>Marriage: An End to Privacy
>Let’s move on, shall we? I will give you an update on the Dinabergisode when I have one.
Okay, so every time I pluck my eyebrows, I think of an Oprah episode I saw a long time ago, in which, if I remember correctly, Oprah claimed she would never, ever pluck her eyebrows in front of her boyfriend, Stedman. Apparently, that was the kind of personal grooming habit that men just shouldn’t see.
I’m a very private person when it comes to grooming, but eyebrow plucking? My husband can watch me do that any time he wants.
On the other hand, I don’t like for him to see me get dressed, cut my toenails, use the restroom, or make ummmm, embarrassing personal noises. And this can get tricky, since we share a bedroom and bathroom.
It’s trickier still because he’s not all that concerned with keeping anything private. In fact, I’ve had to draw the line on what I should and shouldn’t see for him.
So now I’m wondering now what kinds of boundaries you’ve established with your roommate-for-life. What do you allow your spouse to see and hear? What’s off limits? Are there things you do in front of him/her now that would have appalled you back when you were single?
More importantly, are there things your spouse does in front of you that you wish he/she wouldn’t?
I’m thinking of writing a column on this subject, and I’d love to use some of your comments. And, heh, don’t worry: I’ll attribute them to your user name, and if you don’t want me to use that, just leave your comment anonymously.
Come on! Dish!
>The Husband and I share….everything. EW!!We only have 1 bathroom. Witha family of 4 this is turning into a problem. When we first got married I would NEVER allow him to go #2 in front of me. After 10 years if I'm in the shower and he has to go #2 he goes. I HATE IT!! Can't he hold it. Jesh! Peeing when I'm in the bathroom no problem. Dropping a duce…..huge problem!! There is no such thing as privacy in my house anymore, 2 kids and 10 years of marriage will do that to ya.
>We share EVERYTHING. lol. I learned very early that he wouldn't hold anything back for me so I figured I should grant him the same gift, lol. Especially since our lovely child started walking, what little privacy we had packed it's bags and left!
>No privacy in our house. Clipping, plucking, flossing, peeing, pooing, no matter who does it, it's all up for grabs. In fact, our son likes to call my husband into the bathroom after he goes poo in order to tell him "I feel better now." My husband falls for it every time.No privacy between the two of us, either. I mean, we don't hang out and gawk, but neither one of us really cares if the other one walks in on the other, except, of course, for the smell.Not very romantic, maybe? But with our 3 bedroom apartment, 2 adults, and 2 small children (1 of whom is still in diapers), it's just the way it is.
>ROFL at Head Nut!!
>If he has to pee i let him and vice versa. I dont want to know about the number 2 issue and god if the door is closed knock before coming in. I dont want him in there distracting me while i groom the um nether regions. I dont want to know about his morning issues. his nail biting disgust me. Does he really pay attention to what his hands have touched and now wants to kiss me with that mouth. Grosses me out everytime. we dont have much privacy but i do demand some. Blake and Nate they could careless about privacy. They want everyone to know what they are doing when they are doing it. The youngest Nate thinks his penis is a handle. Any tips on how to get him to let it go lol
>Nothing's really sacred to hubs. I get pretty grossed out at the poo factor. I don't want to smell his poo and honestly, I'd be ok if he thought I always smelled like roses. (Well, or at least not like poop)Other than that? Eh, it's a little weird to have someone witness the shaving spectacle that is me right now (at 8 months pregnant), but that's just because I feel like an awkward huffalump.
>LOL! A favorite line from a TV movie in which a daughter is whining to her mom about wanting romance, not just *a guy*.. mom replies "Honey romance flies out the window on the first fart." Now to answer your question… no #2 in front of each other and CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR if that is what you're doing. Our toilet is in a small separate room within the bathroom with it's own door so that's nice. I hate him watching me get dressed… it just bugs the hell out of me. Everything else… meh. Teeth brushing, flossing, deodorizing of the pits, clipping toenails… doesn't bother me.
>I've tried to explain to my hubby that some personal habits, grooming and-ahem-noises need to remain a "mystery" so as to not gross each other out and lose some heat in the bedroom. He, as yet, does not seem to get it as he does everything in front of me.There are many things I don't prefer to do in front of him, although, at times I have no choice. He's told me nothing I do would ever gross him out. To him, being comfortable enough to do anything and everything in front of each other is sexy. To me, keeping a little "mystique" in the marriage is sexy. Hmm…so far I'm on the losing end.
>Oh, and my oldest is well versed in what "privacy" is, but still feels like giving me the play by play on her poo sessions. It still gives me the heebie jeebies. "Mommy, now a BIG one is coming out!" Eegads.
>I'm still somewhat private after 6 years and 2 kids. I never ever willingly 'let off steam', know what I mean? If it accidentally happened while I'm just drifting off to sleep, hypothetically, I'd be wide awake and burning with embarrassment. Especially since my hubby would be rolling with laughter. He'd not even notice if I was more, um, prolific. But since it's a big deal, he'd make it a big deal. Hypothetically. As for pooping? Nosir. Absolutely not. We both respect each other's boundaries here. The ONE exception was during labor for my second child. I was so afraid to have him leave my side while a contraction might hit, that I made him come into the hospital bathroom with me. Thinking I only had to pee. But while I was sitting, a contraction started..and so did something else. I couldn't help it. I was in pain, but the embarrassment was way worse. He still loves to tell this story, and he doesn't forget to mention how grateful he was that the doula had filled the delivery room with lovely lavender essential oils. I'd get him back one day, you know, by sneaking in on him while he's dropping the kidds off at the pool…but I'd be afraid of the retribution.
>Well, my hubby thinks he is entitled to walk into the bathroom no matter WHAT I'm doing in there. So the bathroom door is locked for #2 and sometimes if I'm showering (because if Hubs comes in, then so does my daughter and suddenly my 8 minutes of relaxation is a family affair). However Hubs would FREAK if I walked in on him even peeing. Other than that, everything is out in the open. Oh, except he's disgusted if I burp. And I'll leave the room if I need to … toot.
>@This Heavenly Life I think the pooing while laboring thing scarred my husband for awhile… he was so grossed out… but apparently, that scarring didn't last long enough 🙂
>No boundry. Married for 11 years, don't see the big deal. Bathroom door is never closed, if the big critter doesn't come in, little ones will want to anyway.
>Well, for me it's not the Husband. He's been well-trained (he should be after 14 years). It's my younger son. Being called to the bathroom to be told (with requisite strained expression); 'I'm doing a pooh for YOU Mama!' is not my best child-rearing memory…
>Well I have been married for nearly 6 years and we have 3 children. And to this day I get embarrassed if I pass gas in front of him and forget pooping with him in the same room…I have been known to lock the bedroom, bathroom, and (in 1 particular house we lived in) the toilet room door…just so he couldn't "walk in" on me or hear me go potty. He hates it because he will need in the bathroom for something and I have locked him out…(which I swear he has a sensor that says…'oh my wife needs to go poop but I need something from my closet'…lol)….but I can't poop if I know he is around…it freezes my bowl movement…ha Now he on the other hand is not in the least bit shy in fact if I know he is fixing to go #2 I high tail it out of there as fast as I can because he can take care of business when he goes and I want to be able to BREATHE…lol Now plucking my eyebrows or cutting my nails in front of him doesn't bother me…but blowing my noses does..I will go in another room just to blow my nose. I know sad isn't it…ha
>There are no #2 sharings in my house unless there is an emergency of sorts. Like you need TP brought in… We also tend to use another bathroom after someone has just gone. The only other thing we keep to ourselves is grooming of private parts… I don't want to see him with his bits and a razor and I'm sure he doesn't want to see me in the same situation either.
>There shall be no peeing or pooping in front of the other person (although it was broken during childbirth, much to my chagrin…*laugh*). Nose picking is frowned upon, but an accidental glimpse is okay…we just ignore it. Tampons? No thanks.Farting is definitely acceptable, although how close it can be depends on how many layers of fabric are between the, um, source, and the other person's nose.
>I wish I had chosen to give birth the old-fashioned way, with my man in the waiting room, puffing away on a cigar. Really. Sorta. Maybe not. *sigh*I also wish my husband would not leave his socks by the dishwasher right in front of my face. I really wish he would wait until I had left the room. Like, dude – get a little sneaky about that crap.
>This is so funny! Yes, I keep my flatulence to myself for the most part. I cannot stand the smell that comes from his horrible stench. I am still not sure how we can eat the exact same meals and how his smells like something died in there!Anyway, my biggest issue, as with many others, are the four-year-old and two-year-old who want to join the action any time mommy has to pee or poo. My daughter likes to stand and wave "bye bye" to the pee pee when the toilet flushes.After two c-sections, my husband, God bless his soul, has seen some pretty gross stuff and he was trooper through it all!
>we don't keep things from each other…except pooping…that is the one time i close the bathroom door. i mean, who wants to see and smell that?! hubby is a bit more private in the bathroom, doesn't like me to be in there when he pees. as in, he'll go down stairs to pee if i'm doing anything in there. as far as burping and farting, i don't care that he does it in front of me, i just wish he'd remember to use manners like, excuse me…*sigh*
>Perhaps it's just the honeymoon stage, but we keep the pottying to ourselves. I must say, I don't mind that rule at ALL.
>I really hate watching my husband wipe his own butt.
>I just nearly choked on a pizza roll.
>Gosh, the mystery left out relationship a loooooong time ago. One time we were taking a shower together. We have an enclosed tile shower, three walls and the door. Anyway, big man farts the most disgusting, stinky fart I've ever smelled then he stands infront of the door and TRAPS ME IN THERE! It was horrible! I almost died from the smell of his rotting ass.I will not go number two infront of him or anyone else for that matter. Just, ewww.I really feel weird putting make up on infront of him.That's about it. Not alot of mystery left when someone watches your vagina open up like the black hole, know what I'm sayin?
>We have a closed door policy in regards to going to the bathroom. I had to pee with door open when I was in labor with my oldest because we could not get the IV poll through the door. It was horrible. I could hardly relax enough to pee. Talk about pain. I wish on star every freakin night my husband will stop farting at the dinner table! It is so disgusting.
>Most grooming is acceptable – as long as it's mine;) And I don't like shaving his back NOR do I want or need his help trimming up my girly parts for summer. Thankyouverymuch.Peeing is okay, #2 is NOT. Been married 27 years and haven't been in the same room for that yet and don't plan to start any time soon!
>Excellent, this is a fun topic!! hehe!! We share everything. I have no problems with him seeing me get dressed (I mean, he sees me naked for goodness sakes…) or just about anything else… except pooping. He has witnessed it before, but it really breaks my concentration when he's standing there watching me. LOL. It's awkward if he's trying to have a conversation with me when I'm trying to poop. If it's a particularly difficult one, I will tell him I need my privacy, so I'll shut the door and turn on the fan so he can't hear me grunt. LOL!! He has no shame in pooping in front of me, but I'm not a fan. Men make really nasty stinky poop, and I also hate hearing the sounds of poop plopping in the toilet. Oh, and DH and I like to shower together when we get the chance, and he thinks it's hilarious to pee on my feet when we're in the shower. Nice, huh?
>I heard once that keeping all the personals to yourself can keep the mystery in the relationship–all those things that you didn't witness when you were dating, can still be nice to not witness!No. 2 is out and always will be. Though, I didnt' poo in delivery, the whole experience does nullify privacy. 🙂
>I'm with the majority I suppose, all is open except for the whole #2 thing…I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with that haha. I suppose I DO do some thing privately but not for thought of it, I do make up, nail clipping, make up, shaving, all that more personal time stuff, well alone, but not because I HAVE to have it that way. In fact when I'm so hugely pregnant and I can no longer see or reach to maintain certain things he will help me with it :0) There is nothing that he'd keep from me either, goodness I wish he'd keep his gas to himself! He'll belch or fart where ever and not try to hide it…EMBARRASSING! Good blog!why do you not want your hubby seeing you get dressed?
>Getting dressed is just… personal. I'm actually pretty modest.With that in mind, here's a… hypothetical question. Would you ever let your husband watch you put on SPANX?
>Ugh. We don't use the bathroom in front of each other unless absolutely necessary (especially #2). I'm not modest at all, but some things are better left unseen.
>We don't hold back on a lot, but the sights, smells and sounds of either of us sitting on the toilet are totally off limits in my mind. On the rare occassion that I happen by the open bathroom door when my husband is sitting on the toilet (whether 1 or 2 is irrelevant)it takes me days to wash the image from my brain and become capable of sex again. We're not newlyweds, btw. 12 years married and 19 together.
>While we're pretty open, there is one thing I absolutely insist on: closed bathroom door! We're spoiled by a separate toilet room (water closet to some folks) and I really don't know how we'll get on in life without that wonderful feature. He can watch me shave, dress, pluck and tweeze, undress, cut my toenails, whatever. But there will be no #1 or #2 RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.Now something like Spanx… I love my husband too much to let him see me try to put something like THAT on.
>We share, but not like that! There are some things that you just do not need to know. If you have to go, shut the door! And if you gotta make a stinker, turn on the fan while you're at it or better yet do it somewhere where I am not.Same goes for toe nails, flossing and other random grooming. I like to just gaze upon him looking fabulous. I don't need to know how he got that way. I assume that he feels the same about me, so I apply the same rules to myself. We've never really openly hashed this out, but after 15 years it seems to be effective…Now, would I fall down and die if I happened upon him doing these things? Of course not. But we both try to avoid it.
>My husband and I are SUPER private when it comes to bathroom stuff. We call it "separation of church and state." We have separate bathrooms, we have never watched the other one go to the bathroom. In fact, I like to think he doesn't even realize I go to the bathroom. :)On the rare occassion one of us accidentally passes gas in front of the other we don't acknowledge it, we just act like it never happened. This may sound like we're not close, but honestly I think it makes us closer and keeps things hotter. I don't need or want to know his bathroom habits and I don't want him to know mine. As I tell newlyweds, the secret to a happy marriage is SEPARATE BATHROOMS!
>I think for the most part anything goes. The only thing we keep private 100% is #2. And I absolutely will never pass gas in front of him either, that's just gross!
>no he must not know i wear spanx lol.
>I actually pluck in the car. I know that sounds gross… but when I pluck in front of my vanity, I always al-ways miss a few stray hairs. SO I can be found at least once a week in my front drive at about 3 PM going to town on my Sasquatch brows. Try it. If you don't mind neighbors staring at you.After two years of fertility treatments, my poor Hubs has seen pretty much every gross thing to be seen when it comes to me. But I draw the line at all things foundation. Spanx especially. I don't even wanna look in the mirror when I am stuffing myself into those. ( like trying to fit a damned Thanksgiving turkey into a jimmydean sausage casing) And after breastfeeding for 2 years? NO ONE sees me put the bunnies in their cages. On a tangent kinda note… what about those women who think its super sexy to muffin top it? I have spent the last 20 or so years trying to hide my rolls. Not show them off. Yikes. (made some calls to SF today. Who knew I still had connections)
>My husband can see me pluck my eyebrows, but I lock the door when plucking the chin hairs. Some things, he just doesn't need to know.
>This is so funny! My husband farts around me and anyone else all the time and is never embarrassed about it. I never fart in front of him, I would be mortified if I did. I wish I could though, just to get him back for all his nasty farts I have had to smell over the years. He always says, "it doesn't smell", but it always does. I don't think I could poop in front of him or anyone else. He is also private about the pooping. But, if I spend more than 10 seconds in the bathroom with the door shut, he is walking by asking me what I am doing, if I'm pooping, and/or making farting sounds outside the door. I usually encourage a courtesy flush when he is in there.I don't think men ever outgrow their pride in the smells/things their bodies make. My nephew calls pooping privacy. As in, "I'm having privacy in here!" Then you know he is pooping.
>Whoa. Y'all FART? Gross.Heh. Just kidding.I have only been married a year, and I'm thinking we've got a long way to go before we reach full disclosure like some of these other comments!We'll pee in front of each other, but that's about it. I'm the messiest teeth brusher so I was super embarrassed about doing that around him at first, but I'm getting over it.@This Heavenly Life The "steam" that escapes right before sleep or that startle you awake are the absolute WORST. They always seem 10 million times more embarrassing than just regular farts. NOT that I do that or anything 🙂
>My husband and I don't go to the bathroom infront of each other, but I have to admit that lately I forget to close the door (habit from when my daughter's around and freaks if I leave the room).As for passing gas. He sometimes does it if he can't hold it in (I'll never understand why men can't hold it in, but women can. What do you do if you're at a meeting at work??).But my husband has an attention span problem, so sometimes I will pass gas and he won't even notice (no, they don't smell).I can't believe I shared that.
>My husband & I have been married 12 years. We share a bed (of course)& a bathroom. We NEVER go to the bathroom in front of each other, neither #1 or #2. We don't even use the bathroom after the other has pooped until the smell goes away. If we have to, we light candles or use aerosol or strike a match. We also don't pass gas around each other…at least not loud ones. (So I guess by default that means that the "silent but deadly" ones are OK. For my part, those are blamed on the dog.) I also hide my dirty underpants from him until I can do the laundry. However, we will not hesitate to air our stinky feet or belch loudly.
>Oh, Lindsay! It is never OK to let you husband see you put on the spanx!
>Well, when I was pregnant with the one and only and confined to bed and used a bedpan, it all went to heck. After he wiped my butt for me and carrying and cleaning the bedpan, it REALLY was LOVE and privacy is not an issue.
>Poop, pee, snot and smells. I gotta tell ya, it's what life is made of folks. I think that if you're hung up on any of it, you're wasting time on the wrong stuff. As for not passing gas? Better out than in. Even if you're mortified.Just think of how lucky you are to have someone who feels comfortable enough to share the bathroom with you. It's not a bad thing.Try dating at 45. I run the faucet just to pee.It's all relative.
>I always said that the bathroom door should be clsed because that is something I do not need to share with the husband, but now I have a toddler who will through the mother of all tantrums if I close the door but play happily in the next room if she can see me, so now I leave the door open and it drived my husband crazy. I used to wonder why my mom would say when we were little she just wanted to go to the bathroom and close the door!Also my husband hates my eyelash curler, he thinks it's medevil and is constantly telling me to "get that thing away from my eye"
>Well I'm so weird I don't even like to use some of these words! Definitely not #2. #1 in a pinch, but certainly not desireable. I don't want him to see me shave, or get dressed, and definitely not put on a spanx! No hose either – it's just not a flattering position. Like that Seinfeld episode where they defined good naked and bad naked. 🙂 No nose-picking, no passing gas, no burping. We generally try to keep it like you would with other company in that regard, I guess.the kids, well…there's no stopping them, they've barged in on it all, and I don't even bother trying to hide from them anymore.
>Before we were married I got a stomach flu and while I was throwing up I also pooped my pants and on the floor. He cleaned up after me and put me to bed. No privacy after that.
>I think this post definitely wins the award for BEST. COMMENTS. EVER.
>My husband has seen me do just about everything mentioned above. Mainly because I have an open door policy in my house so I could hear the wee babes, however now that the kiddos are getting older I think that may change. I don't want to answer why I wear tampons, why I pee from the hole in my spanx, why I shave what I shave, or any other question like that from my kiddos. More Privacy PLEASE!
>No pooping, no tampons. Although, and I swear this is true, my former boss broke both arms rollerblading and her husband and MIL had to wipe her butt, insert tampons, etc for SIX WEEKS! I was aghast – I think I would have tried to do it with my feet first!
>the only thing i refuse to watch is my husband puke, don't want to hear it either. everything else is ok.
>We have to remember to close the bathroom/bedroom doors when we have guests. Enough said.
>We draw the line at all bodily functions. Thank god too cause his kids poo is stinky enough!! I consider my c-section a fluke. I mean he saw my guts and heard me have gas but we just don't talk about it. Ever. yuck
>I'm with you. At our house, dressing is private and pottying is certainly private. I think we've only passed gas once, accidentally, in front of each other. I will say that we brush teeth in front of each other, but that's as far as it goes with grooming. We've been married 10 years, and I'm completely okay with this arrangement.
>Oh and I'll be damned if I ever let him watch me put on spanx. Hell I dont even ant to see myself put on a pair of spanx!!!
>i can fart on que…so sometimes i go to the hubz to sit on his lap for a snug, and i let one rip…..
>It's gonna be hard to believe, but my husband and I have the exact OPPOSITE relationship. I am the no-holds-barred one (well….almost: I draw the line at the noisy stuff), and he is the insanely modest one. I mean INSANELY Modest.He have Never (not once in the 15 years we've been married or known each other) passed gas in front of me….and he rarely comes out of the bathroom before he is FULLY dressed. He is the most modest man I have ever known. My friends say that he is the "girl" in our relationship (when it comes to that sort of thing)….Hope this doesn't screw up your research!Love your blog…cool seeing that we are fellow Nick nominees (for different cities), too! GL!
>My hub and I have been married for 7 years, and nothing is really off limits. It's nice to just be so comfortable with someone that I don't have to worry what he'll think or if he'll be offended. we love each other and that's it… no matter what! And he's seen me at my worst…barfng my guts out, dry heaving uncontrollablly from a stomach virus, while simultaneously running to the toilet to accomodate a separate exodus from my posterior, then basically curling up in a fetal position on the floor. He never made a face or acted disgusted– he stroked my head, brought me a cool washcloth and a glass of water, and took me to the doctor's office. So who am I to complain about a fart here or a belch there? What's a few bodily functions between life partners?
>Plucking my eyebrows? Not a problem.We both agree that dropping a load in front of each other will NEVER happen. Unless we're 90 and in Depends.
>We've been married almost 15 years and we have a strict closed bathroom door policy. Because we have two bathrooms, we frequently have negotiations about where he's allowed to take a dump based on whether I need to use the bathroom next or if I'm hanging out in the room adjacent to the half-bath.
>The Boy and I share everything. Actually, I take that back: I share everything (except pooping). He doesn't like to share much… it's more like I intrude on his privacy. Oh well… oh, and NO SHARING TOOTHBRUSHES. That's where we draw the line.
>I will wizz away with my bathroom door open but if the Hubbs is hanging out in our bedroom I will often go to the half bath if I need to pass something solid.Heh, since he doesn't read this blog, I will go ahead and say that yesterday as he was sitting on the throne (not sure what he was doing b/c he will sit to tinkle sometimes) he was talking to me & as I was walking out of the bathroom he said Come give me a kiss." Good lawd, don't think so!ame in west tn
>I would prefer to poop in peace, however my 18 month old daughter always finds me and wants to sit in my lap… then somehow there ends up being a whole family pow wow in the bathroom that ends with me saying, "may I puh-lease WIPE alone at least?!" My husband has no rules around me or anyone else and no embarrassment whatsoever. I just wish he would close the door instead of wave at me and grin when I walk by and he is on the pot.Our honeymoon was the first time for us to share a bathroom and we laughed the first time I was in the tub when he came in to use the bathroom. I guess we've never had boundaries! I would prefer he not gawk while I'm getting dressed but I'm happy he still wants to look 🙂 I do draw the line at tampons though and so does he!
>Oh, forgot to share this funny story: My daughter is 3 and my mother took her into a public restroom a few months ago.My daughter is just now really starting to notice anatomy. After my mom was done using the bathroom my daughter said loudly " Geemaw,when I get big I want to have hair on my bum too". Thankfully she's mentioned "bum hair" to me while at home in our own bathroom. I've come out of the shower with my "pads" strewn about the bathroom and the girls tossing them in the air like confetti. So, not only does my hubby not believe in any kind of privacy neither to my little girls.
>I think you must be in my head! I was just thinking about this very thing the other day as I sat on our bathroom counter and plucked my eyebrows. I was thinking about a friend I have who waxes her upper lip every 6 weeks or so… she locks herself in the bathroom and her husband pretends not to know what's going on. Although she's pretty sure he's caught on by now.As for me & my hubs we're pretty open– he watches me pluck, floss, get dressed, clip my toenails. If I have to tinkle while he's in there I just do it, but beyond that I need a little privacy. Landscaping below the belt is another activity done only in private. And I don't like him to see me squeeze zits either but sometimes there's no getting around it when we're both crammed into our one bathroom.That's my list– I think this will make for an interesting article!
>My husband and I have been married about 7 years and we hide very little from each other. This came in handy when our bathroom was renovated and it took years to fix the damn door so it would latch. So we don't have a problem if either of us (or the cats) leave the door open while grooming, dressing, peeing, etc. Except in front of *other* people.The one place I draw the line is that I really don't care to share any #2 business, or to hear or see anyone else's either. I can't tell you how many times I have dashed across the house to say, "shut the damn door!" and pull it closed. I'm also not a fan of watching him floss. Meanwhile, nothing seems to faze him. The cats, of course, have NO sense of privacy. They act like if one of their humans has to go potty, it's a good time for them too. The one thing that my DH doesn't feel comfortable with is walking around undressed in front of our baby. I have a feeling that when she gets older, we'll have to have that "privacy" conversation.
>As for "why do you not want your hubby seeing you get dressed?" It seems to me that getting dressed is sort of the opposite of stripping — so if stripping is sexy, then getting dressed is the opposite of sexy. So who would want to display to their hubby "the exact opposite of sexy"? And by "opposite of stripping", I don't just mean whether the clothes are coming off or going on, but the difference in speed and motion (quick, jerky and awkward on; slow & smooth off).
>I can't imagine pooping in front of anyone, including my husband! We do not witness each other pooping. Ever. Peeing, occasionally, but only if absolutely necessary. I do not fart in front of him and he tries not to in front of me. It's just common courtesy if you ask me. However I have no problem plucking my eyebrows or trimming my toenails in front of him. I really don't like him to see me get dressed. If I owned Spanx, I would certainly not want him to see me getting into them. Same with pantyhose. There's just no way to look attractive while getting into pantyhose.
>We have no boundaries anymore.When I was waiting to have back surgery 2 years ago, I spent two months dependent on a walker to get to the bathroom and was unable to bathe myself. (I was so limited in my mobility that I had a freaking handicapped placard). I couldn't wipe myself after #2. I had no choice but to ask for help. Which he gave willingly.I think the only thing I wish he wouldn't do in front of me is when he unzips his pants and lifts out his belly and hangs it over the waistband of his pants…ick!I'm also not a fan of watching him trim his nose hair.I guess in general, it seems like too much effort to pretend I don't fart, or any such thing. And what I love most about our relationship is the lack of masks…so screw it…it's all there to be shared.
>I keep very little back, but I do draw the line at bush maintenance and things related to the monthly visitor, other than telling him it's on.
>We have been married eight years and I WORSHIP Spanx – but my husband still does not know they exist. Not only will I not let him see me put them on, but he won't see them on me or see them come off… one time we were getting ready to undress each other and under the ruse of turing off the closet light, I went INTO the closet (we do NOT have a walk-in closet!! not even close!!) and quickly (but not gracefully) took my Spanx off and came back out sucking in my gut.
>No. Way. On. The. Spanx. We have four bathrooms so there is really no reason to gross each other out. Even in a one-bedroom apartment we were able to close the bathroom door while using the toilet. Once you're past the toilet-training stage I think everyone is entitled to privacy handling their toilet needs.Personal groom a la eyebrow plucking and face shaving is fine.
>10 years we've been married, but we want nothing to do with each others' grooming and toilet habits. I'm sorry to admit I'm grossed out by watching someone brush their teeth. Bathroom doors are always firmly closed and locked. When we lived in a condo for two years and the bathroom was practically in the middle of the living room, I would turn on the bathtub faucet to drown out any wayward noises. Panty hose are not meant to be put on in front of an audience, either….the fat being slowly pushed up my legs until I can get it all under cover is not something I want my husband seeing. 🙂
>Here's our story:I pee with the door open; hubby does not.For #2, he is NOT allowed to use either bathroom upstairs as they both are in proximity to my bedroom; he uses the bathroom downstairs.I burp ALL THE TIME (wonky digestive issues) but always apologize after. He ALWAYS burps when he is walking in front of me and it always seems to be after he's eaten a salami sandwich (gag).Farts? Him, never. Me a few times while drifting off to sleep.I do not like getting undressed in front of him because he just stares and not really with a longing look in his eyes. So there I am undressing like a pre-teen in gym class; slipping my shirt overhead, undoing bra, trying to get the straps off my shoulders and then putting my arms through the armholes.I hate when he flosses and brushes his teeth or clips his toenails.
>I think it has to do with how you grew up. Growing up with 4 kids, 2 parents and 1 bathroom-you quickly loose your inhibitions. There were times as a child that we "went" OUTSIDE! Granted, when your nearest neighbor is over 1/4 mile away it is pretty safe to bet that no one is watching, but still it takes guts. So, in that sense, I am comfortable doing anything in front of my husband. He, however, grew up in a house with a clean fanatic (note the escalation from the word freak) of a mother who would scrub the bath everyday whether it was used or not. On top of that, they had two bathrooms and never had to be in the shower while someone was doing something else on the toilet and never learned to get that thicker skin that comes with seeing and hearing other peoples bodily functions. It took years for him to be able to pee while I was in the shower. I had no problem with it, but he just couldn't handle it. We have since progressed and he is okay with doing just about anything in front of me, but it has taken a long time to break him of his inhibitions.
>We have 4 bathrooms in our house, with 4 people living here–me, husband, two teenage boys. So a bathroom for everybody. Being the only female representative, I want the master bathroom to myself for privacy reasons. My husband can use one of the others, right? But no, he insists on using MY bathroom. Comes in and fills the room with ungodly smells while I'm brushing my teeth or putting on makeup. Because he likes the togetherness and wants to be near me! Husband, use another bathroom please!I'm very thankful that this is the worse complaint I have about my man.
>Hubs is not allowed to see me use the toilet. Ever. He has no problems peeing in front of me, but I really wish he wouldn't! Especially when I'm eating in the next room. PLEASE SHUT THE DAMN DOOR! We also have a no-farting-during-dinner rule. He would love that I never made those "embarrassing personal noises" but tough. He gets to, so do I. That's about it for boundaries, really. oh, one more I forgot – he doesn't get to be in the room when I'm puking, either. That is strictly alone time. *shudder*
>I have to say I side with you in regards to clipping toenails. I also don't floss or do a #2. I think men look at grooming differently purely based on the first time I heard him blow his nose in the shower *ew* when I questioned him he was confused and surprised that I didn't, then proceeded to tell me he pee'd in the shower. As for orchestra sounds ….. I ask him to pull my finger. The honeymoon is over.
>Yah, I would have to say that we're a little backwards too. Almost everything is open with us (though I'm not so cool with the spanx in front of him). He's the one with issues about #2, and also sharing a toothbrush. I figure, we kiss, what is really the difference there?
>Hilarious comments!We've always been pretty relaxed around here about those things. Any discretion that may have been – was gone after I had my c-section. Maybe some of you experienced it? After the drugs, your system is shut down for a few days. For me, that meant 5 days with no bowel movement. I was nervous. Kept asking the nurses about it. They assured me that all was fine as long as I was passing gas. Knowing that it would eventually pass something in solid form was what scared me. And rightly so. I tried to "go" before we left the hospital. But no go. Within minutes of arriving home, I needed the toilet. I experienced a pain that I imagine was what I'd have had with natural child birth. And the stool produced? I'm guessing it was nearly the weight of our newborn. Needless to say, it would not flush. That's when I called in my husband to take care of things. He was shocked. Amazed. And frankly, a little proud. It was a turning point in our marriage. The birth of the Log. There's no way it would ever fit down the drain, any which way. My husband got a large stick and proceeded to break it up, so that it would flush. To this day, he bows to me in amazement after that passage. And kicks himself for not taking a picture. (What the hell he'd do with that, I don't know!)So no. Nothing's off limits. Though I don't look forward to doing the same for him some day!
>Since I snore at about the same decibel level as a Metallica concert, my wife & I have our own rooms(bathrooms, too). It's a wonderful arrangement that helps us both maintain our sanity, separately but equally.
>hello… hapi blogging… have a nice day! just visiting here….
>Ever since my husband decided to dutch oven me – the gloves came off and any bodily noise is fairgame!
>My husband runs the tap water while he pees so I don't hear him pee. This drives me CRAZY. I keep telling him that if I'm in another room and he has the door closed, I can't hear him anyway, so quit depleting the earth's water resources.Meantime, he has no problem belching (loudly) in front of me. And oftentimes, there is an *odor* attached to the belch. (Chinese food, anyone?)We don't share a bathroom because that was the one piece of marriage advice my mother gave me: "Separate bathrooms are the key to a long and lasting marriage."Oh, well. It's a universal truth: we all look for Prince Charming and then wake up one day and realize we've married a couch that farts.
>If you want a long, happy sex-filled marriage, I suggest the bathroom duties (toilet, shaving, period problems) be done in private…my husband has never seen me on sitting on a toilet in the 23 years we've been together, whether we've had one bathroom or three…keep some mystery in your relationship ladies!!!!
>my husband is super sensitive about keeping our relationship and living situation romantic. so we have a strict line when it comes to bathroom time. like we're not even allowed close to the door or to have a conversation through the door when someone is… uh… reading.no bodily function noises. ever. not even from the upper GI system(i may explode in the next two years from pent-up… uh… energy)i can be in there for brushing teeth, showering or shaving, but private time is really private.i grew up in a very uh, how shall i say it? …gassey home. my mother used to rate my dad's gaseous emmissions on the richter scale. no joke. we were very open with our body-ness. so this is a change for me, but a good one. it's worked for us for 20 years!
>oh, and talking about said body functions?? completely off limits. don't mention a double flush, either. it incites the gag reflex. for real.
>I have no qualms about stripping down in front of him. Or peeing. Or plucking. Or gussying up.I do, however, prefer to keep post-hanky-panky clean up private. As well as when I'm doing a #2.Well, I at least push the door closed a bit further.
>The funny thing about us is hubs used to be pee shy. Couldn't pee if I was in there brushing my teeth. So I'd go to the kitchen to finish brushing and he'd do his bsuiness. Now he'll come in and drop a duce while I'm brushing. Nothing says "good morning, i love you" like a nose full of stench while you have a mouth full of tooth paste.We too have to remember to shut the door when we have company. The Girl has been known to walk in on the mother in law and sit on her lap. The Girl has no shame!The Boy is becoming a little more modest and now he actually shuts the door and prefers it if you do not enter, unless he needs help wiping.
>I usually make and eat breakfast, watch the news, etc., all in my undies, and save getting dressed for the last minute (I'm big into comfort). This means that if something particularly interesting is on the news, I might end up getting dressed right in the middle of the living room!! And I do generally enjoy privacy with the Spanx, but he has walked in while I'm tugging and squeezing …he looked confused and a little concerned for my well being.
>It's pretty much a free-for-all around here, although we do try not to fart ON each other.
>Almost 20 years together (15 of them married…we've been together since high school) I don't think there is an awkward moment he hasn't heard or seen. Add in our six kids and three dogs and I haven't been able to use a bathroom, shower or dress alone in YEARS!! I lost the battle with boundaries years ago. If I dare shut the door while in the bathroom, I get the small hand under the door or one of the older kids just pops the lock with a toothpick. Ahhhh yes the joys of NO PRIVACY!
>My motto: "You should never wipe poo in front of someone you have sex with. It makes for stinky romance."Naturally, there have been times that him seeing me at my worst that have been unavoidable (vomiting b/c he knocked me up, terrible stomach virus and I needed a wet rag, whilst I sat on the toilet and vomited in the trash…b/c both ends…well, you know.)But, just pooing in front of each other for the heck of it, I'd rather not. In fact, b/c of the smallest hotel room on the planet, I accidentally saw my hubs wipe once. It's an image that refuses to leave my memory, despite my best attempts.
>Sigmund Frued would have a rodeo psychoanalyzing everyone of you here.JerryNJ
>lol, no I wouldn't let him see me put on spanx! :0) Again I generally get dressed alone, as I said with the whole personal hygiene thing, but I don't think it's something I really think about. I know I wouldn't be uncomfortable…although the spanx thing no I wouldn't, I'd lock him out the bedroom LOL! Again really enjoying the blog and all the hilarious comments :0) I <3 your writing!
>No #2 in front of each other, and I deal with my monthly girl issue in private. Other than that, everything else is fair game. Which sucks sometimes, but really, after he's seen me give birth, living in a small house, and being together 12 years, what's the point in hiding?
>HAHAHAHA… ok, we don't do #2 in front of each other. He doesn't see me use tampons. He does laugh his butt off watching me put on Spanx. Not my first choice, but eh… he watched while I had both my c-sections, so he's seen me inside and out. 🙂
>Do your husbands stand to wipe too…..or is that just mine? Why is it girls can manage to sit and wipe but boys must stand? I don't get it.
>I used to be okay with sharing everything. After all, we're all human beings and pretty much have the same parts that do the same things. I don't think that way anymore. I've found that there is a great deal more romance in our relationship if I keep personal grooming a bit more private, and vice versa. It's really hard sometimes to be kissing him and trying to get "in the mood", when the image of him in the bathroom suddenly pops into my head. Total mood killer!! Plus- men, as we all know, are very visual creatures. I want the images in his head of me to be in lingerie and giving him "the look", not me shaving my legs or waxing my eyebrows, you know?
>I'm a pretty modest person, so anything involving me and the porcelain god requires a closed door. For a while, I couldn't even go #1 if I knew he (or anyone) could hear, but necessity/a small bladder has forced me to abandon that fear. As for #2, I won't even consider it if he's home unless it's a dire emergency, and then I'll take a shower and just go before.He, on the other hand, is not so modest. "The deuce" requires a closed door, but the door status varies for #1. If I'm standing right here he'll close it, but if I'm across the room or in another room he'll usually leave it open.My showers are always behind closed doors, but his are usually left open. He'll even undress (and strut around, I might add) before he goes in there, but I go in fully clothed and come back out either clothed or completely concealed by my towel. If changing just involves stripping to my skivvies I'm OK with it, but if I have to take off any type of undergarment I usually seek the shelter of a more private locale.
>While I'd like hubby to believe I never poop, he sees no need to close the door while #2ing. I always make sure to go before he makes in it to our ONLY bathroom so I am not forced to enter and smell what was done before. I also do not like him to see me in only hose. They push up all your wobbly bits and let's face it, no one wants to see that.
>I'm not too shy about much around my hubby. He is ashamed of NOTHING but one thing I CAN NOT DO is let him see me wash up in the shower. I don't mind having "play time" in the shower but then he has to get out. I just don't think he needs to see me wash my cooch and butt. I'm just sayin'
>i'm trying to convince my husband not to pick his nose where i can see it. and i wish he would realize that i actually do have peripheral vision. yes, i do know what you are doing!he doesn't like to hear bodily noises when i go to the bathroom–but somehow doesn't mind if i have a stomachache and need to poot–then he tells me to go for it and thinks its hilarious…he doesn't like me to see him wipe…i don't know why. and he covers his parts if he's naked without romance. but shows off proudly if there is romance. !?!
>My hubby and I have been married for 10 years, tomorrow as a matter of fact. We've been together for 15. Nothing is off limits. We fart, burp, dress, undress, poo and everything in front of each other. I've even had to remove a tick from the backside of his balls. Is this good? Not necessarily. I think we can get too comfortable with each other. Needless to say there is NO mystery. On the other hand, that level of comfort is, well, comforting. I know that we will take care of each other no matter what. I could never totally be myself with anyone else.
>Oh, I made an earlier comment (anonymous #2) but I remembered something kinda funny. This is WAY TMI though. I spent a looooong time trying to get pregnant, so I'd get really excited when I'd go to the bathroom and wipe and see fertile cervical mucus, so I'd always call my DH in to come look. LOL!!!Now that I'm pregnant, I keep my barfing to myself. Poor DH does not handle barfing well without getting sick himself. So I run to the bathroom, close the door and turn on the fan (I don't even do that when I'm going #2, LOL)
>Privacy, at least most of it, has gone out the window over the years of marriage. I DO remember, early on, a time when I'd peed, forgotten to flush, and my wife came in to squat and do the same. Noticing my forgetfulness, she insisted I flush first, lest any of MY pee accidentally splash up and get on HER. Miffed, I suugested that next time, I might just eliminate the middle man and pee directly on her. She stayed (pardon the pun) "pissed" for two weeks! By the way, what are you all talking about, this 'shaving of the nether region'? Why would you DO that, at least anything more than getting ready for summer bikini season? Methinks that any spouse who would insist on that must have latent pedophile tendencies…SERIOUSLY! WTF?!
>I have been married for 11 months so I guess we're still in the "honeymoon" phase. My husband and I have NEVER passed gas in front of each other, which I think is a modern day miracle. He claims that is "not something men should do in front of a lady." We'll see how long it lasts. We have no problem peeing & light grooming in front of each other, but if I cross the line he doesn't like to be a part of it because it's tampering with me as the sex symbol I apparently am to him.
>My husband and I will celebrate our 7th anniversary on Monday. We fall squarely in the "closed door for poop" camp. We pee in front of each other all the time. Poop, on the other hand, is something that requires a closed door and some privacy. I try not to walk in on him when he's a-poopin' and he does the same. I also try not to let him see any sanitary items that might be in use at certain times of the month, mostly because they gross ME out and they're from my body! I am also slowly teaching my kids that they do not need to join me in the bathroom for the 1.2 minutes I will be in there. It's a hard lesson, apparently, but they are learning. Beyond that, there's not much that is sacred. We talk about boogers and snot and such. We let burps and farts rip, though we do say "excuse me" afterwards. And occasionally apologize if the smell is worse than anticipated. He also threatens to give me a dutch oven when the mood strikes him. For the most part, I've been lucky enough to avoid that.
>We both close the bathroom door when we're um… sitting down for a long time. And I don't like it if he wanders in on me when I'm grooming my, er, other hairline.Other than that, we have no privacy. He also breaks the bathroom door rule all the time by yelling for me while he's on the toilet because he just remembered something. SO we end up having conversations through a cracked bathroom door with me standing on the other side. We are very classy. 🙂
>Oh. My. God I wish that man would hide when he cuts those claws he calls toenails! But thank you to everything that is holy he doesn't do palm bombs or cover grenades because bodily secretions of any sort make me gag. Yes, even my own!
>Lindsay, you're right. These are the best comments ever. Hubs and I are pretty private when it comes to bathroom activities, as well as anything period related. He cannot handle me talking about it; I try to use code, in fact, so as not to scar his fragile little psyche. I'll say silly things like "It's my special ladies time" or "I'm on my girlie cycle." But any mention of blood or tampons and he freaks out. And yes, he did watch me give birth! It's a paradox, I know.
>My husband has no idea that I poop. If I gotta go, I tell him I'm going to take a shower and then I go turn the shower on, poop, and then get in the shower and get all wet so that he knows I wasn't just in there, you know, pooping. We've been married 9 years. I'm hoping to let him in on the secret before we hit 10 years. Maybe. As for everything else, we pretty much keep our bodily functions to ourselves. Except for when he pees. I usually pick that moment to follow him in the bathroom and talk to him. Maybe it's because I know he is listening?
>1 bathroom, 1 husband, 1 toddler JUST starting to potty train, 1 infant. Let's just say the rare opportunity to close (AND LOCK!!) the door and poop in private is a vacation. And an uninterrupted shower is HEAVEN.We have an open door bathroom policy at our house when there aren't visitors. I don't mind my toddler coming in while I'm going number 2, but I don't like my husband being around. It's not the fact that he's my husband. It's the fact that he can comment about the smell. As soon as my toddler comments about it, she's out too. All stems from a time in elementary school when I did my business and came out of the stall to find one of my "friends" making fun of the smell and laughing with a group of girls. I've been traumatized about pooping ever since! For the first year of my marriage I'd cry a little after my husband tried to casually mention I should turn on the bathroom fan. How sad is that?
>This all astonishes me. I cannot imagine having married someone that I wasn't comfortable with body functions happening in front of them, or theirs in front of me. When you can relax in front of a man enough to fart, that's true love. Seriously. My husband has held my head while I puked, helped me out after surgery when I couldn't handle bathroom needs on my own, learned how to insert a drain into an infected incision so we didn't have to go to the doctor to have it changed, and seen me literally inside out when I had complications during a c-section. He's not just seen me put on Spanx, but he's helped. I wouldn't have married him if I'd have had any idea it would be otherwise, and I wouldn't hesitate to do the same for him. Lest you think I'm some crazy hippy, run down the beach wearing nothing on my DDs, it stops there. While 4 kids have made it such that there isn't much privacy in the bathroom, my husband and I do close the door when we can manage it.
>TO me, HELL ON EARTH is not being able to fart when you have gas so I am happy to report that my marriage is a Gas Festival in moments and that has not taken away an ounce of romance or happiness.
>I can say that I laughed when reading all the other posts. Glad to see I am not alone in my privacy issues or the daily poop reports.After 17 years with my husband and with two young boys (and two kitty cats) their is never a moment I can privately use the bathroom without it turning into a potty parade. And on more than one occasion, a little hand has extended a fruit roll up into my shower stall asking "Please open this for me Mommy." Which is too funny and too cute for me to care about privacy at that moment.I think my sense of humor has helped and my husband and I seem to find the humor in almost anything – even the embarassing situations. Such is life!
>Okay, I know I am months late on this but I just wanted to add that we share EVERYTHING. Because on our wedding night (our first night together, ever) as soon as we got to the hotel and I started undressing I felt the bottom drop and I knew I had to go poop BUT our hotel room thought it was all fancy or something and just had archways for the doors- NO DOORS! I had to tell my husband of just hours that I had to go poo IN FRONT OF HIM before he could have sex with me the first time. We stepped out of the wedding and into the marriage real fast!