>In Jeopardy
>We are little more than a month away from the Terrible Twos and already, Baby is training for it like she’s preparing to compete in a toddler version of Jeopardy!
“A-B-C-D-F-uh-G.” She sings this variation of the ABC song about a hundred times a day.
“Baby,” I say patiently. “It goes like this. A-B-C-D-E-F-G…”
“No!” She shouts, and continues singing. “A-B-C-D-F-uh-G.”
“A-B-C-D-E-F-G,” I sing back sternly.
“NOOOOO!” Nine in the morning and already, I’m treated to a Terrible Two specialty. She has taken to screaming ‘No!’ so loudly that her face turns bright red and she shakes with the effort. Composing herself quickly, she continues singing, “A-B-C-D-F-uh-G…”
“Let’s try something else,” I offer. “Old McDonald had a farm…”
Gamely, she picks up the rest of the lyric, singing a resounding, “No, no, no, no, NOOOOO!”
I try again. “And on that farm, he had a cow…”
“No! No! No! No! NOOOOOO!!!” she finishes.
Couple her way of no’ing with her newfound insistence on calling me ‘Lu-SEEEN-da!’ and I realize I’ve got a lot to look forward to.
“Lu-SEEEN-da! I wan’ cookie!”
“No. I’m Mommy.“
“No. Lu-SEEEN-da!” She crows triumphantly.
She’s even taken to walking around the house singing it. “Oh whir, oh whir has my eedle dog gone! Lu-SEEEN-da! can he beeeeee!” By the mischievous gleam in her eye, I gather that she believes now that we’re on a first name basis, she’s essentially in charge.
And she’s essentially… right.
Now, when we’re home alone together, her shenanigans are funny, really. For all her stubborness, she’s also a big-time cuddler, which makes it impossible not to forgive her .
But when we’re in public, it’s a different story.
“Look, Baby,” I said the other day as a fleet of emergency vehicles whizzed past us on the road. “Fire trucks. Do you see the fire trucks?”
“C*ock!” She shouted. “C*ock! C*ock!”
“No, it’s not a clock,” I said, “It’s a truck.”
“No!” She insisted. “C*ock!”
I sighed and turned up the radio. This stubborness was getting a little old.
A few days later, we pulled into our driveway after an outing to the grocery. Across the street, a group of men stood beside a large utility truck, no doubt plotting how to create the maximum amount of damage to my neighbor’s yard while digging up the water line.
Baby, of course, noticed the utility truck immediately. As I pulled her out of her carseat, she pointed at it frantically and shouted “C*ock!” The men turned and stared.
“A truck!” I shrieked in forced merriment. “That’s right, Baby, a truck!”
“No, Lu-SEEN-da!” She said in frustration, pointing again in the men’s direction. “C*ock! Big c*ock! Big c*ock!”
In desperation, I put my hand over her mouth and ran for the front door. “Is this how it’s gonna be?” I muttered to Baby as I unlocked the door and stepped inside. She chortled in affirmation.
I can tell already I’m in for one hell of a year.
>LOL! I was laughing so hard I cried. Actually I’m not sure if the crying was from the laughing or from the knowledge that I’ll be in your shoes very soon. Toddlers. Gotta love ’em. 😉
>OMG I was laughing SO FREAKING HARD!I have 3 girls and for the most part girl 1 was lovely, girl 2 not so much and girl 3, well she sounds an awful lot like your “Baby” only terrible two’s have lasted a year longer.Girl 2 couldn’t say truck either. Yeah instead she said F*ck! It was always fun to take her in public, when she screamed F*ck and than yell and me when I tried to correct her.I feel the same way with Girl 3. I’m okay with her bossiness when I’m at home, cause she’s sweet and lovely and FUNNY. Not so funny when were outside.
>Maybe it’s better that’s she’s saying ‘c*ock’…I know a lot of kids have problems saying ‘truck’…lol, why are bad words so damn rhymable?
>Hilarious stuff! : D
>as a toddler, my sister was fond of calling overweight people “fatasses.” and that loudly. i think she learned it from my father who called my older sister’s boyfriend fatass on an almost daily basis. i love being the middle child.
>Too funny Lu-SEEN-da!!My Toddler made this important announcement at football practice last week: “Daddy has a penis.” Thanks for the update kiddo. She also loves to sit in the grocery cart and say “Oh damn,” every time she drops something, which is frequently. Other favourite catch phrases are “You’re an idiot”, “Oh hell” and “Kiss my butt”. Thanks so much older siblings, for expanding her vocabularly so.
>After listening to his mother repeat the phrase every time she had to change a poopy diaper, my cousin’s first words were not ‘Mama’ or ‘Dada’. They were,”Eeew! ‘Tinky Shit!”After my daughter learned how to say the medical terms that are used for boys parts and girl parts, she said them ALL. THE. TIME.In Walmart, we pass the stock-boy in the aisle. Child says, “Dat’s a man, Mommy. He gots a PENIS!”She was 15 months old when she said that. The Terrible Twos started shortly after that. We’re still dealing with the Terrible Twos. She’s SEVEN!
>Oh dear lord woman. You and need to run away from home. Lu-SEEN-da, let’s go for DREENKS. Soon.
>I meant You and I….duh.
>Lordy, you bring back memories. They can be so embarrassing in their candor.
>I think we may have to help one another through this thing. I’m in the same boat here with Miss Kitty. She has to have everything her way. She is now refusing to drink from a sippy cup and wants to drink from a regular cup with a straw. She wants to sit in her big brother’s booster seat in the car and not hers and will scream like a banshee thinking I’ll give in. Oh, and she’ll do the full throw-down if I say no to “cee” (candy).My God, what are we in for???
>One day, when my older brother was about two, he and my mother were at the grocery store, when a woman approached them.”Oh, what a cute little boy,” she crowed, fingering his curly locks, “What’s your name, cutie?””Dammit!” my brother gamely replied.Horrified, the woman looked at my mother as if to say “what kind of a monster are you?”Unphased, my mother looked her square in the eyes and said, “Derron Matt.”
>I’m sure your little skit made the utility workers’ day brighter!
>Aww,at least she doesn’t ahve an older sibling telling her to say “truck” loudly everywhere she possibly can. Oh and truck, of course, comes out like f*ck. I am sad to say that older sibling was me…
>Yeah, you’re in for it. It’s called Mommy Dues. You pay them in many ways – stretch marks, carpool duty and being mortified while your toddler screams curse words in Target- among countless others. Do me a favor… Try to get her to say it in front of your mom 😉
>I’m telling you, you can’t reason with them. I thought I could get away with calling my mom on a first name basis. She would ignore me until I called her mom. I don’t know if this would work with a two year old or not though.
>Yes, you are in for it, alright. She’s her own person and just wants you to NEVER forget it. (But she’s so freaking cute, Lucinda, you could never stay mad at her!!)
>lol oh no!!! You are headed towards some wonderful experiences with that sweetheart!!
>LMAO! Oh man! Well, that means we have a year of good blog entries about Baby to read over here at Turmoil, right? 😉
>This should provide for some fun moments during the next year that’s for sure. My son decided to grab the rear end of a stock lady at a local store here and laugh about it. He was about 18 months at the time. The stock lady just laughed and stated that he was too young for her.Kids……….what are you going to do?
>Hilarious. We’re still experiencing the terrible twos. 18 months of it so far!
>Heeheehee! I am relating here… my little guy will be 2 next week. Trucks and ducks are both “gucks” here. And we go from A-B-C to W-X-Y. I have to say, I really dig how he bobs up & down to the ABC song!
>ROFL! P.S. I swear my 3 yr old is worse than the 2 yr old, and I think the 20 month old is worse than the 2 yr old. (did that make any sense?) Abby refuses to sing Y and Z at the end. She ends at X and gets SO mad at me when I re-sing it. And she makes me sing Jingle Bells 500000 times a day.I do not remember this stage with our older 3, but I was working and making our poor sitter deal with it, I guess. 😉
>You misunderstood…she’s singing “A B C D effigy.” That’s brilliant! How many two year olds know the word for a rough model of a person made to be destroyed in protest or as an expression of anger? Call Harvard and tell them to save a space.
>Big c*ock. That phrase will be really useful in her future career as a pornstar.
>so? u thot aliens only take over teenagers?
>LMFAOYou must have been a very naughty little girl cause you are so getting paid back!! 😉
>Oh LuSEENda! You are having too much fun! I remember when my son struggled with “dump truck”. Yah, that’s right – it became “dumb *uck” and believe me, he played with it alot!
>One hell of a year? I’m thinking 18!!
>emily sings this little song”green means go. yellow means slow. red means stop. ask any traffic cop.”but instead of saying cop, she says car.she learned this little song when she was 2….THREE years ago. every time she says it, i correct her and remind her that it’s cop instead of car.she proceeds to have an absolute fit and yell and scream until i say, “okay, fine, it’s car.”
>I am laughing so hard. That innocent sweet face and those words coming out of that pretty mouth. Has she said the words in front of your mother?
>Luuusseeeeennnnn daaaaa -I’m just impressed that she can say that many letters – forget the UH! My 20 month old can say many words – seemingly NO is the most popular as of late (to anything), but she loves books and can do puzzles (like real ones made for three year olds) – I suppose if that’s her big talent, I’ll take it, because she’s QUIET…. 🙂
>Old MacDonald had UH farm- Eee- uh–eeeuh–OOOOOh.
>Not to mention teen-age years.
>We were at church one Sunday with my daughter – then 18 months old. She had missed her nap and was PUNCHY. She was whining and was all over the place. All she wanted to do was go home and watch her movie and go to bed.So, with her pacifier hanging out of one side of her mouth and slurring like a drunk person, she starts yelling “I wanna watch Fucking Nemo!” “Fucking Nemo!” And we’re frantically trying to shut her up. But she won’t. “Fucking Nemo!” People are turning and staring and I keep explaining “She’s saying ‘Finding Nemo’. I swear!” She was like a drunk person swaying and demanding her fucking little fish.Ahhh…I still think your cock story is funnier. 😉
>ROFL!! I think Baby is going to provide much blog fodder in the coming year. The Terrible Twos are one hell of a ride…I don’t recommend trying them while pregnant with another babe. Now that is a one-way ticket to 9 a.m. cocktails! DOH..and you can’t even drink!
>My kids have all saved up their Terrible Twos and invested them instead in Truly Trying Threes. At three, you see, you have just that much more vocabulary (although we still have to discuss the garbage f*cks, at least on that point I agree with them)and jus that little bit more weight to throw around, preferably in the middle of a pedestrian crossing, with four lanes of traffic and the lights about to change.Still, they’ve all been Very Nice Two Year Olds (much nicer than your foul mouthed beastie: what a failed mother you are, Lu-seen-da!)
>Hahahahaha…. Sometimes, I really want kids, and sometimes, I think I’ll just put it off for five years…
>You guys have really made me feel better about my little Sailor-Mouth (with the exception of Yellojkt, who gets a smack upside the head). Apparently, one of the great secrets of childhood is that there are millions of foul-mouthed toddlers wreaking havoc on our great nation. Could this have anything to do with the alien invasion????
>OMF-ing GAWD!!!! I almost peed myself.. that was too much..if it makes you feel any better, the fact that she has taken to creating lyrics from words Not in the song, LuSEENda, does promise a fabulous musical career… That shit takes talent.
>LOL!Awww, she’s so darn cute.I know, you already know that. I just can’t say it enough. :)And you are so darn funny.Again, we all know this. 😉