>Love, Marriage and Outdoor Parking
>As most of you know, I have a husband. A husband who thinks he’s always right.
This leads to periodic bickering, in which he tells me why he’s right and I’m wrong and then I tell him why he’s wrong and I’m right. Loudly.
Almost all of our arguments fall into the category of “dumb stuff,” like this one (and don’t tell me you haven’t heard this one before):
“Are you mad?”
“No, I’m not mad.”
“You sounded mad just now.”
“I’m not mad!”
“Listen to you. You’re mad.”
“No, I’m irritated that you keep saying I’m mad when I’m not mad.”
“Sounds more like mad to me.”
“Okay. Now I’m mad.”
Then there are the times where I really am wrong, but rather than admit to it, I go to extraordinary lengths to come up with all the things he’s done wrong. In his life. I figure it neutralizes my one meager mistake.
“I can’t believe you told the girls that I peed into a water bottle and then threw it out the window while we were in Oregon last year!” Hubs will say incredulously.
“Well, it’s true. It happened.”
“You shouldn’t have told them that.”
“Me! Ha! You shouldn’t have broken my favorite coffee cup!”
“What? That was three years ago! I bought you another one!”
“It’s not the same! And!” I pause and take a deep breath. “You should let me park in the garage!”
His face darkens. I’ve gone too far and I know it. The garage is what keeps us forever one step away from marital bliss.
You might have a garage. It keeps you and your car safe and clean and dry. It acts as a nice buffer between you and the nosy neighbors when you arrive home and don’t want to chat. It places you a comfortable rung above the carport riffraff. At least, that’s what most garages do. Our garage is different.
Hubs has mandated that no cars are to be parked inside of it. Instead, our two cars jockey for position on a miniscule driveway. Why? I don’t know.
Inside our garage, you’ll find the typical lawnmower, umbrella stroller, storage shelves… Our bicycles are there, along with a couple of file cabinets, a folded-up ping pong table against the wall and a galvanized tub full of soccer balls. With a little housekeeping, there’s still plenty of room for at least one car. But no. Hubs won’t hear of it.
He has some vague and outdated reasoning that people might want to play darts or ping pong in there, two activities that haven’t happened in over a year.
Still. Hubs holds out hope. He paces. He waits. He keeps the space open as if it’s a standing reservation for P. Diddy at a chi chi restaurant in the Hamptons.
Meanwhile, I park in the driveway. With one arm full of grocery bags and another full of squirming toddler, I trip on the slippery front steps. In the driving rain, I strap Baby into her carseat while ruining my outfit and hairdo in the process.
Do you feel sorry for me yet? I do.
But Hubs won’t give in. He needs his space, dammit! Why won’t I give him his space? So what if it happens to be in the garage?
Personally, I think he has another motive. As long as he keeps me from parking in the garage, there will always be something for us to argue about.
And as long as there’s something to argue about, there’s always the possibility of make-up sex. Which is usually why I think he’s arguing with me in the first place.
>Hahahaha! I think you just might be on to something with the makeup sex! (But pity my poor husband, after tomorrow he won’t be getting any kind of sex for a while. Why do I find that sad yet funny at the same time?)
>Ah, ain’t love grand???What is it with husband’s and their “space”? Mine has half a carport (riffraff, I know… please don’t hate me), a garden shed, a detached office and three-quarters of the storage room and still complains he has no space!!
>Yeah, well this is the first garage I’ve had since I was 18 years old and living at home with my parents. I was one rung below carport status: “open air.” 🙂
>Garages are an issue with me, since my dad has kept my folks’ two-car garage filled with shit for the past, oh, 29 years. Ever thought about making space in the garage for your car and beginning to park in there during his next business trip? ;^)
>Oh, no. I always get to park in the garage. It’s non-negotiable. On the rare occasions that there has been somethng going on in the garage that has required the temorary expulsion of the Mommymobile, I have whined loud enough that my space is given back very ASAP.That said…”He keeps the space open as if it’s a standing reservation for P. Diddy at a chi chi restaurant in the Hamptons.”…is one of the funniest things I have read all day!
>OMG!!!! Seriously, I have the SAME garage…no car but plenty of space for darts…which have yet to be played! {sigh} We are garageless soul sisters! 🙂
>We’ve got garage issues, too. Big time. Sigh.Lucinda, I hate to say this, but we have to get you some better ammunition. The teacup and garage aren’t cutting it. Use the coffee stains, okay.
>Hey man, I don’t even HAVE a garage. Or a carport. And I also have to walk uphill both ways to work.
>Our garage is packed to the gills with the remnants of our businss ( down for the count after 23 years.)I have just been informed he is extending the garage and will be working from home when it is done.Shoot me now.
>u have the whole house he needs tha garage
>the make-up sex theory is indeed interesting…. my hubby and I have the EXACT SAME dialogue that you and your hubby had (the first part, not the garage thingy or peeing in the bottle thingy). I’m beginning to think there is a conspiracy happening everywhere in the world….
>Oh man I’ve had that conversation more times than I can remember. Mine’s more likeHim – What’s wrong?Me – NothingHim – Something. Tell me.Me – NothingHim – You’re not being fair. Something is obviously wrong and you need to tell me and not make me guess.Me – Fine (Here is where I make something up to make him happy)
>So true! Hubby and I fight over the dumbest things! Thanks for telling me it was all about the sex babe. I KNEW IT! Last night he started griping about the “shit in the front hall,” you know, mitten, hats, blah blah….I grabbed him by the collar, pulled him to me and kissed him long and hard. He totally took him off guard. Try it.
>Ha ha! That’s great, Karen! I’ll have to try it.
>THANK YOU!! I have a very similar garage dilemna! There is so much room for my teeny little car and yet he refuses to believe that the garage is for anything else than storing all of his crap. Or for setting up a little pow-wow area for the guys during summertime BBQ’s. (uhh, last I checked it’s the dead of winter and we are in Michigan!) He even goes as far as to HIDE THE KEY from me so I don’t try to park in there! 😉
>Ooh, what about a compromise? You could agree to park in the garage for six months (the bad-weather months), and park on the driveway during the other six months, leaving the garage free for whatever he wants.I would stipulate, however, that if he goes two summers in a row without utilizing the garage for anything more than crap storage, the garage will be used for parking twelve months a year henceforward.Also, maybe there’s an area inside the house that he could claim (for a den or office), if he doesn’t already have such a spot. Damn, it’s easy solving someone else’s problems! ;^)
>Do what I did. I cleaned the garage out, parked my van in there, and when he came home, yes, he was surprised, but in more than one way. 😉 He hasn’t complained…and it’s been years.
>My husband is a car freak and it would go against his inner being to see one of his cars sitting out in the elements – in other words, it sitting out and “others” being able to breathe on it.Throwing out your favorite coffee cup AND keeping you out of the garage…tsk-tsk Hubs. tsk-tsk. 😉
>At this moment, I think Angie is havin’ a baby! So that was her last pregnant comment on this blog. I’m stunned.Raehan, I’ve definitely got better ammunition. Oh lord, I’ve got ammo, all right. But dear Hubs reads this blog, and so do a few of my friends, so we’re not even going to go there. ;)deadpuppy, you’re a 15-year-old boy. What do you know? Ha ha! Glad to see you’re headed in the right direction with your manbrain, though.A few of you have suggested parking in there anyway? Tried that. Wasn’t worth the glowering. I prefer a compromise, but those generally take months of negotiating and right now, I just don’t have the time or the energy…
>we have a garage but it fits one car only. his. why? because his is new. mine is old. his, as he so succinctly put it, “needs to be protected from the elements.”
>We have a one car garage. I have never had garage privileges. She has always parked there regardless of the relative ages of the vehicles. Some things aren’t worth fighting over. Even for the make-up sex.
>OMG, we had the same garage issue. ANd guess what?! I finally convinced him, and a few weeks ago we got it all cleaned out. Get this: we have not just one, but TWO CARS PARKED. IN. THE. GARAGE. Marital bliss, I tell you – keep working on him…you’ll wear him down eventually.
>Blogs are good for many, many things. But they are not good tools for influencing domestic policy.HUBS
>Ah, it was only the other day I had to say to Chef, “when you say that (or do that) it makes me feel like an idiot, and while there are many things I’d like to feel like, feeling like an idiot isn’t one of them.”He had no reply…