Let’s Get Excited About…. FALL FASHION!

The September issue of Vogue arrived in my mailbox yesterday and I could not wait to go through it and find out what’s HOT for fall. As I turned the pages, my eyes widened and my heartbeat quickened.

Ladies, I’m here to tell you that FALL 2015 may well be a season in fashion that no one ever forgets. And I want to help you make the most of it– That’s why I’ve compiled this helpful guide to help all of you get in on this season’s fashion and beauty trends.  Study it carefully, then go out and SPEND, SPEND SPEND!!

After all, someone’s gotta buy this stuff….

One of the hottest trends this fall? GRANNY CHIC. If you’re having trouble finding the look at the mall, just hit up your local senior center! Play a few rounds of Canasta and you just might be able to convince your new friends to let you borrow some of their chic fall threads!

 

Nana would be so proud.

 

Bunheads, rejoice! Topknots are back this season, this time with a new twist! Do this ‘do the next time you head to the supermarket and heads WILL turn. I guarantee it.

 

Straight shooters will be thrilled to know that holsters are the ‘it’ bag this fall!

 Janie’s had a gun for years–  now she finally has a $1500 Celine holster to put it in!

 

Sick of smiling? You’re in luck! Looking constipated is the facial expression of Fall 2015!

 

NAILED IT.

 

Pinterest fans will definitely want to try Dior’s DIY couture for themselves this fall. Just take one shapeless black dress, cut holes in it, ‘fringe’ the skirt like it’s a paper grocery bag from your school’s 1982 Thanksgiving pageant, and BOOM. You’re so of the moment, it hurts.

 

Forget Lululemon… You’re nobody at the gym this fall unless you’re wearing fur.

Be careful on that treadmill, though.

 

Before you admit anyone into your entourage this fall, make very sure he, she or ze knows about the season’s signature slouch!

 

PRO TIP: Learn how to rock the look like a champ by watching back episodes of The Walking Dead!

 

Put away those pearls, girls– ‘Tis the season for FACE JEWELRY.

I predict this is one trend that’s here to stay!

 

It’s time to throw out those six-inch stilettos and pass on the platform heels— This fall, fashionistas are all about designer orthopedic loafers.

Because. HOT.

 

Fall 2015’s chunky fur vests will look GREAT on you–

as long as you’re six feet tall and 110 pounds.

That’s not going to be a problem for you, is it?

 

Move over, Paris Hilton! This season’s socialites know that foxes are the new chihuahuas!

 

And llamas are the new…. llamas!

 

Capes are back this fall, reminding today’s modern woman of just how far she’s come!

I mean, who needs sleeves anymore? Arms and hands are so 2014.

 

Transitioning to hardwoods? Repurpose that wall-to-wall into this hot fall look–

THE CARPETBAG.

You will totally be the envy of your next Toastmasters meeting.

 

First, there was the ‘Rachel.’ Then there was the ‘Kate.’ Now, there’s…. this.

The hottest hairstyle of Fall 2015.

Make that hair appointment at Great Clips now, before every stylist is BOOKED SOLID.

 

Oh, and just when you thought slits couldn’t get any higher?

Yeah.

Happy fall, y’all. Hope you’ve been doing your squats.

 

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Header image via Prada.