>Carpoolin’ like it’s 1993
>So there I was, almost late as usual, hauling ass to carpool. As I jumped the curb making a right turn into my 15-year-old’s high school parking lot, I saw one of my carpoolees (whom we’ll call Sam) duuuude-ing it up with some all-black-clad teenagers outside the neighboring Tastee Freez . It was too much to resist. I rolled down the passenger side window.
“Sammy!” I shouted. Even from my distance, I could see his shoulders stiffen. “SAAAAAA-MEEEEEE!”
Slowly, Sam turned around and spotted me.
“Are you riding carpool today, Sammy? Does your mama need me to take you home?”
His friends snickered. Almost imperceptibly, he shook his head.
“WHAT?! Sammy! Sammy, do you need a ride?”
“No!” He croaked. “No thank you!”
“Okay then! Bye Sammy! See you at church!” Smirking, I closed the window and headed for the school’s side door.
I’m pretty sure that if there were ever a competition for the worst carpool mom ever? I would win. Hands down.
Maybe the fact that I’m only 30 contributes to my juvenile behavior. Teetering at the halfway point between my 15-year-old riders and their 45-year-old mothers, I find myself displaying symptoms from both sides. One minute, I’m all, “Does everyone have on their seatbelts?” The next, I’m blasting the Beastie Boys and wondering if the kids are going to tell their parents I was playing songs with lyrics like, I’m the king of Boggle, there is none higher. I’ll get 11 points off the word quagmire.’ Somehow, I don’t think the other carpoolers would understand.
And yet, I can’t hold back. Especially at times like last Thursday, when I waited ten minutes for our neighbor, Maria, to show up after school.
“Are you sure she’s riding today?” I asked my stepdaughter.
“Yes,” she said. “She was here and then she said she had to go back to her locker and get her iPod.”
“And it’s taking her ten minutes?!” I fumed.
At last, Maria came ambling out into the parking lot, her boyfriend in tow. As she lazily scanned the cars for my SUV, I made a big show of throwing up my hands, shrugging my shoulders and driving away.
“What are you doing?!” 15 laughed.
“Just making sure she’s not late again,” I said.
As I slowly circled back to get Maria, I noted with satisfaction that she had broken into a run, trying to catch us before we left. Seeing my car, she stopped and grinned, knowing she’d been had. I drove up to the curb where she was standing…
…and kept going.
“Lucinda!’ 15 laughed harder. From the backseat, the other kids guffawed.
“I just don’t see her anywhere,” I muttered. “Where could she be?”
I circled back again to where Maria was trotting toward my car. One more time, I passed her by before finally stopping and letting her get in.
It took a while for the laughter to die down on the ride home, but I’m happy to say that Maria hasn’t been late since.
I guess I thought that once I became a mom, I would feel like a mom. I would do mom-like things. Make mom-like statements. Drive a mom-like carpool.
I was wrong. I was so very, very wrong.
>I’m glad to see that you are the go-between with the teens and the ‘old people’. Someone will always love you. (Granted, that means that someone else will always hate you, but…life ain’t perfect!)I always figured that I would be really strict as a mom. Turns out that I am actually a wannabe hippie/pushover.
>”Okay then! Bye Sammy! See you at church!” Smirking, I closed the window and headed for the school’s side door.”Ohhhh…you’re so bad! We could definitely be friends 😉
>I like your style – just because we’re moms doesn’t mean we have to dry up and die. It’s good to have a sense of humour! It’s good to be able to relate to teenagers! And plus – I think it keeps you young – the right way, not the Botox way.
>You are SO mean! Outing little church-going boys and scaring self-absorbed girls…What am I saying? Those things were just TOO funny!
>You rock. I bet your teens, no matter how they may act to you right now, totally adore you for doing stuff like that for carpool. That is hilarious.I think carpool might take me right over the edge at this point in my life. I can’t even get to the gym some days to rate the cellulite. (GRIN)
>My Teen alternates between being embarrassed and thinking it’s cool that, at 36, I’m about 7-10 years younger than her friend’s mothers. But her friends all think I’m cool, so bonus points for that. I would so do the drive-off move, if I could be bothered to carpool.
>You rock! I wish I could be the cool Mom like you but *sigh* some of us have to be mean cause our kids are really hard headed. Or I’m just old and tired. Either way I try to be “cool” Mom once in awhile. I think I’m going to try that car pool move. But, my music stays!
>Where are all the stepmom’s like you at my stepdaughters’ school? Actually, where are all the stepmom’s period.
>The stepmoms are home complaining about how the kids wreck their nice homes every other weekend! I have met some notable exceptions in the blog world, but when I look for stepmom websites, they are filled with women complaining about the kids, whom they see twice a month for two days at a time. And I personally can’t relate to that- the complaints or the time period…But that’s a whole ‘nother post.
>I was a stepmom when I was married, years ago, and it’s a VERY underappreciated job. Oh, and I loved my stepdaughter. She was wonderful, but I never got any credit for taking care of her, which I always did when she was around, and I made her time with us a lot of fun. My hat’s off to you, Lucinda, for what you do everyday!
>Good for you. Don’t be a stodgy mom. There are too many of them out there as it is. And thankyou. For I am stockpiling all of your tricks to use oneday soon on my own munchkins!
>Rofl that’s the kind of mom I’d be, lol!
>You are my idol!
>I so want into your carpool-and I’m a 46 year old mom still acting like this-oh, well someones gotta do it!all my noodle boy requests is that “I please don’t sing in front of his friends”- I tell him”you just can’t keep a good singer down”;)
>Hilarious!I really felt like once a mom I would have to “be” a mom….But I’m the mom that watches her toddlers fight over toys and waits to see who wins. I don’t stop the fight…. unless violence ensues of course…
>sniggering… run, Maria, run!!
>Ha ha Maria!!! That’s a great story. I’ll bet she’s early from now on.I feel caught in the gap myself from time to time. Being only 2 years older than you *cough* and having 2 teenage stepsons- I can only thank God for the bus and the fact that the 16 year old drives himself to school. I grew up being a part of a carpool and hated it. Bugger pickers…all of them!BTW- is it bad that my daughters know all the words to “No Sleep ’till Brooklyn?”
>LOL. I’m taking notes. I hope to be a cool 45 year old.
>Great! Now there’s hot tea spewn over my monitor. Hard to drink while reading your blog, I keep forgetting how much I laugh.Speaking as a 42 year car pooling mom…you are a breath of fresh air. Me…I’d just be furious at Maria and send my daughter back in to get her. Then daughter would be furious at me. Your way is SO much more creative and FUN.I’m taking notes!
>ha! you are too cool lucinda.
>Oy! Carpool! I was fortunate to never have to deal with that…there were four of us, and at one point at three different schools!Poor Maria! Hopefully she learned her lesson!
>Oh my, you are so brave to raise teenagers at your age! I must say, you definitely are doing great with disciplining your girls and their friends! I have no clue how to handle my 7 year old as it is. Great job being a mom! 🙂
>I can’t wait to have older children so that I may embarass them and their friends. Well done!
>I think what you did was a mom-like thing. Just a more creative, humorous, mom-like thing. ;^) Seems you got your point across, at least!
>I am a mother and a stepmother and I do not do carpool. I was a school bus driver for many years. It scarred me for life!
>renratt– Watch it! Those ‘old people’ include my 45 year old husband! ;)mooselet- I’m lucky my 15-year-old thinks I’m cool, except for when she realized several teachers at her school think I’m her 20-something mom- meaning I would’ve had her at like, 13!teri- When my 15-year-old is late, I’m not funny at all. I just say “What is your problem?! I get here 15 minutes after school lets out for a reason!” But with the others, I have to be a little more creative.Kelly- Still wondering when that mom change happens. I mean, it’s got to at some point, right?And for those of you who avoid carpool like the plague, for me it’s an addiction. I LOVE my days off and am not willing to part with them!
>know what? you bad…
>I can see myself doing the same in ten years. I refuse to grow up! Love your blog 🙂
>I’m a young stepmom, too, and I’m definitely out of place with the other 40-something moms of teens. I like how you really use that to your advantage and have fun with it!
>i hear ya. i’m all singing “welcome to the jungle” and doing a very axl like headbob while driving the crew to walmart. the other day metallica came on (i am LOVING this new radio station) and my daughter yelled at me while i was headbanging…”momma, turn it OFF zoe doesn’t LIKE IT”but she’ll sing along to white stripes or nickelback.
>Girl, I just found you and you crack me up.
>And this blog would be oh-so-boring if you had been right.