I'm Lindsay Ferrier, a Nashville writer with a passion for family travel, exploring Tennessee, and raising kids without losing my mind in the process. This is where I share my discoveries, along with occasional deep thoughts, pop culture tangents and a sprinkling of snark. Want to get in touch? Use the CONTACT form at the top of the page.
April 27, 2010
>Last week, my six-year-old daughter went on a neighborhood field trip that included a visit to the pet store and a coupon for a free goldfish.
She’s been talking about it ever since.
“When are we going to get my free goldfish? Did I tell you I have a coupon for a free goldfish? Are we going to get my goldfish today? It’s free, you know! I can’t believe I have a coupon for a free goldfish! Have you seen the coupon for my free goldfish? I can’t wait to get my free goldfish!”
Around here, that coupon has basically become the equivalent of Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. And why not? It was a $.29 value, after all!
Finally on Sunday, to the tune of much shrieking and skipping and hand clapping, we took Punky to get her free goldfish.
“Do you need an aquarium?” the pet store employee asked as he led us back to the $.29 goldfish tank.
An aquarium? For a $.29 goldfish?
“No,” I said quickly after exchanging glances with Hubs. “We need a bowl.” After letting Punky choose her fish from the tank and handing her the plastic bag, he led us over to a shelf of bowls and immediately grabbed an enormous, two-gallon monstrosity.
“This is your best bet,” he said. “The bigger it is, the less often you’ll have to clean it.”
Buying that bowl would have been like buying Aaron Spelling’s mansion for Verne Troyer. “Where are we even going to put that?” I asked Hubs quietly. “It’s ginormous!” After some heated whispering, we put back the two-gallon bowl and instead chose a smaller and more classic bowl that still gave the fish plenty of room. Then we picked out gravel for the bottom of the bowl, chlorine drops, and fish food.
Total cost: $22. That was sommmmmme coupon.
We got home, carefully followed all the instructions, and got our fish acquainted with her new bowl. Punky promptly named her new fish Goldie. She stared at her for hours. She talked to her. She sang to her. She drew her pictures and pressed them up against the bowl. We fed Goldie Sunday night; she didn’t eat much. We fed her a tiny bit of food on Monday morning. Again, she barely touched it. Last night, I gave her a few more flakes of food. She attacked them with gusto. I went to bed, satisfied that Goldie was finally getting settled in.
And then this morning, I came down to the kitchen, peered into the fishbowl, and found Goldie lying on her side at the bottom…
DEAD.
“Shite,” I muttered, quickly carrying the bowl up into the playroom. This was exactly what I was afraid of. A few minutes later, I woke Punky and brought her down for breakfast.
“Where’s Goldie?” she asked immediately.
“Uh, your sister took her to school,” I said quickly.
“Why?”
“They’re learning about fish in her science class,” I improvised, “and she wanted everyone to see Goldie.”
“Well, I hope she remembered to take Goldie’s food,” Punky said darkly.
“Oh, she did,” I said.
“Good.”
After taking Punky to school this morning, I made the first of what I fear will be many return visits to Pet Supermarket. I thought that buying a new Goldie would take a minute or two, but choosing just the right fish from the tank was harder than I thought.
“This one?” the pet store employee asked, swiping at one.
“No, that one’s too small,” I said.
“This one?”
“It’s not gold enough.”
“What about this one?”
“It has a totally different expression,” I frowned. “It looks nothing like Goldie.”
Finally after several minutes, we found a suitable Goldie stand-in.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present…
On my way to pick her up, I told a friend about my errand. She laughed.
“You know our hamster?” she asked. “We’re on number three, and the boys have no idea.”
“You had to replace the hamster twice?” I asked. “Geez, that would be a lot harder than replacing a goldfish.”
“Oh and they look nothing alike,” she laughed. “They were totally different colors. The boys never noticed a thing!”
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