September 27, 2011 posted by Lindsay Ferrier

Searching for My Crown

Searching for My Crown

I wrote this post back in March, while I was attending Beth Moore’s Living Beyond Yourself Bible Study at my church. A change in my work schedule kept me from completing that study– and so I decided a few weeks ago to do it again, this time online with those of you who wanted to participate.

I watched the video session that inspired this post again Sunday night and looked back at this post. I realized after reading it that I couldn’t say what’s in my heart any better now than I did then. Couple that with the fact that the wonderful comments left on this post then were (at least temporarily) put in limbo when I moved this blog to WordPress and well, you just need to read it. It’s one of my favorite posts of any I’ve written… So here you go.



My daughter has always known she was a princess.

From the time she could walk, she was reaching for her older sisters’ tiaras and tutus. By three, she had amassed a sizable collection of pint-sized princess dresses and accessories and she didn’t go a single day without them- whether she was fully outfitted as Snow White…

…or opting for a more casual mealtime look in a crown and pink kitten heels.

Even now at the age of six, Punky often comes home from school and heads straight up to her room, returning to the kitchen in Belle’s yellow ballgown or Sleeping Beauty’s pink dress. “I just can’t stand my school clothes,” she’ll say as she sits down daintily for a snack. “This dress is much more beautifuller, don’t you agree?”

“I do,” I say, quietly relieved that Justin Bieber temporary tattoos and iCarly lunchbags are still eclipsed in her mind by the sparkly gems and tulle skirts of Cinderella and Ariel and Tiana.

Overall, though, I have to admit that I’ve grown so used to Punky’s well-documented princess fixation, I’ve come to take it for granted– at least until recently.

I’m doing Beth Moore’s Living Beyond Yourself Bible study right now with a group of women from my church. In this week’s session, Beth talked about doing a book signing for a children’s book she had written. The signing was held in a church courtyard that had been decorated to look like a kingdom, and the children attending the event were asked to dress accordingly. The girls all showed up in their princess gowns, of course, and most of the boys dressed as knights– and what struck Beth was that they all acted so naturally in their royal garb… as if they were wearing the clothes that they should be wearing all the time.

“Have you ever noticed,” Beth asked (and I’m paraphrasing), “that little girls seem to know they were born to be princesses and inherit a kingdom? Ask those very same little girls years down the road if they’re queens, though, and every one of them will shake her head and say, ‘Not me.’ Because somewhere in between those years, life happens.”

And that’s when I got a little teary-eyed. Okay, I got a lot teary-eyed. Because I thought of my own little princess, brimming with confidence, running toward her royal destiny with open arms and a glad heart…

…and it occurred to me for the first time that the experiences ahead of her would very likely steal that crown away.

I resolved in that moment to help my daughter feel worthy of wearing a princess’s robes, long after she’s outgrown them. I resolved to remind her in every way I can as she gets older that she is truly special. Treasured. Loved deeply. Filled with noble attributes. Destined to do great things.

But in order to do that, I have to feel worthy of wearing a crown myself.

Somewhere inside, under layers of disappointment and heartbreak, we all still bear traces of that little girl we once were- the one who was sure, absolutely sure that she was born a princess. Now that we are mothers, there’s never been a better time to dig deep inside ourselves and find her.

After all, every little princess needs a queen to show her the ropes.

Six months later, my now seven-year-old is still every bit the princess she was at the time of this writing.

She’s now sharing her expertise with her 4-year-old neighbor.

Where’s your crown?

*We’re in the fifth week of Beth Moore’s “Living Beyond Yourself” online study, but you can join at any time and go at your own pace. For more information on how to do that, go here.

*And if you’d like to join my Facebook group for women doing the study right now, e-mail me at and I’ll add you to the group!

Top photo by Claire Wise



  • I loved the pictures of Punky in all her princess outfits. Unfortunately for me, I do not think my mom supported the “princess mentality” in me the oldest of her girls since I can not remember EVER having a princess outfit or a tiara as a little girl…the closest I had was my wedding day when I finally felt like “pretty, pretty princess”.
    As I have grown older, and taken on more and more in my life, I always seemed to think about the crown I will earn in heaven…which subsequently makes me want to take on even more so that finally I will have earned the right to also wear a crown.
    Maybe the time for a crown is now…..

    • Anonymous

      I think so, Nikki!! 

  • Boricua_keya

    Almost brings tears to my eyes… I am familiar with waking up and realizing that I used to have that royal mentality as a little girl  but experiencing LIFE has made it disappear. When my parents split I went from being a princess to a second in command at a young age. My mom depended on me and i had to grow up fast. Now at 25 I am very appreciative of the things I have learned from her. I feel like i was prepared somewhat for LIFE, but a voice inside me still wishes I could be a little girl with no worries and standards so high, so fit for me to live the best life. To be the best me! What is stopping me from getting my crown back? Why did i ever let that magic go?

    • Anonymous

      I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Just thinking back to that time as a small child and those feelings you had is really helpful, I think, to beginning to get yourself back where you need to be.

  • Anna

    I love your perspective on Beth’s talk this week. It does break my heart that my daughter might feel like she isn’t a princess when “life” happens to her.  I’m going to do my best to make sure she remains a (responsible, kind, loving, well disciplined) princess. 
    The part that struck me the most about the talk is that we ARE REALLY PRINCESSES.  It’s not just for pretend!  There is a kingdom in heaven with a KING and a THRONE and we are going to go there and really be PRINCESSES and KNIGHTS and PRINCES!  How exciting!  That really struck me and I need to remember it as “life” continues to happen.

    • Anonymous

      I think we all do. 🙂 It’s definitely hard to remember that in this world, though.

  • Judy

    It must be a generational thing.  Even when I was a little girl, I never thought I was a princess.  

    • Anonymous

      But I bet you thought you were going to be someone special, right? Almost all children have that sense that they are destined for great things, whether they think they’re a princess, a future astronaut, or a cowboy. 

  • NancyB

    “I resolved to remind her in every way I can as she gets older that she
    is truly special. Treasured. Loved deeply. Filled with noble attributes.
    Destined to do great things”

    This makes me think of my relationship with my son.  Even now that he’s 21, I let him know how much he is loved and treasured.  He’s a good person with a good heart and a good head on his shoulders.

    I think I always had people who loved me and believed in me growing up so I always wanted my son to know that feeling as well. 

    • Anonymous

      Agreed. I make a conscious effort to tell my children how smart and good and loved they are– and to hug and kiss them– as often as possible. I don’t think any parent can ever overdo it in that department.  🙂

  • Jenna

    Very beautiful! It’s true. We must take care of ourselves in order to take care of the ones we love 🙂


    • Anonymous

      Easier said than done! 

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