>The Curious Case of Beanie Bill
>”Hi Lindsay,” a voice said behind me in line at the bank the other day.
I turned, smiling. And then my smile faltered. “Oh. Hi,” I said politely.
“How have you been?”
“Good,” I said. “Good. How about you?”
“All is well.”
“That’s good. Well, it’s great to see you.” I started to turn back around.
“Hey, we’d still really like to have Punky over.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “Definitely.” A card was pressed into my hand. It had a picture of a beanie on it, and a telephone number. I cringed involuntarily. “Great,” I said, smiling. “I’ll um, call you, okay?”
“Yes,” the man said. “Do.”
I turned back around and clenched my teeth. Beanie Bill.
Beanie Bill is becoming a bit of a problem. He has a daughter who could be Punky’s identical twin, both physically and intellectually. But he also has a tie-dyed beanie, which he wears constantly, whether he’s at the gym or the swimming pool or headed home from work.
And I have to admit, it freaks me out.
I mean, I try to be open minded. But I have a hard time coming to terms with the mind of a man who would choose to wear a tie-dyed beanie, 24-7. Beanie Bill lives just a couple of neighborhoods over from ours, so we see him (and his beanie) all the time. And every single time we see him, he invites Punky to come over and play. He’s even e-mailed us a few times about it.
I haven’t responded, simply because I can’t think of a gracious way to say, “Over my dead body.” And it’s getting awkward.
“I’m sorry,” I told my husband after handing him the business card later that afternoon. “But I just can’t send my four-year-old to Beanie Bill’s house. I mean, he clearly has very bad judgment. I saw him trying to swim in that beanie once, until the lifeguard made him take it off.”
“Oh, I’m sure she’d be fine,” Hubs said. “And if you’re so concerned, why not invite Darcy to play here?”
“I’ve thought about that,” I said. “But I get the distinct impression that Darcy’s part of a package deal. If she’s friends with Punky, then we’re friends by default with… Beanie Bill.”
Hubs was silent.
“Yep,” I said, crossing my arms.
And that’s where we are now. As a stepmom, I have the benefit of knowing that it gets easier as the kids get older. Soon, Punky will reach an age at which my contact with her friends’ parents is pretty much limited to awkward foyer conversations, either in my home or theirs. By the time she’s a teenager, most of her friends’ parents will simply call their kids on the cell phone when they arrive to pick them up, and wait in the driveway until they come out. I’ll be lucky to get a wave.
But now? It’s different. Now, when my children are too small to really be without me for any length of time, it is an absolute requirement that I be friends with her playdate’s parents. And I sort of hate this necessity because of kids like Darcy, who is a perfect friend for Punky, but whose dad is Beanie Bill. It’s not that I don’t respect his right to march to the beat of his own beanie. I just don’t want to hang out with him. Or field his invitations to dinner. Or feel compelled to mark his birthday on my calendar with a tiny, hand-drawn beanie.
I’m sure there are those of you out there who will get huffy and claim you’d be Beanie Bill’s BFF if it meant finding the very best of all playmates for your little Monkey Butt.
Well, my hat’s off to you. But I think we’ve all experienced this situation in one way or another. Maybe you avoid the mom who dresses like a skank or the dad who touches you every time you talk to him, even though their kids are perfectly nice. What do you do?
Me? I stay the hell away.
>Wow. A full grown man who insists on a beanie… scary.I suspect he’s fully aware you’re not interested at this point if he’s asked and emailed you about it repeatedly, and continues to do so. He must enjoy making people uncomfortable. Sorry for his daughter.
>That’s a hard one for sure. I can feel your pain. I am not sure what I would do? But I think that what you are doing is sending a loud and clear message to BB that you are not interested. I have found now that I am a parent that we are now “dating” families. I think that I would treat it like any other dating situation I might go out once and see if is as bad as I think it might be~or be pleasantly suprised. However, if your gut says “no” then usually that is your inner voice givng you the heads up that its not going to happen. The other thing is has Punky ever asked about playing with Darcy? If not…then the next time he approaches you, you might have to tell him that you are pretty much booked forever. He seems like the type (from how you have described him) that might need verbal a clue that playdates are not going to happen.
>”I’m pretty much booked forever.” Ha ha! That’s almost as bad as “Over my dead body.” :DThe thing is, I don’t think he does realize that we don’t want to get together. More bad judgment, right? How could he not know? And yet, I honestly don’t think he knows.Punky does like his daughter and she does mention her sometimes (which is the ONLY reason I feel bad about this), but on the other hand, Punky has a LOT of playdate options, so it’s not like I’m denying her a major socialization opportunity.
>PS…I live in Santa Cruz, CA so a beanie cap is pretty much a staple around here so it would not be too scary to encounter a beanie capped Bill. However, it would be creepy if I started to feel stalked by the beanie wearing Bill.
>lol…you are right. Maybe some eye rolling would help? ha ha…
>BTW…I absolutely love your blog and your writings…It makes me want to visit TN. Thanks for making motherhood a little more fun!
>I’ve never heard this subject discussed, but I totally agree with you. I have children 6 through 13 and I love the hands off approach you can take with the older kids. They call each other and set up the activities, we just confirm and call them on the cell phone when we need them. When they’re younger you have to talk to the parents to arrange things, go in to pick up the kids and visit with the parents, etc. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve met some great families, especially moving to a new town a year ago, it’s just so much easier as they get older. As for BB dad he seems a little too eager (does he have a wife)? I would invite his daughter to go to an activity with your family, then the daughters could play and he would not be included. Love your blog!!
>Gertie: Cringes. Feels face getting hot. Takes beanie off sheepishly.
>I am assuming it’s beanie an not a yarmulke owned by a Phish fan. That being said, we don’t have time to get together with the friends whose parents we like to even consider making time for kids whose parents we can’t stand.When or daughter started kindergarten, we were able to liberate ourselves from some of her (preschool) friends whose parents we didn’t like very much. What’s more awkward is when you like the parents but can’t stand the kids. We had folks like that across the street when we lived in our former ‘burb. Every time our daughter played with their kids (just during the polite driveway making conversation 5 minutes) she ended up injured.Just continue your strategy, he’ll give up, or bug you in the bank and supermarket lines and leave it at that.Besides, and this is another issue for another time, but dad shouldn’t be pressing you to arrange playdates, it’s not proper.
>I think I am blushing just thinking about this. Soooo awkward…but they way I look at is that you have to trust your gut and if it tells you that someone is a weirdo then they probably are. So, to stretch one of my favorite quotes into this comment, “That’s a negative, Ghost Rider – the pattern is full.”
>Ooh, Darth Doc, that’s a great post for another time. I’ve had more than one new friendship ruined by the mom’s awful kid. I’m sorry, but if your child is either throwing something or swinging a bat at my daughter’s head every time he sees her, we can’t be friends.
>I’m sorry, but my “creep” senses weren’t worried about the beanie so much, but the fact that HE was inviting Punky over. We met a “nice” couple (when mom was there) at preschool soccer. The two girls hit it off OK, so they invited us over for dinner and for the kids to swim. Nice right? Well, their daughter is an only…just like ours, but hasn’t been taught to share very well. Plus, when we arrived, the wife wasn’t around, drinks were not offered, no snacks…heck there weren’t even chairs by the pool. It was overly awkward.So, wife finally arrives home, husband finally cooks some burgers and we have an somewhat strained dinner. THEN, dad pulls out a huge projector screen for the kids to have ice cream and watch a movie on the screened in porch. I’m thinkin’ cool, then we can have some wine and chat. Well, the kids pick out some Scooby cartoon movie and they (kids and weird parents) proceed to watch the whole thing…barely talking to us. OMG was it weird! So, after that we are more than ready to go and the dad keeps saying that my daughter should come back and swim (uh, no way is she going anywhere that involves water and a 6 year old girl that was grabbing on to her and pulling her under over a toy!) and then HE suggested that she spend the night. I had the creepiest feeling when he said it. I just smiled while my daughter went cuckoo over the idea. NO FREAKIN’ WAY! It’s wonderful that dads get involved and I’m in no way discriminating, but he was sooooo creepy that I couldn’t imagine sending my child back there…especially alone. He called a couple of times. Not so much to talk to us, once he asked for my daughter.Maybe you have a negative vibe about him that has nothing to do with the beanie…it’s just the warning sign! 🙂
>Here is a really tough part of the kids getting older and making their own plans — they can decide who they don’t want to be friends with too. That can include the children of your closest local friend then things get very awkward.
>Those situations are so awkward. There were a few moms that wanted to be friends since Rockboy enjoyed hanging out with their sons (or was in a band with them). (And this was AFTER Rockboy was a teen!) Unfortunately, these moms were not people that I would EVER choose as a friend. I played it as being very vague, never having my planner, always forgetting to call, etc. Eventually they gave up or glommed onto someone else.But, awkward.
>Yeah, I’ve wondered if my gut is just telling me something’s a little wrong with him, beanie or no. And our kids choosing their their own friends is a little scary. I’m already dreading birthday parties- Hubs and I decided early on to never make our children invite anyone they don’t want to a birthday party. I’m sure that’s going to make for more than a few awkward situations with the chilren of OUR friends….
>Anonymous, Sounds like y’all know a few creepy folk. We’ve broken contact for far less.Birthday invites are a sticky wicket in our household.1. All same gendered, or all children in the class are invited. 2. Everyone invited gets an invite by mail, rather than distributed through school.3. My wife and I, like the US on the UN security council have a VETO on any child/family.Fortunately, we pretty much like everyone at our daughter’s new school and our son’s preschool. We can easily avoid the ones who are not our cup of tea (usually it’s more political oil and vinegar than anything else, and we don’t want tp get folks upset.).
>i’m w/ you, lindsay. the planets pretty much have to be in alignment to find a great kid with great parents, but it does happen. and i say while you can, steer your child in whatever direction you choose. plus, he could be a pervert. trying to attract kids w/ a toy….skeevy. not caring how he comes off to other parents….clueless. protecting your child….priceless.
>Wow. I am afraid I would be much more brazen about it. I’d invite him and the kid over, just so I could flat out ask the guy why he wears the SAME beanie all the time. For luck? To cover a bald spot? Bad hair Day? I would have to get to the bottom of that one, just because I am way too nosey to let something that wierd, go. LOL
>I’m going to be a little out-of-sync with the rest of the commenters. Do you think he’s skeevy or you just think the beanie thing is odd? I’m a very mainstream person myself–especially when it comes to appearance, so it would put me off too. That said, as I got older and matured enough to force myself to put aside my initial being off-put by people that tend way more toward the funky or odd, I have met some wonderful people with great qualities who dress in what is (to me) and idiotic fashion.The world would be an awfully stale and boring place if we only associated with those that looked and acted just like us.
>I think he should have gotten the point by now. I agree with Christy that you should listen to your gut.
>Interesting question, Jenn. This being a music town, I see all kinds of interesting fashions. But I guess there’s a point where it crosses the line- It goes goes past “I want to be perceived as an individual!” and on into “I may be crazy!” And when you’ve crossed that line, I’ll still talk to you and be friendly, but I probably won’t want my four-year-old at your house under your supervision. I think that’s pretty fair. 😀
>I think Jenn @ Juggling Life is right on the money here. If dressing a little oddly is the only issue, well, maybe you should give the dude a break. Everyone is different, and it can be nice for our kids to see us accept all kinds of people. But if he’s giving you any other “weird” (read: creepy) vibes, then I don’t blame you for staying the hell away.
>I’d be a little leary of any grown man inviting my daughter over to play…beanie or no beanie.
>If I can’t be friends, or at least friend-ly with the parents, our kids can’t be friends. That’s my rule, and it’s served me well.
>The only parents I avoid is the ones who told me at mom’s day for my daughter’s school about a center that can “cure” my son’s SPD. Beyond that, I’ll give anyone a chance. Once.
>There may be a genuinely interesting/plausible or potentially reasonable explanation for the beanie. And I don’t think it is weird for a grown up to initiate a play date- I know I did all the playdate inviting when my kids were that age, it’s not like they can pick up the phone and call. Anyway- my point is- you may want to take a walk on the wild side and give Beanie Bill and his daughter a chance. You don’t have to leave Punky over there unsupervised- agree to meet in a public place, such a a McDonald’s with a play place. You might discover that he is a hoot- and if things aren’t going well- just pretend to get an urgent text message and that you have to leave immediately! I think it would, at the least, make for a very inteesting follow up to this post- because I am very curious about bill and his Beanie now. (maybe he is in chemo, and the beanie was made for him by a cherished friend who died of cancer… then won’t you feel bad!)LOL
>I’d feel better if all the ones I don’t want to meet wore a beanie from the get-go so I didn’t have to end up at their house to discover they’re nuts.
>There is no medical/religious/good reason for the beanie. I just know that. You can totally tell it makes him feel “jaunty” or “rakish” or something.And I don’t mind personally giving the guy a chance… But sending my daughter alone into his house? Why would I take a chance with someone who gives me the shivers?
>No, I totally agree that you don’t give people a chance by leaving them alone with your 4 year old- no way- but maybe a group get-together (in public)- but yeah- if it’s not so much the actual beanie as a gut case of heebie jeebies- then yeah- just keep blowing him off. He’ll get the hint one day.
>Beanie Bill reminds me of many a musician I knew in Austin, but they weren’t wearing beanies, they were berets or cowboy hats. Beanie Bill is probably Baldie Bill and can’t let go of his former youth. I wouldn’t let my kid go to someone’s house I was not comfortable with, for whatever reason. I think you’re questioning his judgment more than his fashion sense. Park playdate, but only if MY kid insisted. If the kid doesn’t care, then I wouldn’t press it.
>”Beanie Bill”? OMG…..
>Beanie sounds like a pseudo-intellectual, and those people make fascinating subjects for observation, from an anthropological standpoint. You didn’t mention the bumperstickers on his car . . . so before I can really weigh in, I’d need that information. Off the top of my head, though, I’d say have him over w/his kid and expose your kid to his. And then blog about it. It will be an adventure. And, at the very least, a great follow-up post.
>Next time he invades your personal space, try to nonchalantly check out the top of the beanie to see if it has any kind of hardware that would indicate it has the option of being fitted with a little propeller.Because (while that would be kind of awesome) that would definitely kick up the crazy a notch or two and be a deal-breaker for sure.Even in Nashville.
>My son is six and is just now allowed to go to a friend’s house for a couple hours at a time. We share a backyard with these people and I think we are morally in sink. We also car pool our kids to and from school so I see how the kids interact. I would never send him to someone’s house before at least going there myself and felt comfortable not only with the parents but my child’s ability to tell me if anything happened. I have heard horror stories involving relatives so I fully 100% trust no one beanie or not. Trust your gut.
>Do you like anybody?
>Well, I think you’re awesome!
>Think you could sneak a picture of this guy?
>Someone beat me to it- TAKE A Picture…..I wonder if BB might be a reader…..or did you change the details to protect the real identity of this guy? Atlanta is a big small town & Nashville must be eve more "small town" so I can imagine running into someone the like this over & over.
>Yeah, sorry- There will be NO PICTURES of Beanie Bill. I do have to live here, after all! But if you live in my area, you might recognize him the next time you’re out and about! 😀
>Alas, I searched and searched and could not find my HS senior pics =0(
>Booked forever = take a hike, pal.Funny stuff.I think the beanie is just a cover. Your gut is telling you “No”. Go with it. If I was getting a odd feeling about a parent or their kid, for whatever reason, I would discontinue the relationship. Playdates do mean you have to interact with the child’s parents. My wife is in a mom’s club and she always choses the mom first, then the child. And then if the kids aren’t compatible, move on and try more until you get the right fit. Just like trying on clothes.There is no point is suffering through endless playdates, everyone should enjoy themselves. Play means fun not suffering with people you loathe.And miracles do happen, right now both my kids have a great group of friends that have great parents. But it took us a lot of wrangling to get to this place.