My First Frenemy, Part Two
If you need to catch up on this story, read Part One first.
“There’s something you should know, and you’re not going to like it,” Jim said when I answered the phone. “Can I come pick you up?”
“Can’t you just tell me over the phone?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “I need to see you in person.”
“Okay,” I muttered dubiously.
We went to a park near my house and sat on a bench. “You know that letter you wrote me?” he said. “It’s the meanest letter I’ve ever gotten that didn’t have cursing in it. It was intense.”
“You brought me here to tell me that?” I asked him bitterly.
“No,” he said. “I brought you here because I read that letter and realized you really had no idea what was going on.”
“What do you mean?”
“Mallory has spent the last two weeks lying to me about you,” he said. “She said you told her you only went with me to Homecoming because you wanted to go to the dance. At first, I didn’t believe her, but every day, she’d tell me something new that you’d said. It was all bad. Really bad. She said you were a bitch and she didn’t know why she was your friend. She told me she cared about me and didn’t want to see me get hurt. And I started to think she was telling the truth. That’s why I was so mean to you at Taylor’s house that night.”
I didn’t speak. I couldn’t speak. “I don’t believe you,” I said finally.
“I know,” he said. “That’s why I had to see you in person, because I want to play you the messages she left on my answering machine.”
This was not good.
We went to his house and silently, he played the messages. “Hi Jim,” I heard Mallory say warmly. “I just finished having coffee with Lindsay again. She is such a bitch. She spent the whole time making fun of you. I can’t believe she’s so mean. This has really changed the way I feel about her.” Tears streamed down my face as I listened.
“Mallory and I were supposed to go out on our first date tonight,” Jim said. “But now I don’t ever want to see her again.”
“Oh no,” I said. “We are going to go see her right now,” I said. “I told her I’d stop by this afternoon, since she couldn’t go out tonight. She told me she was having dinner with her dad.”
As we drove to Mallory’s house, I felt a fury I’d never felt before; my entire body hummed with it. If Mallory had plunged a knife into my back, it would have hurt less than her betrayal felt at that moment.
Jim knocked on her door and Mallory opened it. Seeing the two of us standing there, her eyes widened.
“Who is it, Mal?” her father called from the den.
“It’s Lindsay and Jim,” she said brightly. “Why don’t you guys come to my room, where we can talk?” Watching her easily maintain her self-control, it struck me that she had never really been my friend at all.
“I’m sure you’re both very angry with me,” she said evenly after shutting the bedroom door behind her. She took a deep breath. “Why don’t you all start?”
“What is wrong with you?” Jim said. “How could you tell both of us all those lies?”
I couldn’t say anything. I just looked at her, tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Let me explain,” she said, with a disturbing amount of composure. “I have a crush on you, Jim,” she said. “I really like you. I guess I decided to do whatever I had to to get you.”
“Well, I think you suck,” Jim said.
I winced. “Let’s go,” I said.
“Don’t you have anything to say?” Mallory asked me. I could see a crack making its way across her composure.
“No,” I said. “I don’t.”
I turned and walked out, Jim trailing behind me. We drove to Waffle House, where I sobbed brokenly over a lukewarm cup of coffee. The waitresses huddled around our booth, listening sympathetically as Jim told them the story.
“I always knew that girl was trouble,” one of them said. “You could tell it by all that eye makeup.” I cried harder. This was worse than any break-up. This was my best friend. I had thought nothing could ever come between us.
When I got home, there was a message from Mallory on my answering machine. “Please talk to me,” she begged, crying. “I am so, so sorry.”
I wanted to erase her from my life, but the pain was too raw. I needed to talk to her to make myself feel better. We met at the park an hour later, the same park Jim had taken me to earlier.
We sat side by side for a long time without speaking. “I mean, I just can’t understand why you would do that,” I said finally. “I heard the messages you left on Jim’s answering machine…” I paused. “Mallory, if you had told me you liked him, I would have stopped dating him. Your friendship meant a lot more to me than some guy I had been dating for three weeks.”
“I know,” she said.
“Then why did you do that?”
“Because you have everything!” she shouted. “You get everything you want, and your parents care about you. I got jealous, okay?”
I was floored. This was the Homecoming Queen, the class president, the girl who could date any guy she wanted. She had everything going for her. It had never occurred to me to be jealous of her, though. Her accomplishments had only made me proud that she was my friend.
At least, I had thought she was my friend.
I actually made an effort to mend the friendship after that. I hated to see her so upset. I tried to understand where she was coming from. But it wasn’t the same. When we were together, it was strained. After a few attempts at hanging out, I gave up. And I didn’t get back together with Jim, either. I hadn’t liked him that much in the first place.
In the end, I never formed a friendship like that again. Oh, I had plenty of girl friends, but I never let them get too close. So by the time Shitty FriendΒ came along shortly afterward, her behavior irritated me and hurt my feelings… but I never shed tears over her. I never felt like she’d ripped my heart out of my body and stomped on it.
Six months later, Mallory went off to college and I never heard from her again…. at least for a while.
A year or so later, I was weeks away from sorority rush at the University of Georgia (oh don’t worry, that sooo didn’t last), when I got a strange phone call.
“Hi Lindsay!” Mallory bubbled. “Gosh, it’s been a long time since we’ve talked.”
“Yeah, it has,” I said cautiously. “What’s up? How’s West Georgia?”
“Oh, it’s awesome!” she said. “I pledged Beta Zeta and I’m going to be social chairman next year! And I heard you’re going to UGA.”
“Yep.”
“You’re going through rush, aren’t you?”
“Of course.”
“Excellent! I have a lot of friends at Beta Zeta there, too! I’m going to tell them to be sure and look out for you, since we were best friends and all!”
“Okay,” I said hesitantly. Perhaps she was still having guilty feelings about what had happened, I thought to myself. Maybe this was her way of trying to make things right. “Thanks, Mallory,” I said, my tone softening.
“Of course!” Mallory said. “It’s the least I can do!”
We talked for a few more minutes and after that, she never called again. In fact, by the end of the summer, I had totally forgotten about that conversation… but when I visited the Beta Zeta house during the first round of Rush that autumn, her mysterious phone call came rushing back.
I had gone to nine other sorority houses that day and been greeted with tremendous enthusiasm. Girls linked their arms in mine, giggled as if they’d known me for years, and assured me that they would just die if I didn’t join their sorority. At the Beta Zeta house though? Not one person said a word to me. Not one.
I stood alone in the middle of the living room amid dozens of chattering young women, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. Mallory had struck again. Oh, that girl was evil!
And that was that. Over the years, Mallory has become nothing more than a cautionary tale I tell my stepdaughters, about girls who pretend to be your friend and then stab you in the back as many times as you’ll let them. Mallory has helped me teach my girls how not to become victims of Shitty Friend Syndrome. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about her in a couple of years…
…at least until last week, when she asked me to be her friend on Facebook. That’s when our whole brief history together came rushing back.
Oh. Hell. No, I thought about responding.
Or maybe, I forgave you a long time ago, but I will never be your friend.
In the end, though, I simply hit the “Ignore” button. And you know what? All these years later, it felt really, really good.
>Wow, Lindsay. It must feel good to toss that old baggage in the incinerator finally. Do yourself a favor -don’t undo it. You strike me as the kind of person who might want to undo a slight, no matter how deserved it might be.
>Lindsey, in the end you were the big winner. Starting with the fact that you went to UGA and not a dreaded “back up school” like West GA. Secondly, you have a lovely family and hundreds of devoted fans who will always be on your side. I actually feel sorry for girls like Mallory who never know what true friendship is.
>Asked to be your friend on Facebook. Amazing. Some people don’t ever get the hint that it’s DONE.
>Some people say high school girls outgrow this, but it has been my experience a few too many times, that for many high school never ends. This is one of the main reasons I love having 5 sisters!
>The first thing I did when I got to work this morning was check to see if you had posted Part 2! I am so glad I have only sons…I couldn’t imagine having a daughter and watching it go through the hurtful drama that girls have to go through…
>wow! that was sooo much worse than I thought it would be! I have actually never had a girl treat me like that, probably because my sister is my best friend, though to tell you the truth, my ex-husband was quite the back stabber which is why he is now my ex!
>You know I think every teenage girl has a story (or 3 in my case!) like this one! Isn’t it just so FREEING to have that “Ignore” button. I wish I’d have had that when I was in high school!
>It’s not that you had ‘everything’, it’s that you had ‘some one thing’ and that wasn’t allowed. I can’t believe she had the gall to ask to be your friend on Facebook… What an ego!
>Uggghhh I hate high school girls! The worst part is that some of them never grow up. Last week one of my really good girl friends sent me a message on facebook letting me know that we are more different than she had once though and that she wasn’t willing to overcome those differences. Truth is she started cheating on her husband and I told her the week before she needed to end it, for her 2 year olds sake. If she wants to leave him then leave him but don’t do it like this. Apparently we are too different. I’m not a cheating whore!
>My mom always told me if you can make it through high school with just one true friend you’re really lucky, because so many girls have trouble being a true friend. I have told my daughter the same thing, but boy, has she ever learned the hard way that Mom’s are always right!!!
>Some people are jealous of the good they see in others and their sole intent in life is to try to destroy others happiness. It’s what they thrive on.Good for you hitting that ignore button!
>What to do when it’s a shitty sister?
>The ego on some women is incredible. I once walked into my “friends bedroom” and overheard her speaking loudly on the phone to some guy she just met. She said “I don’t have girlfriends I have aquaintances”. Really? so “aquaintances” nurse you back to health when you decide to get plastic surgery from your boobs on down. As if I had nothing better to do with my precious time. I’m sure it sounded wonderful to that man you were talking to on the phone. A woman with no loyalty. Very attractive. Makes for a great girlfriend. Needless to say none of her relationships ever worked out.
>GIRL! So happy for you.
>I have a very similar frenemy story that also had a Facebook request at the end of it. I have ignored mine *twice* now. Feels good.
>Two things: You rock and whatta bitch!
>Great tale, thanks for sharing! The unbelievable thing is that women like Mallory never think they’ve done anything wrong. Never. They can rationalize away any of their bad behavior. I am finally, in my mid-forties, learning to walk away. Too bad the worst Mallory in my life turned out to be my mother.
>Wow. I’ve had my share of girlfriends with serious problems but backstabbing was never one of them. I feel so lucky (1) to have gotten through life thus far without encountering such a frenemy, and (2) to have sons. I have, however, learned to beware of women who have no easily discernable circle of girlfriends. That really tells you something. Very important to instill sensitive bullshit meters in your children, too. It will serve them well with friends of both genders. Pair that up with lots and lots of love and they will be okay.
>Ooh–I hope she reads your blog. What nerve.I have two young daughters. One has already experienced a mini-version of this in FIRST GRADE. (With other friends in the middle, not a boy, of course.)
>Sounds to me like you learned the old lesson well, Lindsay: “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice..shame on me”.I had a couple “friends” like that over the years. Only one got to burn me twice. When they tried for a third, they met only ice water.Good for you, Lindsay. And a great story to convey to your young ‘uns.
>Facebook strikes again. So great for catching up with old friends, not so great for being found by old frenemies…High five on hitting ignore. I always feel too wierd and just accept them!
>Ugh. I honestly think people like that have mental problems. Also, you know when you read a story and you get a mental image of the characters? Well, I picture your Mallory as Justine Bateman.Yes, I was a Family Ties fan.
>Oh my, brings back memories. My “best friend” in high school always went after any guy I showed the least bit of interest in. I once pretended to really like a guy that was just a friend, and she took the bait. That kept her out of the way for awhile so I could go after the one I was really interested in (at least that week).
>Wow! that story is like an original 90210 episode! I just can’t believe something like that happened to someone as nice as you. I bet she’s still jealous now that you are a successful writer and have a great family!
>thanks for posting this. after part one, i was anxiously awaiting the sequel. and wow, do i ever know what it feels like to have that friend. what i generally find shocking/amusing is that most of the time, these girls don’t even seem to know that they’ve done anything wrong, or that their behavior might be questionable. my first frenemy sent me a message on myspace about a year ago. i deleted it. it felt really nice. does that make me a bad person?
>Way to hit ignore!I just read a book about the girl relationships we have as teenagers and how that what happens in those relationships change who we are today. Her story is as compelling as yours — It’s called The Myth of You and Me. I would highly recommend it!
>You go Lindsay. I think, as others posted, we all have frenemy stories and now they involve Facebook. I actually got an email from one (through Facebook) the other day and after I nicely answered back (after 17 years) HI…I got lambasted about what occurred 17 years previous-some imagined slight…Lord.I also hit ignore and also felt good! Maybe she’ll just never learn that Mallory.
>Oh my GOD! I feel so bad that she has scarred you like that. Not all girls are so horrid you know…I mean I’m sure you know, but DAMN…does she blog?? Does she know about YOUR blog!?! What a witch!
>That was so much worse than I thought it was going to be. Damn girl drama!!
>I had frenemy who was just as evil, but in different ways.Makes me scared for what my baby girl will have to deal with…Good for you on the Ignore. Totally awesome.
>WEEEEE, and the best thing is, I’m your “friend”!Bite that Mallory!!!!Oh Lindsay, I just admire you so much. You are such a wonderful person. Everyone I know would be happy to call you “friend”.I am speechless, honestly, because everything that I could possibly say about this post would give you a big FAT HEAD and I wouldn’t want to disrupt your delicate nature π
>Its so disheartening to know that there are actual people that manipulative out there. And, its unfortunate, it had such a negative impact on you. π
>Hi there! i found you thru Mama Kat's blog & I love your stories & vid about the McD's annoying toys. Thanks for sharing your shitty friend moment…i too had my own releasing of a shitty friend about 7 years ago & i know that i'm better off without her.
>This is a side of you I never saw before. Neat.
>You know what? That girl had PROBLEMS and you are better off to be free of her.
>Oh the power of ignore. More women should embrace it!
>Good for you! I had a frenemy in high school too. We send Christmas cards…but when we happen to cross paths it is always uncomfortable. I hate it.
>What in the hell is wrong with people? Seriously, sometimes I wonder how anyone could treat other people this way. I realize there are teenagers and hormones and all that, but still.
>There’s someone on Facebook who keeps trying to friend me. 25 years ago, I was student body president of our college, and she was the treasurer. She clearly had mental issues, and finally in January, she took herself off campus with our cash box, which contained a ton of money. And she never gave it back, even though I spent weeks trying. We ended that year in the red, and I felt like it was all my fault.Now she’s all happy and cheery. You would remember me as…. We went to ….. Let’s catch up!Oh, no, I don’t think so. Let’s continue the practice of ignoring each other, I say.I love Facebook, but I sure wish she’d give it up.
>Love it. I just hit the “ignore button” on one of those kinds of girls too and it does feel good. I’ve had plenty of “friends” like that over the years, and now, as age 40 quickly approaches, it’s good to finally know better before we get too involved. I found your blog from Mama Kat’s blog and I’ll be adding you to my favorites because I definitely want to come back. Your response to Motrin was hilarious, we have that damn toy too and it really makes me want to “move it, move it”…right into the garbage can!Thanks for the laughs.
>Damn sometimes I hate being right…lol. This is why I don’t have Facebook. I don’t want the psyco bitches of the past to rear their ugly heads. Though I doubt most of them did enough with their lives to actually own a computer…..
>Oh, I usually accept them as friends on facebook. That way they can see my profile and how awesome my life is now. Because really, doing well without them — and letting them in despite the power to reject them — is the sweetest revenge of them all.
>I’m so printing this off to have my daughter read.We all have our Mallory’s to bear.
>There is a former best friend I’ve seen on Facebook. So far, no attempts have been made on her part to Friend me. Phew.And, I just found my psycho fucking basket case mother is on FB as well. We haven’t spoken in 3 1/2 years, so needless to say, I won’t be friending her either.But your post inspires me to post about my own “Mallory” as well.I will be telling my daughters about “friends” like this as well, it’s hard to anticipate that sometimes people are just going to be mean and I wish I could do something about it now, but I can’t.Wow….what a story.
>Hoowooow. You have to read this link.http://marriedlifeandstuff.blogspot.com/2008/06/they-say-keep-your-friends-close-and.htmlI mean, I guess you don’t have to read it, but wow. This must be a total girl thing. I think the 44 comments say the same thing. You don’t have to post my comment, just, wow. Us girls are mean.
>My Frenemy slept with my date at prom, after she got him to dump me the week before, (some lies , some carefully told truths I think) She once "ran away" to my house & I got in trouble for it but the final straw was trying to run over me with a car in the pizza places parking lot!
>Oh yeah. When a friend tries to run you over, it’s usually a sign that it’s time to end the friendship.
>I, too, have a frenemy story. “Bethany”, a girl I’d been friends with since kindergarten, and best friends in 10th and 11th grades, totally turned on me in our senior year. She started dating some loser from another high school, and he spread lies about me in his school (my boyfriend’s sister went there). She would find other girls that had been friends with both of us and turn them against me. It pretty soon split our class (thankfully it was a VERY small high school–43 seniors!). I just tried to ignore it all, but it really did upset me that she would believe this scum-bucket’s lies. By the end of the year things were unbearable and I couldn’t wait to leave the whole mess behind.My sister, who is 10 years older than me, got fed up and called one of Bethany’s cohorts and threatened the both of them that if they didn’t leave me alone, she’d hurt them! She told the girl to warn Bethany that she might get run off the road one dark night on a very bad curve! (Now she’d get arrested for such a threat.) Well, it certainly did the trick, because they tried to be nice to me in that last couple of weeks before graduation.The funniest–and saddest–part of the story is that this guy got her pregnant, married her, they lived with her parents, and then he left and didn’t want to give her a divorce–although he finally did.I felt the need to let go of all the bad feelings about ten years after that, so I called her one night to catch up. While neither of us ever vocally acknowledged all that had happened, we both kind of knew that we wanted it in the past. About the only thing she ever said to bring it up was something to the effect that she’d made a lot of mistakes by being with him.At the end of the call, we promised to keep in touch, but of course we didn’t. That wasn’t what I was looking for, I just knew I needed to let it all go, if only for my well-being. And if you or any readers ever have the need to let it go, I highly recommend it. It’s certainly made my life easier.Although it’s still hard to make women-friends.
>Hi Lindsay . . . thank you for writing all this out . . . I went back and read your Shitty Friend post and the “part one” of this post and I just want to say THANK YOU . . . I myself have been victim to a shitty friend or two . . . and you’re right it’s almost worse than a break-up . . . oh I think you and I could spend a few hours over coffee and tears comparing Shitty Friend stories . . . I found you via Mama Kat with your McDon’t video . . . I love your sense of humor! Maybe one day I’ll get the hootspa (sp?) to write my own Shitty Friend post . . . we’ll see . . .
>I could have written this post, as well as the Shitty Friend post. I even wrote something earlier this year about how the bad friends that totally screwed me over (And over. And over.) always found their way back to meβlike it never even happened. You and I seem to have attracted the same kind of wormy types of “friends” over the years and luckily, we’re both smart enough to IGNORE. Good for you π
>I’m so glad you hit Ignore! I love a happy ending.I ditched a toxic friend this year, something I rarely have the guts to do, and I feel so much more relaxed every day. It’s wonderful.To absent friends!
>What an awful frenemy! Good for you for getting it off your chest. And I love it that you broke it up into two posts.I have one that I am thinking about blogging about, but she is so fragile that I think it would devastate her, so I probably won’t. She is a fellow mom I have known since our children were babies – more than half a decade now. About four years into it, I realized that I just couldn’t stand her ongoing praise of her workaholic husband, her genius child, etc. Cooling things off with her was really messy, and hard to do without interfering with our children’s friendship.
>Mine has now tried to Friend me six times. What the hell? That’s okay, I can hit “ignore” until the cows come home.