God Doesn’t Want You to Read Fifty Shades of Grey

  1. Average Jane says:

    And here we have it: the last word on “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

  2. Jenny Rapson says:

    Love it! Haven’t read it and don’t want to. Your reasoning is perfection!

  3. Janetatum38462 says:

    Wonderfully said, Lindsey.   I completely agree.   I always look forward to your writings.

  4. Melody says:

    I am one of the sad followers who not only read all three books once…but twice! I jayed to think it but really…how much hot sex in a day can you have? I did get tired of the lip biting and blushing. There were several words that I had to highlight and look up the meaning(because I, too, was reading it on my Kindle). Brain rot? Yes! But I enjoyed it. 🙂

  5. birdgal says:

    Even as a total heathen, I have stayed far, far away from this book and plan to continue doing so.  Bad writing is not worth wasting your time!

  6. Ugaellewoods says:

    I sucked down the first two books like Gatorade. The third one is redundant and unnecessary. Yes, the writing is weak and the sex is repetitious and the Britishisms are annoying and frequent. But I read all three books in a week. David Copperfield took me three months and was far more agonizing. At least these books had a plot, sort of.

    • suburbanturmoil says:

      You have a good point. The battle scenes in War and Peace were far, far worse than anything in Fifty Shades of Grey. And more time consuming.

      Okay, it’s official. God doesn’t want you to read War and Peace, either. Sorry, Leo.

  7. Kimberly says:

    Hilarious!!!  The Queen saying “Bye, y’all! I’m fixing to get me some collards at the Piggly Wiggly! Any of you boys want to help me push the buggy?” and the “parrot that lives in a brothel” parts made me laugh!  Thank you for this post.  It made my day 🙂
    Oh, and “That is hours of your mist that you’ll NEVER GET BACK” part too.  You are hilarious 🙂

  8. I’m more than halfway through the first one now and the bad writing has not become any less distracting. I’m wondering how this could possibly be a trilogy! I’ll finish this one, and I don’t think I’ll regret it, but I don’t think I’ll read the other two either. Because really, when was the last time you clambered anywhere??

  9. Angella says:

    I have no desire to read it, not because I’m a Good Christian woman, but because I don’t want to waste my time. I *have* been enjoying the Fifty Shades of Suck Tumblr account, though.

  10. magpie says:

    Not that I was planning to read it, but thank you for yet another reason not to!

  11. Darcieg says:

    Even with the bad writing, which is hard to ignore, I enjoyed the first two books.  Kinda forcing my way thru the third at the moment, but it’s a much slower process…

  12. Rae Ann says:

    You have a very good point.  While the erotica was “eh”, the writing was just plain awful.  Why is this book getting so much attention?

    God does not want us wasting energy on bad literature!

  13. cheesehead4ever says:

    I have Facebook friends who have raved about it, but everything I have seen on blogs is about the horrible writing.  I do know that having British phrases in a book set in America would drive me insane!

  14. Thanks. I’m waiting for the movie. Good Christian that I am, and all.

  15. kboyle92 says:

    I kind of got the impression that it was poorly written on purpose. Being fanfic, based on the Twilight series, I just figured James was exaggerating everything that was terrible about Twilight. In doing so, she was trying to make a point. Sort of like, “Hey! Are you people complete duh-heads? Can you not see what crap this is? here, let me show you.”

    • suburbanturmoil says:

       Interesting theory…

      • Litenarata says:

        I agree with kboyle, I have a feeling it was written badly on purpose, especially in reference to the repeated phrases. I say this because as my mom was reading Twilight, she noticed that “rolled his/her eyes” was used ALL the time. So often that she wished she had started keeping a list!

  16. I haven’t read it, and I don’t plan either. I’m not saying that I’m the best model for Christianity, but there is a line. I think the thing that is wrong with our world is that sex has become a circus. It is no longer a sacred thing. Yuck.

  17. Comfy Mom says:

    LOL! I agree wholeheartedly and as a Goddess worshiping pagan I have to say I don’t think She wants you to read it either for the same exact reason. 🙂

  18. Cce0454 says:

    I picked it up in Kroger yesterday and opened it to the middle and started reading. Just two sentences of tweaked nipples and groans was enough. I value myself two much to dwell in that valley. It was just plain creepy.

  19. Becca Sanborn says:

    Thank you so much for posting. I read that same article and then felt guilty as I waited through 180 spots at the Nashville Public Library to get the book. I read through page 150 and stopped.

  20. Melissa says:

    Well put, Lindsay. 

  21. Mary says:

    I agree, it’s terrible, and I read all three of them.  I don’t know what came over me.  I even live in Seattle, and she gets Seattle wrong too.  So, so awful.  

  22. Mary A says:

    I am laughing my head off!  I heard that it was really poor writing. It’s only popular because it’s dirty.  Kinda like Erica Jong.  (Only she gets credit for being a “feminist”.  Whatever.  I’m a Feminist too, but that doesn’t make me a great writer).

    I read all sorts of things that “Christians” aren’t supposed to read.  Harry Potter was one of them.  And Harry Potter is not anti-Christian in the least.  I read The DaVinci Code, which apparently made many people question their Catholicism.  It’s a page turner, but the history is so off, that anyone who knows Church History at ALL can see right through it. 

    Anyway — READ.  But read something good. 

    • suburbanturmoil says:

       I have to say, I read Erica Jong’s books in college and LOVED them. And I don’t even remember the sexy parts- well, except for this one really disgusting scene… But I loved how confident her characters were, and i thought she was a really good writer. So there you have it, I guess. Well-written erotica!

  23. Shannon says:

    Read all 3 books in 4 days… Starved myself when forgetting to eat dinner because I was reading… all in all yes it was horrible writing but the storyline is a hook! Once you read a bit of it you have to read what’s next! I kinda liked the 3rd book. Starts off slow but there is much more to the end. 🙂

  24. […] all started when I got a message from Petra who read God Doesn’t Want You to Read Fifty Shades of Grey, and came across a sentence that reminded her of me, and made her laugh a lot. For the record, I […]

  25. Donna says:

    I read them all after reading the original fanfic, Master of the Universe.  Not being a big fan of the Twilight Saga books, which I believe were written specifically to appeal to emo tweenie cutters and 30-something fat chicks with back acne, I was tickled to imagine Bella and Edward at least having a little bit of fun.  Because really, has there ever been a more pathetic and sorry set of teenage lovers ever?

    The books are horribly written for sure but the laugh factor is just too hard to resist.  I mean, come on, 20 pages of sex for every 5 pages of story line requires a certain level of creativity, don’t you think?

    The only thing about these books that disturbs me is reading various book-related boards wherein an alarming number of grown women wish for a man like Christian/Edward who is the textbook definition of spousal abuser.  That’s a little, OK, a lot, disturbing.  Knowing that ninety percent of those women wish for that type of man makes me look at members of my own sex with more than a little disgust.

  26. Jamie_amystewart says:

    I read them….quickly. I’m a skimmer so if i got annoyed i’d move on. I like to find out how things end. Even before i knew it was Twilight fanfic i caught on to the similarities rather quickly.
    Hey, she’s making a ton of money and people are still discussing it. Good for her. I’m past it, but i do want to smack the morons that want kristen and rob as christian and ana. Good Lord! Twilight is a train wreck…let’s not repeat that horror!

  27. […] fun nights I’ve had all year. Next I wrote another of my favorite posts of the year, titled God Doesn’t Want You to Read Fifty Shades of Grey. Need I say […]

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