The Cold Hard Truth About Exercising and Eating Right
As I approach my 40th birthday, it has started to become painfully clear to me that I will not, in fact, live forever. The evidence of this is beginning to pile up. Small lines have started appearing around my eyes. My metabolism has slowed. The veins on the tops of my hands have popped up from out of nowhere. And one of my mother’s favorite phrases has begun to come to mind lately more often than I’d like: It now takes me twice as long to look half as good.
According to my birth certificate, I’ll turn 40 in June. I find this hard to believe, but the jerks at the Georgia Office of Vital Records refuse to take my “gut feelings” into account. And so several months ago, I stopped calling them and decided instead to meet my 40s head-on. Last October, I began what I’ve come to think of not as a diet, but as a plan I should probably follow for the rest of my life. Since then, about 80-90% of my meals have consisted of lean meats and vegetables, and I’ve exercised between five and six days a week.
I’m hardly alone here. I know this because over the last five or six years, a large percentage of my 30- and 40-something friends have done the exact same thing. These days, my Facebook and Instagram feeds are filled with photos and status updates from women who are eager to share with the world how GOSH DARN HAPPY they are to be so f*cking HEALTHY.
These kinds of updates make up at least 50% of my feed at any given time:
“Set my alarm for 4:30! Can’t wait for boot camp!” #sleepisforwimps #ilovepain #crazyandluvinit
“Triple workout today to make up for last night’s Hershey’s Kiss!” #squatsohmy #lovesmesomekettleball #legsfordays #flattummy #ifmyexcouldseemenow #lululemon #nocellulite
“Nothing like starting the day with a beautiful sunrise and a 14-mile run!” #mycalvesareamazeballs #fitbitexploded #humblebrag
“I’m pretty sure I could live on these delicious Split Pea and Acai Berry Smoothies!” #healthylife #toofittoquit #almostpukedtho #soylentgreenispeople
“Cold, Raw Beet Soup for dinner tonight! The kids are cheering!” #paleoforever #cleaneating #totallylyingaboutmykids #beetstillmyheart
Truly, I’m happy that my friends are so dedicated to being healthy and fit. They look fantastic and they’re part of what inspired me to change my own habits. But even though I’m totally with them on exercising and eating right, I feel like I’m standing across a wide abyss from these perky, glowing ladies. The reason?
I sort of …
Hate it.
There. I said it. MY NAME IS LINDSAY FERRIER AND I HATE EXERCISING AND EATING HEALTHY FOOD.
And I don’t really understand why I seem to be all alone here. I’ve had a gym membership for 15 straight years now and I’ve learned enough about working out to know that whether I’m running or walking or weightlifting or downward dogging, dancing or swimming or undulating or biking, working out HURTS. And I don’t like pain. I never have. Sorry. Exercising is also hard and exhausting and it makes me all sweaty and I HATE TO SWEAT. Okay? I HATE TO SWEAT. Is that so hard for all you yoga pants wearers (Oh. And you.) to understand?
As for the food… Don’t get me started. I have spent a LOT of time hunting down healthy recipes that don’t taste like ass and I’ve found enough to make my healthy eating goals somewhat tolerable, but here’s the bottom line, people.
YOUR KALE CHIPS/WHEAT GERM ICE CREAM/SPINACH COOKIES WILL NEVER, I REPEAT, NEVER, TASTE AS GOOD AS MCDONALDS FRENCH FRIES.
Seriously. It has become crystal clear to me that pretty much everything I’m not supposed to eat tastes way, waaay better than everything that’s good for me.
In short, I’m exercising and eating right ONLY because I have to in order to feel good and fit in my clothes, not because I just want to because it’s SO FUN. And apparently, I’m the only 39 year old woman in all of Facebookland who feels this way.
But I’m tired of being silent about it. And so I’ve created a few motivational photos of my own.
Yep. I can already tell my 40s are gonna be AWESOME.
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Header image adapted by me. Source: David Fulmer/Flickr Creative Commons
One of those last three pictures exactly represents my life right now (not gonna say which one)…..
I’m a full year into the 40s and it is just like the 30s except I’m older.
Well, that’s nice to know… I think. 😉
Thank you. It had to be said, and you’re the one for the job! High five for doing all that and hating it!
Heck, if I can do it, anyone can. 😀
OK, I’ve discovered that the fun part of being *of a certain age* is that every time you hear one of those flat-bellies at the gym start complaining about their (virtually undetectable) cellulite and their (not visible to the naked eye) wrinkles, you can nod sagely, and with a great degree of certainty tell them, “Yeah. That gets worse.”
LOL!
I THINK EXACTLY THE SAME!!!IS SO NICE TO SAY OOOOH GOD finally FOUND NORMAL PEOPLE….I workout n eat healthy but i like to eat sweets…greasy food!!!!n drink too !!!!! n I am not going to change my lifestyle I just wanna look very good on my pants n swimsuit but not too look or looking forward to become the next Michelle Lewin or fitness model….
Very well said 🙂
ha ha girl you crack me up and THANK YOU. Exercise for me is carrying the laundry upstairs, or doing a photo shoot. I am so bad.
“In short, I’m exercising and eating right ONLY because I have to in order to feel good and fit in my clothes, not because I just want to because it’s SO FUN. And apparently, I’m the only 39 year old woman in all of Facebookland who feels this way.”
Yes!!!! I am 41 and I block people who make Facebook posts like the ones you mentioned. Your children do NOT love their kale smoothies and stop bragging about your workout! I’ve been fighting my weight since puberty and the only reason I eat healthy and exercise is to not go above a size 16. It is not because I enjoy it!
My wife bought that book about hiding healthy crap in food that kids like, so that we can eat better. Jerry Seinfeld’s wife wrote it. I believe it’s called “Deceptively Delicious.” We also got a Vitamix for Christmas this year and use it for mixing healthy crap that’s green with good stuff like fruit, and I drink that after I exercise in the mornings. So, yeah, I get it.
I will say this, however: I’m glad to have a summer birthday, so I can give all my friends from high school shit when they turn 40, knowing that my birthday is still 4 months away! Kinda makes up for having to get rides around Hendersonville from them when I was still 15.
I keep seeing Facebook updates about my various high school friends turning 40 and my first reaction is always “40?! GAH! How did he/she get so OLD?!”
And then I remember it’s about to happen to me, too.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
PREACH
(While I do indeed love working out, I totally agree with the food portion of this post!)
And yet, I never see you post about working out… unless you count snorkeling in the Caribbean or skiing on top of a mountain and THAT? That is TOTALLY different! 😉
ROFL. “Exercise. Eat Right. Die Anyway.”
Ugh. Thank you. Because sometimes I just want a cheeseburger and fries, dammit, and I want to enjoy every single cellulite inducing bite. Because THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR REAL BREAD AND DEEP FRIED POTATO STICKS. And I don’t work out because I like it, either. I work out because if I don’t I have a flat ass and I don’t like it. If it weren’t for my trainer who also happens to be a good friend and who I can make nasty faces at and flip off while she’s kicking my butt and we just laugh hysterically, I probably would hardly ever work out.
Tell it. 😀
I too will be 40 in June (throwing myself a big party) and agree with your entire post. I recently joined planet fitness, hate exercise but love going. Treadmill walking and elliptical that’s my thing. I am also starting up Herbalife again because it works.
However I will never be up at 4:30 a.m. to work out, I will never love exercise, and I will always love eating crappy foods. Just trying to do a little better.
That’s another thing- I don’t understand how so many of my friends get up really early to work out. I’ve tried working out first thing in the morning a few times and I was exhausted afterward- NOT a great start to my day! I do best working out mid to late afternoon, when most of my thinking work for the day is done…
Hysterical. Best laugh all morning!
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