How Do YOU Cope When Your Child is Left Out?

So. Let’s cut to the chase. The moment I’ve been dreading all these long years of my daughter’s early childhood has finally happened…

Punky wasn’t invited to the birthday party of one of her friends.

“It’s on Saturday!” her friend Julie told me when I had lunch with Punky at school a few days ago. “And lots of the class was invited! And there’s going to be a bouncy!”

A bouncy! A bouncy! A bouncy! Those words echoed cruelly in my mind, and it was all I could do to maintain my composure, because as every mom knows, a BOUNCY means a large-ish guest list.

And Punky! Wasn’t! Invited!

“I can’t wait!” Punky said happily. “It’s going to be so fun!”

“Oh, honey,” I said lightly. “I don’t think we were invited to Stuart’s party.”

“Yes I was,” she said. “Stuart told me he invited me.”

“Well, nobody is invited to every party,” I said, laughing in what I hoped was a very realistic way. “That would be impossible!” Quickly, I changed the subject.

Thank God Punky still seems to be fairly clueless about party invitations. At the tender age of six, it’s very likely she’ll never even realize what happened.

No, the problem right now isn’t her feelings. It’s mine.

At that moment, sitting in the school cafeteria, it was like there were three sides of me, all clamoring for my attention.

My head was all, “Seriously, Lindsay, don’t give this another thought. Punky really isn’t going to be invited to every party and besides, she just met Stuart a few weeks ago. It’s totally no big deal.”

My heart, though, was all, “Why wasn’t Punky invited? Other girls in her class were invited! She says she and Stuart are friends! And why did Stuart tell her she was invited? OMG, should I call Stuart’s mother and ask if Punky was invited? OMG, that would be so lame. But what if she was invited, and somehow we didn’t get the invitation? And I just saw Stuart’s mother today! What if we never show up and never say anything and she thinks we’re incredibly rude forever after that? OMG, and what if! What if Stuart really did want to invite her, and Stuart’s mother told Stuart that they did invite Punky, but really they didn’t because Stuart’s mother secretly hates ME! OMG! What if she has turned all the other mothers against me and Punky is NEVER INVITED TO ANOTHER PARTY EVER, EVER AGAIN AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT?!”

(Yes, I have a somewhat vivid imagination. What of it?)

And then there was that third part of me, the part that never got past the age of 19. That part of me was just standing there, snickering. She was all, “Look at you. You’re all up in arms about a first grader’s birthday party?! What has happened to you? You used to party with rock stars and now you’re practically in tears over a six-year-old’s birthday party! LOOOOOO-SERRRRRR!”

Seriously, there’s no need to tell me in the comments that my birthday party angst was ridiculous. I realize that. I really do.

But I totally couldn’t stop it from happening.

Now, I’m comforting myself by imagining completely improbable scenarios, like taking Punky over to Stuart’s neighborhood the day of the party and going for a walk, one that involves us continually passing Stuart’s backyard and looking sadly at the bouncy that will probably be filled with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF PUNKY’S CLASSMATES, OMG.

Or maybe I’ll have Punky make a birthday card for Stuart and bring it to school on the day of the party, and then Stuart will bring it home and show it to his mother and his mom will cry and stare at herself in the mirror and wonder how she could have been such a heartless you-know-what.

Or maybe?

Maybe I’ll get over it.

But I’m writing about the subject only because I just KNOW this has happened to some of you out there, too. We all know how to handle it with our kids- We’re kind and supportive and we realize they’re learning important life lessons by being left out.

But how do you handle YOUR feelings in these situations? And how do you handle the parents behind the decisions? Because if I feel this way now, I realize I’m going to have a lonnnng 12 years ahead of me.

Thoughts?