Googles Gone Wild
Thanks to all of you who loyally checked back to find out if I survived the freelance project. Last time I looked, all of my limbs were still intact- and my glass eye only popped out once. (Just kidding about the glass eye). (Apologies to my glass eye-wearing readers).
I’ve missed reading about your lives and can’t wait to check in and see what happened to you this past week.
And there are a few of you I’d like to check in… to a mental hospital.
A small percentage of my readership arrives via Google. And these unlikely readers have opened my eyes to the fact that there are some seriously jacked-up people out there.
I’ve gotten many laughs at the expense of Googlers who came here looking for, say, “Playgirl,” “Puberteens” or “jocks, stoners and nerds”.
And there are a few Google all-stars I’d like to single out for special attention.
To the German Googler who found me under “Toes-like-fingers her-toes”, Willkomen! Although you seem to have been drawn here like a turkey buzzard to roadkill, I’m happy to say that your search was not in vain. I’ve never admitted this to the blogging community, but in the spirit of global heart-warming, I’d like to publicly acknowledge that my toes are indeed quite long. And I routinely pick things up off the floor with them, particularly when I’m carrying Baby (another Longtoe, I’m proud to say). Too much information? Thank Herr Googler.
For the Googler who chose me from a bevy of available candidates under the search for “hottest soccer mom,” wow, you made me feel all giddy. But wait. You only visited for like, a second. What’s that about?
To the Googler from Maryland looking for “people in poopie diapers”… Ewww. Just. Eww.
And to the Googler seeking information on “spying on stepdaughters”, well, I’m proud to say there’s a real store of useful tips here. Hmm. That might be a good moneymaking venture. “I will spy on your stepdaughters for only twenty dollars an hour.” Oh good. Now, I’ll come up under that search, too!
Finally, to the Ohioan Googler searching for a “narcissist stepmother,” what exactly is so wrong with a narcissist stepmother? Why do I get the impression you were having negative feelings about a woman who’s obviously feeling pretty damn good about herself? Not that I’m narcissistic. Oh no. I have no idea how I came up in that search.
Now, these are the kinds of searches I’d like to see from my Googlers in the future:
“next big thing”
“It girl”
“world’s best stepmother”
“sexiest wife”
“mother of the year”
Seriously, it could happen. It could so totally happen.
>I need to get read of my subtitle, “Lazy Days of Summer MY ASS”. You would not believe the number of googles that included the terms mom (or housewife) and ass.One of my favorites was “Chicken Soup for the Fat Ass Houswife”. Not sure if it’s a new offering in that line of books or if some clueless husband was looking for a recipe for his honey.Sexy Yours in Soccermomdom,Susie S.
>Hahahahahahaha! Too funny!Oh crap! Now you know I’ve visited 14 billin times! Gahhhhhhhh!
>I won’t even tell the funky searches people make and wind up on my blog. Scary stuff.
>Oh no. I didn’t know you were visiting so often, mamaloo. But now I do! Ha ha! Thanks! All of the data besides the searches and the total number of hits just confuses the hell out of me. And one regular reader just figured out my true identity last week based on her site tracker, by the way… and a few helpful hints provided by me when she admitted she was on the hunt. She said it was difficult, though. So rest assured, your true identities, should you want them to be, are totally anonymous!
>I’m curious: how do you know about the Google search thing? I heard about it before, but I have no idea how it’s done. Cuz I’ve gotten a few comments to archived articles from early in the year and they probably are the result of people Googleing into the site.
>Most free site meters will give you that information. I use Site Tracker. But there are lots of others- Just depends on your preference.
>Michele sent meToo funny! I have never thought of what people trying to google would find on my blog. LOL
>Yay, yay, yay! You’re back! I’ve been checking back her and was about to email and check on you, my blogging friend. Glad your project is wrapping up!I needed to figure out how to get my stat program/site to pull up those searches, because when I read some people’s blogs listing off how people find them it is utterly hilarious!You need to add one more to your wanted google search list:”most funny blogging hip chick”(grins)…oh and please don’t commit me JUST yet, mkay?)
>i have two sites meters, i have no idea how to read either of them though, but i sometimes wonder where some of the people come from that land on my blog. i did woggle my blog and was shocked by what i got.
>I have been plundering all around your archives and have laughed so hard! Where have you been all my journal reading days?
>Lucinda- Welcome back-Iwas just going to email you and check in-glad your home- I’ve missed,you.You are so lucky-I never get any juicey google searches-all I get are searches the included SLO-so needlessto all I get are middle aged touriest!Altough, the other day I did have a guy leave a messege on my “100 things about me” post telling me I’m self centered! I called him an Assbite.You have a great weekend you “worlds best stepmom, sexist wife, mother of the year and the next big thing it girl”!
>Yay! You’re back!
>As for the mental hospital, that would be a nice break. I hear they have cookies every afternoon.
>Cookies? Ok, I changed my mind. You can commit me, Lucinda.
>Glad you’re back.And now you know why I use such polite language on my site. Conscious of these searches.When I started out I got some really bad searches that were clearly from people looking for child pornography. I have done my best to become unsearchable.
>I find the stats Key words pretty funny, it’s always from GOOGLE when the words sex, bathroom or boobs come up!
>hi came by way of Michele. I was not even aware of google searches on my posts. Egads, I must be cream of wheat bland! I must ask my webmaster for more information on this. Love your site!
>I love the google terms people use to find me so much, I have a “googled with” page on my site. My favorite so far is “masterbating mother in law” Um, EW! By the way, I love your blog.
>I would love to be a hit for hottest soccer mom. I got tired of all the porno searches, namely “Oklahoma nudist colony” and used a meta tag to keep the search engines away. Life is much better now.So somebody found out who you are? That’s so rude. You should ban her. Why can’t people just leave well enough alone? BTW, Lucinda is absolutely gorgeous. She is definitely in the top 10 (okay, top 5) hottest soccer moms of all time.
>Yonz, you’re too kind. And what exactly are people expecting to find when they google “masturbating mother in law?” Besides you, Heather Anne, of course.Today’s Google is from the UK: “Fuck the baby sitter.” I guess I could ban this site from search engines… But it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.
>I’ve been found with the google term “MILF”. That totally made my day!
>I meta-tag my personal blog to keep it away from Google-y eyes. However, my writing blog is public and has been found by some very weird search terms, too. People are strange.