>Oh Happy, Um, Day!
>”See if you can take that gown off yourself,” I told Punky yesterday morning, “and if you can’t by the time I change Bruiser’s diaper, I’ll help you.”
“NOOOO!” Punky shouted at me at the top of her lungs. “I won’t! I CAN’T TAKE IT OFF BY MYSELF!” She glared at me with all the venom of a real-life Cruella DeVil.
“Don’t you talk to me that way,” I said sternly. “You go to the Naughty Corner right now.” She let out a choked sob and rushed to a corner of her room, where she stood facing the wall and whimpering while I finished changing Bruiser’s diaper. I couldn’t get over the incredulous feeling that she did what I told her to do. Like I was a real mother or something.
“Well, Punky,” I said, snapping Bruiser’s onesie and picking him up from the changing table, “What do you have to say for yourself?” I tried not to laugh as I said it; it sounded so ridiculously adult. Surely Punky would realize how dumb that sounded coming from me. And then all hell would break loose.
But miraculously, she turned around and said quietly, “I’m sorry.” My heart melted.
“Do you want a hug?” I asked. She nodded. We embraced.
“I don’t like it when you shout at me,” I told her as she leaned her head on my shoulder. “It makes me so sad. You won’t shout at me again, will you?”
“No, I won’t,” she said, tightening her grip around my neck. I glowed inwardly with pride. This scene could have been ripped straight from the last five minutes of a Supernanny episode. I was doing an excellent job of playing Mom. But even now after three years of mothering and nearly six years of stepmothering, it still doesn’t come naturally to me.
And today on Mother’s Day, I feel like a clumsy imposter. Because real moms are bonafide grown-ups who always wear house robes with matching slippers and never forget their face cream at night. Real moms don’t let their babies squawk and snort and sigh for 5 15 25 minutes at 5am before picking them up and feeding them. Real moms don’t let their stepdaughters forget their school lunches. Often.
Real moms don’t secretly wish that for Mother’s Day, everyone in the house would go away for a few hours and let them turn the A/C down to 65 and take a long nap.
A better term to describe me would be “klutzy woman who ended up with four kids through various means and now is trying to take care of them with varying degrees of success?”
Would you mind just wishing me a Happy Klutzy Woman Who Ended Up with Four Kids Through Various Means and Now is Trying to Take Care of Them with Varying Degrees of Success Day? I think I’d feel a lot less pressure.
>I just stumbled across your blog and had to say Hi. I can totally understand wanting everyone to leave you alone for a while to nap… do you think we can request that next year as Mother’s Day gifts? LOL.
>Lindsey, real moms do all of those things… only pretend moms don’t! But I know what you mean about feeling like an imposter. I can’t believe people actually mistake me for a grown up some days and that I’ve actually been entrusted with the care and feeding of another human being… and soon to be two. But I must be doing something right because The Boy is awesome. And it sounds like Punky is too! All we can do is try not to mess them up too badly! Happy MOTHER’S Day to you!
>Happy whatever you want it to be day! =)
>Happy Klutzy Woman Who Ended Up with Four Kids Through Various Means and Now is Trying to Take Care of Them with Varying Degrees of Success Day!!!lol Lindsey, you crack me up. I know I feel like an imposter, too. I thought you had to be a grown up to have kids!! Does being 35 count?Happy Moms day from here in Nashville!
>Happy Klutzy Woman Who Ended Up with Four Kids Through Various Means and Now is Trying to Take Care of Them with Varying Degrees of Success Day.All Mom’s who have 1 child or 20 go through doubts of Motherhood. If the kids are happy and still alive then you are doing your job.
>Hope you get your nap today! And don’t worry, I think we all feel like imposters at some time or another. It’s part of the package, I guess.
>Sixteen years into this parenting gig, I still feel the same way. I have two great kids so I must be doing something right but sometimes I don’t have a clue as to what I’m suppose to do. I would love that nap with the a/c turned way down too. It ain’t happening today though!
>Happy Day!
>Happy KWWEUWFKTVM&NITTTCOTWVDOS Day!We’re all just posers!
>I was thinking I wanted to celebrate my own “doing the best I can and to hell with the guilt” day, but I like yours better. And think how fabulous the t-shirt would be: Happy KWWEUWFKTVM&NITTTCOTWVDOS Day! LOVE that.
>Amen, sister.We all feel like we’re faking it.Congratulations on the random success.
>Thank you- from another Klutzy Imposter
>Muhahhaa! We went to Church this morning and all the mothers were asked to stand up for a special blessing. I felt like I needed to pick up my five month old and hold him as proof so I wouldn’t be asked to sit back down.I would like to be wished a “Happy Woman Who Does Her Best To Figure Out What This Squalling Tiny Human Needs On A Minute By Minute Basis Day”.
>Guess I’m not a real mom either…real moms don’t wish they could take an entire weekend away from the hubs AND kids, with NO phone contact…just other women, scrapbooking, wine and sleep….
>Happy Klutzy Woman Who Ended Up with Four Kids Through Various Means and Now is Trying to Take Care of Them with Varying Degrees of Success Day…even tho u r prolly a real good mum neways
>Happy day. You seem like you’re doing a great job to me. As a relatively new stepmom to two and mom of a just turned 3 year old, I feel like I’m the biggest poser/loser around. My Roo will NEVER go to the bad corner when asked and is defiant to his last toenail and my 8 year old stepdaughter and I get into it on almost a daily basis. But my 12 and I laugh a lot. And I don’t forget her lunch or gym clothes nearly as much as her birth mom who has her two school days a month, lol, so I guess I”m doing okay there.By the way, I think a lot of ‘real’ moms feel the same way. I wanted time alone for mother’s day and that’s what I got. I went and wrote for two hours this morning at the bookstore and received a gift certificate to take myself to dinner–by myself– later in the week.Time alone is necessary and moms don’t ever get enough of it. enjoy the rest of your day,Anna
>Happy whatever day you want it to be.You are an excellent mom.
>Whether I feel like a real mom or not, I love Mother’s Day . . . I just got my nap and now have an evening all to myself!
>Oh, C’mon!?!?Why don’t you you just fess up with the alternate take on this mother’s day story.You know, the ugly inner-city urban one where you ended up getting cuffed and perp-walked on the 5 o’clock news after Punky used all sorts of gangsta’ expletives regarding her gown.You’ll get better ratings. Er, more hits, that is.*!*
>Happy Day to the Realest of Moms! Lindsay, you’re doing a fine job. I did kick my family out of the house today so I could take a nap. It was the best day ever, in my opinion. My son just said, “Since it’s Mother’s Day, Dad and I are going on a bike ride so you can watch all the TV and eat all the candy you want.” That was his idea of heaven, and come to think of it, mine too.
>Consider it done! But as an aside you’re not the only one by far, who ended up with 4 kids in some mysterious way!I was fine with my ONE, then we moved out here, breathed your air, drank your water and suddenly I had another 3!Best wishes from another imposter
>I’ll wish it to you…but you have to wish it right back to me, because I am adopting your title.
>Happy Mothers Day, Lindsay!! Hope you got your nap. I got 10 minutes undisturbed on the couch. HEAVEN!
>Happy Klutzy Woman Who Ended Up with Four Kids Through Various Means and Now is Trying to Take Care of Them with Varying Degrees of Success Day!!!Even though I’m late…that’s not technically set to a certain day, right? I love the “ended up with” part…like they showed up on your doorstep one day…it kind of feels like that sometimes, no?Also…Happy MOTHER’S day, too!!
>I’ll wish that for you as long as you can say ‘right back at ya!’
>sound like your doing good to me. that’s what we’re all doing.
>You guys are awesome! Thanks!
>My husband asked me what I wanted to do on Mother’s Day. I told him I wanted to go shopping – BY MYSELF!!! I did and it was the best treat ever.
>I actually realised today that my toddling angel will do as I ask if I use a particular tone of voice. Such a great feeling! I understand what you mean about feeling like an imposter! My friend recently had great news of impending mommyhood, and is actually asking me for advice! As though I’m somehow a good example…Honestly, you’re doing a great job! Motherhood is probably the most difficult job in the world, and also the most rewarding!
>Happy Day, whatever you want to call it!