother thought it was healthy. And yet. I used to cringe inside when my daughter would pick up a truck or ask me to buy her a book about construction equipment. I say “inside,” because I know that it is healthy to explore, and I never said a word. We bought my daughter the Handy Manny tools and belt for Christmas, because we know that she will love it. As the years go by, I sliently cringe less.
>I think that boys will someday grow up to be partners and fathers- both positions that require displays of affection and a level of intimacy. I have a two year old boy, and I don’t mind it at all when he cuddles a stuffed animal or toy like a doll. It is, in fact, a nice break from him bouncing off the walls, or getting into my tools so he can smash things with my hammer. I think that if we foster an environment where girls can learn to do anything boys can do- we also need to foster the reverse. Boys should be allowed to do anything girls traditionally “should” do. I want to raise a son that knows how to cook. I want to raise a son that can sew a button back on. They aren’t the most important things that I’ll teach him, but they will go a long way into making him a wonderful partner or spouse for someone, years down the road. I want to raise a well rounded child, and if exploration of different gender oriented toys helps him become that, then I’m all for it.
>Many times this has been done on sitcoms and the dad is always horrified and in the end, he comes around. Not sure if that happens in the real world, but I was surprised the other day at my daughter’s dance class. An older class was starting and I didn’t really pay attention to the girls coming in until I happened to look up and saw a little boy walk in. I did a double take and then pretended not to see him. I didnt want his mom to do the “what are you staring at?” snarl and punch me or something. I instantly came to the conclusion that maybe Dad doesnt know. But, maybe he does and is fine with it. I quietly pointed him out to my daughter who has a baby boy and she said she would let him dance if he wanted to. Good for her-Im not sure I could be so kind.
>I have boy/girl twins so the whole boy toy/girl toy thing is sort of a big deal in our house.Honestly, they both play with dolls and they both play with trucks and that is the way I like it.Sure, she is obsessed with princesses and he is all about Transformers, but if he wants to take his doll into the restaurant I am cool with that. Think of how cute it is when you see a Dad grocery shopping with his real kids.
>But like you Lindsey, if my son wasn’t all boy, I probably would have trouble with it. And the person who commented that we are trying to make everyone the same is correct, in my opinion as well. I think it’s a balance. It’s good to have them be boys, but allow them bits of babydolls and things like that.
>”The fact is that no amount of dolls and ballet is going to make a straight boy gay, and endless exposure to football and tree-climbing isn’t going to make your gay son straight. They are going to be what they are going to be and there isn’t a thing you can do about it.”Exactly.
>My friend’s son studies ballet. Another parent at his school asked, “You allow him to take ballet?!” She said, “I encourage him to study ballet!!” He’s a wonderful, well-balanced, talented young man. Gay or straight? I have no idea. Does it matter?
>I definitely think that some parents are homophobic when it comes to this sort of thing. I think just as many, though (moms in particular), don’t care whether their sons are gay or straight- they care only about whether their sons are ostracized or bullied by other kids at school for their interests. And that’s what makes this issue a little more complex. In a perfect world, should a little boy be allowed to dress as a princess for Halloween if he wants to? Yes, I think so. In the world we live in, would allowing him to dress as a princess on Halloween subject him to potential emotional damage and distress from others- damage he’d avoid and remain completely oblivious to by dressing as something more gender neutral? Maybe. So what does a good mother do? It’s not always black and white…
>Both of my boys sleep with “a baby” sometimes it really is a baby, sometimes it is a stuffed animal, it varies from night to night and my husband snarls when they mention it and I snarl back at him to get him to be quiet about it. They both enjoy kids (and loved the babies when we owned a daycare) and I think it is ok for them to learn to care for another person/human/animal/baby whatever.Now, I’m shameless here and I”m hanging my head low but I was wondering if you would come over and enter my contests and send your readers that way too….www.momecentric.comwww.momisteaching.comwww.educationuncensored.com*head hanging low……clutching the closest stuff animal I can find*
>Well, my middle son loved food/cooking/anything to do with it..so he got a play kitchen one Christmas…close enough? He is in college now becoming a chef 🙂
>Um, funny you should ask!My son loves girl stuff and ALWAYS has. He loves to play with dolls but his playing with dolls is so very different from how his sister plays. It’s still boy if that makes any sense.Anyway, I don’t bat an eye. Daycare’s husband made fun of our son to my husband regarding his favorite doll and my husband, no I think you have wrong my son is MAN enough to play with a doll — he pulls it off nicely don’t you think?Because honestly the only thing we think we are fostering by encouraging that type of play is a good caring dad regardless of his sexuality.So, we are not ashamed of our son playing with girlie toys in fact we have discussed the ballet thing and we both feel that if that is what he wants, what boy wouldn’t want all those girls and no competition?Also, check out his latest antics here…http://www.onecrazychick.com/2008/12/almost-famous.htmlHe's cross dressing and loving every minute of it!
>Wow – I haven’t made it through all of the comments, but I’m hopeful I can get back to them tomorrow. Being different leads to difficulties no matter what. In my family, we’ve tended to take the multi-pronged approach of:1. Celebrate the differences, and figure out ways to defend yourself. We went through many a ‘what if’ game where we would practice comebacks for teasing that might happen. Learning Karate (for self-defense ONLY) also helped with feeling secure.2. Seeking out environments that would be comfortable – playgroups, sports teams, etc. that help your kid feel more normal are great. 3. Helping kids figure out how to tone it down when they want to. If I wanted to wear a bunch of mismatched socks on picture day at Brownies, it was pointed out that it’d be a choice that’d last for more than a day. Combined with the above, it (mostly) felt like it was a way to give us more choices while still not censoring the important things. There are some times when a different kid can’t be made ‘normal’, and those kids just learn to live with the teasing, though it’s often painful. Being seen as ‘girly’ isn’t the end of the world, and when the only way to avoid it is to hack away at parts of a boy’s personality, it’s a very high price that he’s being forced to pay, especially when he’s not getting any choice in the matter.
>Honestly? I think the “I don’t want my son to be ostracized because he does ballet” is a cop out. I agree with your previous posters that it basically comes down to homophobia. Either that or you are really very conformist and narrow-minded.
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