>Bug Bites and Tutus
>”We were in line at the grocery the other day,” a mom friend of mine confided recently over the phone, “and Jacob points at the man behind us and starts yelling*, ‘P*enis! P*enis! P*enis!'” We both laugh wearily.
“How. Embarrassing,” I say sympathetically.
“Does Punky do stuff like that?” my friend asks.
“Absolutely not,” I say. “There’s a reason I haven’t taught her those words yet. And that is the reason. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that same exact story from other moms.”
It’s true. Those same mothers who two years ago smugly told me they would be teaching their children the correct terminology for their private parts? Well, today they’re the ones cringing now at the playground as their daughter chants, “N*ipple and v*agina! N*ipple and v*agina!” on the swingset.
Better by far that Punky refers to those areas as her bug bites (a name she came up with on her own and insists on using now) and her bum (a name that basically covers the whole shebang “down there.”)
It’s a good thing I made this decision, too, because like most three-year-olds, Punky has been thinking a lot about these hidden areas. After all, there are some interesting differences in them among the members of our family; how could she help but notice? She has told people, for instance, that ‘Big girls eat peanut butter sandwiches, but babies eat milk from their mother’s bug bites.’ She has nursed her baby dolls a few times. And on the week that we did ‘opposites’ in preschool, she was thrilled to point at me and say, “Big bug bites!” and then at herself. “Little bug bites!” she shouted proudly.
But yesterday was the kicker.
As you can imagine, Punky is very interested now in keeping up with her teenage sisters. She ‘does homework’ like they do, insists on ‘helping’ when they play video games (requiring a saintly amount of patience on their parts), and makes poignant attempts to tell witty stories like theirs at the dinner table. So I suppose it was only a matter of time until her mind worked its way around to…. bug bites.
As the girls and I talked in the kitchen, Punky, who was silently listening to the chatter, finally decided she’d had enough. “Hey, everyone!” she said. We looked over at her.
“My bug bites are gonna get real big this year,” she said importantly.
“Your bug bites?” my 17-year-old asked with a hint of a smile.
“Yep!” she said. “They sure are!” The girls collapsed with laughter and Punky ran to hide behind a kitchen chair, embarrassed.
“Don’t look at me!” she said angrily. “Don’t look at me!” Poor little Punky…
Of course, I will teach Punky the correct terminology eventually, especially since I was reminded just yesterday of what can happen if I don’t.
“My friend Helen’s granddaughter came in her kitchen the other day, naked as a jaybird,” my mother was telling me over the phone, “and she pointed at her… tutu.”
“Her tutu?” I asked, confused.
“You know,” my mom said. “Her… her bottom-in-the-front.”
“Her v*agina?” I said, giggling.
“Yes!” my mom said, exasperated. I laughed, but Lord knows where I learned the word ‘v*agina,’ because if mom had had her way, I’d still be calling it a tutu to this day.
(I know a few of you are wondering what the asterisks are for- They keep those words from turning up in searches. It sickens me to think of some pedophile reading this particular story because it showed up in a search.)
>That last bit with your mom reminded me of a friend who tells her daughter that it is called a “front bottom”. It’s always amusing to find out someone else’s special word.I like how Catherine Newman (“Bringing Up Ben and Birdy”, “Dalai Mama” blogs) refers to it as a yoni It is a correct term, but not as shocking maybe, as “v”.That being said, I hadn’t come across her word until I had taught my daughter the anatomically correct version (as I too learned as a young child).
>It’s happened to me but not in public – Our church sold a series of books all age appropriate to explain these things-anatomy & sex, etc. I made the mistake of not reading the book myself before reading it to the 5 year old. It used the “big” words – Vagina, Penis & Sex as well as others I wasn’t exactly ready for her to know or to have to answer the question “what is that?”. A week or so went by and as I was tucking her into bed, my 12 year old son came in to tell her good night and just out of the blue she said “vagina”. He and I both looked at each other and he busted out laughing and had to leave the room. I just looked at her……I didn’t know what to do or say. I’ve gone past the point of no return. I can’t tell her it’s not a nice word because I’ve read her the book that told her “GOD created her to one day be a mommy, etc” and all that good stuff but I don’t want her going to school and saying it either……..I wasn’t prepared at all! The books have been put away on a shelf (not in the playroom) that we’ll take out and read at a much later date!
>Ugh. Good call with the *. Sickos.
>Living in a house with all males (my Hubby and 3 little boyz), the only difference between mommy and them (in the boyz’ eyes) is that they have a pee-pee and I don’t. Whew.
>At some point, every time Maddie and her friend Ethan are together, she points at him and says, “Dinker,dinker,dinker” And I have no idea where she came up with that.
>Poor Punky.
>Hahahaha!When my husband and I were potty training our first son (who, so you understand this story, is not his biological child, not because it’s pertainent otherwise), we started bringing him into the bathroom with us. And sometimes, he’d help my husband, Dave, aim (gross, yes, no doubt, but it helped).Several weeks into it, Dave took him to the bathroom at a local pub, and they went into the stall together (someone was in the adjoining stall). My son then asked,”Can I hold your pe*nis, Dave?”Afterwards, whitefaced and upset, Dave ushered us all out before the cops could come looking for the child mol*estor in the bathroom. I’m pretty sure that he aged 15 years that night.
>Such a cute story, poor little Punky! But I have to agree, in many circumstances, much better than yelling the correct words!!!I don’t know if I would have thought about using an * I am so scared of all the sickos out there!!!
>As the mother of a just-started-potty-training 2 year old, this story really hits home. I enjoy reading your blog and visit often – thanks for the good laugh that really brightened up my day. It’s part of why I’m a loyal reader. That, and I grew up in Nashville (Bellevue actually) and like hearing your local stories. It’s been a tough day at work so far, I really needed the laugh!
>Aww, poor little Punky. I so remember that feeling of wanting to fit and dying of embarrassment when everybody laughed. That story actually brought tears to my eyes.My husbands family calls a p*enis a “bird” and a v*agina an “oobigail.” While I find bird slightly amusing, we will NOT be adopting oobigail!
>I agree that’s a simultaneously cute and painful story about Punky–being the youngest of four, I can relate![Disclaimer: I don’t have kids but I’ve cared for many–one at a time & in nursery classes, etc.–and I’m an excellent observer.]I guess I’m in the minority here but as much as I appreciate the need to maintain innocence, I don’t see a problem with a kid learning the proper names for body parts. Whatever you call them kids need to learn to think of them as “special” and not to be discussed in public…and they’ll fail to do that occasionally, as all kids do, whether innocently or on purpose. The need to use euphemisms comes from our own squeamishness, not the kids’–they just want to know what to call it so they can communicate without getting laughed at or scolded. Otherwise, they’ll just keep their questions to themselves out of fear and develop a complex (or become writers!). If they don’t know the proper words, at some point someone WILL “correct” them–just hope it’s not a kid whose parents have Cinemax, or your embarrassment at the store might be on a “whole ‘nother level”! And I find I’m MUCH more embarrassed (for the parents) by some euphemisms than I ever could be by the proper names (“You call it a WHAT?”).I’m especially amused that you are so averse to those words, given the salty language you throw around in your writing. Not judging, just saying I find it curious. In college I sat through a VERY uncomfortable communications class where the instructor presented an analysis of obscene words, the various categories, etc. Not sure it was that relevant, but I haven’t forgotten it!
>oy.hey, got any potty training tips??
>we have boy bits and girly bits here. Much easier. It differentiates each of them, and gives them their gender.
>Until I read this, I didn’t remember that as kids my sister and I referred to our “front butt” and “back butt.”
>I’ve taught Her Majesty the correct anatomical term for her girly bits, but she can’t pronounce it properly so it comes out as “china”.
>My daughter called it a “belly bottom” for ages.However, my son is ALL to aware of his penis. He’s 2, and he likes to point it out all the time.Which is fine, except when you’re in public, and need to change his diaper, and he screams “DON’T TOUCH THE PENIS!!”Yeah.You’d be correct in assuming the kinds of looks I got.
>I took my then 3 year old nephew into a rest stop bathroom with me several years ago. I was wearing (then stylish) overalls so everything remained covered. While he was standing there waiting he was chattering away non-stop. Suddenly, without taking a deep breath, this sweet little voice says “I like your shirt. Do you have a p*nis?”There was a huge sputtering sound as the woman in the next stall nearly died of laughter. We waited until that bathroom cleared before facing the public.
>Ok, the bug bites thing had me rolling. When my sister was little we used to call her’s “two raisins on an ironing board”….
>OMG! I called it my tutu too!!!! I thought that it was just our weird family. My kids call their parts their privates. I sort of like that.
>For me, it’s not that the “real” words make me uncomfortable because of some sense of prudishness or being ashamed, they are just so medical and sterile sounding to be coming out of a toddlers mouth. Just like it would be weird to hear a baby say,” Can you change my diaper? I defecated” Or when potty training, who says “Do you need to go urinate?” We use dinger for penis, and bippy for vagina. And my daughter came up with buttons for her nipples, don’t really know where that one came from. I always make sure that as they get older they know what the “real” words are, and that I show that we are not embarassed to use them. But no way am I teaching them to my 2 yo to scream out in Walmart!
>I have a big problem with the V**gina word. There are many part “down there” and they cannot all be summed up with that one V word. The correct term is vulva. A V*gina is INSIDE the body and is where a baby comes out of a p**is goes in. It is not prone to have trouble in a young child unless they are prone to yeast infections. When a mother told me her daughter was saying her V**gina hurt I was concerned since for the most part little girls should not be having pains there. Typically, it is their l*bia that is sore. I wish people would stop using that term – there are many little girls growing up learning the wrong terms.
>First off, very funny story!Now i have to ask, can people not get over the frickin’ use of alternative words for g*nitals?Good grief.I received a verbal lesson from a reader just last week about the same thing. How I’m perpetuating women’s embarrassment of their v*ginas. What is the big frickin’ deal? I grew up calling my “parts” a newt-newt. And you know what, today, I know my v*gina, l*bia, v*lva and even my cl*t!! Go me! Some people over-think small parenting decisions like having nicknames for privates and just need to get over themselves.
>Big bug bites are a pain in the, well, never mind.
>Just to clarify myself a little, I’m not criticizing the parenting skills of those who have the cute euphemism thing going on with their kids…just offering an alternative viewpoint (my hobby–everyone needs one, right?).Actually it could be argued that using euphemisms is a way of indirectly teaching that certain things are “special” and private and to be treated that way–this is why you see taboos in religion and in ancient societies. And I realize this is pretty much a purely theoretical discussion where I’m concerned–I reserve the right to reverse myself on anything I’ve ever said if I ever have kids myself! Until then I get to be an expert in my own mind.
>we always use p*enis and v*aginia. It is what it is.
>My mother calls it Miss Susie!!
>Once while we were sitting in church my nephew quietly told his mother that his p*nis hurt (his little sister had accidently kicked it as I recall), then later in the day the woman sitting in front of them went up to my sister in law acting like it was a huge deal that he said it in church. I thought he had handled himself very well, but I guess if people aren’t used to hearing it they think it’s wrong.
>I have to agree with Mark Kelly Hall that when those instances happen as they undoubtedly will the parent can simply teach the child where/when it is appropriate to talk about ones g*enitals.I have b/g twins that noticed their “differences” early on. Thus they’ve used the words “p*enis” and “‘gina” since they were very young. I can’t recall a time when my son/daughter blurted out p*enis/’gina on the playground or elsewhere but even if he/she did I would hope another parent/adult would understand he/she is a young toddler and still learning. There is no shame in that. I think the euphemisms for g*enitals can cause confusion for someone else not in the know (babysitter, teacher etc) – that is why I opted for names closest to the real thing…but again to each his own.
>Thanks to my husband, my daughter doesn’t call them bug bites, but “nickels” now. She latched onto that and calls everyone’s “nickels” to my embarassment. The v word hasn’t had to come up. We just call it all her “bottom” for now.
>I agree with the response re: the V word….it’s not completely accurate, and until my daughter is able to understand the anatomy and different parts (hopefully not til she is older), it’s sort of pointless to drag out all the anatomically correct terms.As for teaching euphemisms, it’s a way to keep things private. Because kids will undoubtedly talk about their body parts (and more) in public, I like that everyone in ear shot doesnt *get* it.
>I have a friend with twin girls 4 yrs old and they have been calling it “cookie” for years now and just recently learned about stranger danger.They showed off their new skill by shouting out loud at the Mall of America, “Does that man want to touch my cookie?!?” and needless to say, it was embarrassing. I called it a “befront” as a child, logically speaking that would be the opposite of “behind”
>I never heard the correct terminology until I was a teen I think–and my mother was one who insisted that we talk about sex and such openly. I understand why you did the astericks. I get some really creepy searches in my referrels. It just creeps me out what people will search for.Oh and my daughter embarrasses me with her use of the correct terminology all the time–but mostly in public restrooms.
>This is a very cute story. I have a boy and he just calls his private parts his privates. That way he isn’t going to school calling some kid a p*nis when he gets mad at them. I did almost die one day when he confided in me that when he grew up he wanted big boobies like mine! Wow, guess it’s time to let him down gently there!
>Terminology is key. If only we knew in the beginning how things would turn out.Cheers
>smart with the asterick. i use pippy as our vajayjay word.
>In my husband’s family (he’s one of three sons), little boys call their penises their tallywhackers, which just cracks me up.I mistakenly opted to call my son’s penis his willy (my husband had jokingly used the term before the baby was born, so it stuck for some reason). So now, when he hears that someone’s name is Willy he can’t stop laughing.When I was a kid, I had cousins who called their parts Lily and Herman (yes, as in the Munsters). I agree that kids need to learn the proper names for things, but I’m not sure it matters when they’re two or three and extremely liable, even if they’ve been taught not to say things in polite company, to shout out a word with the potential for embarrassment.
>No euphemisms here. My kids have always called their body parts what they are — p*nis, v*gina, v*lva, br*asts, etc. I haven’t had a problem with them blurting out those words; I’ve taught them that those parts of their bodies are private and that includes not discussing them with others. But for goodness sakes, they’re just body parts. I don’t understand the need for all the embarrassment and cutesy names.
>I guess I’d rather deal with the occasional embarrassing moment (hi nice cashier lady, do you have a penis?) than give them the impression their genitals are something that shouldn’t be talked about in the same way as the rest of their body. It is what it y’know? I certainly don’t LOVE it when my toddler asks people about their penis but it’s just another, um, endearing part of motherhood.
>My mother at 60 years old can not even call her “woo, woo” her v*agina.She would be happy if I didn’t use correct terminology either.I am a nurse, so correct terminology comes naturally.I decided to teach my kids the correct terminology, as I would not call my elbow a different name and didn’t want my kids to learn shame in that department and so that I could start talking early to my kids about people not touching them in those places. I learned what sex was in first grade from a boy (who I am sure had older siblings) and that was in the early 80’s.So I can only imagine what my kids are going to learn.So talk early, talk often and talk graffically to your kids abou these things because if you don’t.. someone else will.
>Evidently the pedophiles all just come to Mom101 where I did a whole post on the v*agina dialogues with no asterisk.Using proper terms hasn’t come back to bite us in the bottom yet (and certainly not the front bottom) but yesterday, Thalia oddly blurted out “I have two nipples. And daddy has three.”
>For a while my son and his friends when aged around 6 referred to their penis as a ‘dingaling’ after the song..well they thought it was funny and then it stuck for a while
>My 9 year old daughter has called hers “mosquito bites” for ages, now shortened to MBs. I never did figure out where that came from.