>It’s Called the Boob Tube for a Reason
>The nation is buzzing about a battle of epic proportions between two tough competitors. Their strategies differ; one hopes her many years of experience will influence us, the other promises a fresh start, relief from hard times and (we pray) an end to inflation.
Hillary and Obama?
Hell no.
Ambre and Daisy.
It’s time for me to come clean and admit that I am a Rock of Love 2-holic.
A quick synopsis for those of you who’ve been hiding under rocks for the last few months: 19 surgically enhanced bimbos compete for the, well, you know, of Poison’s awesomely cheesy lead singer, Bret Michaels. The entire show is basically one long montage of crying, making out, bitchery, and big, fake boobs. Really, what more can you ask for?
Of course, we all like to pretend we’d never watch this kind of trash, but when it’s on, it’s the only thing you’ll see on every treadmill monitor at the YMCA because come on, everyone loves a good ho-down.
So, to catch you up, Bret has culled through the strippers, the porn queens, and the stripper/porn queens and narrowed it down to Daisy de la “Ho”ya and Am”bore” Lake. And for my money, Daisy is the obvious choice. I mean, the girl is a total trainwreck. Bursting with silicone and collagen, Daisy reveals a new secret to Bret in nearly every episode. We find out, for example, that she’s been living with her “ex” boyfriend in a one-bedroom apartment for the last two years. Then we learn she has money problems.
I guess looking that whoreible doesn’t come cheap. Anyway, Daisy next tearfully recounts her abortion. Then she tells us she uh, “dances” for a living. But she saves the best for last… In the final episode, she reveals that she’s been “friendly” with CC DeVille, another Poison bandmate.
Yes, it appears that Bret may have been getting sloppy seconds all season long. And who knows how long this thing with CC has been going on?
Still, at least Daisy doesn’t even pretend to be respectable. Her rival Ambre, does, and that annoys the hell out of me.
Ambore claims she’s a TV host (for what? Facelift in a Box?). She also claims she’s 32 years old. Honey, I’m 32. The only way we’re the same age is if you’ve been celebrating your 32nd birthday for eight years in a row. 32-year-olds do not. Have. Neck wrinkles.
Ambore tries to present herself as a classy alternative, but let’s face it. Classy women do not appear on Rock of Love 2. Klassy? Yes. Classy? No.
And so a nation waits, on pins and needles, for Sunday night, when Bret Michaels will choose between America’s two Skankhearts. Make a big bowl of (air popped) popcorn and gather the family around the television set for what promises to be the most slutastic event of the season.
>I have a guy friend who is hooked to this show too and I think I’ve really missed out on some good trashy TV by not watching now.But, one question–is it possible that Am”bore” is a man? I swear, in those pictures, it sure looks like it!
>Ok, I’m a Rock of Love addict, too. I mean, I even TiVo that shit. But was that shaman dude really Ambre’s ex?? I must have missed that part.Also, wtf is up with her spelling her name like that? Shouldn’t it be pronounced Am-bree then??I hate them both. He should just marry Heather from last season.
>Oh, poor Ambre just wants some FACE TIME!!! (Please tell me you saw the spoof on SNL–hilarious!)
>Holy Crap….I haven’t watched that, YET.I might just have to watch the Finale….it looks Whorable…in a train wreck kind of a way.Now I have to go change my pants, four kids, not enough kegels and your blog, DO NOT mix well.
>Don’t worry, you’re not the only closet reality addict.
>My main fascination with the show is- is Bret’s hair real or not? I’m betting it’s extensions, especailly after the TWO WHOLE MINUTES we actually see it all season.If Bret is 44, Ambre at 37 is still quite a catch. That’s more realistic than 25 yr-olds throwing themself at an old dude with no hair.
>Bret- Extensions. Definitely. There’s a reason for that bandana.I don’t have a problem with Ambre BEING 37. I have a problem with her LYING about it.
>I feel like I need a shower after reading this post.
>lindsay..i come out here on your blog..i have devotedly watched both rocks of love. thoughts: the only episode this season that bret didn’t wear the kercheif is when the parents visited. didn’t want to have a lacey’s dad rerun i guess…-does the interview process require a labotomy? -something, like an alien, is going to come out of ambre’s stomach at some point..-is jess watching this and calling her lawyer??-why do they have sex with him at the beach????why???? will he bring his insulin pump this time? -big john def. had a labotomy circa 1997:”Stepford Bouncer”-i am so glad they put the french woman out of her misery early on. catherine was the prettiest, but gfriend, lita ford isn’t even sporting that hair anymore…-i will be tuning in on sunday despite these thoughts. good thing i go to church on sunday morning, so i’m starting with a clean slate.
>I must be living under a big-ass rock, because I have never heard of this show.Makes me kind of queasy, though.Whorable – may I borrow that word, please? Love it!
>I love this show, too, but ssssh, don’t tell anyone, k?And Bret’s hair, it’s gives me the heebie jeebies. He MUST keep that doo rag (how do you spell that?) on at all times.
>I do love a good trainwreck waiting to happen. I was really disappointed the first time I watched it though. Bret was not supposed to get older. I was in love with him in 6th grade and he DID NOT look like that.
>I think 37 is Ambre’s fall-back lie when people don’t buy her as 32. The truth is probably within spitting distance of 40.My husband and I have been hooked on this show since last season. It’s a sickness…
>I Tivo the crap out of ROL2! Did you see Thursday’s ROL with the scenes we didn’t see? With Megan and Jessica doing Rock Paper Scissors to decide who got to boink Bert FIRST? GAH!
>I Tivo the crap out of ROL2! Did you see Thursday’s ROL with the scenes we didn’t see? With Megan and Jessica doing Rock Paper Scissors to decide who got to boink Bert FIRST? GAH!
>You need to right a ho-le new dictionary for your sl(ut)ang!
>Bret Michaels lives very close to my dad in the big-effing-deal DC Ranch neighborhood of Scottsdale, AZ… with his LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND who is also the mother of his kids. Word on the street is that he lets her take his credit card to Scottsdale Fashion Square for a shopping spree every time he kisses a girl on the show.
>Whoa. That’s some skankalicious gossip right there.
>those r some harsh lookin women
>LOL…thanks for confirming why I gave up TV back in ’03 😉
>The first season was better, but I still cannot turn away from the second. I think he will pick Ambre, and Daisy will have even more surprises in the finale. I am sure it will be simply amazing. But the real question….what will Rock of Love 3 bring? And who will be the rocker???
>Yes, yes…my DVR is set to record this show. OK, OK…it was the entire season. OK, OK, OK…last season as well. OK?With that said, how can you not watch a show that can be described using words such as, “Skankhearts, slutastic, Klassy, Daisy de la “Ho”ya, and Am”bore” Lake?” I’m just sayin.’
>Im an Ambre fan, as far as picking a tramp goes. Actually, my real issue, is Bret. He acts like a normal guy, except for making out with different women all the time and having a Hannah Montana wig on. In some ways, Im thinking Ambre is too good for him.But anyways, Reality Junkie here too. Did you see the drama when Alex brought Simon to the NY Housewives dinner party and Ramona went nuts? Good times.
>That was the best recap. I have watched this one and the last one. No one and I mean NO ONE can compete with Heather and Lacey. That was a true ho down. How can you beat Heather screaming at Lacey’s dad about Lacey’s “sex adventures” with Bret. I tell you the next show should be Rock of Therapy, because that man needs a ton of it.One note: Has anyone noticed that they don’t show Ambre from the waist down unless she is wearing jeans or a dress. Can you say cankles?
>Or as I call it…The Bachelor with Heavy Metal Sluts With No Self-EsteemHOW did I miss this post? It’s hilarious. And I’m out and proud with my love of this show. Seriously. I just mentioned it in a Parents magazine interview. That’s commitment.
>PS NICOLA Oh my GOD is that the best gossip. That just pretty much sealed the deal for Daisy…I mean, how can he reject her now for the live-in ex? Ok I’ll shut up now.
>Yes, I’ve been repeating the Nicola gossip all weekend long.
>This may be my favorite post of all time! And now I don’t feel like I have to hide my ROL addiction. The rock, paper, scissors game? Ick. Did anyone notice the Christian music CD commercial during that skank-a-licious episode?Thanks for a HUGE laugh!
>Nice. Sounds like my kinda trash.I don’t watch this show but I love America’s Next Top Model so please start watching that and let us know what you think!!
>DUDE. I love Rock of Love. This season was off the hook.Nicola’s gossip was pretty hardcore, too. Huh.
>pb and j in a bowl-You too? Seriously, I look at that man and think, That’s who I was crushing on so bad? Wasn’t he hot once? My sister got hooked on the show though, and every time I passed through the room while she was watching, I’d end up stopping for half the episode. This was the first (?) season when there was one normal girl on, and we couldn’t help ourselves but to root for her and laugh at the crazy girls’ daily behavior.