>Guest Post: Kissy Lee
>
MommaK here again – or as Lucinda likes to call me Kissy Lee.
Do Me a Favor, Don’t Ask
Often times, being asked the wrong kind of question is like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard. Even seemingly innocent inquiries tend to be the deepest offenders. We all have our own personal hot buttons with no warning label displayed. Let’s get them out in the open, shall we? I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours…
5 Questions I Detest Being Asked
1. You look tired. Are you tired?
2. So….. you don’t work?
3. Do you know how fast you’re going?
4. Mommy, are we lost?
5. Would you like to come to my Pampered Chef/ Mary Kay/ Southern Living/ Gag me with a Ladle Party??
Your turn: Please leave a list of your 5, so Lucinda & I will know what not to ask. Thank you oh-so-much.
>1. Do you have any children?2. Are you still in school?3. Where are you working, now?4. Will you do me a favor?5. Ditto on MammaK’s #5. Hate, hate, HATE those “parties” where I am required to purchase something I don’t want.
>1. You mean you’re not married yet?2. You look sick. Are you sick?3. You teach second grade? Will you ever try a harder grade?4. Are you getting married soon?5. Hate the parties, especially if a friend wants you to host one.Note the marriage question really drives me crazy. Perhaps because I constantly ask my boyfriend the same type of questions!
>I can’t stand the Have you lost weight/gained weight question. Also, when I was pregnant, I hated the Do you want a boy or a girl question.I am here because you told me I didn’t love you unless I visted. 😉
>I know you love me Heather. You left me my most treasured comment of all time- remember?? I love you too.And AM – my dear sweet sister- if we get this house (and I think we have it), it would be perfect for a wedding/ reception. Don’t sweat the big question. It will come 🙂
>1. You stay at home? You have it so easy!2. Did you intend to have all girls?3. What does your husband do? Does he make lots of money so you don’t have to work at all?4. Don’t you remember when we had that conversation?5. Would you like to take this short survey?
>1. Are you having more kids?2. Can you do me a favor?3. Can you fix this for me?4. Have you ever thought about selling…blah,blah,blah5. What did you gross last year?
>I feel on the spot when someone asks, What exactly have you learned from Kabbalah? I mean… How am I supposed to sum up something like that in a quick answer?
>I’ll play along.1) What are you? (I’m half asian)2) You’re tall, did you ever play basketball? Volleyball? (NO… and why do you care)3) How old is your son? (SHE’S 20 months) 4) How do you like Mississippi (I’m from NJ what do you think?)5) Is she going to be your only one? (I’ve had 2 miscarriages in three months, so maybe…)
>HA! I’m tall too and I hate the basketball/volleyball question too! I even had one jerk that said “You didn’t play?!! Your height was completely wasted on you. Disgusting.” A-hole!!!
>1. how old are you? 2. which do you like better, italy or the states?3. does he sleep through the night yet?4. how much do you make?5. when are you going to stop breastfeeding?
>1. Do you feel bad for working? Don’t you think your daughter misses you?2. Do you make more than your husband?3. Why only the ONE child? Don’t you think she will be lonely?4. Will you go part time when your daughter goes to school so she can be involved in sports?5. Why do you live in the middle of nowhere?
>1. You’re not going to have anymore babies, are you?2. So…when are you going back to work?3. How much money do y’all make?4. Don’t you get tired of being around kids all day?this one coming from my husband: 5. What do you do all day?
>As you can tell by my questions, I don’t get out much.1. What’s for dinner?2. Are there onions in this?!3. (When I’d been up with the baby a hundred times already) He asks, “do you want me to go up?” duh!4. (When I’m big-as-a-barn pregnant)You haven’t had that baby yet?5. (When I’m not pregnant) When are you due?
>You look tired is just a nice way of saying “you look like crap.”
>Okay, your lists are all good, but here goes….1. What’s for dinner? Hubby gets mad when I look at him and go, “I don’t know what are you making?” :)2. Hey, have you ever tried to diet to lose weight? {No, never, I assume that if eat this entire package of Oreo’s that I’ll wake up in the morning looking like one of the Desperate Housewives} Why do people think that fat=stupid? HUH? WHY?3. Um, yeah, I need you to {insert anything here, babysit, take Grandma for lunch, give a kidney….}4.Do you want to come to such and such party question. YUCK. HATE those parties. Hate them.5. Please fill out this form to tell us how you’d like to help out this year….just once i wish they would include a box that said, “can you bring your sons teacher one bottle of wine a month so that she keeps her sanity and doesn’t jump off that bridge on the way to school?” THAT I could do.And that’s it. Thanks for asking!! Gosh, it feels good to get THAT off my chest.
>1.how come you are so short ?2. why don’t you have a girlfriend ?3. don’t you know you need to eat more if you want to grow?4.why aren’t you in school?5.how long you been deaf ?
>1. Are you going to do the laundry? (Asked by anyone in my family. Apparently I am the only that knows how the machines work.)2. Can you (call the insurance company, check on this/that bill, call the coach about….All asked by my DH b/f he leaves for work at 6am. Like I’m supposed to remember any of those at that early hour.)3. Can I have a snack (asked by Wild Thing at least a bajillion times before noon.)4. Can we have a friend over today?5. Can we go to McDonald’s for lunch?
>1. So your husband’s babysitting tonight? (no. He’s home taking care of HIS SON. Why is this never asked about mommies?2. Can you drop him off at daycare? (10 minutes before I’m due to leave for my early class. Why didn’t he ask last night?)3. What’d you get on the test?4. Can I borrow your notes? (exception: if I know they normally take copious notes and missed the class for a legitimate reason)5. Can you get it done by Friday?(instead of the original Monday deadline)
>1. Did you get braces? (No, why? Because you see braces on my teeth? WHERE?! OMYGOD!)2. Smile! (Not a question, but a request, and I feel like ripping off the requester’s head every time I hear it.)3.You started another new job? (Back off, people. BACK. OFF.)4. You have stepkids? Wow. What’s THAT like? (Complex. Challenging. Just like having biological kids. And not something I can sum up in a five minute answer.)5. Why don’t you eat meat? Is it a religious thing? (Yeah. The only reason for vegetarianism is obviously religious – there could be no other reasons AT ALL.)
>1. When are you going to start going to the gym again?2.Why don’t I have any clean pants?3. What’s for dinner tomorrow night?4. Why aren’t you working?5. Don’t you want to even try to have natural children?Ahhh..much better.
>1. Are you pregnant? (No, I just have a gut from pushing out two kids.)2. What time is it? (Asked over and over and over again by my daughter.)3. Babe, where are my _____ (Insert any item of my husband’s clothing here).4. When are you going back to work?5. So, what do you do all day?
>1)Haven’t you gotten pregnant yet? (rolling my eyes)2)Why haven’t you been able to get pregnant yet? (unexplained infertility is duh..unexplainable)3)Have you lost weight? (NO)4)Have they found a baby for you at the adoption agency yet? (like they just have them laying around the office)5)Why are you so quiet? (because I don’t really have anything to say to you)They are my top 5.
>1. You can’t be serious you want another baby?2. And you will be how old this year?3. Do you plan on ever going back to work?4. How much does he make?5. This is your last baby, right?
>1. Wait, you two aren’t married?2. Why aren’t you married?3. How do your parents feel about that?4. Doesn’t he want to marry you?5. So then why aren’t you married?
>1. So when are you planning on having kids? (Never.) Followed immediately by: Why don’t you want to have kids? (Let’s start with the fact that I have never in my life wanted to have kids, move on to the potentially-fatal and definately screwy health factors, and finish off with all the reasons our lifestyle would suck for a kid and for us if we tried to add a kid into the mix.)2. Would you mind heading up the _______ committee at church for us this year? (I help at four different churches in addition to my job and my studying. Do you really think I have the time?)3. What is it like being a pastor’s wife? (Well, gee, what’s it like being a construction worker’s wife? Or an accountant’s wife? Or a lawyer’s wife?)4. We never see you at church. (The implied question being, what are you doing when you should be in church?) (Okay, listen people. I spend most of my free time in church. It just so happens that when you split all that time between four different churches, NO ONE sees very much of me. Not even my husband who is the pastor.)5. You’re sick today? What’s wrong with you? You don’t sound/look sick. (I have bipolar disorder, thank you very much, and today happens to be one of my bad days. And no, that’s not an excuse to stay home from work. You wouldn’t actually want to have to interact with me today.)
>1. you working hard or hardly working?2. want to go shopping? 3. lets get together this week for lunch!!4. mommy, remember you are coming to my 23 hour bowling party on tuesday!5. baby, can you rub my feet??haha. I”m bitter today.
>1. Have you figured out how babies are made yet?2. How many children do you plan to have?3. Do they have pizza (movies, tv, cars) in Canada? (I’m Canadian and people seem to think this is funny)4. Do you wash your hair? I don’t mind most questions about dreadlocks, but this one is just insulting.5. How much do you get paid for two kids? I know my kids don’t look like me but I’m not the nanny and if you find someone who will pay me to do this, just let me know…
>1. When doctors partically punch me and ask if it hurts. If your hitting me, then yes…it hurts. So don’t.2. You do know your failing math, don’t you? Obviously.3. What happened to your arm/leg/whatever?4. Why do you miss so much school?5. Why do you limp?
>I have the mack daddy of them all:1.”Are you his grandmother?”
>1. What’s wrong? (said in a concerned voice, when ABSOUTELY NOTHING is wrong with me.)2. It can’t be that bad, can it? (Again, usually asked when I’m perfectly happy and content. Until I’m asked that, of course. I’ve always been tempted to respond with a long string of awful things, and then say “but you’re right, it can’t be that bad.”)3. So, do you get along with his stepmom?4. Is she a good mom? (How the heck would I know?)5. Did you comb your hair this morning? (Yes, it just looks like this no matter what I do to it. Leave me alone.)
>I also don’t like…1) Don’t you think you’ve had enough to eat/drink?2) So that’s what you’re wearing?3) Have you seen my _______ ?4) What does your husband do for a living? 5) How old are you??????????
>1. Does he have contact with his father?2. Is being a single mom hard?3. He looks big for his age, what are you feeding him?4. Oh does that pay enough to live on?5. Do you want to get remarried so you can be a stable home?
>1. Are you going to keep trying for a girl? (No, the 4 boys are quite enough thank you and we never said we wanted a girl)2. Where is my _____?3. Would you come to my party thing that most women hate and all women who are broke depise?4. Don’t you know how babies are made?5. Where could his glasses be? (said by my 2nd graders teacher)
>1. are you going to try for a girl?2. do you listen to that music with my kids in the car?3. Do you think New Orleans will ever ‘come back? ‘4. What do you want for your birthday/Christmas whatever…5. Are you PMS-ing?
>* Are you going to have another kid? * Have you seen my [fill in the blank]?* Do we have any [desired item]?* Do you have time for a survey?* You need a masters for that? And then comes: What did you learn in library school, how to say “ssh!”? And then my favourite library patron questions: “I’m looking for a book?” [followed by no further details or so little information to describe a specific book that there’s no way short of a vulcan mindmeld to figure out WTF they are talking about]
>1. So, you like kids..is that why you wear purple shoes?2. You don’t look like you feel well…are you sick?3. Are you going to try for a girl?ummmm…that’s all I can think of right now. Came by to say hi!!
>Sooo with you on #5! Though I’ll go for the social gathering if it’s a good friend hosting.
>This is great!Here’s mine:1. Is that post about me? (There’s always someone that thinks I’ve posted something about them and then inevitably gets disappointed that it wasn’t about them)2. You have a 14 yr old? (yes, President of the Redundancy Club. I just said I have a 14 yr old.)3. Wanna join the PTA? (No.)4. Why did you get a divorce? (Really? Do you really care?)5. How’s your mom? (Don’t get me started.)
>are you really deaf? (no, i am hard of hearing.)how is your mom? (still dead)so you are from humboldt? (yes….)do you smoke pot then? (no… nor do i sit in trees, am vegan, and i shower and hate pachoulii)why did you stop dancing for a living? (not gonna answer it at all)in the end, if you don’t ask the right questions, every answer will be wrong. 😛
>1. mom/wife, where is my _____.2. what did you start having kids at 12? (no, 16, i look younger than i am, and they look older than they are)3. what’s for dinner?4. so, what do you do? (i’ve got 3 kids and i’m a full time college student…)5. what happened to all the money?
>1. What do you do all day?2. What’s it like being married to a minister? 3. Are you going to have another baby?4. Are y’all unpacked yet?5. Honey, have you paid the bills yet?
>1. Does your husband mind that you don’t do laundry?2. Why are you going to school if your husband supports you?3. You’re not going to let your daughter be an only child, are you?4. Are you Italian? I can tell from your nose.5. What’s a blog?
>1. So…what does he have? (about my special needs son)2. So, don’t you ROLL on him? (about the baby sleeping in our bed)3. Why didn’t you call me back? (um…I didn’t want to.)4. Can I make a deal? (my 3 year old’s response to not getting his way)5. Can I do it tomorrow? (from The Hubs)
>#1 – Aren’t you trying to lose weight?#2 – Hubby asks in bed, “Will you take a rain check?”#3 – Haven’t you seen this movie 80 times?#4 – Can you get this done ASAP? (Says the Boss to some frivolous thing he needs)#5 – What do you want for dinner? I don’t know, what do you want? I don’t know, what do you want? And on and on.
>#5 Mom, can you sign this?#4 Have you seen my keys?#3 (at work, answering the phone) Can I speak to the person in charge of a)hiring b)janitorial services c)office supplies d)real estate decisions? Can I speak to the owner? Yeah, sure because all the owner/president/ceo of the company is doing is sitting around waiting for your dumb cold-calling-sales-pitch ass to call, let me put you right through!!#2 Can we go to McDonald’s?#1 Not a question, but more a precursor to a statement: “Don’t get mad, but…”
>1. Do you want more kids/how many more do you want?2. Are your twins natural?3. When are you going to stop nursing?4. Aren’t you afraid you’ll roll onto your baby?5. Can I have dessert?